Already Doing

Dear Kids,

I have been doing a lot of reading lately - lots of books, lots of blogs, lots of different things I can get my hands on about parenting and how to raise a family. You are all going through so much changing I haven't felt like I know how to keep up with your progression.

Then just tonight I saw a pinterest picture that says "6 things that make you a better mom" and I started to get a little gut reaction of *UGH*. I started to think, "Can there REALLY BE SIX MORE THINGS?? Especially to add to what I am already doing and learning?".

All the feedback, all the professional advice, all the different opinions about parenting is good... to a point. However, it gets to the point where I just have to say to myself, "I am already a great mom. I don't need to take the time to read something else. I am ALREADY DOING."

That is the phrase for the night. I am already doing.

I am already tucking you in at night and talking with you about your day. There are some nights that are better than others. There are some nights I look at you and I feel all the love in my heart for you. There are some nights when we are both so exhausted that I kiss you on the forehead and leave the room because I must have my alone time. There are some nights we get home late and we hurry and brush our teeth, say prayers and get in bed before everyone breaks down all together. There are some nights that I cuddle with you, we laugh, we tickle each other, we tell stories.

I am already working on my patience. There are some days when I am golden. The golden girl mom and I handle things picture perfect. There are some days when I am really tired from various other stresses and my temper is shorter than it was the day before. There are some days I apologize more than I wish I had to. There are some days when I just have fun and it doesn't seem like anything in the world could take my smile away. There are some days when the whines just don't stop (no matter what "tactic" I use) and by 5pm and dinner hasn't been made yet because of everything else that has suddenly hit me that day that I go and get a pizza and we watch a movie.

I am already taking time for myself. There are some days when I don't get as much time as I wanted to have. There are some days I plan for girl time with girlfriends, then something happens and it doesn't work out. There are some days when I have to run out of the house as soon as your dad gets home because I must take an hour to breath and have space. There are some days when I wish I had just a second to spare to just take a shower. There are some days when I work on so many outside, church and community projects that I have to remind myself to stop overwhelming myself and say 'no' more often. There are other days when the projects are finished and I get restless and remind myself that it is good to sit and just breathe.

I am already reading with you. I am already studying with you. I am already laughing with you. I am already feeding you good food. I am already smiling at you. I am already hugging you. I am already letting you help me do so many things so you can learn. I am already doing chores with you. And sometimes I am impatient, I don't let you help, I stick cold cereal in front of your face, I do all the chores at night because I don't have the energy to teach you how to do it anymore, I have to put the book away because of so much resistance...

You get the idea. Life is life. Days are sometimes really slow and wonderful and everyone is getting along great. Other days I have to have some adventure and I want to go conquer the world with all three of you in my backpack. There are other days when life is really stressful, business is super hard, schooling is over the top, outside things that hit us are too much for me to handle and I go cry in the bathroom. Days are sometimes full of magic and amazement and I think that they could be that way forever! There are other days when we don't see your dad... ever. When you cry for him and miss him so much and I have to console you and let you know that just because he is gone, it doesn't mean he doesn't love you. There are other days when we are together as a family all day and we can take our time in the morning, we can go on hikes, we can go on adventures, we eat together and everything is "picture perfect".

I think the biggest thing that I am learning with all my reading and all my parenting study is that I am already doing - I AM ALREADY DOING. No advice in the world can compensate for the actual application that sometimes doesn't look or play out perfectly... but I get to get up the next day, brush myself off and try again.

No matter what, I always try again.

I love you so much,

Your Mom