Dear Kids,
Story of how I really gained my testimony of Christ:
When I was 17 years old there was a lot of upheaval in my family. My grandparents passed away two weeks apart, my uncle was thrown in jail in Mexico and we had to retrieve him, a few members of my family came out that they were homosexual, another uncle committed suicide, his wife kidnapped the kids and left the country, my parents were going through major emotional upheaval involved in all of this. My mom was suffering from anxiety attacks, my dad was inapproachable. I didn't understand then why he was so unapproachable, but I understand now. I had people approach me about whether or not my dad was "one of the gay ones". Our family was mocked....
There was a lot of cause for questioning inside of my teenage soul. I so admire my parents for the root and foundation of faith they gave to our family, however there was enough going on all at once that I really was having a lot of doubt about my faith in God, and whether or not He even really cared.
I went a few months without really praying or turning to God. I just turned my back on Him... as a lot of times teenagers do when they don't understand what is happening.
But I remember one night... one particular night when I had to get some peace. There were a lot of hard things happening in school and with my friends. My family had a lot of contention and I was trying to figure out my place in the world and if it really even mattered to anyone... especially to God.
So I remembering kneeling by my bed one night and just praying. I knelt, I prayed, I cried... I didn't know it then, but this was the first prayer of my life that was my "God Therapy". This particular prayer taught me that I could go to God and He would be my therapist.
I prayed for what seemed like hours. I wanted to feel Him somehow and in someway. It was a very similar feeling to Enos, when he ached in his heart to know about the truthfulness of what his father had taught him. I remember kneeling there and just not wanting to get up.
After, truly, a few hours later I remember just kneeling there and I had my eyes shut. Then in a particular moment it was almost like I was lifted out of my room, in my minds eye. I remember feeling a hand stroking my head. I remember feeling and knowing that in that moment, I was kneeling and laying my head in my Saviors lap. He was sitting there, with me, holding me and just stroking my head. He didn't say anything. He was just there and he loved me.
I cried more. I didn't want Him to leave. I just knelt there and I fell asleep like that. I remember waking up the next morning in that same position and just realizing to myself that my Savior loves me! He loves me. My Heavenly Father knows me by name and He cares about me. I remember feeling and realizing that I knew I had a testimony of my Savior without the help of anyone else, I knew for myself and I didn't have to rely on anyone else's testimony any more. From that point on I knew I needed to serve a mission. I knew that I needed to share His love.
I love you,
Your Mom
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