Dear Elijah,
I had to write for just a minute about your experience at Papa and Mimi's house during the whole ordeal to get Joshua here.
When I went on bed rest Mimi suggested that you go up to her house. You went up the Sunday before Joshua was born and came back the next Sunday... but it seemed like longer than a week that you were away. You had an okay first couple of days... but after that Mimi said you just started to break down. You knew you were the only one on "the trip" and you really were having a hard time.
Tuesday after you got there you finally were okay talking to me on the phone when you went to bed. You were just crying, "Mom, I need you and I want you and I miss you!!". We both cried and cried that night while we were on the video chat with each other. I can't believe how much my heart just yearned to be with you and to have you close. But I knew that this was the best thing that could have happened. I had to rest and after having the baby I knew that it was the best thing we could have done to have you go on the trip so I could recover more effectively.
But man... it was hard on both of us! When Jonathan went up to get you from Papa and take you to Dani the next Sunday, he said you were just having a hard time. He stayed at Krista's house with you for a while because you didn't want to be around anyone else and you were just crying. He called me with you on the phone and you just said, "Mom I need you!". My heart just was breaking. Uncle J helped you feel better, helped to clear your energy, and helped to know that you didn't do anything wrong! You just got to go on a trip for a little while to Mimi's house. I kept telling you how brave you were and that you hadn't done anything wrong and that we loved you much and missed you so much!
When Dani got to our house that night with you, Talia and I were waiting on lawn chairs outside for you. When you saw us you just yelled, "Hi mom, Hi Talia!!!". You were soooooo excited. You just ran to me! I gobbled you up in my arms. Then you went in and just played with Gabe and Talia to your hearts content. It took you a few hours to acknowledge the baby, but when you did, you haven't stopped since! You touched him soft on his head and gave him such great kisses. And now you are perfect pals.
the lesson from this was... sending away one sibling so small was a bit of a mistake. Mimi thinks that if Talia or Gabe had been with you, it wouldn't have been so hard on you. But being by yourself, you had a really hard time being away from everyone. Another lesson is truly what a blessing it was for me and my recovery. I missed you dearly, but it was what I needed at the time. The other lesson is... I never want my family to be apart very much in the future until you can handle it better! Talia and Gabe were actually a bit jealous that you got to go to Mimi's house all by yourself and they didn't get to go!
Little hearts are so tender, but resilient. You have bee wonderful and I'm so glad to have you home.
I love you,
Your Mom
Wednesday, November 9, 2016
Joshua Mitchell's Birth Story
Dear Baby Boy Of Ours,
As you are laying here on your dad's lap, it is time to write down your birth story so I don't forget any of the details. It is Tuesday, November 1st, 2016. You were born Thursday night, October 27th, 2016.
I'm trying to decide where to start with this. We moved at the beginning of October (the 7th) to a new house, still a rental. It was very hard timing being 8 months pregnant, but we made it through. I was keeping busy and always so much to do with the family.
Well, you were officially due on November 15th. Friday night, Oct. 21st, I had a small leak. I knew it wasn't an "accident", it was vaginal fluid, but I didn't know what kind. It was small, so I left it alone (there are so many ways to "leak" when you are pregnant... your wife will experience that one day too). I had a couple more leaks on Saturday, so I called Liz (our midwife).
She was out of town, but explained that there are so many folds in the vagina that it was probably a different fluid... but that if it was amniotic fluid, it would be consistent coming out, not just sporadic like that. She said to monitor and keep track, but that I needed to be on bed rest and be very careful staying down so I didn't irritate anything and that I had pushed it too much. We needed the baby to stay in for at least another week to be past 37 weeks, especially to be able to have him naturally. The other portion is that I had already had a couple of "cramping" scares up to this point that were very scary, so my body truly needed the rest and be down so I didn't push labor.
So I went on bed rest. My mom was really worried about it, and suggested to take Elijah for the week. Jonathan was down here for the weekend, so he offered to take him up to mom and dad's house so I could really rest and stay down. Brent and I decided that was a good idea and he could take a small trip to their house. At that point, we didn't know how long it was going to be, but we knew that we had to do something since he really needed more help than Gabe and Talia and I truly wouldn't be able to help him like he needs right now.
I leaked a few times on Sunday, a few more times on Monday, but then on Tuesday I was leaking A LOT. Nothing consistent, but much more than the other days. I had also been cramping up quite a bit all the time, for a couple of weeks. Tuesday night I thought for sure I was going into labor when I laid down to go to sleep. I was contracting really well for about an hour and breathing through them, but then I was able to fall asleep and the contractions went away. I went into my appointment with Liz on Wednesday with Brent, told her, "I thought we were going to be calling you to come over last night!" She took a test to see what kind of fluid it was... and low and behold, it was amniotic fluid.
So at the appointment she looks at us and says, "Well.... we need to have a baby tonight. You need to go home and go into labor." I started sweating and my blood pressure increased for sure... I just didn't realize that I hadn't really taken the time to get ready to have this baby yet! When the leaks started happening, your dad was able to get all the boxes out of our room. We hadn't completely moved in yet! We found the tote with the baby stuff and did some laundry to get our surroundings ready. But mentally, I thought I had a few more weeks! And here I was, in my midwife's office, being told I had to force labor to get going. That day (Wed) I was officially 37 weeks.
So we went to Cafe Rio and had some food, and let everyone on my birth plan know what was going on. We went home and I listened to some hypnobirthing CD's and tried to focus. At about 7pm I felt labor coming on. It was good and consistent for a couple of hours. Dani came and Michele came over. Dani ended up calling Krista and she showed up at about 1am in the morning from SLC. Like I said, labor started and it was moving, but then slowed down quite a bit. I switched positions to try and get it to come back. I laid down, I was on the ball, went to the bathroom... but it kept slowing down and by the time Krista got here, I walked out and hugged everyone, but then told them things had slowed down enough that I was going to go to sleep and see if labor would start while I was sleeping.
I fell asleep and woke up the next morning a little bit depressed it hadn't started. I tried everything I could think of to get it going again, and I would contract here and there, but just nothing consistent. (I should mention by the time Thursday morning came around, up to that point I had started labor about 4 times - 2 times in the last 24 hours and another 2 times in the previous couple of weeks with the move - which those times were scary because I didn't want the baby to come out as a premie baby!).
We called Liz and told her everything and she said that we needed to do a stress test and some blood work to make sure everything was okay because of already being ruptured. Well, at this point, psychologically, I started going down hill. I knew that if I didn't start labor soon, then I would have to go to the hospital. And if I had to go to the hospital, the chances of being induced were at 100% because they wouldn't put up with a leak like that. And if I was induced, as a v-bac, chances of another c-section were also going to climb. So I was feeling a little bit down Thursday morning. Everyone had slept, both Krista and Dani had slept at our house (the kids went to Leslie Leonards house the night before when we knew what was going to have to happen).
We told both of them that Liz wanted us to go and get some tests done. We went to the birthing center at about 9am. Liz did a stress test on the baby to make sure he was okay. And everything with him was showing up perfectly. So baby was great. Then after that she took us downstairs to do an exam and see how far along I was from the various "preparatory labor" I had already done. When she checked me, it wasn't good. She was being very kind and generous, but I could see in her eyes that what she said was being generous.
"Andrea, you aren't as far a long as I would like. You are a very small 3 and the baby hasn't descended at all. He is very high." Which meant that my cervix was still as hard as a rock (which Liz admitted to later). I wasn't effaced at all.
All that preparatory work and NOTHING had moved me farther along than that? I wasn't even effaced, he hadn't dropped, my cervix was hard, and I had barely started to dialate? That is when the mind games for me really started to kick in. Liz suggested to say a prayer. She said a very nice prayer, asking Heavenly Father to help us have a home birth, but if we needed go to the hospital, then we could have a wonderful experience there as well.
After the prayer Liz was trying to help me feel better. She said she still had a good feeling about it and Brent said he also felt good about it, but she said that since we did an internal exam, then we had about 10 hours before we would have to go to the hospital because of the chances of infection being introduced. Then she said, "We can make it a wonderful experience there as well. We could go in tonight and the nurses are very wonderful at night, I know so many of them. We can help you have a great experience there.... but go home, and take some castor oil... and go into labor before 10pm tonight!". She was trying to prepare me mentally for needing to go into the hospital and not have a home birth experience again.
She ordered a blood test for us, and told us to go over and have a blood test done to make sure I didn't have any infections in my body. She was amazed I hadn't really gone into labor yet because of already being ruptured.... and the clock really started ticking for when we had to force the baby to get out. We headed over and had blood work done, and I was cramping the whole time. Then we headed home, by this point it was about noon, and I was exhausted from not getting very good rest the night before and from my body cramping up for about 5 days straight (and not getting anywhere!! - it was sooooooo frustrating).
I got food, then I took some castor oil and then went and laid down to take a bit of a nap. I woke up when my body had major diarrhea from the castor oil. I cleaned out about 3 times (which Liz prepped me for... taking castor oil is gross, but it is a great way to get your body cleaned out, that is for sure). After being sure I had finished with the bowel movements, I went out and Brent and Krista were talking. I was feeling down and depressed. I took the castor oil and I hadn't felt any difference in the movement for 4 hours. I told Brent I needed to talk to him. We went back to the room and I just told him that we might as well just give up and go in and get induced. I told him my gut feeling was that it was going to be a really long and hard labor and I just didn't know if I had it in me to do that. I was resigned. The facts all pointed to having a hard labor and that it wasn't going to be fast and quick. I was sooooo hoping for a "Talia" type of labor again, and by this time I was just resigned to the fact that I was going to have to be induced, because nothing was working and that the chances for c-section were super high.
My energy was horribly low. My faith was gone. My resolution for a natural labor had vanished. I just didn't care any more. I cried and Brent held me. He told me he could understand why I would be feeling this way and tried to sympathize as much as he could. Then the door bell rang and it was Liz. She had come to check my temperature and tell us the blood test results. They weren't great. It showed that infection had entered my body and my white blood cell count was not looking good. The blood test also showed that I was anemic. After she left we went back to the room and I just cried. It didn't matter any more. If we went to the hospital with those results they were just going to cut me again. My mind set was, "I might as well just admit to myself that I am going to have to have a c-section to get this baby out, so we might as well go in and just get it over with."
That is when Brent really started showing up. He knelt in front of me and said, "Andrea, you are right, from everything we know and everything that we have experienced in the last 48 hours, it looks like we are going to have a c-section result.... BUT, what would a miracle look like?" I looked at him with such a heavy heart. I didn't know! Maybe the miracle is that I just had to swallow and give in to what was happening around me.
I said, "A miracle would look like a 4-5 hour labor here at home."
He looked at me with a smile and with so much confidence and said, "Okay, let's focus and pray for THAT."
At this point, I didn't believe it would happen. I really didn't. I was convinced that a c-section was going to be the result. Brent helped me up and said, "Okay, let's go for a walk." At this point it was about 5pm. This is where the miracles started happening for us. We left the house and on the walk Liz called and said, "Andrea! I have such great news! The blood test that came back was WRONG, they were the wrong results! Your cell count is perfect and you are NOT anemic at all! Everything is just perfect. Let's have a baby!".
That was the start of my mental, emotional, and spiritual turn around. Brent said after that call I started walking with more confidence and we walked faster. He said my energy started to change. The way I remember it is that I was leaning on him for EVERYTHING. I didn't have the faith in that time for what a miracle would be, but I KNEW and I FELT that HE had the faith for it. He was doing the emotional labor for me. I started sucking the energy and faith from him as much as I could.
So we walked down to Lin's and got a donut. I started feeling starting contractions. It took us about 45 minutes to go down and back from there. When we got home I went to the room and got on the ball and just started breathing.
At 6pm, the contractions were heavier than they had been and started being consistent enough that we started tracking them. Brent came in and he started helping me and I would lean my head on him. Krista came in and watched me for a minute and said, "Okay! We are going to have a baby tonight! How does that feel Andrea?". I just started to cry and said, "It feels so good. It's a miracle." I thought for sure I was going to have to be induced, but I started on my own!
Krista and Dani texted Michele and Liz at about 6pm and told them I had started labor and things were moving well. I was on the ball for about 10 minutes, then I moved to the toilet for a few contractions, then I went back to the ball for a few more. Brent stayed by me and I was breathing through them. It was definitely labor this time! It was at this point Brent told me that he heard a voice that said, "My son, you are going to see a miracle tonight." Dani came in and Brent left and went into the storage room and just cried. I remember when he went out and came back in. And he said, "We are going to have a miracle tonight! He is giving us the miracle we asked for!"
It was because of Brent and his faith. I didn't have the faith for it. Brent did, he carried me through it. I labored physically, but Brent was there to labor spiritually and emotionally and mentally for me. I depended on it like I never had to before. With the other births he was always there and I leaned on him and I needed him as a part of it, but this time was different. I knew I couldn't have done this without him. He was the strong one.
After going to the ball the second time, the contractions started getting more intense. I moved to the toilet and sat on it backwards and asked for the heat to be applied to my back. Dani and Krista came in and this is where my coaching to get through labor really started. They helped me to focus on my breath and coached me through the contractions. I labored there for a little while and got up and stood by the sink. They helped me with my visualizations and breathing, and coached me through how to breath longer to make the contractions come more powerfully to move things along. This is when things really got crazy. I felt like I went from a 4-5-6-7-8 in a matter of a few contractions. I felt transition come and I started wondering if I could do this! It was so painful, SO INTENSE.
I moved to kneel by the side of the bed and Brent sat on the bed while I leaned against him. This is when Liz finally made it. She watched me through one contraction there kneeling and said, "She's pushing!!!" I remember thinking, "What??? I am already??". Then Liz was moving like a blur to get everything set up. She was a bit frantic. During the next contraction she said, "Andrea after this contraction I want you to crawl over here and squat."
So after that one I crawled over and got in a squat and Brent was sitting right in front of me on the bed. Then THE contraction came. Brent said, I took a breath and buried my head in his chest and just screamed. Then during the next breath I said, "It's his head!!!"... then in the next breath I pushed him out and he landed right on the floor!! I couldn't believe it! I remember during that contraction feeling the ring of fire and thinking, "THAT'S THE RING OF FIRE!" I couldn't believe it. Everything happened so fast, so intensely, so painfully, but SO MIRACULOUSLY!
Liz said, "Andrea! Pick up your baby!"... but I couldnt' move. I was frozen in that spot. Dani and Krista got behind me and helped me to move back. Brent picked up Joshua and put him on my chest. Poor little guy was just as shocked as I was! He was just perfect. They covered me up and Liz started working on making sure everything was okay with the "after birth labor" and the placenta. I just remember leaning back and thinking, "I can't believe that just happened!". Then someone said the time... 7:42pm! I labored from 6pm-7:42.... 1 1/2 hour labor. It was a MIRACLE. Very literally a miracle. I just cried. I couldn't believe it. Brent looked at me and said, "It's a miracle!" Then I looked him in the eyes and said, "It's because of you babe. You got us here, I couldn't have done it this time with your faith." And it's true.
Poor Michele missed the actual birth and walked in about 3 seconds after he was born. She got there and started taking pictures. I'm so glad she made it for pictures or we wouldn't have any documentation at all. We got the placenta delivered and checked to make sure the baby was okay. Clamped the cord and then Brent took Joshua while Dani and Krista helped me to the bed. I crawled over and crawled up in bed. Brent had to come and move me higher on the bed, I literally couldn't move very well, my body went through quite the shock to get everything done in that amount of time to have the baby in 1.5 hours. Michele said that's how her labors are too. Very fast and very intense. She got a warm blanket for me from the dryer and that felt amazing. I was shivering. Brent came and gave me Joshua and I nursed for a bit then they did all his measurements and then we just sat and talked for a little while. Sherri (my visiting teaching companion from the ward I moved from) brought me soup that I had requested for dinner. She was so cute. She said the spirit in the room was so tangible when she came in.
I told everyone how grateful I was they were there with me. I just cried, my heart was so full. Brent and I told them about experiencing everything and the miracle that it was. It was truly a miracle. My heart still just jumps with amazement when I think about it. The spirit was tangible, the Lord sent so many angels to help me through that labor and experience. I look back on it now and I can't even grasp His love for me and His Grace for me. I am also amazed at Brent. I was completely dependent on him, the whole experience brought us so close. It was a huge testimony builder for me that the Savior's atonement and miracles are for me personally, they are for my family. When we talked with everyone after we all bore testimony of His goodness and how wonderful God is to us. Everyone got to hold him and snuggle him, then everyone left. Brent and I were able to just enjoy each other and Joshua for the night before the kids came back the next morning.
Gabe and Talia were ecstatic to see him and snuggle him. They automatically were in love with him. Poor Elijah had a really hard time being the only one away from the family with Papa and Mimi... Jonathan ended up going up and getting him and bringing him back down to SLC and Dani brought him back the Sunday after Joshua was born (after McKenna's farewell). When he got back our family was complete!
I love my family. I love my life. I am so blessed.
As you are laying here on your dad's lap, it is time to write down your birth story so I don't forget any of the details. It is Tuesday, November 1st, 2016. You were born Thursday night, October 27th, 2016.
I'm trying to decide where to start with this. We moved at the beginning of October (the 7th) to a new house, still a rental. It was very hard timing being 8 months pregnant, but we made it through. I was keeping busy and always so much to do with the family.
Well, you were officially due on November 15th. Friday night, Oct. 21st, I had a small leak. I knew it wasn't an "accident", it was vaginal fluid, but I didn't know what kind. It was small, so I left it alone (there are so many ways to "leak" when you are pregnant... your wife will experience that one day too). I had a couple more leaks on Saturday, so I called Liz (our midwife).
She was out of town, but explained that there are so many folds in the vagina that it was probably a different fluid... but that if it was amniotic fluid, it would be consistent coming out, not just sporadic like that. She said to monitor and keep track, but that I needed to be on bed rest and be very careful staying down so I didn't irritate anything and that I had pushed it too much. We needed the baby to stay in for at least another week to be past 37 weeks, especially to be able to have him naturally. The other portion is that I had already had a couple of "cramping" scares up to this point that were very scary, so my body truly needed the rest and be down so I didn't push labor.
So I went on bed rest. My mom was really worried about it, and suggested to take Elijah for the week. Jonathan was down here for the weekend, so he offered to take him up to mom and dad's house so I could really rest and stay down. Brent and I decided that was a good idea and he could take a small trip to their house. At that point, we didn't know how long it was going to be, but we knew that we had to do something since he really needed more help than Gabe and Talia and I truly wouldn't be able to help him like he needs right now.
I leaked a few times on Sunday, a few more times on Monday, but then on Tuesday I was leaking A LOT. Nothing consistent, but much more than the other days. I had also been cramping up quite a bit all the time, for a couple of weeks. Tuesday night I thought for sure I was going into labor when I laid down to go to sleep. I was contracting really well for about an hour and breathing through them, but then I was able to fall asleep and the contractions went away. I went into my appointment with Liz on Wednesday with Brent, told her, "I thought we were going to be calling you to come over last night!" She took a test to see what kind of fluid it was... and low and behold, it was amniotic fluid.
So at the appointment she looks at us and says, "Well.... we need to have a baby tonight. You need to go home and go into labor." I started sweating and my blood pressure increased for sure... I just didn't realize that I hadn't really taken the time to get ready to have this baby yet! When the leaks started happening, your dad was able to get all the boxes out of our room. We hadn't completely moved in yet! We found the tote with the baby stuff and did some laundry to get our surroundings ready. But mentally, I thought I had a few more weeks! And here I was, in my midwife's office, being told I had to force labor to get going. That day (Wed) I was officially 37 weeks.
So we went to Cafe Rio and had some food, and let everyone on my birth plan know what was going on. We went home and I listened to some hypnobirthing CD's and tried to focus. At about 7pm I felt labor coming on. It was good and consistent for a couple of hours. Dani came and Michele came over. Dani ended up calling Krista and she showed up at about 1am in the morning from SLC. Like I said, labor started and it was moving, but then slowed down quite a bit. I switched positions to try and get it to come back. I laid down, I was on the ball, went to the bathroom... but it kept slowing down and by the time Krista got here, I walked out and hugged everyone, but then told them things had slowed down enough that I was going to go to sleep and see if labor would start while I was sleeping.
I fell asleep and woke up the next morning a little bit depressed it hadn't started. I tried everything I could think of to get it going again, and I would contract here and there, but just nothing consistent. (I should mention by the time Thursday morning came around, up to that point I had started labor about 4 times - 2 times in the last 24 hours and another 2 times in the previous couple of weeks with the move - which those times were scary because I didn't want the baby to come out as a premie baby!).
We called Liz and told her everything and she said that we needed to do a stress test and some blood work to make sure everything was okay because of already being ruptured. Well, at this point, psychologically, I started going down hill. I knew that if I didn't start labor soon, then I would have to go to the hospital. And if I had to go to the hospital, the chances of being induced were at 100% because they wouldn't put up with a leak like that. And if I was induced, as a v-bac, chances of another c-section were also going to climb. So I was feeling a little bit down Thursday morning. Everyone had slept, both Krista and Dani had slept at our house (the kids went to Leslie Leonards house the night before when we knew what was going to have to happen).
We told both of them that Liz wanted us to go and get some tests done. We went to the birthing center at about 9am. Liz did a stress test on the baby to make sure he was okay. And everything with him was showing up perfectly. So baby was great. Then after that she took us downstairs to do an exam and see how far along I was from the various "preparatory labor" I had already done. When she checked me, it wasn't good. She was being very kind and generous, but I could see in her eyes that what she said was being generous.
"Andrea, you aren't as far a long as I would like. You are a very small 3 and the baby hasn't descended at all. He is very high." Which meant that my cervix was still as hard as a rock (which Liz admitted to later). I wasn't effaced at all.
All that preparatory work and NOTHING had moved me farther along than that? I wasn't even effaced, he hadn't dropped, my cervix was hard, and I had barely started to dialate? That is when the mind games for me really started to kick in. Liz suggested to say a prayer. She said a very nice prayer, asking Heavenly Father to help us have a home birth, but if we needed go to the hospital, then we could have a wonderful experience there as well.
After the prayer Liz was trying to help me feel better. She said she still had a good feeling about it and Brent said he also felt good about it, but she said that since we did an internal exam, then we had about 10 hours before we would have to go to the hospital because of the chances of infection being introduced. Then she said, "We can make it a wonderful experience there as well. We could go in tonight and the nurses are very wonderful at night, I know so many of them. We can help you have a great experience there.... but go home, and take some castor oil... and go into labor before 10pm tonight!". She was trying to prepare me mentally for needing to go into the hospital and not have a home birth experience again.
She ordered a blood test for us, and told us to go over and have a blood test done to make sure I didn't have any infections in my body. She was amazed I hadn't really gone into labor yet because of already being ruptured.... and the clock really started ticking for when we had to force the baby to get out. We headed over and had blood work done, and I was cramping the whole time. Then we headed home, by this point it was about noon, and I was exhausted from not getting very good rest the night before and from my body cramping up for about 5 days straight (and not getting anywhere!! - it was sooooooo frustrating).
I got food, then I took some castor oil and then went and laid down to take a bit of a nap. I woke up when my body had major diarrhea from the castor oil. I cleaned out about 3 times (which Liz prepped me for... taking castor oil is gross, but it is a great way to get your body cleaned out, that is for sure). After being sure I had finished with the bowel movements, I went out and Brent and Krista were talking. I was feeling down and depressed. I took the castor oil and I hadn't felt any difference in the movement for 4 hours. I told Brent I needed to talk to him. We went back to the room and I just told him that we might as well just give up and go in and get induced. I told him my gut feeling was that it was going to be a really long and hard labor and I just didn't know if I had it in me to do that. I was resigned. The facts all pointed to having a hard labor and that it wasn't going to be fast and quick. I was sooooo hoping for a "Talia" type of labor again, and by this time I was just resigned to the fact that I was going to have to be induced, because nothing was working and that the chances for c-section were super high.
My energy was horribly low. My faith was gone. My resolution for a natural labor had vanished. I just didn't care any more. I cried and Brent held me. He told me he could understand why I would be feeling this way and tried to sympathize as much as he could. Then the door bell rang and it was Liz. She had come to check my temperature and tell us the blood test results. They weren't great. It showed that infection had entered my body and my white blood cell count was not looking good. The blood test also showed that I was anemic. After she left we went back to the room and I just cried. It didn't matter any more. If we went to the hospital with those results they were just going to cut me again. My mind set was, "I might as well just admit to myself that I am going to have to have a c-section to get this baby out, so we might as well go in and just get it over with."
That is when Brent really started showing up. He knelt in front of me and said, "Andrea, you are right, from everything we know and everything that we have experienced in the last 48 hours, it looks like we are going to have a c-section result.... BUT, what would a miracle look like?" I looked at him with such a heavy heart. I didn't know! Maybe the miracle is that I just had to swallow and give in to what was happening around me.
I said, "A miracle would look like a 4-5 hour labor here at home."
He looked at me with a smile and with so much confidence and said, "Okay, let's focus and pray for THAT."
At this point, I didn't believe it would happen. I really didn't. I was convinced that a c-section was going to be the result. Brent helped me up and said, "Okay, let's go for a walk." At this point it was about 5pm. This is where the miracles started happening for us. We left the house and on the walk Liz called and said, "Andrea! I have such great news! The blood test that came back was WRONG, they were the wrong results! Your cell count is perfect and you are NOT anemic at all! Everything is just perfect. Let's have a baby!".
That was the start of my mental, emotional, and spiritual turn around. Brent said after that call I started walking with more confidence and we walked faster. He said my energy started to change. The way I remember it is that I was leaning on him for EVERYTHING. I didn't have the faith in that time for what a miracle would be, but I KNEW and I FELT that HE had the faith for it. He was doing the emotional labor for me. I started sucking the energy and faith from him as much as I could.
So we walked down to Lin's and got a donut. I started feeling starting contractions. It took us about 45 minutes to go down and back from there. When we got home I went to the room and got on the ball and just started breathing.
At 6pm, the contractions were heavier than they had been and started being consistent enough that we started tracking them. Brent came in and he started helping me and I would lean my head on him. Krista came in and watched me for a minute and said, "Okay! We are going to have a baby tonight! How does that feel Andrea?". I just started to cry and said, "It feels so good. It's a miracle." I thought for sure I was going to have to be induced, but I started on my own!
Krista and Dani texted Michele and Liz at about 6pm and told them I had started labor and things were moving well. I was on the ball for about 10 minutes, then I moved to the toilet for a few contractions, then I went back to the ball for a few more. Brent stayed by me and I was breathing through them. It was definitely labor this time! It was at this point Brent told me that he heard a voice that said, "My son, you are going to see a miracle tonight." Dani came in and Brent left and went into the storage room and just cried. I remember when he went out and came back in. And he said, "We are going to have a miracle tonight! He is giving us the miracle we asked for!"
It was because of Brent and his faith. I didn't have the faith for it. Brent did, he carried me through it. I labored physically, but Brent was there to labor spiritually and emotionally and mentally for me. I depended on it like I never had to before. With the other births he was always there and I leaned on him and I needed him as a part of it, but this time was different. I knew I couldn't have done this without him. He was the strong one.
After going to the ball the second time, the contractions started getting more intense. I moved to the toilet and sat on it backwards and asked for the heat to be applied to my back. Dani and Krista came in and this is where my coaching to get through labor really started. They helped me to focus on my breath and coached me through the contractions. I labored there for a little while and got up and stood by the sink. They helped me with my visualizations and breathing, and coached me through how to breath longer to make the contractions come more powerfully to move things along. This is when things really got crazy. I felt like I went from a 4-5-6-7-8 in a matter of a few contractions. I felt transition come and I started wondering if I could do this! It was so painful, SO INTENSE.
I moved to kneel by the side of the bed and Brent sat on the bed while I leaned against him. This is when Liz finally made it. She watched me through one contraction there kneeling and said, "She's pushing!!!" I remember thinking, "What??? I am already??". Then Liz was moving like a blur to get everything set up. She was a bit frantic. During the next contraction she said, "Andrea after this contraction I want you to crawl over here and squat."
So after that one I crawled over and got in a squat and Brent was sitting right in front of me on the bed. Then THE contraction came. Brent said, I took a breath and buried my head in his chest and just screamed. Then during the next breath I said, "It's his head!!!"... then in the next breath I pushed him out and he landed right on the floor!! I couldn't believe it! I remember during that contraction feeling the ring of fire and thinking, "THAT'S THE RING OF FIRE!" I couldn't believe it. Everything happened so fast, so intensely, so painfully, but SO MIRACULOUSLY!
Liz said, "Andrea! Pick up your baby!"... but I couldnt' move. I was frozen in that spot. Dani and Krista got behind me and helped me to move back. Brent picked up Joshua and put him on my chest. Poor little guy was just as shocked as I was! He was just perfect. They covered me up and Liz started working on making sure everything was okay with the "after birth labor" and the placenta. I just remember leaning back and thinking, "I can't believe that just happened!". Then someone said the time... 7:42pm! I labored from 6pm-7:42.... 1 1/2 hour labor. It was a MIRACLE. Very literally a miracle. I just cried. I couldn't believe it. Brent looked at me and said, "It's a miracle!" Then I looked him in the eyes and said, "It's because of you babe. You got us here, I couldn't have done it this time with your faith." And it's true.
Poor Michele missed the actual birth and walked in about 3 seconds after he was born. She got there and started taking pictures. I'm so glad she made it for pictures or we wouldn't have any documentation at all. We got the placenta delivered and checked to make sure the baby was okay. Clamped the cord and then Brent took Joshua while Dani and Krista helped me to the bed. I crawled over and crawled up in bed. Brent had to come and move me higher on the bed, I literally couldn't move very well, my body went through quite the shock to get everything done in that amount of time to have the baby in 1.5 hours. Michele said that's how her labors are too. Very fast and very intense. She got a warm blanket for me from the dryer and that felt amazing. I was shivering. Brent came and gave me Joshua and I nursed for a bit then they did all his measurements and then we just sat and talked for a little while. Sherri (my visiting teaching companion from the ward I moved from) brought me soup that I had requested for dinner. She was so cute. She said the spirit in the room was so tangible when she came in.
I told everyone how grateful I was they were there with me. I just cried, my heart was so full. Brent and I told them about experiencing everything and the miracle that it was. It was truly a miracle. My heart still just jumps with amazement when I think about it. The spirit was tangible, the Lord sent so many angels to help me through that labor and experience. I look back on it now and I can't even grasp His love for me and His Grace for me. I am also amazed at Brent. I was completely dependent on him, the whole experience brought us so close. It was a huge testimony builder for me that the Savior's atonement and miracles are for me personally, they are for my family. When we talked with everyone after we all bore testimony of His goodness and how wonderful God is to us. Everyone got to hold him and snuggle him, then everyone left. Brent and I were able to just enjoy each other and Joshua for the night before the kids came back the next morning.
Gabe and Talia were ecstatic to see him and snuggle him. They automatically were in love with him. Poor Elijah had a really hard time being the only one away from the family with Papa and Mimi... Jonathan ended up going up and getting him and bringing him back down to SLC and Dani brought him back the Sunday after Joshua was born (after McKenna's farewell). When he got back our family was complete!
I love my family. I love my life. I am so blessed.
Things To Remember From First Weeks After Baby Comes
Dear Kids,
These first couple of weeks after Joshua was born havw been such a reflective week for me. Recovering from birth is a very dependent project, and I have a hard time being dependent on anything or anyone... so I have received lots of lessons that I have needed to be reminded of. I learned all of these lessons with all of you kids, but I want to write them down as they are fresh on my mind post birth (especially good to be able to read in future years when you are all having babies and I am helping other people who need to recover from having a baby):
-Breastfeeding is hard. It is just hard. When the milk finally comes in about the 3rd day your boobs hurt like crazy and you can't hug anyone, let alone have a great time breastfeeding. It gets better after the first couple of weeks, I know that... but getting your boobs and nipples to the point that they are regulated and calloused over takes some time and it is difficult. I will remember to have empathy for anyone trying to learn how to breastfeed. It takes so much patience and time. Each baby is different too, so figuring each other out is part of the journey.
-After pains hurt like CRAZY. I remember when I had Gabriel that I had NO IDEA there was such a thing as "after pains". No one had told me about them. It shocked me... of course it made sense that my uterus would have to shrink back, but I didn't know the process that it would take. With each child the after pains are harder, last longer and just hurt like a mother. I will prepare my daughter and my daughters-in-law about this if they don't know it before. You have to breath through each one and just pray that it will be over soon. It took about 6 days for them to finally start subsiding, the first 3 days were definitely the worst of them, that's for sure.
-It's amazing how much pain we go through to get a child here. I was thinking about that the other day. The pain of labor and delivery, the pain of pregnancy, the pain of breastfeeding, the pain of recovery... there is a lot of PAIN associated with babies. But yet the paradox is that the pain is all washed away when I look at my baby's face and hold him and kiss his cheeks. That is how it is with each baby. Each one of my babies has been completely worth all the pain involved to get them here. There is a good reason why the analogy of pregnancy, labor and delivery are used with so many things in life, because of the effort and pain involved inside of it all. But it also comes back to one of the biggest reasons we are on this earth anyway... to experience JOY and SORROW. Having a baby is full of both of these.
-Brent was able to stay with me for the first 5 days after having Joshua. He has been amazing... doing the laundry, getting the kids to and from school, doing the dishes, keeping up with as much as he can. But when he had to go back to work after that, the first day he was gone I just CRIED for the first hour after he left. I told him before he went that I just didn't want to be alone! The fear of being alone for the first time with the baby by myself was still as tangible as it was with Gabriel. I remember feeling that EVERY single time... the first time I knew I would be alone without another adult around, it scared me every time! Part of the process for me I guess, learning how to adjust to being alone with the baby.
-For me, the first 3 days after birth I can't really move anywhere by myself. The first 48 hours after having the baby I needed Brent to help me to the bathroom, help me shower, help me back to the bed, help me go anywhere. These stories I hear about how women will have babies in the fields, catch their baby and then just keep on working.... I just don't see how anyone could do that! Of course I never had a baby in my twenties... so many that is why! I have heard having babies in your twenties is infinitely easier on your body than in your thirties. At least for me it is a pretty major ordeal that takes a good week of just laying down to recover from. After the first 2 weeks is when I finally feel like I can really get up and start moving around the house again. I have to really ease back into life that is for sure!
-More than postpartum depression, I get postpartum psychosis. I had it really bad with Gabriel, it was awful some of the thoughts that I would have about him, CRAZY things. I remember after having him, understanding how women just go crazy after having a baby and get to the point where they harm themselves and their baby because of it. I am a very stable woman, and it was insane how crazy my thoughts were. With every single one of my babies, the postpartum psychosis is really evident. Being the 4th time around I am really recognizing it as it comes and goes, and I have learned how to keep on top of my nutrition and herbal medicine to help keep depression and major hormonal issues at bay. But every time I experience the psychosis, I gain that much more empathy for people who really go nuts!
-All of these are sounding really negative... I don't mean to be negative, I just want to be blunt about what I experience to remember it as much as possible! The things that I just LOVE about the first couple weeks after is the down time I have with my family. Because of not really getting up and moving around, I have a lot more time to just sit and be with my kids. It is a really good lesson to remember... just sit down and BE with each one of my kids. When I get up and moving again, I KNOW that I don't remember to do that enough with each of them. It is something to really remember and not forget. They want to spend time with me and snuggle with me and read with me and touch me and have me touch them and laugh together and just BE together. THIS is one of the most important lessons I want to remember... is the perspective it gives me to have a new baby in the home. Everything falls into line and I remember what this is all about. I remember about the beauty of motherhood and really what I am doing this for.
-Being able to see how much siblings LOVE their babies that join their family is AMAZING. My kids LOVE "their baby Joshua". Elijah calls him "Doshua". It could easily turn into a nickname to call him "Dosh" because it's so cute. Elijah is always putting his hand on the baby's head and then kissing his head. He doesn't really want to hold him, but he wants to touch him soft all the time. Gabriel always wants to hold him and he washes his hands faithfully before touching Joshua in anyway. Talia just adores everything about having a baby. They all are amazed at anything he does or any sound he makes or any face he makes. I LOVE seeing sibling love like this!
-Remembering to be patient with my body getting back into shape. I don't have a lot more to say about that one, other than just BE PATIENT with my body.
-How hungry nursing all the times makes me! And how crazy growth spurts are when the baby is all of a sudden hungry all the time again and protecting myself against breast infections, and the time it takes to nurse! It takes so much time to nurse in the first month. Every time I sit down to feed him it is a good 45-60 minutes. I know baby's get faster at eating, but it is also amazing to me that the Lord created a system where moms have to just sit down and relax every 2-3 hours while they are going through the most recovery. He knows what he's doing up there! My life is revolving around nursing times right now... and it is okay! I need to remember to support other mothers who really actively do that too and it's important to them to take nursing seriously.
-Remembering to acknowledge how much Brent is making up for all the difference inside of what I normally do in the home. He has been amazing. It's because of his faith that Joshua got here in the first place, and he is making up the difference for things I can't get to right now. He is an amazing husband and father. He LOVES having the babies snuggle up on his chest. He LOVES it so much. He loves talking to his babies and asking them all kinds of "heaven" questions. He is so good with taking the baby when he is crying so I can rest, so good about staying up late with Joshua when I need to just sleep. It is such a tag team effort! I couldn't do it without him.
-It's been interesting to see the various adjustments of the kids. They really feel the time the baby is taking from what I normally can do for them. Learning how to be patient with the whining, but try to help them understand their emotions has been a little hard for me, but something to work on!
Let's see...... what else?
-Every time we have gone out in the sun Joshua stretches his whole body out and just basks in it. He LOVES feeling the sun on his body! It is adorable. He loves water, he loves his head touched. He is a soul that I want to do some more prayer about so I can really know him better and what he did in the pre-existence and what his mission is on earth. It is a practice I have done with all my kids, and I can't wait to get the answers!
I love my family.
I love my babies.
I love you,
Your Mom
-Brent was able to stay with me for the first 5 days after having Joshua. He has been amazing... doing the laundry, getting the kids to and from school, doing the dishes, keeping up with as much as he can. But when he had to go back to work after that, the first day he was gone I just CRIED for the first hour after he left. I told him before he went that I just didn't want to be alone! The fear of being alone for the first time with the baby by myself was still as tangible as it was with Gabriel. I remember feeling that EVERY single time... the first time I knew I would be alone without another adult around, it scared me every time! Part of the process for me I guess, learning how to adjust to being alone with the baby.
-For me, the first 3 days after birth I can't really move anywhere by myself. The first 48 hours after having the baby I needed Brent to help me to the bathroom, help me shower, help me back to the bed, help me go anywhere. These stories I hear about how women will have babies in the fields, catch their baby and then just keep on working.... I just don't see how anyone could do that! Of course I never had a baby in my twenties... so many that is why! I have heard having babies in your twenties is infinitely easier on your body than in your thirties. At least for me it is a pretty major ordeal that takes a good week of just laying down to recover from. After the first 2 weeks is when I finally feel like I can really get up and start moving around the house again. I have to really ease back into life that is for sure!
-More than postpartum depression, I get postpartum psychosis. I had it really bad with Gabriel, it was awful some of the thoughts that I would have about him, CRAZY things. I remember after having him, understanding how women just go crazy after having a baby and get to the point where they harm themselves and their baby because of it. I am a very stable woman, and it was insane how crazy my thoughts were. With every single one of my babies, the postpartum psychosis is really evident. Being the 4th time around I am really recognizing it as it comes and goes, and I have learned how to keep on top of my nutrition and herbal medicine to help keep depression and major hormonal issues at bay. But every time I experience the psychosis, I gain that much more empathy for people who really go nuts!
-All of these are sounding really negative... I don't mean to be negative, I just want to be blunt about what I experience to remember it as much as possible! The things that I just LOVE about the first couple weeks after is the down time I have with my family. Because of not really getting up and moving around, I have a lot more time to just sit and be with my kids. It is a really good lesson to remember... just sit down and BE with each one of my kids. When I get up and moving again, I KNOW that I don't remember to do that enough with each of them. It is something to really remember and not forget. They want to spend time with me and snuggle with me and read with me and touch me and have me touch them and laugh together and just BE together. THIS is one of the most important lessons I want to remember... is the perspective it gives me to have a new baby in the home. Everything falls into line and I remember what this is all about. I remember about the beauty of motherhood and really what I am doing this for.
-Being able to see how much siblings LOVE their babies that join their family is AMAZING. My kids LOVE "their baby Joshua". Elijah calls him "Doshua". It could easily turn into a nickname to call him "Dosh" because it's so cute. Elijah is always putting his hand on the baby's head and then kissing his head. He doesn't really want to hold him, but he wants to touch him soft all the time. Gabriel always wants to hold him and he washes his hands faithfully before touching Joshua in anyway. Talia just adores everything about having a baby. They all are amazed at anything he does or any sound he makes or any face he makes. I LOVE seeing sibling love like this!
-Remembering to be patient with my body getting back into shape. I don't have a lot more to say about that one, other than just BE PATIENT with my body.
-How hungry nursing all the times makes me! And how crazy growth spurts are when the baby is all of a sudden hungry all the time again and protecting myself against breast infections, and the time it takes to nurse! It takes so much time to nurse in the first month. Every time I sit down to feed him it is a good 45-60 minutes. I know baby's get faster at eating, but it is also amazing to me that the Lord created a system where moms have to just sit down and relax every 2-3 hours while they are going through the most recovery. He knows what he's doing up there! My life is revolving around nursing times right now... and it is okay! I need to remember to support other mothers who really actively do that too and it's important to them to take nursing seriously.
-Remembering to acknowledge how much Brent is making up for all the difference inside of what I normally do in the home. He has been amazing. It's because of his faith that Joshua got here in the first place, and he is making up the difference for things I can't get to right now. He is an amazing husband and father. He LOVES having the babies snuggle up on his chest. He LOVES it so much. He loves talking to his babies and asking them all kinds of "heaven" questions. He is so good with taking the baby when he is crying so I can rest, so good about staying up late with Joshua when I need to just sleep. It is such a tag team effort! I couldn't do it without him.
-It's been interesting to see the various adjustments of the kids. They really feel the time the baby is taking from what I normally can do for them. Learning how to be patient with the whining, but try to help them understand their emotions has been a little hard for me, but something to work on!
Let's see...... what else?
-Every time we have gone out in the sun Joshua stretches his whole body out and just basks in it. He LOVES feeling the sun on his body! It is adorable. He loves water, he loves his head touched. He is a soul that I want to do some more prayer about so I can really know him better and what he did in the pre-existence and what his mission is on earth. It is a practice I have done with all my kids, and I can't wait to get the answers!
I love my family.
I love my babies.
I love you,
Your Mom
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