These first couple of weeks after Joshua was born havw been such a reflective week for me. Recovering from birth is a very dependent project, and I have a hard time being dependent on anything or anyone... so I have received lots of lessons that I have needed to be reminded of. I learned all of these lessons with all of you kids, but I want to write them down as they are fresh on my mind post birth (especially good to be able to read in future years when you are all having babies and I am helping other people who need to recover from having a baby):
-Breastfeeding is hard. It is just hard. When the milk finally comes in about the 3rd day your boobs hurt like crazy and you can't hug anyone, let alone have a great time breastfeeding. It gets better after the first couple of weeks, I know that... but getting your boobs and nipples to the point that they are regulated and calloused over takes some time and it is difficult. I will remember to have empathy for anyone trying to learn how to breastfeed. It takes so much patience and time. Each baby is different too, so figuring each other out is part of the journey.
-After pains hurt like CRAZY. I remember when I had Gabriel that I had NO IDEA there was such a thing as "after pains". No one had told me about them. It shocked me... of course it made sense that my uterus would have to shrink back, but I didn't know the process that it would take. With each child the after pains are harder, last longer and just hurt like a mother. I will prepare my daughter and my daughters-in-law about this if they don't know it before. You have to breath through each one and just pray that it will be over soon. It took about 6 days for them to finally start subsiding, the first 3 days were definitely the worst of them, that's for sure.
-It's amazing how much pain we go through to get a child here. I was thinking about that the other day. The pain of labor and delivery, the pain of pregnancy, the pain of breastfeeding, the pain of recovery... there is a lot of PAIN associated with babies. But yet the paradox is that the pain is all washed away when I look at my baby's face and hold him and kiss his cheeks. That is how it is with each baby. Each one of my babies has been completely worth all the pain involved to get them here. There is a good reason why the analogy of pregnancy, labor and delivery are used with so many things in life, because of the effort and pain involved inside of it all. But it also comes back to one of the biggest reasons we are on this earth anyway... to experience JOY and SORROW. Having a baby is full of both of these.
-Brent was able to stay with me for the first 5 days after having Joshua. He has been amazing... doing the laundry, getting the kids to and from school, doing the dishes, keeping up with as much as he can. But when he had to go back to work after that, the first day he was gone I just CRIED for the first hour after he left. I told him before he went that I just didn't want to be alone! The fear of being alone for the first time with the baby by myself was still as tangible as it was with Gabriel. I remember feeling that EVERY single time... the first time I knew I would be alone without another adult around, it scared me every time! Part of the process for me I guess, learning how to adjust to being alone with the baby.
-For me, the first 3 days after birth I can't really move anywhere by myself. The first 48 hours after having the baby I needed Brent to help me to the bathroom, help me shower, help me back to the bed, help me go anywhere. These stories I hear about how women will have babies in the fields, catch their baby and then just keep on working.... I just don't see how anyone could do that! Of course I never had a baby in my twenties... so many that is why! I have heard having babies in your twenties is infinitely easier on your body than in your thirties. At least for me it is a pretty major ordeal that takes a good week of just laying down to recover from. After the first 2 weeks is when I finally feel like I can really get up and start moving around the house again. I have to really ease back into life that is for sure!
-More than postpartum depression, I get postpartum psychosis. I had it really bad with Gabriel, it was awful some of the thoughts that I would have about him, CRAZY things. I remember after having him, understanding how women just go crazy after having a baby and get to the point where they harm themselves and their baby because of it. I am a very stable woman, and it was insane how crazy my thoughts were. With every single one of my babies, the postpartum psychosis is really evident. Being the 4th time around I am really recognizing it as it comes and goes, and I have learned how to keep on top of my nutrition and herbal medicine to help keep depression and major hormonal issues at bay. But every time I experience the psychosis, I gain that much more empathy for people who really go nuts!
-All of these are sounding really negative... I don't mean to be negative, I just want to be blunt about what I experience to remember it as much as possible! The things that I just LOVE about the first couple weeks after is the down time I have with my family. Because of not really getting up and moving around, I have a lot more time to just sit and be with my kids. It is a really good lesson to remember... just sit down and BE with each one of my kids. When I get up and moving again, I KNOW that I don't remember to do that enough with each of them. It is something to really remember and not forget. They want to spend time with me and snuggle with me and read with me and touch me and have me touch them and laugh together and just BE together. THIS is one of the most important lessons I want to remember... is the perspective it gives me to have a new baby in the home. Everything falls into line and I remember what this is all about. I remember about the beauty of motherhood and really what I am doing this for.
-Being able to see how much siblings LOVE their babies that join their family is AMAZING. My kids LOVE "their baby Joshua". Elijah calls him "Doshua". It could easily turn into a nickname to call him "Dosh" because it's so cute. Elijah is always putting his hand on the baby's head and then kissing his head. He doesn't really want to hold him, but he wants to touch him soft all the time. Gabriel always wants to hold him and he washes his hands faithfully before touching Joshua in anyway. Talia just adores everything about having a baby. They all are amazed at anything he does or any sound he makes or any face he makes. I LOVE seeing sibling love like this!
-Remembering to be patient with my body getting back into shape. I don't have a lot more to say about that one, other than just BE PATIENT with my body.
-How hungry nursing all the times makes me! And how crazy growth spurts are when the baby is all of a sudden hungry all the time again and protecting myself against breast infections, and the time it takes to nurse! It takes so much time to nurse in the first month. Every time I sit down to feed him it is a good 45-60 minutes. I know baby's get faster at eating, but it is also amazing to me that the Lord created a system where moms have to just sit down and relax every 2-3 hours while they are going through the most recovery. He knows what he's doing up there! My life is revolving around nursing times right now... and it is okay! I need to remember to support other mothers who really actively do that too and it's important to them to take nursing seriously.
-Remembering to acknowledge how much Brent is making up for all the difference inside of what I normally do in the home. He has been amazing. It's because of his faith that Joshua got here in the first place, and he is making up the difference for things I can't get to right now. He is an amazing husband and father. He LOVES having the babies snuggle up on his chest. He LOVES it so much. He loves talking to his babies and asking them all kinds of "heaven" questions. He is so good with taking the baby when he is crying so I can rest, so good about staying up late with Joshua when I need to just sleep. It is such a tag team effort! I couldn't do it without him.
-It's been interesting to see the various adjustments of the kids. They really feel the time the baby is taking from what I normally can do for them. Learning how to be patient with the whining, but try to help them understand their emotions has been a little hard for me, but something to work on!
Let's see...... what else?
-Every time we have gone out in the sun Joshua stretches his whole body out and just basks in it. He LOVES feeling the sun on his body! It is adorable. He loves water, he loves his head touched. He is a soul that I want to do some more prayer about so I can really know him better and what he did in the pre-existence and what his mission is on earth. It is a practice I have done with all my kids, and I can't wait to get the answers!
I love my family.
I love my babies.
I love you,
Your Mom
-Brent was able to stay with me for the first 5 days after having Joshua. He has been amazing... doing the laundry, getting the kids to and from school, doing the dishes, keeping up with as much as he can. But when he had to go back to work after that, the first day he was gone I just CRIED for the first hour after he left. I told him before he went that I just didn't want to be alone! The fear of being alone for the first time with the baby by myself was still as tangible as it was with Gabriel. I remember feeling that EVERY single time... the first time I knew I would be alone without another adult around, it scared me every time! Part of the process for me I guess, learning how to adjust to being alone with the baby.
-For me, the first 3 days after birth I can't really move anywhere by myself. The first 48 hours after having the baby I needed Brent to help me to the bathroom, help me shower, help me back to the bed, help me go anywhere. These stories I hear about how women will have babies in the fields, catch their baby and then just keep on working.... I just don't see how anyone could do that! Of course I never had a baby in my twenties... so many that is why! I have heard having babies in your twenties is infinitely easier on your body than in your thirties. At least for me it is a pretty major ordeal that takes a good week of just laying down to recover from. After the first 2 weeks is when I finally feel like I can really get up and start moving around the house again. I have to really ease back into life that is for sure!
-More than postpartum depression, I get postpartum psychosis. I had it really bad with Gabriel, it was awful some of the thoughts that I would have about him, CRAZY things. I remember after having him, understanding how women just go crazy after having a baby and get to the point where they harm themselves and their baby because of it. I am a very stable woman, and it was insane how crazy my thoughts were. With every single one of my babies, the postpartum psychosis is really evident. Being the 4th time around I am really recognizing it as it comes and goes, and I have learned how to keep on top of my nutrition and herbal medicine to help keep depression and major hormonal issues at bay. But every time I experience the psychosis, I gain that much more empathy for people who really go nuts!
-All of these are sounding really negative... I don't mean to be negative, I just want to be blunt about what I experience to remember it as much as possible! The things that I just LOVE about the first couple weeks after is the down time I have with my family. Because of not really getting up and moving around, I have a lot more time to just sit and be with my kids. It is a really good lesson to remember... just sit down and BE with each one of my kids. When I get up and moving again, I KNOW that I don't remember to do that enough with each of them. It is something to really remember and not forget. They want to spend time with me and snuggle with me and read with me and touch me and have me touch them and laugh together and just BE together. THIS is one of the most important lessons I want to remember... is the perspective it gives me to have a new baby in the home. Everything falls into line and I remember what this is all about. I remember about the beauty of motherhood and really what I am doing this for.
-Being able to see how much siblings LOVE their babies that join their family is AMAZING. My kids LOVE "their baby Joshua". Elijah calls him "Doshua". It could easily turn into a nickname to call him "Dosh" because it's so cute. Elijah is always putting his hand on the baby's head and then kissing his head. He doesn't really want to hold him, but he wants to touch him soft all the time. Gabriel always wants to hold him and he washes his hands faithfully before touching Joshua in anyway. Talia just adores everything about having a baby. They all are amazed at anything he does or any sound he makes or any face he makes. I LOVE seeing sibling love like this!
-Remembering to be patient with my body getting back into shape. I don't have a lot more to say about that one, other than just BE PATIENT with my body.
-How hungry nursing all the times makes me! And how crazy growth spurts are when the baby is all of a sudden hungry all the time again and protecting myself against breast infections, and the time it takes to nurse! It takes so much time to nurse in the first month. Every time I sit down to feed him it is a good 45-60 minutes. I know baby's get faster at eating, but it is also amazing to me that the Lord created a system where moms have to just sit down and relax every 2-3 hours while they are going through the most recovery. He knows what he's doing up there! My life is revolving around nursing times right now... and it is okay! I need to remember to support other mothers who really actively do that too and it's important to them to take nursing seriously.
-Remembering to acknowledge how much Brent is making up for all the difference inside of what I normally do in the home. He has been amazing. It's because of his faith that Joshua got here in the first place, and he is making up the difference for things I can't get to right now. He is an amazing husband and father. He LOVES having the babies snuggle up on his chest. He LOVES it so much. He loves talking to his babies and asking them all kinds of "heaven" questions. He is so good with taking the baby when he is crying so I can rest, so good about staying up late with Joshua when I need to just sleep. It is such a tag team effort! I couldn't do it without him.
-It's been interesting to see the various adjustments of the kids. They really feel the time the baby is taking from what I normally can do for them. Learning how to be patient with the whining, but try to help them understand their emotions has been a little hard for me, but something to work on!
Let's see...... what else?
-Every time we have gone out in the sun Joshua stretches his whole body out and just basks in it. He LOVES feeling the sun on his body! It is adorable. He loves water, he loves his head touched. He is a soul that I want to do some more prayer about so I can really know him better and what he did in the pre-existence and what his mission is on earth. It is a practice I have done with all my kids, and I can't wait to get the answers!
I love my family.
I love my babies.
I love you,
Your Mom
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