Dear Baby Boy Of Ours,
As you are laying here on your dad's lap, it is time to write down your birth story so I don't forget any of the details. It is Tuesday, November 1st, 2016. You were born Thursday night, October 27th, 2016.
I'm trying to decide where to start with this. We moved at the beginning of October (the 7th) to a new house, still a rental. It was very hard timing being 8 months pregnant, but we made it through. I was keeping busy and always so much to do with the family.
Well, you were officially due on November 15th. Friday night, Oct. 21st, I had a small leak. I knew it wasn't an "accident", it was vaginal fluid, but I didn't know what kind. It was small, so I left it alone (there are so many ways to "leak" when you are pregnant... your wife will experience that one day too). I had a couple more leaks on Saturday, so I called Liz (our midwife).
She was out of town, but explained that there are so many folds in the vagina that it was probably a different fluid... but that if it was amniotic fluid, it would be consistent coming out, not just sporadic like that. She said to monitor and keep track, but that I needed to be on bed rest and be very careful staying down so I didn't irritate anything and that I had pushed it too much. We needed the baby to stay in for at least another week to be past 37 weeks, especially to be able to have him naturally. The other portion is that I had already had a couple of "cramping" scares up to this point that were very scary, so my body truly needed the rest and be down so I didn't push labor.
So I went on bed rest. My mom was really worried about it, and suggested to take Elijah for the week. Jonathan was down here for the weekend, so he offered to take him up to mom and dad's house so I could really rest and stay down. Brent and I decided that was a good idea and he could take a small trip to their house. At that point, we didn't know how long it was going to be, but we knew that we had to do something since he really needed more help than Gabe and Talia and I truly wouldn't be able to help him like he needs right now.
I leaked a few times on Sunday, a few more times on Monday, but then on Tuesday I was leaking A LOT. Nothing consistent, but much more than the other days. I had also been cramping up quite a bit all the time, for a couple of weeks. Tuesday night I thought for sure I was going into labor when I laid down to go to sleep. I was contracting really well for about an hour and breathing through them, but then I was able to fall asleep and the contractions went away. I went into my appointment with Liz on Wednesday with Brent, told her, "I thought we were going to be calling you to come over last night!" She took a test to see what kind of fluid it was... and low and behold, it was amniotic fluid.
So at the appointment she looks at us and says, "Well.... we need to have a baby tonight. You need to go home and go into labor." I started sweating and my blood pressure increased for sure... I just didn't realize that I hadn't really taken the time to get ready to have this baby yet! When the leaks started happening, your dad was able to get all the boxes out of our room. We hadn't completely moved in yet! We found the tote with the baby stuff and did some laundry to get our surroundings ready. But mentally, I thought I had a few more weeks! And here I was, in my midwife's office, being told I had to force labor to get going. That day (Wed) I was officially 37 weeks.
So we went to Cafe Rio and had some food, and let everyone on my birth plan know what was going on. We went home and I listened to some hypnobirthing CD's and tried to focus. At about 7pm I felt labor coming on. It was good and consistent for a couple of hours. Dani came and Michele came over. Dani ended up calling Krista and she showed up at about 1am in the morning from SLC. Like I said, labor started and it was moving, but then slowed down quite a bit. I switched positions to try and get it to come back. I laid down, I was on the ball, went to the bathroom... but it kept slowing down and by the time Krista got here, I walked out and hugged everyone, but then told them things had slowed down enough that I was going to go to sleep and see if labor would start while I was sleeping.
I fell asleep and woke up the next morning a little bit depressed it hadn't started. I tried everything I could think of to get it going again, and I would contract here and there, but just nothing consistent. (I should mention by the time Thursday morning came around, up to that point I had started labor about 4 times - 2 times in the last 24 hours and another 2 times in the previous couple of weeks with the move - which those times were scary because I didn't want the baby to come out as a premie baby!).
We called Liz and told her everything and she said that we needed to do a stress test and some blood work to make sure everything was okay because of already being ruptured. Well, at this point, psychologically, I started going down hill. I knew that if I didn't start labor soon, then I would have to go to the hospital. And if I had to go to the hospital, the chances of being induced were at 100% because they wouldn't put up with a leak like that. And if I was induced, as a v-bac, chances of another c-section were also going to climb. So I was feeling a little bit down Thursday morning. Everyone had slept, both Krista and Dani had slept at our house (the kids went to Leslie Leonards house the night before when we knew what was going to have to happen).
We told both of them that Liz wanted us to go and get some tests done. We went to the birthing center at about 9am. Liz did a stress test on the baby to make sure he was okay. And everything with him was showing up perfectly. So baby was great. Then after that she took us downstairs to do an exam and see how far along I was from the various "preparatory labor" I had already done. When she checked me, it wasn't good. She was being very kind and generous, but I could see in her eyes that what she said was being generous.
"Andrea, you aren't as far a long as I would like. You are a very small 3 and the baby hasn't descended at all. He is very high." Which meant that my cervix was still as hard as a rock (which Liz admitted to later). I wasn't effaced at all.
All that preparatory work and NOTHING had moved me farther along than that? I wasn't even effaced, he hadn't dropped, my cervix was hard, and I had barely started to dialate? That is when the mind games for me really started to kick in. Liz suggested to say a prayer. She said a very nice prayer, asking Heavenly Father to help us have a home birth, but if we needed go to the hospital, then we could have a wonderful experience there as well.
After the prayer Liz was trying to help me feel better. She said she still had a good feeling about it and Brent said he also felt good about it, but she said that since we did an internal exam, then we had about 10 hours before we would have to go to the hospital because of the chances of infection being introduced. Then she said, "We can make it a wonderful experience there as well. We could go in tonight and the nurses are very wonderful at night, I know so many of them. We can help you have a great experience there.... but go home, and take some castor oil... and go into labor before 10pm tonight!". She was trying to prepare me mentally for needing to go into the hospital and not have a home birth experience again.
She ordered a blood test for us, and told us to go over and have a blood test done to make sure I didn't have any infections in my body. She was amazed I hadn't really gone into labor yet because of already being ruptured.... and the clock really started ticking for when we had to force the baby to get out. We headed over and had blood work done, and I was cramping the whole time. Then we headed home, by this point it was about noon, and I was exhausted from not getting very good rest the night before and from my body cramping up for about 5 days straight (and not getting anywhere!! - it was sooooooo frustrating).
I got food, then I took some castor oil and then went and laid down to take a bit of a nap. I woke up when my body had major diarrhea from the castor oil. I cleaned out about 3 times (which Liz prepped me for... taking castor oil is gross, but it is a great way to get your body cleaned out, that is for sure). After being sure I had finished with the bowel movements, I went out and Brent and Krista were talking. I was feeling down and depressed. I took the castor oil and I hadn't felt any difference in the movement for 4 hours. I told Brent I needed to talk to him. We went back to the room and I just told him that we might as well just give up and go in and get induced. I told him my gut feeling was that it was going to be a really long and hard labor and I just didn't know if I had it in me to do that. I was resigned. The facts all pointed to having a hard labor and that it wasn't going to be fast and quick. I was sooooo hoping for a "Talia" type of labor again, and by this time I was just resigned to the fact that I was going to have to be induced, because nothing was working and that the chances for c-section were super high.
My energy was horribly low. My faith was gone. My resolution for a natural labor had vanished. I just didn't care any more. I cried and Brent held me. He told me he could understand why I would be feeling this way and tried to sympathize as much as he could. Then the door bell rang and it was Liz. She had come to check my temperature and tell us the blood test results. They weren't great. It showed that infection had entered my body and my white blood cell count was not looking good. The blood test also showed that I was anemic. After she left we went back to the room and I just cried. It didn't matter any more. If we went to the hospital with those results they were just going to cut me again. My mind set was, "I might as well just admit to myself that I am going to have to have a c-section to get this baby out, so we might as well go in and just get it over with."
That is when Brent really started showing up. He knelt in front of me and said, "Andrea, you are right, from everything we know and everything that we have experienced in the last 48 hours, it looks like we are going to have a c-section result.... BUT, what would a miracle look like?" I looked at him with such a heavy heart. I didn't know! Maybe the miracle is that I just had to swallow and give in to what was happening around me.
I said, "A miracle would look like a 4-5 hour labor here at home."
He looked at me with a smile and with so much confidence and said, "Okay, let's focus and pray for THAT."
At this point, I didn't believe it would happen. I really didn't. I was convinced that a c-section was going to be the result. Brent helped me up and said, "Okay, let's go for a walk." At this point it was about 5pm. This is where the miracles started happening for us. We left the house and on the walk Liz called and said, "Andrea! I have such great news! The blood test that came back was WRONG, they were the wrong results! Your cell count is perfect and you are NOT anemic at all! Everything is just perfect. Let's have a baby!".
That was the start of my mental, emotional, and spiritual turn around. Brent said after that call I started walking with more confidence and we walked faster. He said my energy started to change. The way I remember it is that I was leaning on him for EVERYTHING. I didn't have the faith in that time for what a miracle would be, but I KNEW and I FELT that HE had the faith for it. He was doing the emotional labor for me. I started sucking the energy and faith from him as much as I could.
So we walked down to Lin's and got a donut. I started feeling starting contractions. It took us about 45 minutes to go down and back from there. When we got home I went to the room and got on the ball and just started breathing.
At 6pm, the contractions were heavier than they had been and started being consistent enough that we started tracking them. Brent came in and he started helping me and I would lean my head on him. Krista came in and watched me for a minute and said, "Okay! We are going to have a baby tonight! How does that feel Andrea?". I just started to cry and said, "It feels so good. It's a miracle." I thought for sure I was going to have to be induced, but I started on my own!
Krista and Dani texted Michele and Liz at about 6pm and told them I had started labor and things were moving well. I was on the ball for about 10 minutes, then I moved to the toilet for a few contractions, then I went back to the ball for a few more. Brent stayed by me and I was breathing through them. It was definitely labor this time! It was at this point Brent told me that he heard a voice that said, "My son, you are going to see a miracle tonight." Dani came in and Brent left and went into the storage room and just cried. I remember when he went out and came back in. And he said, "We are going to have a miracle tonight! He is giving us the miracle we asked for!"
It was because of Brent and his faith. I didn't have the faith for it. Brent did, he carried me through it. I labored physically, but Brent was there to labor spiritually and emotionally and mentally for me. I depended on it like I never had to before. With the other births he was always there and I leaned on him and I needed him as a part of it, but this time was different. I knew I couldn't have done this without him. He was the strong one.
After going to the ball the second time, the contractions started getting more intense. I moved to the toilet and sat on it backwards and asked for the heat to be applied to my back. Dani and Krista came in and this is where my coaching to get through labor really started. They helped me to focus on my breath and coached me through the contractions. I labored there for a little while and got up and stood by the sink. They helped me with my visualizations and breathing, and coached me through how to breath longer to make the contractions come more powerfully to move things along. This is when things really got crazy. I felt like I went from a 4-5-6-7-8 in a matter of a few contractions. I felt transition come and I started wondering if I could do this! It was so painful, SO INTENSE.
I moved to kneel by the side of the bed and Brent sat on the bed while I leaned against him. This is when Liz finally made it. She watched me through one contraction there kneeling and said, "She's pushing!!!" I remember thinking, "What??? I am already??". Then Liz was moving like a blur to get everything set up. She was a bit frantic. During the next contraction she said, "Andrea after this contraction I want you to crawl over here and squat."
So after that one I crawled over and got in a squat and Brent was sitting right in front of me on the bed. Then THE contraction came. Brent said, I took a breath and buried my head in his chest and just screamed. Then during the next breath I said, "It's his head!!!"... then in the next breath I pushed him out and he landed right on the floor!! I couldn't believe it! I remember during that contraction feeling the ring of fire and thinking, "THAT'S THE RING OF FIRE!" I couldn't believe it. Everything happened so fast, so intensely, so painfully, but SO MIRACULOUSLY!
Liz said, "Andrea! Pick up your baby!"... but I couldnt' move. I was frozen in that spot. Dani and Krista got behind me and helped me to move back. Brent picked up Joshua and put him on my chest. Poor little guy was just as shocked as I was! He was just perfect. They covered me up and Liz started working on making sure everything was okay with the "after birth labor" and the placenta. I just remember leaning back and thinking, "I can't believe that just happened!". Then someone said the time... 7:42pm! I labored from 6pm-7:42.... 1 1/2 hour labor. It was a MIRACLE. Very literally a miracle. I just cried. I couldn't believe it. Brent looked at me and said, "It's a miracle!" Then I looked him in the eyes and said, "It's because of you babe. You got us here, I couldn't have done it this time with your faith." And it's true.
Poor Michele missed the actual birth and walked in about 3 seconds after he was born. She got there and started taking pictures. I'm so glad she made it for pictures or we wouldn't have any documentation at all. We got the placenta delivered and checked to make sure the baby was okay. Clamped the cord and then Brent took Joshua while Dani and Krista helped me to the bed. I crawled over and crawled up in bed. Brent had to come and move me higher on the bed, I literally couldn't move very well, my body went through quite the shock to get everything done in that amount of time to have the baby in 1.5 hours. Michele said that's how her labors are too. Very fast and very intense. She got a warm blanket for me from the dryer and that felt amazing. I was shivering. Brent came and gave me Joshua and I nursed for a bit then they did all his measurements and then we just sat and talked for a little while. Sherri (my visiting teaching companion from the ward I moved from) brought me soup that I had requested for dinner. She was so cute. She said the spirit in the room was so tangible when she came in.
I told everyone how grateful I was they were there with me. I just cried, my heart was so full. Brent and I told them about experiencing everything and the miracle that it was. It was truly a miracle. My heart still just jumps with amazement when I think about it. The spirit was tangible, the Lord sent so many angels to help me through that labor and experience. I look back on it now and I can't even grasp His love for me and His Grace for me. I am also amazed at Brent. I was completely dependent on him, the whole experience brought us so close. It was a huge testimony builder for me that the Savior's atonement and miracles are for me personally, they are for my family. When we talked with everyone after we all bore testimony of His goodness and how wonderful God is to us. Everyone got to hold him and snuggle him, then everyone left. Brent and I were able to just enjoy each other and Joshua for the night before the kids came back the next morning.
Gabe and Talia were ecstatic to see him and snuggle him. They automatically were in love with him. Poor Elijah had a really hard time being the only one away from the family with Papa and Mimi... Jonathan ended up going up and getting him and bringing him back down to SLC and Dani brought him back the Sunday after Joshua was born (after McKenna's farewell). When he got back our family was complete!
I love my family. I love my life. I am so blessed.
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