Dear Gabriel,
The story for today is about you.
Today was the first Fast Sunday that you joined Dad and I with fasting. You decided to go through breakfast to lunch time, and fasted for Heavenly Father to help you with your thoughts (you have been having really scary thoughts lately at night, mainly about zombies from a commercial you saw on dad's phone while you were playing a game. Needless to say, you haven't played that game again since this time).
In sacrament meeting, a bunch of the primary kids from our ward jumped up to say their testimonies very first. One of your friends got up, and you were like, "Look, that's Miles! He's giving a talk!" Then I told you that you could go up and bear your testimony as well.
You looked at me with surprise and said, "Really?? I can go up there??"
I hadn't realized that you had no idea you could do that. I feel actually bad about it, because you had no idea that fast Sunday was for anyone to get up and share their feelings.
As soon as you realized this, you said, "I'm going up!". You immediately got up, walked with determination up to the pulpit, chest out, with your confident walk, not afraid at all. You said you were grateful for Heavenly Father helping you with everything you need in your life, and then you sat back down. You forgot to say "In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen"... but that just added to the feeling of it.
You got up there, said what you needed to say, and then got back down. I loved it. Natalia went up with me to bear her testimony, but she needed help and didn't want to say things on her own, she is much more aware of when people are looking at her and watching her than you are. You don't care at all (and both characteristics have their own strengths and weaknesses with them).
Your dad turned to me and said, "You HAVE to write that in your journal tonight."
I love you. I love being your mom. I love your tender heart. I love that you are so aware of everything around you that has to do with the spirit and thoughts. I love that you are determined and know what you want and you aren't afraid to go after it. I love that about you. I'm so grateful for you.
I love you,
Your Mom
Sunday, November 5, 2017
Saturday, November 4, 2017
Reminders
Dear Kids,
I was in a really good habit of writing a few years ago, and what helped me sooooo much was advice I received from your Aunt Keek. When I was talking to her about journaling and how I had struggled for so long with it, she gave me this feedback, "Andrea, I had a teacher in college tell me to just write ONE thing in detail that happened to me in a day. Don't try to recap everything that went on. Don't try to just give a 'travel log' or just the 'happenings'. Remember one thing that affected you that day and write about that one thing in detail. Then you will start to love journaling and feel the power of it."
Well, when I received that advice I started doing that... and I have to tell you that it worked SO WELL! I loved it... then of course, just like happens in life and when my humanity shows, I got overwhelmed and I haven't written very well the last couple of years. The interesting thing is that while I was journaling about ONE thing, I started seeing thing differently in a day. Things were a little more magical... I was a little more focused on the experiences instead of the to-do lists. Since stopping journaling like that, I feel like my eyes have shut a bit about all the various things I am experiencing in my life, and with my kids.
I want my eyes to open back up again! I want to feel that feeling of, "Oh! THAT is what I was my posterity to remember about today." I want the feeling of the eyes of recognition to see. Journaling in that way really helped me to develop those eyes of recognition.
Since I started homeschooling this year, I have felt a huge push to start doing that journaling again. So tonight I am starting on the road. It is very similar to when Elder Eyering gave the advice to write down just ONE way "you have seen the Hand of God in your life today." I love that advice and follows the same guideline.
I have especially felt attacked QUITE a bit in the last 6 months or so by Satan. I feel it big time, he is upping his game against me and my family, and this practice is another "battle strategy" for keeping my family spiritually safe and my mind focused on what matters most.
As I think about it, there were lots of "moments" today that I would love to write about. Like when Elijah persisted on having his soda at Costco, but he didn't get it because he refused to apologize to his dad for being disrespectful. Or when Gabriel had a total melt down about Elijah using his play dough and didn't want to admit that in reality he should have put it away instead of leaving it on the table. Or when Talia came to the kitchen and said, "Mom I just really want to help you with something." Or when Joshua splashed in the toilet and laughed at me when I came to get him to wash his hands, and I had to remind everyone yet again that we HAVE to close the toilets right now because Joshua wants to touch the water constantly. Or when the kids had a break down about Brent going to the theater to help again tonight. Or when Gabe came out of his room tonight and said, "Mom, I just HAVE to stay up with you tonight. I just can't go to sleep unless you snuggle with me the whole time." Or when Elijah was a little rough with Joshua and I had to teach him that it was an accident that Joshua's head got hurt and he needed to rub it better. Or when Talia put make up all over her face and dressed Elijah up with her to dance around in the kitchen....
Do you see?? I have so many moments that I could focus on.
But the moment I want to really write about is when I saw a really good friend in Costco tonight. Carolyn Cooper. She does a lot of trainings around the globe about emotional and energetic skills. Her method is called "Simply Healed". I really love her. She started telling me about how she was talking to a friend that mentioned my name, and how I had told her that I had to work through a lot of emotions about letting go of my business life and focus on my home. We had a good conversation about it because this friend of mine has been struggling with some of the same feelings and situations.
This is the part that was a gift to me. Carolyn looked at me and said, "Andrea... what you are doing right now with your family and with your children is the absolute most magical thing you can do. After all my business "experiences" and contacts (and she has A LOT), none of it means anything. What means something is my kids, my family."
She teared up about her kids, because she feels like there are ways she could have focused more at home instead of on work while they were home. She told me how she is going to be taking a sabbatical so she can be more available for River, her daughter. She said, "I only have a couple more years with my girl to help her be ready for life... I can't waste that time on business."
It meant so much to me to have this little, fast conversation that lasted about 10 minutes... but it was such a good reminder. It was a tender mercy for me. There are so many days that I look at what I'm doing and I don't feel like I'm doing ANYTHING. Dishes... again. Laundry... again. Playing referee with children fighting... AGAIN. It's tough to keep the 10,000 foot view inside of everyday life with kids... especially homeschooling!
But as she was talking to me, the spirit confirmed again that I have made the right choice. I'm where I should be right now and to take being the CEO of my home and my children's education seriously.
That was the hand of God in my life today. I'm so grateful for those tender mercy experiences.
I love you kids. I really do. I hope you have memories of your mom loving you and cherishing you. Because I do. Forgive me for my weaknesses. I promise that I never hurt you on purpose... and I am realistic enough to know that there are going to be things you are going to have to work through in your emotions about various frustrations with me. And that's okay. But know that I KNOW that I can look at God with a clean conscious... knowing that I did the most important work in my home.
I love you,
Your Mom
I was in a really good habit of writing a few years ago, and what helped me sooooo much was advice I received from your Aunt Keek. When I was talking to her about journaling and how I had struggled for so long with it, she gave me this feedback, "Andrea, I had a teacher in college tell me to just write ONE thing in detail that happened to me in a day. Don't try to recap everything that went on. Don't try to just give a 'travel log' or just the 'happenings'. Remember one thing that affected you that day and write about that one thing in detail. Then you will start to love journaling and feel the power of it."
Well, when I received that advice I started doing that... and I have to tell you that it worked SO WELL! I loved it... then of course, just like happens in life and when my humanity shows, I got overwhelmed and I haven't written very well the last couple of years. The interesting thing is that while I was journaling about ONE thing, I started seeing thing differently in a day. Things were a little more magical... I was a little more focused on the experiences instead of the to-do lists. Since stopping journaling like that, I feel like my eyes have shut a bit about all the various things I am experiencing in my life, and with my kids.
I want my eyes to open back up again! I want to feel that feeling of, "Oh! THAT is what I was my posterity to remember about today." I want the feeling of the eyes of recognition to see. Journaling in that way really helped me to develop those eyes of recognition.
Since I started homeschooling this year, I have felt a huge push to start doing that journaling again. So tonight I am starting on the road. It is very similar to when Elder Eyering gave the advice to write down just ONE way "you have seen the Hand of God in your life today." I love that advice and follows the same guideline.
I have especially felt attacked QUITE a bit in the last 6 months or so by Satan. I feel it big time, he is upping his game against me and my family, and this practice is another "battle strategy" for keeping my family spiritually safe and my mind focused on what matters most.
As I think about it, there were lots of "moments" today that I would love to write about. Like when Elijah persisted on having his soda at Costco, but he didn't get it because he refused to apologize to his dad for being disrespectful. Or when Gabriel had a total melt down about Elijah using his play dough and didn't want to admit that in reality he should have put it away instead of leaving it on the table. Or when Talia came to the kitchen and said, "Mom I just really want to help you with something." Or when Joshua splashed in the toilet and laughed at me when I came to get him to wash his hands, and I had to remind everyone yet again that we HAVE to close the toilets right now because Joshua wants to touch the water constantly. Or when the kids had a break down about Brent going to the theater to help again tonight. Or when Gabe came out of his room tonight and said, "Mom, I just HAVE to stay up with you tonight. I just can't go to sleep unless you snuggle with me the whole time." Or when Elijah was a little rough with Joshua and I had to teach him that it was an accident that Joshua's head got hurt and he needed to rub it better. Or when Talia put make up all over her face and dressed Elijah up with her to dance around in the kitchen....
Do you see?? I have so many moments that I could focus on.
But the moment I want to really write about is when I saw a really good friend in Costco tonight. Carolyn Cooper. She does a lot of trainings around the globe about emotional and energetic skills. Her method is called "Simply Healed". I really love her. She started telling me about how she was talking to a friend that mentioned my name, and how I had told her that I had to work through a lot of emotions about letting go of my business life and focus on my home. We had a good conversation about it because this friend of mine has been struggling with some of the same feelings and situations.
This is the part that was a gift to me. Carolyn looked at me and said, "Andrea... what you are doing right now with your family and with your children is the absolute most magical thing you can do. After all my business "experiences" and contacts (and she has A LOT), none of it means anything. What means something is my kids, my family."
She teared up about her kids, because she feels like there are ways she could have focused more at home instead of on work while they were home. She told me how she is going to be taking a sabbatical so she can be more available for River, her daughter. She said, "I only have a couple more years with my girl to help her be ready for life... I can't waste that time on business."
It meant so much to me to have this little, fast conversation that lasted about 10 minutes... but it was such a good reminder. It was a tender mercy for me. There are so many days that I look at what I'm doing and I don't feel like I'm doing ANYTHING. Dishes... again. Laundry... again. Playing referee with children fighting... AGAIN. It's tough to keep the 10,000 foot view inside of everyday life with kids... especially homeschooling!
But as she was talking to me, the spirit confirmed again that I have made the right choice. I'm where I should be right now and to take being the CEO of my home and my children's education seriously.
That was the hand of God in my life today. I'm so grateful for those tender mercy experiences.
I love you kids. I really do. I hope you have memories of your mom loving you and cherishing you. Because I do. Forgive me for my weaknesses. I promise that I never hurt you on purpose... and I am realistic enough to know that there are going to be things you are going to have to work through in your emotions about various frustrations with me. And that's okay. But know that I KNOW that I can look at God with a clean conscious... knowing that I did the most important work in my home.
I love you,
Your Mom
Saturday, July 8, 2017
Power of Christ for Simple Things
Dear Kids,
I had a friend once tell me, "Some days, the only thing on your 'to-do' list becomes holding a sick baby."
Yesterday and today has been "that" day. Little Joshua has been teething, fever, red bum, the works. Poor thing has been super miserable. I can't put him down for a second before he just needs me to hold him again. I had to say that phrase in my head several times ... "Andrea, sometimes the only thing on your to do list becomes holding a sick baby."
I think I need to remember that with the older kids more often as well. They need me emotionally to listen to them, open my eyes and ears and truly care about every little thing they are telling me, and THAT becomes the most important thing on my to do list for the moment.
But I digress. Something that happened today with this sick little baby, something simple but profound. He hasn't slept very well, and by late afternoon was just beside himself crying because he was so tired and just miserable. I put him in his rocker to help him sleep a bit, but he just looked at me with this pain in his eyes. I tried everything I could think of up to that point to help him sleep and get some relief.
Well, then a flash came in my mind from a conversation I had with my family on Sunday. We did a call with Mimi and Papa and siblings. We got into a conversation about living with the priesthood a.k.a. the power of Christ and how we live below our privileges WAY too often. That we need to be calling on the power of Christ more often in our lives, and on a daily basis.
When I was sitting in front of him, watching him agony, I knew I needed to say a prayer. Then as soon as I started the prayer, the thought came to my mind, "Bless him in the name of Jesus Christ to sleep and get relief."
I haven't used those words specifically for a while. Every experience I have had using those exact words have been for situations of casting out devils and making evil leave my presence. I don't think I have ever really used those words in a prayer for just an everyday sickness that will eventually go away, like teething. It's funny... it's almost like the first feeling was that it was too sacred to use that phrase for something as "trivial" as this.
But as soon as the spirit told me to say that phrase, I also had a flash of Christ just standing, waiting to bless, waiting to help. That NOTHING is trivial to Him... let alone a baby that is in pain. That IS very important to Him and He wanted Joshua to feel relief. I could emotionally feel it.
So I did. I prayed, "In the name of Jesus Christ and in His power, I command you to sleep and get relief." I was crying as I said it. But the INSTANT I said those words Joshua stopped crying. By the end of the prayer he was just watching me, with spirit filled eyes. I knew he knew what I had prayed for. I knew angels came to help. I could feel them.
There was a family tonight that I needed to make dinner for and the spirit literally told me, "It is okay, go make the dinner for the family, Joshua is okay here with us to fall asleep." And so I did, I left and prepared the food. After a bit, I went back and he was sound asleep in the rocker chair and was satisfied for a while before he woke up again. And tonight he is getting back to himself again.
It was an AMAZING experience, very simple, but very profound.
In my patriarchal blessing it tells me that people will come to me and "ask for blessings at your hand for they will know that you know that Jesus is the Christ." I think today was a little bit of training involved inside of understanding what that means and can really look like when people ask for blessings at my hand, for the power of Christ in their lives.
I'm so grateful for the gospel in my life. I'm so grateful for my Savior. I love Him.
I love you,
Your Mom
I had a friend once tell me, "Some days, the only thing on your 'to-do' list becomes holding a sick baby."
Yesterday and today has been "that" day. Little Joshua has been teething, fever, red bum, the works. Poor thing has been super miserable. I can't put him down for a second before he just needs me to hold him again. I had to say that phrase in my head several times ... "Andrea, sometimes the only thing on your to do list becomes holding a sick baby."
I think I need to remember that with the older kids more often as well. They need me emotionally to listen to them, open my eyes and ears and truly care about every little thing they are telling me, and THAT becomes the most important thing on my to do list for the moment.
But I digress. Something that happened today with this sick little baby, something simple but profound. He hasn't slept very well, and by late afternoon was just beside himself crying because he was so tired and just miserable. I put him in his rocker to help him sleep a bit, but he just looked at me with this pain in his eyes. I tried everything I could think of up to that point to help him sleep and get some relief.
Well, then a flash came in my mind from a conversation I had with my family on Sunday. We did a call with Mimi and Papa and siblings. We got into a conversation about living with the priesthood a.k.a. the power of Christ and how we live below our privileges WAY too often. That we need to be calling on the power of Christ more often in our lives, and on a daily basis.
When I was sitting in front of him, watching him agony, I knew I needed to say a prayer. Then as soon as I started the prayer, the thought came to my mind, "Bless him in the name of Jesus Christ to sleep and get relief."
I haven't used those words specifically for a while. Every experience I have had using those exact words have been for situations of casting out devils and making evil leave my presence. I don't think I have ever really used those words in a prayer for just an everyday sickness that will eventually go away, like teething. It's funny... it's almost like the first feeling was that it was too sacred to use that phrase for something as "trivial" as this.
But as soon as the spirit told me to say that phrase, I also had a flash of Christ just standing, waiting to bless, waiting to help. That NOTHING is trivial to Him... let alone a baby that is in pain. That IS very important to Him and He wanted Joshua to feel relief. I could emotionally feel it.
So I did. I prayed, "In the name of Jesus Christ and in His power, I command you to sleep and get relief." I was crying as I said it. But the INSTANT I said those words Joshua stopped crying. By the end of the prayer he was just watching me, with spirit filled eyes. I knew he knew what I had prayed for. I knew angels came to help. I could feel them.
There was a family tonight that I needed to make dinner for and the spirit literally told me, "It is okay, go make the dinner for the family, Joshua is okay here with us to fall asleep." And so I did, I left and prepared the food. After a bit, I went back and he was sound asleep in the rocker chair and was satisfied for a while before he woke up again. And tonight he is getting back to himself again.
It was an AMAZING experience, very simple, but very profound.
In my patriarchal blessing it tells me that people will come to me and "ask for blessings at your hand for they will know that you know that Jesus is the Christ." I think today was a little bit of training involved inside of understanding what that means and can really look like when people ask for blessings at my hand, for the power of Christ in their lives.
I'm so grateful for the gospel in my life. I'm so grateful for my Savior. I love Him.
I love you,
Your Mom
Sunday, June 11, 2017
Just A Little Look At Sunday
Dear Kids,
So I started writing a post of thoughts that were completely jammed up in my mind... after about 4 paragraphs I erased it all because none of it was making sense!
I am at the end of a Sunday. A good Sunday. It looked like this:
Getting up late.
Saying good bye to family who were in town and leaving our house.
Making the conscious decision to not stress out about making to church on time.
Helping the baby.
Doing Talia's hair, she gets frustrated because it isn't exactly what she wants. We work it out.
Elijah having a hard time with doing his hair... I remind myself to be patient explaining.
Making it to church late.
Kids asking "why did we miss sacrament" and good opportunity for me to talk about our humanity.
Doing my calling and running around the hallways.
Carrying babies around the hallways for mothers who needed free hands for a few minutes.
Talking to various people about things to be taken care of.
Stapling a bunch of papers.
Helping the baby.
Helping to sing a song for next week.
My kids finding me and waving the papers from the classes in my face.
Me smiling at seeing them run to me from their classes.
Elijah crying because he couldn't keep up with me.
Gathering up the kids and heading home.
Helping the baby.
Filling out paperwork and taking them to a friends house that I forgot to take to church.
Sending Elijah and Talia to the tramp for a few minutes because of fighting... energy out time!
Talia seeing I need help and making lunch for all the kids.
Me making sandwiches for Brent and I.
Helping the baby.
Brent coming out of the office (he had to work from home today) and having lunch together.
Kids coloring.
Kids writing letters, me helping them spell words and address envelopes.
Sending kids to rooms for quiet time.
Helping the baby and putting him down for a nap.
Laying down and catching up on facebook while waiting for Brent to come snuggle.
Snuggle with Brent and fall asleep in .02 seconds.
Vague memory of Brent telling me I am snoring and rolling me over.
OUT like a light until 4:45pm.
Good nap! yay! Lay down in bed and just listen to the hussle and bussle of children outside my door.
Smile when I hear Brent taking care of everything so I can rest.
Come out. Give hugs.
Help the baby.
Help the kids catch up their "task" papers for the week to do bank/goal time with dad.
Kid start to wrestle and fight with dad. Elijah upset because the kids aren't doing the things he wants.
I talk with him about it. We try to figure it out. All the while dad is wrestling and fighting.
I laugh while I sit down and watch Brent get beat up.
Clean the kitchen.
Start to get dinner ready.
Elijah needing some discipline time. He comes back and we talk about what happened.
He tells me he was frustrated and we figure out his feelings. He feels better.
Kids come back and forth from bank time telling me about their goals. Me listening.
Help the baby.
Talia doing a project while waiting for chicken to cook. Me helping her with it.
Gabe frustrated because he wants to help with the project and Talia wants to do it on her own.
Gabe going to his room huffy and puffy. I go after a few minutes and talk to him about it.
He feels better. Hugs.
Clearing the table for dinner, setting the table. Kids helping. Me directing.
Gathering up the kids.
Holding the baby around everywhere.
Sitting down together. Try to hold hands while saying prayer, but have to stop because of fighting.
Brent says the dinner prayer and we talk about Sunday together while eating.
Help the baby.
Help Elijah stomach the potatoes because he has a hard time with it.
Everyone has ice cream... even mom! With chocolate.
Try to get Swiss Family Robinson ready to watch as a Sunday movie, it doesn't work.
Kids sad, so we find something else.
Watch "Queen of Katwe". Kids talking through the whole movie asking questions.
Kids kicking each other on the couch during the movie. Finally find space to snuggle.
Helping the baby.
Finish the movie. Help kids ready for bed. Doing conflict management the whole time.
Prayers. Kisses. Hugs.
Me lounging on the couch and go to facebook for a few minutes, then convince myself to update my journal :-)
Here we are!
When I look at that list I think, "No wonder I am just crazy busy all day!". The motherhood life is really demanding... when you do it right. Involved and intentional parenting is HUGE for our children. It is a must!!
My days look like this - PLUS 1,000 more little things that are constantly pulling on my attention as the CEO of this household. If I were to really take the time and write down everything that happens all the time on a day to day basis... then I know it would amaze even me with everything that happens in a day.
I have to remind myself to be patient with giving of myself all the time. My motherhood muscles are growing and I'm working on getting strong and stronger with handling things the right way instead of with so much reaction and passion and emotion. Parenting is NO SMALL THING!
I'm so grateful for my kids. I'm so grateful for my family. I'm so grateful for days that look like this and knowing that I am hopefully giving my kids a good fabric to their lives. A strong foundation. There are so many things I can do better... but I already know that I am doing everything that I can right now.
I love you,
Your Mom
So I started writing a post of thoughts that were completely jammed up in my mind... after about 4 paragraphs I erased it all because none of it was making sense!
I am at the end of a Sunday. A good Sunday. It looked like this:
Getting up late.
Saying good bye to family who were in town and leaving our house.
Making the conscious decision to not stress out about making to church on time.
Helping the baby.
Doing Talia's hair, she gets frustrated because it isn't exactly what she wants. We work it out.
Elijah having a hard time with doing his hair... I remind myself to be patient explaining.
Making it to church late.
Kids asking "why did we miss sacrament" and good opportunity for me to talk about our humanity.
Doing my calling and running around the hallways.
Carrying babies around the hallways for mothers who needed free hands for a few minutes.
Talking to various people about things to be taken care of.
Stapling a bunch of papers.
Helping the baby.
Helping to sing a song for next week.
My kids finding me and waving the papers from the classes in my face.
Me smiling at seeing them run to me from their classes.
Elijah crying because he couldn't keep up with me.
Gathering up the kids and heading home.
Helping the baby.
Filling out paperwork and taking them to a friends house that I forgot to take to church.
Sending Elijah and Talia to the tramp for a few minutes because of fighting... energy out time!
Talia seeing I need help and making lunch for all the kids.
Me making sandwiches for Brent and I.
Helping the baby.
Brent coming out of the office (he had to work from home today) and having lunch together.
Kids coloring.
Kids writing letters, me helping them spell words and address envelopes.
Sending kids to rooms for quiet time.
Helping the baby and putting him down for a nap.
Laying down and catching up on facebook while waiting for Brent to come snuggle.
Snuggle with Brent and fall asleep in .02 seconds.
Vague memory of Brent telling me I am snoring and rolling me over.
OUT like a light until 4:45pm.
Good nap! yay! Lay down in bed and just listen to the hussle and bussle of children outside my door.
Smile when I hear Brent taking care of everything so I can rest.
Come out. Give hugs.
Help the baby.
Help the kids catch up their "task" papers for the week to do bank/goal time with dad.
Kid start to wrestle and fight with dad. Elijah upset because the kids aren't doing the things he wants.
I talk with him about it. We try to figure it out. All the while dad is wrestling and fighting.
I laugh while I sit down and watch Brent get beat up.
Clean the kitchen.
Start to get dinner ready.
Elijah needing some discipline time. He comes back and we talk about what happened.
He tells me he was frustrated and we figure out his feelings. He feels better.
Kids come back and forth from bank time telling me about their goals. Me listening.
Help the baby.
Talia doing a project while waiting for chicken to cook. Me helping her with it.
Gabe frustrated because he wants to help with the project and Talia wants to do it on her own.
Gabe going to his room huffy and puffy. I go after a few minutes and talk to him about it.
He feels better. Hugs.
Clearing the table for dinner, setting the table. Kids helping. Me directing.
Gathering up the kids.
Holding the baby around everywhere.
Sitting down together. Try to hold hands while saying prayer, but have to stop because of fighting.
Brent says the dinner prayer and we talk about Sunday together while eating.
Help the baby.
Help Elijah stomach the potatoes because he has a hard time with it.
Everyone has ice cream... even mom! With chocolate.
Try to get Swiss Family Robinson ready to watch as a Sunday movie, it doesn't work.
Kids sad, so we find something else.
Watch "Queen of Katwe". Kids talking through the whole movie asking questions.
Kids kicking each other on the couch during the movie. Finally find space to snuggle.
Helping the baby.
Finish the movie. Help kids ready for bed. Doing conflict management the whole time.
Prayers. Kisses. Hugs.
Me lounging on the couch and go to facebook for a few minutes, then convince myself to update my journal :-)
Here we are!
When I look at that list I think, "No wonder I am just crazy busy all day!". The motherhood life is really demanding... when you do it right. Involved and intentional parenting is HUGE for our children. It is a must!!
My days look like this - PLUS 1,000 more little things that are constantly pulling on my attention as the CEO of this household. If I were to really take the time and write down everything that happens all the time on a day to day basis... then I know it would amaze even me with everything that happens in a day.
I have to remind myself to be patient with giving of myself all the time. My motherhood muscles are growing and I'm working on getting strong and stronger with handling things the right way instead of with so much reaction and passion and emotion. Parenting is NO SMALL THING!
I'm so grateful for my kids. I'm so grateful for my family. I'm so grateful for days that look like this and knowing that I am hopefully giving my kids a good fabric to their lives. A strong foundation. There are so many things I can do better... but I already know that I am doing everything that I can right now.
I love you,
Your Mom
Thursday, June 1, 2017
We Jumped Out Of A Plane!
Dear Kids,
Guess what? Your dad and I had an adventure yesterday!
We went skydiving. Can you believe it? We jumped out of a plane 10,000 feet in the air! AH! It was SO COOL.
There were a lot of people who were really surprised that I would do that. I realized that there is a part of my life and soul, the adventure part, that hasn't been released for a little while... ever since having you!
Granted... having a family is an adventure in and of itself. Having babies naturally is QUITE the adventure. There are different definitions of adventure I think. But the part I'm talking about is the THRILL of adrenaline.
This is was a thrill. It was amazing. And I want to go back and do it again. Hahaha! It's hard for me to come back home and get going on the laundry again. I want to just go play. That's a part of my soul that I don't think you, or very many people in my life right now, know very much about me.
But I digress. I need to tell you about what we did. Your dad, knowing me very well, surprised me with going skydiving for our 40th birthday and 10th wedding anniversary celebration. I found out Tuesday night and we were going to leave Wednesday morning, then after that he arranged for babysitters so we could go and have an overnighter in Las Vegas together. He knows me so well... a thrilling adventure, arranging everything, surprising me, then having alone time with him is exactly what fills up my soul!
We got to Mesquite and they talked us through a few things. For 12 hours before getting there my stomach just had major butterflies! I wasn't really scared about dying (even though it's an activity that flirts with death), I was just nervous about having the experience. When we got there they put the harnesses on us and explained how to arch our back in the air. Then we got in the plane and we were off!
It was a small sesna plane and with the pilot and 4 people (Your dad, me and the tandum jumpers). Your dad was sitting right by the door and I was on the other side. It was snug, It took about 15 minutes to get up in the air and then our instructions had us hook up to them. I could see from the look on your dad's face he was getting more and more nervous. He hadn't had butterflies or been scared at all... until all of a sudden, they opened the door, and there your dad was looking down!! Up in the air 10,000 feet! He said as soon as the door opened and he was exposed, he looked out and thought, "this was the stupidest idea I have ever had!". LOL. Then he thought, "Oh well... Let's go!".
He looked over at me and he had a look on his face that I have NEVER seen before. He mouthed to me, "I love you." But it was with a look on his face that said, "If I die, I want you to know that I love you with all my heart and soul." It was this intent, intense look that he could possibly be facing death and saying his last good byes. It was so amazing to see that look in his eyes.
Me, on the other hand, I was nervous before we ever got in the plane. But as soon as the plane got up in the air I thought to myself, "I've had babies naturally. They said to relax... I'm going to child birth relax." And that's what I did. I just leaned back and I pictured childbirth relaxation and I took deep breaths and thought, 'Just embrace it'.
When the door opened and after your dad jumped, we got into place and my instructor said, "One, two, three, go!" and we jumped!
There we were, just floating in air! That's what it felt like... just floating (instead of falling, ha!). It reminded me of my childhood dreams of flying. I always had dreams I could run and start to fly, and I thought that. Then, as I was falling/floating/flying in the air I just said, "EMBRACE IT!" and I felt free.
I was free! I said "thank you so much Heavenly Father!" I prayed in gratitude to be able to do this and I LOVED it so much. Then he pulled the parachute and we were able to just relax on the way down.
I would do it again in a heartbeat. It was amazing. I LOVED it. Just remember... your mom likes adventures... even though you mostly always see me doing the dishes ;-).
I love you,
Your Mom
Guess what? Your dad and I had an adventure yesterday!
We went skydiving. Can you believe it? We jumped out of a plane 10,000 feet in the air! AH! It was SO COOL.
There were a lot of people who were really surprised that I would do that. I realized that there is a part of my life and soul, the adventure part, that hasn't been released for a little while... ever since having you!
Granted... having a family is an adventure in and of itself. Having babies naturally is QUITE the adventure. There are different definitions of adventure I think. But the part I'm talking about is the THRILL of adrenaline.
This is was a thrill. It was amazing. And I want to go back and do it again. Hahaha! It's hard for me to come back home and get going on the laundry again. I want to just go play. That's a part of my soul that I don't think you, or very many people in my life right now, know very much about me.
We got to Mesquite and they talked us through a few things. For 12 hours before getting there my stomach just had major butterflies! I wasn't really scared about dying (even though it's an activity that flirts with death), I was just nervous about having the experience. When we got there they put the harnesses on us and explained how to arch our back in the air. Then we got in the plane and we were off!
It was a small sesna plane and with the pilot and 4 people (Your dad, me and the tandum jumpers). Your dad was sitting right by the door and I was on the other side. It was snug, It took about 15 minutes to get up in the air and then our instructions had us hook up to them. I could see from the look on your dad's face he was getting more and more nervous. He hadn't had butterflies or been scared at all... until all of a sudden, they opened the door, and there your dad was looking down!! Up in the air 10,000 feet! He said as soon as the door opened and he was exposed, he looked out and thought, "this was the stupidest idea I have ever had!". LOL. Then he thought, "Oh well... Let's go!".
He looked over at me and he had a look on his face that I have NEVER seen before. He mouthed to me, "I love you." But it was with a look on his face that said, "If I die, I want you to know that I love you with all my heart and soul." It was this intent, intense look that he could possibly be facing death and saying his last good byes. It was so amazing to see that look in his eyes.
Me, on the other hand, I was nervous before we ever got in the plane. But as soon as the plane got up in the air I thought to myself, "I've had babies naturally. They said to relax... I'm going to child birth relax." And that's what I did. I just leaned back and I pictured childbirth relaxation and I took deep breaths and thought, 'Just embrace it'.
When the door opened and after your dad jumped, we got into place and my instructor said, "One, two, three, go!" and we jumped!
There we were, just floating in air! That's what it felt like... just floating (instead of falling, ha!). It reminded me of my childhood dreams of flying. I always had dreams I could run and start to fly, and I thought that. Then, as I was falling/floating/flying in the air I just said, "EMBRACE IT!" and I felt free.
I was free! I said "thank you so much Heavenly Father!" I prayed in gratitude to be able to do this and I LOVED it so much. Then he pulled the parachute and we were able to just relax on the way down.
I would do it again in a heartbeat. It was amazing. I LOVED it. Just remember... your mom likes adventures... even though you mostly always see me doing the dishes ;-).
I love you,
Your Mom
Saturday, May 27, 2017
Teaching Little Things
Dear Kids,
Someday you will have to teach your own children so many little things that you didn't even realize that I taught you, until you have to teach your own little child yourself.
For example.
Trying to be somewhat more organized, I made cleaning sheets and put them up in the various rooms in the house so you can refer to them as you are doing your jobs. One of the items on the bathroom list is "shake rugs".
Talia had the bathroom and I was walking by as I saw her referring to the sheet. I could hear her whisper to herself, "shake rugs". So I watched as she walked over, picked up the rug, shook it like a fish out of water, with everything falling on the floor in front of her, and then she promptly put the rug back on the floor.
She was very proud of herself for doing this, and I just laughed to myself. I didn't even realized that I had NEVER taught her the point of shaking out the rugs! So I went in the bathroom and told her that we need to shake the rugs outside so everything on the rugs goes out of the house outside for the wind and bugs to eat. So I bent over, showed her how to fold up the rug in half and carry it so nothing falls out, took it outside and had her shake it, then brought it back and put it back in the bathroom.
It never entered my mind that she didn't know how to do that until watching her. It was so good for me to sit back and realize how many little details all of you need mentoring on in your lives. I can do better at that for sure, because I forget all those little details that you haven't learned. To me, it's obvious (like shaking the rugs), what needs to be done. But for you, it isn't.
I think that is how it is for so many things in life. How many times do I get frustrated with you because you didn't do what I asked you to do, but in your mind you have no idea what I'm talking about? I'm sure it happens much more than I want to admit. I have decided to do better at mentoring, "lead me, guide me, walk beside me" parenting is so much what this is all about.
The other thing I have to tell you about is Elijah coming in and giving me a flower to put in my ear. He is all about giving me flowers lately... which is probably good because he has been HARD. He is pushing so much, he is a fighter. He knows what he wants and he will fight and "poke the bull" until he gets it. But he found a flower and brought it to me to put in my hair.
I want to capture more of THOSE moments.
I love being your mom. Thank you for teaching me all the time.
Love,
Your Mom
Someday you will have to teach your own children so many little things that you didn't even realize that I taught you, until you have to teach your own little child yourself.
For example.
Trying to be somewhat more organized, I made cleaning sheets and put them up in the various rooms in the house so you can refer to them as you are doing your jobs. One of the items on the bathroom list is "shake rugs".
Talia had the bathroom and I was walking by as I saw her referring to the sheet. I could hear her whisper to herself, "shake rugs". So I watched as she walked over, picked up the rug, shook it like a fish out of water, with everything falling on the floor in front of her, and then she promptly put the rug back on the floor.
She was very proud of herself for doing this, and I just laughed to myself. I didn't even realized that I had NEVER taught her the point of shaking out the rugs! So I went in the bathroom and told her that we need to shake the rugs outside so everything on the rugs goes out of the house outside for the wind and bugs to eat. So I bent over, showed her how to fold up the rug in half and carry it so nothing falls out, took it outside and had her shake it, then brought it back and put it back in the bathroom.
It never entered my mind that she didn't know how to do that until watching her. It was so good for me to sit back and realize how many little details all of you need mentoring on in your lives. I can do better at that for sure, because I forget all those little details that you haven't learned. To me, it's obvious (like shaking the rugs), what needs to be done. But for you, it isn't.
I think that is how it is for so many things in life. How many times do I get frustrated with you because you didn't do what I asked you to do, but in your mind you have no idea what I'm talking about? I'm sure it happens much more than I want to admit. I have decided to do better at mentoring, "lead me, guide me, walk beside me" parenting is so much what this is all about.
The other thing I have to tell you about is Elijah coming in and giving me a flower to put in my ear. He is all about giving me flowers lately... which is probably good because he has been HARD. He is pushing so much, he is a fighter. He knows what he wants and he will fight and "poke the bull" until he gets it. But he found a flower and brought it to me to put in my hair.
I want to capture more of THOSE moments.
I love being your mom. Thank you for teaching me all the time.
Love,
Your Mom
Saturday, April 15, 2017
Just A Taste
Dear Kids,
I had a very spiritual experience last night I want to tell you about.
Your dad and I went to see "Lamb of God". It is an oratorio about Christ's last week and the events that happened leading up to his death and resurrection. Rob Gardner wrote it, and a good friend of ours, Alyce Gardner, produced it here in St. George.
Very rarely does a production have the power to move and inspire, but also CHANGE the people that are there. They are very rare. This production did that. It was unbelievable. The whole production was just feeding my soul in a way I haven't felt for a while, but I also had an experience that I want to tell you about that was very powerful for me in my life.
One of the spiritual gifts that I have is to see things from the other side often. I have experiences with angels and spirits, but I also have been given glimpses of various things throughout the world's history. It is completely a GIFT - and it is nothing that I have done that makes me "more righteous" to experience these things. It happens randomly and usually I am caught off guard by it. It is something I have worked hard to recognize. I truly think the Lord gives so many people experiences that are spiritual and powerful, we just have to be the ones to have the eyes and ears of recognition to realize and see it for what it is. The Lord is just merciful, and loves me...and it is humbling to me.
I had one of these glimpses last night during this production. It is the part when Jesus finishes in the Garden of Gethsemane and the men and soldiers are coming to take him away. When the part came representing the men coming, it's like I was whooshed for a split second of time and saw in my mind's eye those men. I felt what they felt toward the Savior. I felt their venom, their anger, their excitement to hurt him... they reminded me of wild animals. I have NEVER felt a feeling like that before in my life. It wasn't just evil... it was wildly evil and it was delightful to them to feel that way about him.
Then I felt it again during the part when Peter follows and is in the midst of trying to be by Jesus while everything is happening to Jesus and Peter denies Him three times. It is completely my opinion that when Christ tells Peter that he "shalt deny me three times before the cock crows", that is was more of a command to Peter, in order to keep Peter safe. Peter, of course, doesn't believe Jesus because he would NEVER do that.
Well, when it came to the part of Peter denying Jesus, I was whooshed again for a split second to that period of time. It was completely in my heart and minds eye. It was so fast, but so tangible and powerful. I WISH I had the right words to describe it. But, the energy and the mood of what was going on during these moments of time... Peter understood. He was terrified, I felt for a moment what he felt, and he was TERRIFIED beyond belief at what was happening around him. The wildly evil people, their eyes being possessed, truly snapping like a wolf at him when asking him if he knew Jesus. The only way I can think to describe it is their souls were like the Orks in Lord of the Rings. They were hording and dancing in crazy delight around him, possibly able to have another victim to satisfy their lusts for the death of anything that held light, truth, and power from our True God Our Father. That feeling was the same around Jesus and the whole atmosphere during those moments - the evil is nothing like anyone has ever known before.
For those split seconds, I understood something beyond anything like I have ever felt or even knew existed before, my heart just broke, truly into thousands of pieces. Even now remembering that feeling, those faces, those realizations of really what Christ was facing in just THOSE moments (and what I felt was only .0000000000000001 of what Christ really felt and went through... if that even!), my respect, love, admiration, amazement, awe, wonder, shock, affection, reverence... any feeling I have ever felt toward my Savior was blown to a higher level than I have ever known before. All He went through... All He endured, suffered, withstood, experienced... ALLOWED AND PERMITTED to happen to Him.....
Like I said, I WISH I could adequately describe it. This description doesn't come close to what I felt, but it is the closest I can get. The tears running down my cheeks weren't at all controlled. They fell like the rain. He did all of this out of love. Pure LOVE for me, for you and for everyone in the world so we can have PEACE. So we don't have to suffer LIKE THAT.
During my prayers last night I just said "thank you" over and over and over and over and over again. What a tender mercy to have a small glimpse like that. To have a small inclining and understanding, it is astounding, humbling, and shocking to me that Father would send a message like that. So what do I need to do with it?
Tell you and everyone that I BELIEVE IN CHRIST. I believe in His power, healing, beauty, wonder, strength, bravery, character, caliber, dignity, royalty, courage, stability, ALL of who and what He is and means for all of us. Come to Christ and be perfected IN HIM. Not because of anything we are, but because of what He is. He is the companion by my side and I am whole because of Him. I have known this for such a long time, my heart feels such peace because of Him, all my heartache and suffering are gone because of Him.
If I teach you anything kids, it is this = Have a personal relationship with Jesus. He makes all the difference in life.
I love you,
Your Mom
I had a very spiritual experience last night I want to tell you about.
Your dad and I went to see "Lamb of God". It is an oratorio about Christ's last week and the events that happened leading up to his death and resurrection. Rob Gardner wrote it, and a good friend of ours, Alyce Gardner, produced it here in St. George.
Very rarely does a production have the power to move and inspire, but also CHANGE the people that are there. They are very rare. This production did that. It was unbelievable. The whole production was just feeding my soul in a way I haven't felt for a while, but I also had an experience that I want to tell you about that was very powerful for me in my life.
One of the spiritual gifts that I have is to see things from the other side often. I have experiences with angels and spirits, but I also have been given glimpses of various things throughout the world's history. It is completely a GIFT - and it is nothing that I have done that makes me "more righteous" to experience these things. It happens randomly and usually I am caught off guard by it. It is something I have worked hard to recognize. I truly think the Lord gives so many people experiences that are spiritual and powerful, we just have to be the ones to have the eyes and ears of recognition to realize and see it for what it is. The Lord is just merciful, and loves me...and it is humbling to me.
I had one of these glimpses last night during this production. It is the part when Jesus finishes in the Garden of Gethsemane and the men and soldiers are coming to take him away. When the part came representing the men coming, it's like I was whooshed for a split second of time and saw in my mind's eye those men. I felt what they felt toward the Savior. I felt their venom, their anger, their excitement to hurt him... they reminded me of wild animals. I have NEVER felt a feeling like that before in my life. It wasn't just evil... it was wildly evil and it was delightful to them to feel that way about him.
Then I felt it again during the part when Peter follows and is in the midst of trying to be by Jesus while everything is happening to Jesus and Peter denies Him three times. It is completely my opinion that when Christ tells Peter that he "shalt deny me three times before the cock crows", that is was more of a command to Peter, in order to keep Peter safe. Peter, of course, doesn't believe Jesus because he would NEVER do that.
Well, when it came to the part of Peter denying Jesus, I was whooshed again for a split second to that period of time. It was completely in my heart and minds eye. It was so fast, but so tangible and powerful. I WISH I had the right words to describe it. But, the energy and the mood of what was going on during these moments of time... Peter understood. He was terrified, I felt for a moment what he felt, and he was TERRIFIED beyond belief at what was happening around him. The wildly evil people, their eyes being possessed, truly snapping like a wolf at him when asking him if he knew Jesus. The only way I can think to describe it is their souls were like the Orks in Lord of the Rings. They were hording and dancing in crazy delight around him, possibly able to have another victim to satisfy their lusts for the death of anything that held light, truth, and power from our True God Our Father. That feeling was the same around Jesus and the whole atmosphere during those moments - the evil is nothing like anyone has ever known before.
For those split seconds, I understood something beyond anything like I have ever felt or even knew existed before, my heart just broke, truly into thousands of pieces. Even now remembering that feeling, those faces, those realizations of really what Christ was facing in just THOSE moments (and what I felt was only .0000000000000001 of what Christ really felt and went through... if that even!), my respect, love, admiration, amazement, awe, wonder, shock, affection, reverence... any feeling I have ever felt toward my Savior was blown to a higher level than I have ever known before. All He went through... All He endured, suffered, withstood, experienced... ALLOWED AND PERMITTED to happen to Him.....
Like I said, I WISH I could adequately describe it. This description doesn't come close to what I felt, but it is the closest I can get. The tears running down my cheeks weren't at all controlled. They fell like the rain. He did all of this out of love. Pure LOVE for me, for you and for everyone in the world so we can have PEACE. So we don't have to suffer LIKE THAT.
During my prayers last night I just said "thank you" over and over and over and over and over again. What a tender mercy to have a small glimpse like that. To have a small inclining and understanding, it is astounding, humbling, and shocking to me that Father would send a message like that. So what do I need to do with it?
Tell you and everyone that I BELIEVE IN CHRIST. I believe in His power, healing, beauty, wonder, strength, bravery, character, caliber, dignity, royalty, courage, stability, ALL of who and what He is and means for all of us. Come to Christ and be perfected IN HIM. Not because of anything we are, but because of what He is. He is the companion by my side and I am whole because of Him. I have known this for such a long time, my heart feels such peace because of Him, all my heartache and suffering are gone because of Him.
If I teach you anything kids, it is this = Have a personal relationship with Jesus. He makes all the difference in life.
I love you,
Your Mom
Wednesday, April 12, 2017
First Daddy Daughter Dance
Dear Natalia,
You went on your first daddy-daughter date last Friday.
You were so excited! You knew exactly what you wanted to do in order to get ready. You are such a girlie-girl. I love it so much. You worked REALLY hard to earn enough tokens to go get new shoes to take with you to the dance. You wanted something fancy and that "makes noise".
We curled your hair and I let you wear just a little bit of make up (lip stuff and mascara)... and you thought you were going to die and go to heaven. We went to meet your dad and he was waiting for you with a rose to take you to the dance (your Montessori school was putting it on).
I love knowing that you are being taught how to be a lady. There aren't enough ladies who are really proud to be a beautiful woman any more! It feels like that anyway. You shine. Your eyes shine. You are so quick to feel every emotion that comes your way. You are so fast to try to be better. You notice everything and everyone around you and never miss a beat with what is happening all over the place. You knew exactly who is where all the time. Your brain moves so quick, I wish I could keep up.
It is a privilege to be your mom. I love it. I love that we can hold each other up as the girls in the family.
I love you,
Your Mom
You went on your first daddy-daughter date last Friday.
You were so excited! You knew exactly what you wanted to do in order to get ready. You are such a girlie-girl. I love it so much. You worked REALLY hard to earn enough tokens to go get new shoes to take with you to the dance. You wanted something fancy and that "makes noise".
We curled your hair and I let you wear just a little bit of make up (lip stuff and mascara)... and you thought you were going to die and go to heaven. We went to meet your dad and he was waiting for you with a rose to take you to the dance (your Montessori school was putting it on).
I love knowing that you are being taught how to be a lady. There aren't enough ladies who are really proud to be a beautiful woman any more! It feels like that anyway. You shine. Your eyes shine. You are so quick to feel every emotion that comes your way. You are so fast to try to be better. You notice everything and everyone around you and never miss a beat with what is happening all over the place. You knew exactly who is where all the time. Your brain moves so quick, I wish I could keep up.
It is a privilege to be your mom. I love it. I love that we can hold each other up as the girls in the family.
I love you,
Your Mom
World Changers Personalities
Dear Elijah,
Tonight when I tucked you in, you were already sleeping. I took a minute to kiss your hand and look at your face while you were in slumber. You look so peaceful and so calm. I had to sit there and just watch you for a minute to wrap my heart around you a little bit more.
I have been having to practice that a lot lately, wrapping my heart around you specifically. Mimi keeps telling me that Gabe and Talia had really hard times when they were four years old as well, but I feel like I'm having the hardest time with you at this age.
You have such an amazingly strong spirit. You are a like a wild stallion that doesn't want to be bridled... and that is such a good thing, it is part of your soul! But as your mom, trying to figure out how to balance that will power of yours together with respect and obedience... sheesh. Let's just say, it has been really difficult. You look at me with defiant eyes all the time, you have a way about you that is "your way or the highway"...like REALLY particular things. Example: wanting me to stand in the exact same spot in the room while you are climbing up in your bed for nap time, and if I move out of that spot you FREAK OUT... P.S., I don't stand in that same spot most of the time because you have to understand that you are not the boss and the world doesn't bend itself to your will - I feel like that is going to be a HUGE struggle for you for your entire life. Or getting mad at me about something because you had a different expectation in your head about it, and I have no idea what "rule" I have broken of yours that you are so mad about. Or kicking your feet and throwing a fit whenever I follow through with a consequence. Or telling me to "stop it" whenever I give you a compliment. SO MANY THINGS.
I have read lots of different books and theories to help me understand you better. And I know that many of them have helped me to look at you with more empathy. However, my struggle has been marrying the emotions of empathy with mentoring, simply because you do not want a mentor. You are your own person and you will do it your way no matter what, you are your own authority (very type 4-3 of energy types).
You are going to change the world and everyone around you when you channel everything that proper way. Having you (and let's get real, ALL of my strong headed children) in my life has made me look at the mothers of "world changers" in a completely different light. We have no idea the amount of time and energy and worry and prayer and grit the mothers of all the world changers had in order to help lead and guide them along their path.
My deep heart worries about you are founded with the understanding that I have to let you go sooner than later, simply because you will demand that. I just hope you understand that I love you no matter what through all of it.
It is a privilege to be your momma. Deep down, you are a momma's boy. You want to do everything on your own... but you don't want me very far away from you while you are doing it. I know you came to me for very specific reasons, and I will keep asking and keep praying about what Heavenly Father needs me to do while you are in my care.
I love you. Remember that when you were little I would just look at your face and love you with my while heart while you were sleeping.
Love,
Your Mom
Tonight when I tucked you in, you were already sleeping. I took a minute to kiss your hand and look at your face while you were in slumber. You look so peaceful and so calm. I had to sit there and just watch you for a minute to wrap my heart around you a little bit more.
I have been having to practice that a lot lately, wrapping my heart around you specifically. Mimi keeps telling me that Gabe and Talia had really hard times when they were four years old as well, but I feel like I'm having the hardest time with you at this age.
You have such an amazingly strong spirit. You are a like a wild stallion that doesn't want to be bridled... and that is such a good thing, it is part of your soul! But as your mom, trying to figure out how to balance that will power of yours together with respect and obedience... sheesh. Let's just say, it has been really difficult. You look at me with defiant eyes all the time, you have a way about you that is "your way or the highway"...like REALLY particular things. Example: wanting me to stand in the exact same spot in the room while you are climbing up in your bed for nap time, and if I move out of that spot you FREAK OUT... P.S., I don't stand in that same spot most of the time because you have to understand that you are not the boss and the world doesn't bend itself to your will - I feel like that is going to be a HUGE struggle for you for your entire life. Or getting mad at me about something because you had a different expectation in your head about it, and I have no idea what "rule" I have broken of yours that you are so mad about. Or kicking your feet and throwing a fit whenever I follow through with a consequence. Or telling me to "stop it" whenever I give you a compliment. SO MANY THINGS.
I have read lots of different books and theories to help me understand you better. And I know that many of them have helped me to look at you with more empathy. However, my struggle has been marrying the emotions of empathy with mentoring, simply because you do not want a mentor. You are your own person and you will do it your way no matter what, you are your own authority (very type 4-3 of energy types).
You are going to change the world and everyone around you when you channel everything that proper way. Having you (and let's get real, ALL of my strong headed children) in my life has made me look at the mothers of "world changers" in a completely different light. We have no idea the amount of time and energy and worry and prayer and grit the mothers of all the world changers had in order to help lead and guide them along their path.
My deep heart worries about you are founded with the understanding that I have to let you go sooner than later, simply because you will demand that. I just hope you understand that I love you no matter what through all of it.
It is a privilege to be your momma. Deep down, you are a momma's boy. You want to do everything on your own... but you don't want me very far away from you while you are doing it. I know you came to me for very specific reasons, and I will keep asking and keep praying about what Heavenly Father needs me to do while you are in my care.
I love you. Remember that when you were little I would just look at your face and love you with my while heart while you were sleeping.
Love,
Your Mom
Tuesday, February 28, 2017
Parenting With The Lord
Dear Elijah,
We are learning a lot about you right now. We are learning a lot about ourselves.... AGAIN, as always.
Four years old is a hard age. It was hard with Gabe. It was hard with Talia. And it's definitely hard with you. We are learning new things as parents all the time inside of this family adventure. You have learned how to push everyone's buttons in a way that only Uncle J can probably understand! Ha! You are very smart and you know how to get on everyone's last nerve.
It's completely because you like to be the one who gets the reaction. Good example. Sunday was a rough day. At one point after church I was nursing the baby in the room. I started hearing these SCREAMS from Gabe. He was completely freaking out, like LOSING his mind kind of freak out. I haven't heard him do that for a while. Your dad came out of the bathroom and I just told him he better go and check and how things were going with you guys because it sounded like Gabe was dying.
He got down to your room and walked in. You were picking up Gabe's legos and throwing them and smashing them... all the while NOT looking at the lego's while you were doing it. You were looking at Gabe and watching his reactions to EVERYTHING. You liked seeing how far you could push Gabe to his edge. You liked having that emotional control over him and what was going on. You liked all of it. When your dad got there and saw what was happening he really had a hard time with it, especially because he could see your motivation written all over your face.
He swatted you on the bum, and all you did was smile and laugh about it. You KNEW you were in control of your father's emotions at that point and you LIKED it as well. He brought you down to our room where I was nursing the baby and I had you sit down. I said what a bummer it was that you were going to loose some privileges because of what just happened. All you did was smile at me and laugh about it. You were so happy about the fact that you were controlling everyone else's emotions.
When I put myself into a state to be able to stand back and see what was going on, I was amazed at the control you have over people and how much you know exactly how to control a situation and do what you have to in order to receive attention. I was also depressed because obviously we have allowed stuff like this to happen enough that it just keeps escalating and getting worse and worse.
So your dad and I talked over everything. We have just been pulling our hair out about what to do about it. And immediately the spirit said again, "He gets the attention he wants when he misbehaves. You must stop reacting to negative." I just told Brent, "What would we advise someone else to do in our situation? If we could see us from the outside, what would we say to them? What would we see? We have to step out of it to see everything so the spirit can talk with us about it."
I prayed and prayed about it the rest of the day. I cried about it in my prayers... Just about everything to do with parenting. This is HARD STUFF. It's tough. I had no idea how hard this is. I just prayed about helping me have an added extra measure of the spirit, and I would practice listening. I have to be out of the box with everything, with my children and my husband. Out of the box, learning to follow the spirit, and be a partner with God about everything in my home. After getting done with a gut wrenching prayer, I thought to myself, "Okay, the kitchen needs to be cleaned, I can go do that for Heavenly Father. I can do it for Him (even though it was the LAST thing I really wanted to go do)."
That night I started to turn to different articles and books and such about parenting. But again the spirit told me that I have been LOOKING to worldly resources too much. Not that they aren't good resources... they are all very substantial books and information. BUT, the first place I have to look is to the Lord, how He parents and the advice He gives through His servants.
The next morning I listened to a talk by Elder Hales about parenting from the 2010 conference. It gave me the answers I was looking for. Here are the main things that really hit my heart:
First: Example. The FIRST thing we have to do as parents is give the example. If we can't control our reactions and our tempers, then our children won't either. If we don't smile, they won't. AND the opposite, if we say meaningful prayers, then they will. If we look at them in love, then they will look at us in love. If we are patient with them, they will be patient with each other.
Of course, this is a "Duh" thing. Of course give them a good example. Duh. However, in the daily application this means something completely different, especially with these precious souls.
Second: Get their heart. And the only way to get their heart is by opening mine. The Lord's way of doing things is by listening, then whispering and testifying. He listens to me in my prayers all the time, then He whispers and testifies. Listen, look at them, understand their heart, and love them no matter what. This is all about the FEELING they get from me in those stressful moments, in the moments after school, in the moments when I am doing a project and they interrupt, when I am nursing and they are trying to be all over me. Is my heart open to them? Is my heart receiving them? Or am I bugged? Am I irritated? Am I invested in what THEY are feeling and thinking about how their life is going?
This quote hit me hard... "It is impossible to overestimate the influence of parents who understand the hearts of their children." He told a story about his grandson asking him, "Grandpa, are you in there?"
When I heard that I really cried... There are many times that I am not "in there" for my children. I also have to STOP acting like a victim inside of my feelings about being a mother. Being a mother is hard and it is exhausting... but no one is making me do this. I am CHOOSING this. I am choosing to be here with them. I can't be a victim of that choice. I need to own it completely and totally.
Third: Gospel teaching. This is also a "duh"... but I really thought about how I can do this better in our daily lives. This doesn't just equal prayers and scripture study. I asked the spirit about what this needs to include. He told me that everytime Elijah needs to take a break (or any of the kids), that when I go get them, I don't need to talk to them about what happened. But what I need to do is pray with them. So I did that Monday and Tuesday this week. Every time there were difficulties I said, "You ready to pray?" That ALONE has made a huge difference. Include the Lord in my parenting through praying with my children as soon as the difficulty comes... this could mean over and over and over again. More than anything it helped to keep MY spiritual eyes open to everything going on around me. That is what gospel teaching is about. It's about including God in my parenting. Instead of talking through something... let's try praying first about it, then talking after the spirit is with us. This is something that Elijah needs like crazy.
The greatest missionary work is being done HERE. My kids ARE my investigators.
So far my heart has had a lot more peace this week. I have to put God first in my emotions.
No matter what, I love you. I love you so much Elijah.
Your Mom
We are learning a lot about you right now. We are learning a lot about ourselves.... AGAIN, as always.
Four years old is a hard age. It was hard with Gabe. It was hard with Talia. And it's definitely hard with you. We are learning new things as parents all the time inside of this family adventure. You have learned how to push everyone's buttons in a way that only Uncle J can probably understand! Ha! You are very smart and you know how to get on everyone's last nerve.
It's completely because you like to be the one who gets the reaction. Good example. Sunday was a rough day. At one point after church I was nursing the baby in the room. I started hearing these SCREAMS from Gabe. He was completely freaking out, like LOSING his mind kind of freak out. I haven't heard him do that for a while. Your dad came out of the bathroom and I just told him he better go and check and how things were going with you guys because it sounded like Gabe was dying.
He got down to your room and walked in. You were picking up Gabe's legos and throwing them and smashing them... all the while NOT looking at the lego's while you were doing it. You were looking at Gabe and watching his reactions to EVERYTHING. You liked seeing how far you could push Gabe to his edge. You liked having that emotional control over him and what was going on. You liked all of it. When your dad got there and saw what was happening he really had a hard time with it, especially because he could see your motivation written all over your face.
He swatted you on the bum, and all you did was smile and laugh about it. You KNEW you were in control of your father's emotions at that point and you LIKED it as well. He brought you down to our room where I was nursing the baby and I had you sit down. I said what a bummer it was that you were going to loose some privileges because of what just happened. All you did was smile at me and laugh about it. You were so happy about the fact that you were controlling everyone else's emotions.
When I put myself into a state to be able to stand back and see what was going on, I was amazed at the control you have over people and how much you know exactly how to control a situation and do what you have to in order to receive attention. I was also depressed because obviously we have allowed stuff like this to happen enough that it just keeps escalating and getting worse and worse.
So your dad and I talked over everything. We have just been pulling our hair out about what to do about it. And immediately the spirit said again, "He gets the attention he wants when he misbehaves. You must stop reacting to negative." I just told Brent, "What would we advise someone else to do in our situation? If we could see us from the outside, what would we say to them? What would we see? We have to step out of it to see everything so the spirit can talk with us about it."
I prayed and prayed about it the rest of the day. I cried about it in my prayers... Just about everything to do with parenting. This is HARD STUFF. It's tough. I had no idea how hard this is. I just prayed about helping me have an added extra measure of the spirit, and I would practice listening. I have to be out of the box with everything, with my children and my husband. Out of the box, learning to follow the spirit, and be a partner with God about everything in my home. After getting done with a gut wrenching prayer, I thought to myself, "Okay, the kitchen needs to be cleaned, I can go do that for Heavenly Father. I can do it for Him (even though it was the LAST thing I really wanted to go do)."
That night I started to turn to different articles and books and such about parenting. But again the spirit told me that I have been LOOKING to worldly resources too much. Not that they aren't good resources... they are all very substantial books and information. BUT, the first place I have to look is to the Lord, how He parents and the advice He gives through His servants.
The next morning I listened to a talk by Elder Hales about parenting from the 2010 conference. It gave me the answers I was looking for. Here are the main things that really hit my heart:
First: Example. The FIRST thing we have to do as parents is give the example. If we can't control our reactions and our tempers, then our children won't either. If we don't smile, they won't. AND the opposite, if we say meaningful prayers, then they will. If we look at them in love, then they will look at us in love. If we are patient with them, they will be patient with each other.
Of course, this is a "Duh" thing. Of course give them a good example. Duh. However, in the daily application this means something completely different, especially with these precious souls.
Second: Get their heart. And the only way to get their heart is by opening mine. The Lord's way of doing things is by listening, then whispering and testifying. He listens to me in my prayers all the time, then He whispers and testifies. Listen, look at them, understand their heart, and love them no matter what. This is all about the FEELING they get from me in those stressful moments, in the moments after school, in the moments when I am doing a project and they interrupt, when I am nursing and they are trying to be all over me. Is my heart open to them? Is my heart receiving them? Or am I bugged? Am I irritated? Am I invested in what THEY are feeling and thinking about how their life is going?
This quote hit me hard... "It is impossible to overestimate the influence of parents who understand the hearts of their children." He told a story about his grandson asking him, "Grandpa, are you in there?"
When I heard that I really cried... There are many times that I am not "in there" for my children. I also have to STOP acting like a victim inside of my feelings about being a mother. Being a mother is hard and it is exhausting... but no one is making me do this. I am CHOOSING this. I am choosing to be here with them. I can't be a victim of that choice. I need to own it completely and totally.
Third: Gospel teaching. This is also a "duh"... but I really thought about how I can do this better in our daily lives. This doesn't just equal prayers and scripture study. I asked the spirit about what this needs to include. He told me that everytime Elijah needs to take a break (or any of the kids), that when I go get them, I don't need to talk to them about what happened. But what I need to do is pray with them. So I did that Monday and Tuesday this week. Every time there were difficulties I said, "You ready to pray?" That ALONE has made a huge difference. Include the Lord in my parenting through praying with my children as soon as the difficulty comes... this could mean over and over and over again. More than anything it helped to keep MY spiritual eyes open to everything going on around me. That is what gospel teaching is about. It's about including God in my parenting. Instead of talking through something... let's try praying first about it, then talking after the spirit is with us. This is something that Elijah needs like crazy.
The greatest missionary work is being done HERE. My kids ARE my investigators.
So far my heart has had a lot more peace this week. I have to put God first in my emotions.
No matter what, I love you. I love you so much Elijah.
Your Mom
Monday, February 20, 2017
Yelling Mistakes & Doing A Little Bit Better
Dear Kids,
So I just got done doing something great with parenting, but it followed doing something not so great.
You have all been having a rough day today, and I let it get to me. I totally blew up on you. I yelled, told you all to go to your room... "EVERYONE NEEDS TO TAKE A BREAK! INCLUDING THE MOTHER!" (I call myself "the mother" in times like this a lot). It was one of those really mean yells, not the kind that I do that often... which I am glad of, because it really did get your attention.
I headed back to my room and just started crying. The last week with mothering I have done SO WELL. I have handled things with such calm energy, letting natural consequences happen, not wrapping my emotions around your behavior. Man, I was on a roll! But it all stopped over this weekend and today it just wasn't happening. I started in a downward spiral of thoughts, beating myself up, having psychological warfare.
So of course, I prayed about it and started listening to a devotional talk. I have to start my day with the spirit and with exercise. When I don't do that, it makes a huge difference. The last 3 days I haven't started my days the right way, and it caught up with me today. During the devotional talk the spirit said, "You need to go do a pow-wow with your kids. Do breathing exercises. Do stretching. Tell them you gave them a bad example. Then have them talk through their feelings."
So I gathered them in a circle in the living room, doing "criss-cross-applesauce". We did breathing exercises, I had them close their eyes, breathing in for 4 counts and out for 4 counts for about one minute. Then we stretched and I told them I was very sorry and I didn't handle things right, I asked them to forgive me, and then told them what I was frustrated about. I gave them all time to talk about why they were frustrated and what they have been feeling. Everyone apologized to each other and chose one thing to work on. I chose to work on yelling, Gabe chose to work on yelling, Talia chose to work better to include everyone, and Elijah chose to work on hitting.
The spirit came, the spirit was there... it is the Spirit that helps change hearts and makes a difference in parenting and in our lives. Learning how to ACT with the spirit the first time is something I am still working on... but I think that is a life long pursuit for most everyone on the earth!
Sometimes all we can do is apologize. Sometimes all we can do is breath. Sometimes all we can do is work on something a little bit better. Consist improvement over time.
I love you,
Your Mom
So I just got done doing something great with parenting, but it followed doing something not so great.
You have all been having a rough day today, and I let it get to me. I totally blew up on you. I yelled, told you all to go to your room... "EVERYONE NEEDS TO TAKE A BREAK! INCLUDING THE MOTHER!" (I call myself "the mother" in times like this a lot). It was one of those really mean yells, not the kind that I do that often... which I am glad of, because it really did get your attention.
I headed back to my room and just started crying. The last week with mothering I have done SO WELL. I have handled things with such calm energy, letting natural consequences happen, not wrapping my emotions around your behavior. Man, I was on a roll! But it all stopped over this weekend and today it just wasn't happening. I started in a downward spiral of thoughts, beating myself up, having psychological warfare.
So of course, I prayed about it and started listening to a devotional talk. I have to start my day with the spirit and with exercise. When I don't do that, it makes a huge difference. The last 3 days I haven't started my days the right way, and it caught up with me today. During the devotional talk the spirit said, "You need to go do a pow-wow with your kids. Do breathing exercises. Do stretching. Tell them you gave them a bad example. Then have them talk through their feelings."
So I gathered them in a circle in the living room, doing "criss-cross-applesauce". We did breathing exercises, I had them close their eyes, breathing in for 4 counts and out for 4 counts for about one minute. Then we stretched and I told them I was very sorry and I didn't handle things right, I asked them to forgive me, and then told them what I was frustrated about. I gave them all time to talk about why they were frustrated and what they have been feeling. Everyone apologized to each other and chose one thing to work on. I chose to work on yelling, Gabe chose to work on yelling, Talia chose to work better to include everyone, and Elijah chose to work on hitting.
The spirit came, the spirit was there... it is the Spirit that helps change hearts and makes a difference in parenting and in our lives. Learning how to ACT with the spirit the first time is something I am still working on... but I think that is a life long pursuit for most everyone on the earth!
Sometimes all we can do is apologize. Sometimes all we can do is breath. Sometimes all we can do is work on something a little bit better. Consist improvement over time.
I love you,
Your Mom
Wednesday, February 15, 2017
Protection
Dear Kids,
I am helping a friend put together a book of poems from a man who went through horrible abuse. Reading through these is causing me to cry! I can't believe what some people have been through in this world, and continue to go through.
I want you to know that sometimes when I set really hard boundaries, it is because of this. Because I will protect you anyway I can from experiencing abuse. The world is hard and it is going to get harder. You must be prepared to stand up for yourself and to know where the dangers are. I am going to protect you as much as I can, but remember you have to listen to my motivations for doing so. Sometimes my boundaries are harder than others because I know that can lead to safety.
Forgive me for being irritated with these things. You will see in about 20-30 years when you have kids of your own why I do set these boundaries. My parents set similar boundaries for me and my siblings... and guess what???? NONE of us ever were abused. We were taught and warned and had firm boundaries and limits. They did something right. We weren't abused. We were protected.
I will protect you as much as I can, but then it is your choice to listen after that. I love you. I love you so much it hurts sometimes. Remember... This life is yours, but I will KNOW when I stand before God at the judgement seat that I can look Him in the eye and tell Him that I did everything I knew how to do in order to mentor you as He would want me to.
Love,
Your Mom
I am helping a friend put together a book of poems from a man who went through horrible abuse. Reading through these is causing me to cry! I can't believe what some people have been through in this world, and continue to go through.
I want you to know that sometimes when I set really hard boundaries, it is because of this. Because I will protect you anyway I can from experiencing abuse. The world is hard and it is going to get harder. You must be prepared to stand up for yourself and to know where the dangers are. I am going to protect you as much as I can, but remember you have to listen to my motivations for doing so. Sometimes my boundaries are harder than others because I know that can lead to safety.
Forgive me for being irritated with these things. You will see in about 20-30 years when you have kids of your own why I do set these boundaries. My parents set similar boundaries for me and my siblings... and guess what???? NONE of us ever were abused. We were taught and warned and had firm boundaries and limits. They did something right. We weren't abused. We were protected.
I will protect you as much as I can, but then it is your choice to listen after that. I love you. I love you so much it hurts sometimes. Remember... This life is yours, but I will KNOW when I stand before God at the judgement seat that I can look Him in the eye and tell Him that I did everything I knew how to do in order to mentor you as He would want me to.
Love,
Your Mom
Tuesday, January 31, 2017
Things to remember
Dear Kids,
Let me tell you some of my favorite memories about you right now.
~Talia and Elijah finding songs on the keyboard and dancing around to them. Then choosing different instruments to play while it is being played. Pretending like there is a stage in front of me to perform all the different marches and dances. It's ADORABLE.
~All the kids wrestling with your dad. Putting the love sac on his back like he's a "turtle" and being bounced up and down.
~Doing airplanes with you on my feet. Lifting you in the air and saying, "up in the air junior Gabriel, up in the air upside down, up in the air junior Gabriel, keep your noses off the ground!" and then dropping you on the love sac.
~Cleaning up the kitchen after dinner all together and actually having help with out complaints.
~Joshua looking at me with his 3 month old eyes and smiling at me and accepting me just for who I am. I think that is one reason why Heavenly Father made human babies be dependent for so long is because there is an element of really being alive when a baby is around, because all they are is LOVE.
~Pushing each other on the lego box (with the wheels) and pushing each other up and down the hallway.
~Picking Talia and Gabe up from school and when we leave Elijah says, "Let's go get the kids!" and he will call them "my kids" really often. It's so cute. Then when we get them they tell me all about what they learned (how to spell "lunch") - OH the simplicity of it all. I am eating it up. I really actually like having to take the kids to and from school each day because of the quality time we get because of it.
~Doing "affirmations" in the car on the way to school in the morning. Saying and repeating phrases all together like, "I am smart. I am kind. I am a great friend. I am going to have an awesome day. I am an ambassador of Christ. I am a hard worker. I tell the truth. I am going to have fun! I listen to my teacher. I stand up for what is right...." It is so heart warming for me to do that with my kids because it helps me get my head right for the day as well!
I LOVE BEING YOUR MOM!
Let me tell you some of my favorite memories about you right now.
~Talia and Elijah finding songs on the keyboard and dancing around to them. Then choosing different instruments to play while it is being played. Pretending like there is a stage in front of me to perform all the different marches and dances. It's ADORABLE.
~All the kids wrestling with your dad. Putting the love sac on his back like he's a "turtle" and being bounced up and down.
~Doing airplanes with you on my feet. Lifting you in the air and saying, "up in the air junior Gabriel, up in the air upside down, up in the air junior Gabriel, keep your noses off the ground!" and then dropping you on the love sac.
~Cleaning up the kitchen after dinner all together and actually having help with out complaints.
~Joshua looking at me with his 3 month old eyes and smiling at me and accepting me just for who I am. I think that is one reason why Heavenly Father made human babies be dependent for so long is because there is an element of really being alive when a baby is around, because all they are is LOVE.
~Pushing each other on the lego box (with the wheels) and pushing each other up and down the hallway.
~Picking Talia and Gabe up from school and when we leave Elijah says, "Let's go get the kids!" and he will call them "my kids" really often. It's so cute. Then when we get them they tell me all about what they learned (how to spell "lunch") - OH the simplicity of it all. I am eating it up. I really actually like having to take the kids to and from school each day because of the quality time we get because of it.
~Doing "affirmations" in the car on the way to school in the morning. Saying and repeating phrases all together like, "I am smart. I am kind. I am a great friend. I am going to have an awesome day. I am an ambassador of Christ. I am a hard worker. I tell the truth. I am going to have fun! I listen to my teacher. I stand up for what is right...." It is so heart warming for me to do that with my kids because it helps me get my head right for the day as well!
I LOVE BEING YOUR MOM!
Monday, January 9, 2017
Things I Don't Want To Forget In 20 Years
Dear Kids,
The other day I had a bit of a melt down. Everything was going fine, I was feeling really great actually. I had a great week, started exercising a bit and taking care of myself again after having Joshua, watching my nutrition, reading and getting back into a little bit more of a normal routine.
However, the house has been a constant mess, the garage is still full of boxes, I have no systems for anything, the only place in the house that has any kind of order is the kitchen (which is the most important :-) ). The kids rooms have been horribly dirty and I just haven't been able to really get to it like normal with them. Usually we have a routine of taking care of things, but the last 4 months that has been completely out the window.
So I went in to Talia's room to start helping her clean up and I saw that she had gotten her memory box and had opened it up and started playing with the things inside. I don't know why that was the "switch" for me, but I lost it. I put everything in her room and boys room into garbage bags (into "gobbly-goop". I told them they lost the privilege to have anything in their room because they weren't taking care of it anyway (which is true).
Seeing that I had reached "the point", Brent ended up taking the kids out for a couple hours while I took some space and fed Joshua. Then when he got home I went out and used a couple of my Christmas gift cards for a couple hours.
While I was driving around the spirit gave me a great gift. I pray to have "10,000 foot view" experiences often, to remind me of what I am doing all these things day-to-day for that don't seem to be making any kind of a difference. The Lord helped me to have one of those moments. I could see myself in 20 years giving a talk to young moms. I could see myself telling so many stories about when I was young mom and relating to this group so well. Then the spirit said, "You have to get back to writing down what you experience everyday. You have been told to do that before, you won't be able to help people in the future if you don't write them down. You will forget."
It was a poignant moment for me. I have been told in many blessings to write virtually everything down that I am doing with my family right now because it will help so many people in the future. So while I was out I decided I needed to write down a list of things that I don't want to forget about being a young mom in 20 years... so I can have that real conversation with other women and be able to relate to them because I will remember through my writing:
-I don't want to forget that the days seem like forever, but the months seem like a blink of an eye. One day can seem to go on FOREVER. There are so many times that the minutia of being at home with young kids is so monotonous that 24 hours lasts an eternity. But then all of a sudden a month goes by and I can't believe it went by so fast.
-I want to remember to remind other women that they simply can't get to everything sometimes. For example... Brent has been working 7 days a week for 8 weeks in a row right now. He has been slammed and hasn't been able to be available to help like normal. The leaves from our trees fell down like 2 months ago... but guess what? All of those leaves are STILL on the ground. We haven't cleaned them up yet because there are so many other things to do. And that isn't the only thing that isn't happening... there are so many details inside of taking care of the house that simply aren't happening. You drive down the street and our house is the only house that looks like a disaster in the front. Mind you, my kids are AMAZING workers, but the oldest is 8 years old... they still need me to be with them in order to get bigger projects done to mentor them and coach them through how to do it right. I can't just go say "Hey, go spend an hour to get the leaves cleaned up." Within 10 minutes they would be playing because they still need a coach there to help them focus. I have thought several times that my neighbors are probably rolling their eyes at the mess.... that we are "that" neighbor. But guess what??? it doens't matter what they think. Sometimes there are things that just go by the way side. We will get to it, and until then, it's not killing anyone. So keep it simple... if it isn't going to kill someone or if it isn't dangerous (like if someone breaks glass... clean that up immediately ;-) ),
- Along this same though remember that everything you are doing is all about human development. Sometimes the best you can do around the house is a load of dishes and one load of laundry, then the other time you have is spent on kids crying, a child needing help to wipe his bum, that same child having diarrhea, so you go help him with medicine, then the baby cries and you need to feed him, then you are done feeding him and you need to show the other young child how to clean up his trains, then it's time for lunch, then it's time to show the kids how to clean up lunch, then it's time for a nap, then it's time to feed the baby again, then it's time to go get the other kids from school, then it's time to give them "after school hugs" and talk with them for a few minutes, then it's time to make sure they are doing their after school things, then it's time to feed the baby again, then it's time to respond to the other kids saying, "mom come listen to my song on the piano/watch my dance/play with me on the tramp", then it's time to think about dinner, then it's time to feed the baby again, then it's time to follow up on your kids getting their chore done for the day and family work time, then it's time to set the table for dinner...... you get the picture...
-Following that point there are MILLIONS of things that aren't getting done, like the pile of music to organize, the boxes in the garage to sort, the leaves on the lawn that need to be raked up, the sheets that need to be washed, the dusting around, the 5 people who have called you that need to be called back, the emails that you need to answer, the song you need to practice for church.... I don't know how working moms with young kids do it. Or single moms of young kids. They are amazing.
-I want to remember to teach other young moms to say what they need. The reason Brent jumps in so well when I need a break is because he knows my signs and I have told him what I need him to do in those moments. We have had to practice for about 10 years to get it right, but we are getting better and better at it.
-I want to remember to teach young moms that there are so many people that say, "You are going to miss it and don't worry about it, it will all work out" - they are RIGHT. But that doesn't mean that it will help you feel better sometimes! My sister Kalea said it best, that older moms are like the generals in the army. They have been there, they have "done that", but they are in the tent that is away from the battlefield. They have wonderful perspective of course and so many skills, but the young moms are the soldiers that are on the field of battle getting wounded at every turn. It is just hard work, every stage of mother hood is WORK, it is deep down and dirty work a lot of times that is emotionally exhausting. Yes, we will all miss them being young, but the more conscious effort that we put in when they are young, the more ready for life they will be when they get older. I have a friend that painted a picture of what life was like when her youngest is now 8 years old. They are amazing helpers, they can do things on their own, she has taught them well, they are amazing kids... and it's because she put in the time. If we don't put in the time when they are young, then it will be so much harder later.
-I want to remember to warn my kids about how the repetition of parenting. I was very unprepared for the fact that children are NOT adult learners! LOL. It seems like an obvious thing, but they have to have repetition. I had no idea that I would have to teach/mentor/show my children how to brush there teeth over and over and over again. How to say thank you, over and over and over again... how to properly put something away over and over and over again, how to communicate, how to take a break when they need one, how to set the table, how to wash the dishes... everything takes so much longer with little kids because the repetition is SLOW. It is a good 10 years (when you have more than one child) AT LEAST of repeating the simple life skills over and over and over again.
-I also don't want to forget to look for the young moms and see how I can help. If someone has had their leaves on their lawn for 2 months, to go do a service project and clean them up instead of being irritated. To have the eyes to see when someone just is simply in over their head and they need help... especially to teach that to my children.
-I want to remember how much it makes a huge difference when you have a husband who is so understanding of the craziness of home life with the children. I have never ONCE heard from Brent's mouth, "What did you do all day?". He has NEVER questioned what I have been focused on when he gets home and the house is a mess. He doesn't have unrealistic expectations of me because he knows the minutia of what it is like to raise young children, especially trying to be a conscious mother. I am going to teach my boys to be SO UNDERSTANDING of their wives when they have young children. And it isn't just the physical time, it is the emotional time involved in human development. There are so many dynamics involved inside of it.
-I want to remember (and give myself a pat on the back) for enjoying my babies when they were babies. It helps that I am a stay at home mom, but I have been able to raise all my babies without leaving them. It is a HUGE sacrifice emotionally, mentally and professionally... but you know what? I will have NO REGRETS when they are grown. I will know that I put my all into raising my kids.
-I want to remember to encourage other moms to have the "10,000 foot view" prayers and the concept of "sharpening your saw" is HUGE in order to maintain that kind of view of motherhood. I also want to encourage other women that the first 5 years of motherhood your kids usually completely forget!!! LOL. That thought has saved me more than once when I have gotten upset. My oldest is just BARELY getting to the point where he is going to remember a lot of things and have memories. The first 5 years of motherhood are a wash... and that is a good thing because there are so many lessons that are purely for you as a mom because these cute kids are perfect during that time.
-I don't want to forget the tantrums and how exhausting they can be. Tantrums TAKE A LOT OF TIME AND ENERGY to handle correctly... but it is worth it to do that when they are little. Handling the emotions of kids (not just young kids, but every age) is usually the most important. I want to remember to LISTEN WITH MY EYES. I love that lesson from a friend of mine, remember to listen with your eyes. (she told a story of her child... he came to her and started talking. She was doing something else and was saying, "uh huh..." Then that child said, "mom I want you to listen to me." she replied, "I am honey."... then he said, "No, I want you to listen to me with your eyes."... I love that story, it is HUGE for kids). BE PRESENT with my kids.
-I don't want to forget the 1% principle. If I do just 1% better today than I did yesterday, over a year I will improve 3800%. I can do 1% better. That is doable.
-I want to remember to tell other moms that prayer in parenting works... not just praying FOR your kids, but praying WITH your kids. So many times when I have had a hard time with my kids, or one particular child, I have said, "we need to say a prayer about this."... Then we will. I will pray and ask Heavenly Father to soften my heart and soften their heart, I will pray that the spirit can be better with us while we are trying to figure this out... so many things that we pray for together RIGHT when there is a hard moment... and EVERY TIME I have done this, it works magic. I don't remember to do it all the time, but it is one of the best tactics of parenting ever.
-I don't want to forget that the first 3 months after having a baby is survival. the next 3 months is a little bit better. After 6 months you are starting to get back to yourself and it takes a full year to feel like maybe you have a handle on life again.
There are so many lessons... but I must remember to WRITE them all down. I AM DOING the most important work of my life right now... everything else is just cake. I know there are many plans the Lord has for me and my children... and we will get there one day. Right now, the chapter in my life is at home, doing the minutia on the "front lines" of battle, getting bloody everyday.
Love you,
Your Mom
The other day I had a bit of a melt down. Everything was going fine, I was feeling really great actually. I had a great week, started exercising a bit and taking care of myself again after having Joshua, watching my nutrition, reading and getting back into a little bit more of a normal routine.
However, the house has been a constant mess, the garage is still full of boxes, I have no systems for anything, the only place in the house that has any kind of order is the kitchen (which is the most important :-) ). The kids rooms have been horribly dirty and I just haven't been able to really get to it like normal with them. Usually we have a routine of taking care of things, but the last 4 months that has been completely out the window.
So I went in to Talia's room to start helping her clean up and I saw that she had gotten her memory box and had opened it up and started playing with the things inside. I don't know why that was the "switch" for me, but I lost it. I put everything in her room and boys room into garbage bags (into "gobbly-goop". I told them they lost the privilege to have anything in their room because they weren't taking care of it anyway (which is true).
Seeing that I had reached "the point", Brent ended up taking the kids out for a couple hours while I took some space and fed Joshua. Then when he got home I went out and used a couple of my Christmas gift cards for a couple hours.
While I was driving around the spirit gave me a great gift. I pray to have "10,000 foot view" experiences often, to remind me of what I am doing all these things day-to-day for that don't seem to be making any kind of a difference. The Lord helped me to have one of those moments. I could see myself in 20 years giving a talk to young moms. I could see myself telling so many stories about when I was young mom and relating to this group so well. Then the spirit said, "You have to get back to writing down what you experience everyday. You have been told to do that before, you won't be able to help people in the future if you don't write them down. You will forget."
It was a poignant moment for me. I have been told in many blessings to write virtually everything down that I am doing with my family right now because it will help so many people in the future. So while I was out I decided I needed to write down a list of things that I don't want to forget about being a young mom in 20 years... so I can have that real conversation with other women and be able to relate to them because I will remember through my writing:
-I don't want to forget that the days seem like forever, but the months seem like a blink of an eye. One day can seem to go on FOREVER. There are so many times that the minutia of being at home with young kids is so monotonous that 24 hours lasts an eternity. But then all of a sudden a month goes by and I can't believe it went by so fast.
-I want to remember to remind other women that they simply can't get to everything sometimes. For example... Brent has been working 7 days a week for 8 weeks in a row right now. He has been slammed and hasn't been able to be available to help like normal. The leaves from our trees fell down like 2 months ago... but guess what? All of those leaves are STILL on the ground. We haven't cleaned them up yet because there are so many other things to do. And that isn't the only thing that isn't happening... there are so many details inside of taking care of the house that simply aren't happening. You drive down the street and our house is the only house that looks like a disaster in the front. Mind you, my kids are AMAZING workers, but the oldest is 8 years old... they still need me to be with them in order to get bigger projects done to mentor them and coach them through how to do it right. I can't just go say "Hey, go spend an hour to get the leaves cleaned up." Within 10 minutes they would be playing because they still need a coach there to help them focus. I have thought several times that my neighbors are probably rolling their eyes at the mess.... that we are "that" neighbor. But guess what??? it doens't matter what they think. Sometimes there are things that just go by the way side. We will get to it, and until then, it's not killing anyone. So keep it simple... if it isn't going to kill someone or if it isn't dangerous (like if someone breaks glass... clean that up immediately ;-) ),
- Along this same though remember that everything you are doing is all about human development. Sometimes the best you can do around the house is a load of dishes and one load of laundry, then the other time you have is spent on kids crying, a child needing help to wipe his bum, that same child having diarrhea, so you go help him with medicine, then the baby cries and you need to feed him, then you are done feeding him and you need to show the other young child how to clean up his trains, then it's time for lunch, then it's time to show the kids how to clean up lunch, then it's time for a nap, then it's time to feed the baby again, then it's time to go get the other kids from school, then it's time to give them "after school hugs" and talk with them for a few minutes, then it's time to make sure they are doing their after school things, then it's time to feed the baby again, then it's time to respond to the other kids saying, "mom come listen to my song on the piano/watch my dance/play with me on the tramp", then it's time to think about dinner, then it's time to feed the baby again, then it's time to follow up on your kids getting their chore done for the day and family work time, then it's time to set the table for dinner...... you get the picture...
-Following that point there are MILLIONS of things that aren't getting done, like the pile of music to organize, the boxes in the garage to sort, the leaves on the lawn that need to be raked up, the sheets that need to be washed, the dusting around, the 5 people who have called you that need to be called back, the emails that you need to answer, the song you need to practice for church.... I don't know how working moms with young kids do it. Or single moms of young kids. They are amazing.
-I want to remember to teach other young moms to say what they need. The reason Brent jumps in so well when I need a break is because he knows my signs and I have told him what I need him to do in those moments. We have had to practice for about 10 years to get it right, but we are getting better and better at it.
-I want to remember to teach young moms that there are so many people that say, "You are going to miss it and don't worry about it, it will all work out" - they are RIGHT. But that doesn't mean that it will help you feel better sometimes! My sister Kalea said it best, that older moms are like the generals in the army. They have been there, they have "done that", but they are in the tent that is away from the battlefield. They have wonderful perspective of course and so many skills, but the young moms are the soldiers that are on the field of battle getting wounded at every turn. It is just hard work, every stage of mother hood is WORK, it is deep down and dirty work a lot of times that is emotionally exhausting. Yes, we will all miss them being young, but the more conscious effort that we put in when they are young, the more ready for life they will be when they get older. I have a friend that painted a picture of what life was like when her youngest is now 8 years old. They are amazing helpers, they can do things on their own, she has taught them well, they are amazing kids... and it's because she put in the time. If we don't put in the time when they are young, then it will be so much harder later.
-I want to remember to warn my kids about how the repetition of parenting. I was very unprepared for the fact that children are NOT adult learners! LOL. It seems like an obvious thing, but they have to have repetition. I had no idea that I would have to teach/mentor/show my children how to brush there teeth over and over and over again. How to say thank you, over and over and over again... how to properly put something away over and over and over again, how to communicate, how to take a break when they need one, how to set the table, how to wash the dishes... everything takes so much longer with little kids because the repetition is SLOW. It is a good 10 years (when you have more than one child) AT LEAST of repeating the simple life skills over and over and over again.
-I also don't want to forget to look for the young moms and see how I can help. If someone has had their leaves on their lawn for 2 months, to go do a service project and clean them up instead of being irritated. To have the eyes to see when someone just is simply in over their head and they need help... especially to teach that to my children.
-I want to remember how much it makes a huge difference when you have a husband who is so understanding of the craziness of home life with the children. I have never ONCE heard from Brent's mouth, "What did you do all day?". He has NEVER questioned what I have been focused on when he gets home and the house is a mess. He doesn't have unrealistic expectations of me because he knows the minutia of what it is like to raise young children, especially trying to be a conscious mother. I am going to teach my boys to be SO UNDERSTANDING of their wives when they have young children. And it isn't just the physical time, it is the emotional time involved in human development. There are so many dynamics involved inside of it.
-I want to remember (and give myself a pat on the back) for enjoying my babies when they were babies. It helps that I am a stay at home mom, but I have been able to raise all my babies without leaving them. It is a HUGE sacrifice emotionally, mentally and professionally... but you know what? I will have NO REGRETS when they are grown. I will know that I put my all into raising my kids.
-I want to remember to encourage other moms to have the "10,000 foot view" prayers and the concept of "sharpening your saw" is HUGE in order to maintain that kind of view of motherhood. I also want to encourage other women that the first 5 years of motherhood your kids usually completely forget!!! LOL. That thought has saved me more than once when I have gotten upset. My oldest is just BARELY getting to the point where he is going to remember a lot of things and have memories. The first 5 years of motherhood are a wash... and that is a good thing because there are so many lessons that are purely for you as a mom because these cute kids are perfect during that time.
-I don't want to forget the tantrums and how exhausting they can be. Tantrums TAKE A LOT OF TIME AND ENERGY to handle correctly... but it is worth it to do that when they are little. Handling the emotions of kids (not just young kids, but every age) is usually the most important. I want to remember to LISTEN WITH MY EYES. I love that lesson from a friend of mine, remember to listen with your eyes. (she told a story of her child... he came to her and started talking. She was doing something else and was saying, "uh huh..." Then that child said, "mom I want you to listen to me." she replied, "I am honey."... then he said, "No, I want you to listen to me with your eyes."... I love that story, it is HUGE for kids). BE PRESENT with my kids.
-I don't want to forget the 1% principle. If I do just 1% better today than I did yesterday, over a year I will improve 3800%. I can do 1% better. That is doable.
-I want to remember to tell other moms that prayer in parenting works... not just praying FOR your kids, but praying WITH your kids. So many times when I have had a hard time with my kids, or one particular child, I have said, "we need to say a prayer about this."... Then we will. I will pray and ask Heavenly Father to soften my heart and soften their heart, I will pray that the spirit can be better with us while we are trying to figure this out... so many things that we pray for together RIGHT when there is a hard moment... and EVERY TIME I have done this, it works magic. I don't remember to do it all the time, but it is one of the best tactics of parenting ever.
-I don't want to forget that the first 3 months after having a baby is survival. the next 3 months is a little bit better. After 6 months you are starting to get back to yourself and it takes a full year to feel like maybe you have a handle on life again.
There are so many lessons... but I must remember to WRITE them all down. I AM DOING the most important work of my life right now... everything else is just cake. I know there are many plans the Lord has for me and my children... and we will get there one day. Right now, the chapter in my life is at home, doing the minutia on the "front lines" of battle, getting bloody everyday.
Love you,
Your Mom
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