Dear Kids,
Tonight we ended up singing out hearts out to a bunch of Disney and Broadway songs as our Sunday night activity. I just sat there watching you the whole time, dancing and singing away, hoping that you would remember all the fun we have had as a family while you are growing up.
Everyone's "hard" looks different as you grow up and get into adulthood. We all have different packages of difficult and different trials that are tailor made for us.
But I can't help wondering about how much of our packages aren't necessarily tailor made by God, but more tailor made by US. I don't think we have any idea how powerful we are inside of the reality of "Being an agent that acts instead of being acted upon".
More and more science is finally catching up to what religious and eastern philosophies have known for a long time. That is - the whole person is a creator. We create within ourselves. Disease is that body not at ease.
Don't get me wrong, I am so grateful for all the advancements in our modern day. The western way of doing medicine has grateful affected my life, just like everyone else's life. Elijah and I would not be here if it wasn't for the western way of doing medicine and handling emergencies so seamlessly well.
BUT - So much we have given our power over to experts instead of taking our power back as a human and say to ourselves, "If there is something showing up in my body, I have to be very self honest and allow myself to dig down deep and realize what I have to get rooted from my own soul in order to be healthy emotionally and spiritually, then it affects my physical body."
My mind has been on this so much. So much. How much of what we experience is not necessarily something given to us by God, but more something we create within ourselves? How much we experience has everything to do with natural consequence of the state of being we hold within ourselves, within our relationships, within our bodies? I have been thinking about it SO MUCH.
One of the big reasons for thinking about this is for me personally. So I can recognize when I am allowing myself to become trapped in a disease cycle. The other reason is for helping to heal others, since that is one of my gifts. The other is because of diving into really the power of the divine.
I was telling your dad the other day I really believe the biggest challenge of life is coming to the place of realizing how powerful we actually are, how much we create our own lives - but knowing that we couldn't take a breath without God and Jesus and His atoning power. We are all powerful - but only because of them giving us that ability. So it's easy to shy away from our God given power. Or it's easy to dive right into it, and then forget God.
We have also seen so many good friends who have gone so much into the philosophy of understanding the unseen power all around us (like I said, now science has finally caught up with being able to prove what spiritual humans have known for centuries) that they forget God. They forget Jesus Christ and that it is only because of Him that we have the creation power at all.
Circling back, I think about all these things while I'm watching you sing and dance and play. How much we adults try to remember what it's like to be a child. The innocence, the magnificence and power of being in the "now" that comes to naturally to children. To you. I get to watch that inside of you. I get to watch you as you grow. Gabriel is starting to grow out of it now. I love it, and I'm sad to see his little boy go, knowing that it will be gone forever.
One reason God loves little children so much is because that is, as far as we know through modern revelation, the ONLY time in our entire eternity of living, that we get to be a little child. That is sobering to think about. I hope I am learning from you the way the Lord would have me learn from you. To dance and sing and play. I can do that more. Sometimes, I get too involved in my adulthood that I forget to enjoy and embrace your youth.
I'm better though. I'm better than I was years ago.
Thank you for teaching me. I hope you remember the good times we have as a family. I especially hope you remember it so that you can rely on that happiness while you are figuring yourselves out as adults. I always had a safe home to go home to. Always. I want that for you as well... for you to always have a safe home to come to.
I love you,
Your Mom
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