Update on Auntie Shayla

Dear Kids,

Today, my thoughts are with my sister, your Auntie Shayla.

She found out that she has more cancer in her lungs and the cancer in her leg is not gone. She is going to have to do more chemo and more treatments. And she's super frustrated... rightly so.

When she sent the message on Marco Polo to let all the family know what's happening, my heart just dropped. She's been amazingly resilient through all of this and so positive. She's fighting for her life, literally, right now.

It's another reality check about how fragile life is. It's so fragile. There's so much time here, but then there's not enough. She has so much left to do with her life. So much left. She has babies to raise. She has a husband to love on. She has a life to contribute her talents to. She has so much inside of her to share and help people with. I'm so proud of her. I can't even say how amazed I am with her.

All day long my energy has been thinking about her, and just can't even wrap my head around what she is experiencing right now. The frustration, the anger, the worry, the grief, the road ahead, the obstacles, the "what-if" questions and thoughts... all of it.

It is just a heavy day. It's heavy to think about the "what-if's". What if she recovers... what does her life look like with recovery? What if she doesn't? What if she keeps going up and down? What if her kids need more help than they are getting from their mom?

All of those questions can drive a person crazy, that's for sure. There are plenty of What If's. I know she has wrestled with all of them.

I don't know why some people get sick. I don't know why some people get better, and some people get worse. I don't know so many things.

But I know this. I trust God. I trust Him to know her plan. I trust Him to know her life and her family. I trust Him to know what this is going to look like for them, for her kids, for her husband. I trust Him to know. And I trust Him in if she gets to stay on earth for longer... and I trust Him if she gets taken back home to Him. I trust Him in all of it.

Doesn't make it easier. It doesn't make it without anquish and pain. But I know I trust Him more than I fear the realities of this telestial world.

I know our lives have so much left inside of them. I have no idea what the future holds for us and everyone in our family. I know I do my best to work with the capacities that God has given to me of creation and ability. But I ultimately know that I depend on God for every breath and every movement of my body. This world is a blink of an eye in the scheme of things. But the reality of the day-in-day-out enticements and trials that come are so painful, so many times.

But I do know that I trust God. I trust God in the healing and I trust Him in the "But if not" situations as well.

I love you kids. Oh, there is so much more life left to live and so many more experiences to have together. I hope you know that through it all, I love you all.

Your Mom