Dear Kids,
I've written a bit about the process your dad and I are going through right now. We are being stretched spiritually in a way that is completely transformative.
Something I've been contemplating A LOT lately is "How much of trials are our creation and how much of them are given from God?"
I believe we are more powerful that we could ever imagine with what we create in our lives. We don't give ourselves enough credit for the "God's and Goddess's" we are in our own lives and the natural consequences that happen from various ways of being, especially emotionally and spiritually. Especially with how things show up in our bodies - Disease is the body "not at ease".
This has been on my mind SO MUCH especially because of what Mimi has gone through with her health in the last two years, and with what Shayla is going through with cancer.
There was revealed more to Shayla's cancer story the other day, so much heart ache, growth and MAJOR rollercoaster they are on as a family right now. I have gone to God so many times asking Him, how much of what they are experiencing is created compared to given? I have wanted to know, not from a judgmental standpoint, but from a place of understanding. I want to understand if it has been created - why and how it was (especially for my own emotional codes I'm working on), and if it has been given - why and how as well.
It has been on my mind and heart SO MUCH. I did a meditation session a couple weeks ago, and I tried to dive into energetic healing. I am given the gift of healing in my patriarchal blessing, and I have been in a place spiritually where I want to try and work with that gift more. So I tried in my session to energetically try and help to heal what Shayla is going through.
I learned a lot from that session - first I learned that I am a BABY in the healing arts. I have SO MUCH TO LEARN. The next thing I learned is that I felt myself take some of what Shayla is going through emotionally and put it into my body. The spirit was very specific about warning me about doing that because that is NOT the proper stewardship for healing.
I had to do some energetic work to let that go - I had to do a couple sessions giving that back to Jesus because I had taken it into my body too much. But - still working on this understanding of creation compared to given.
When I found out more to her cancer story that was just heartbreaking - my heart felt so tender for her and what they are experiencing. My heart has been made more tender because of so many experiences Brent and I have been through - our trials haven't been the kind that is for the public to know about so it's a bit harder to describe - but nevertheless a result of going through our trials and hard things has been that my heart has been made more tender for people when they go through their own aches, sadness, stress, and hardships.
As my heart was feeling so tender for her, I knew I needed to have a spiritual experience and understandings given to me.
So this morning I woke up a bit early before everyone would come into the room, and I did a meditation session. After getting past breathing and settling my body, usually I go into the initiatory body scan. The last few times when I go into that body scan I will invite specific angels to come and administer to me. Today I said, "Who needs to come to me today?"
Not a split second passed and the Savior was there. I get emotional just thinking about it. He was right there with me, and the whole pondering session I did was with Him there next to me, counseling with me and my feelings.
Our Savior administers to the one. And today, I was the one.
I asked him about Shayla and my question of how much was given and how much was created. I have had the concern that if it is has been created - are God's hands tied because of the result of free agency? As I asked the Savior this He said, "Andrea - it is both. It's both creation and given. AND - the Atonement covers it all. Whether it was created or given, the Atonement covers every portion of it. Everything they are feeling, experiencing, going through, have on their plate, the Atonement I performed is there for all of it. It isn't important for you to know exactly how it was created within her body. What is important for you to know is that I am holding her through this, whether she created it or it was given. It is also so important that you don't dive into the healing processes until you have YOUR insides figured out first. And you have to have her permission to go into any kind of energy healing."
He counseled me on my feelings, the goodness of my heart, validation for the blessing I received from Brent the other day. Explaining to me that my feminine nature is about CREATION, Brent's masculine nature is about EXPANSION. That is the base for feminine and masculine. I create. He expands. Christ tried to show me "being carried away by the spirit" and I experienced it for a split second, but my body was fighting for me, didn't want me to leave it. And Christ just smiles and said, "It takes practice".
Because of what we've been experiencing with our meditations I have been hungry to learn about meditation. I have been listening to a lot of podcasts and classes about it. Which have been very informative and very validating. Part of the reason for listening is because I want to gain new skills to do with meditation. But every time I've listened to one, there hasn't been a lot new for me to learn about the process itself. I've learned a lot more about the 'science' of it and what happens in the brain. But the actual process and experience with meditation, there hasn't been a lot new.
Well, during this experience with Christ He counseled me very specifically, "Andrea, you don't need to be looking for outside help with understanding this process. If you want to find out more about the science of it and the brain and the body and how everything interacts, that is okay. But you don't need to be looking to anyone about if there is something more for you to learn. They have NOTHING to teach you. You just need to keep coming to these pondering spaces, the spirit will teach you everything you need to know. Stop going to "professionals" - they have nothing for you. The spirit is to be your teacher from now on." He was VERY specific in that counsel, I didn't even have a question about it, but he was very strong on that point.
He validating my desire for the healing arts and it is good for me to develop it. But he reminded me that HE IS THE ONLY SAVIOR. I can't try to "take" anything away with my visuals or energy. That is out of my stewardship. It is going to take some practice, and like I said, I am a baby in these processes.
But I'm on the path of understanding and getting it more in my soul, that is the important part.
The whole experience with Jesus was so immediate, so tender, so powerful, so personal, so tangible, so expanding, so illuminating, to enlightening, so learning. I crave to have it again. I want to have another experience like that over and over and over again. Today, I had such perspective with my kids because of it.
Another part of the counsel with Him is He helped me to look at my kids how He would look at them. He helped me to realize my flow, to understand that my feminine energy inside of my home and my kids and my life is something to embrace LIKE CRAZY. My shoulder (on my left side) has bothered me for a while. I had the thought the other day that it's because I have an imbalance with my femininity. I am in my masculine energy A LOT. I need to embrace my feminine side so much more and balance it out. AS I've done that, my shoulder has felt SO MUCH BETTER. My problem area is being healed, big time. Well, during this time with My Savior He reaffirmed that feeling and thought. So go into my feminine, nurturing, creating, flow.
More than anything - when it was time to be done with this session, I had a hard time saying good bye to Him. But it was so touching and tender because I WAS THE ONE today. He came when I needed it. He administered to me. He blessed me. He enlivened me.
I am to help heal, I am to testify. Right now I'm being expanded spiritually in a way that I haven't felt for a while. The last time I felt this was on my mission, it feels really good! But now I have life experiences behind me and understandings because of parenting and trials that cause my experiences spiritually to go to a deeper space than I've experienced before.
I wish I could describe what I'm feeling and experiencing properly. The words aren't adequate for the feelings involved. Same thing with Brent and what he's experiencing as well. I will keep doing my best with it and describing this process. The words will come as I practice to tell the stories.
I love you,
Your Mom
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