Owning Kids Emotions And Triggers

Dear Kids,

If there was one thing from today that I want to write down, it is this:

Don't Own Your Kids Emotions.

When you are parents, you are going to start to understand the challenge it is to let go of your kids emotions. It's so easy to "own" your emotions, of everything you are going through. When you are mad, sad, frustrated, angry - mainly all the negative emotions.

Since getting back from the trip to see Colleen I have noticed my triggers getting back home with you. A few of my biggest triggers are:

Meal Times: I am hugely triggered by meal times and whether or not you eat. ESPECIALLY when we have to leave. Last night before rehearsal, I was getting triggered BIG TIME that Elijah wasn't eating. I was mainly triggered because I knew if he didn't eat, then an hour into rehearsal he would be a HANGRY MONSTER. So I was getting my emotions all wrapped around his actions of whether or not he was going to eat. That is a HUGE trigger for me.

It's important for me to realize where my triggers are because then I can proactively think about what I need to do in order to be more prepared for them the next time they come around. I like to create positive ways of reacting in my meditation times, so that way I am creating my reaction and not reacting to your emotions.

Fighting: I am big time triggered by when you guys fight. I also have a hard time knowing when to be involved and when to bow out. I feel like I've been involved too much, and it's been a detriment to your social development, because you need to learn how to conflict manage on your own. But, I also don't like when the fighting escalates and brings so much contention into our home. I need to still figure out a battle plan for these times. A consistent battle plan. My mom would send my sister and I on the porch and we would yell at each other out there. But I don't think I could do that in this neighborhood because our houses are all so close together.

I've tried having you go into the bathroom before, but that hasn't been the best place either. Maybe try your bedrooms? But then things get thrown around and that's not cool either. You boys are especially so physical, I have to really thing before hand about how to handle it.

But then I think - maybe I'm owning your fighting too much. Maybe I just say, "That's loud for my ears - head to the other room and don't get blood on the carpet". I'm still working on this one, but I know that I am owning your fighting too much. I'm wrapping my emotions around it too much and I am going to be actively working on what to do about it.

I think one of the first things I want to start trying is when there starts to be a fight - that I will leave and go pray. I don't want to just be "running" from the situation, but I also need to completely change my thought patterns around how to handle it, so I have to interrupt the pattern of how I'm reacting at this point. And I know one of the only ways to do that is to pray.

Really - those are the biggest triggers. Eating and Fighting. Bedtime can be a trigger for me as well, but luckily your dad is home by then and if I need to bow out, then I can ask him to take over, which is nice and wonderful of him.

I'm so grateful for your dad!

I love you kids. I love you so much. I hope you always remember THAT more than anything.

Your Mom