Dear Kids,
Today is the day after Christmas. You all said yesterday at one time or another, "This is the best Christmas we've ever had!"
It does my heart good whenever you say something like that because EVERY YEAR you all say the same thing. Which means the love of Christmas is really rooting in your hearts, especially because I don't think we've done anything "that" different or more amazing, we've just kept with our traditions and stayed consistent and tried to do everything we could to be as service minded as possible and to make Christmas morning magical.
Something that I experienced was very important for me to write down.
We went down to St. George for about 6 days because we were missing our friends down there and missing out traditions that we had built with our community down there this year. We wanted to go caroling and we wanted to go to the live nativity, we wanted to spend time with friends and see people that we love and adore. We spent a lot of the time with Shirlyn Wanlass and Katie Vrajich and their families (we stayed with Shirlyn) - they are friends that have become like family. We did a lot of activities and were able to see a lot of people. Spend time with Mesha and her family and go caroling with Holly and Cory Larsen and their family. So many good memories.
But something I didn't expect is when we came back and got back into Idaho, I really felt the loss of my mom after we got back. I have just been here through this whole experience and haven't had the "let down" of coming home and NOT having mom here. That happened to me this time around. I got back and the hole that she left and that I didn't have her to come to home to really hit me hard. The other thing that really hit me is as we were driving back into town I knew that our time here was done. I could just feel it. We have done with God sent us here to do - support mom and dad during her transition to the other side and get their house in order. We've been on a service mission for them.
Then the next morning after getting back into town (it was the 23rd of December) there was a storm, but it was this wet, sleet storm. It kept hovering around 35*-37* and going back and forth to really wet sleet and rain. And it was brown EVERYWHERE, not beautiful December snow, but brown and ugly. And it TRIGGERED ME big time with missing my mom.
My mom (Mimi) LOVED Christmas, everything about it. She loved white Christmas's especially, the beauty of the white everywhere. She loved everything about it. And she was the best gift giver. I realized that I didn't have a play for Christmas Eve because I had just come to rely on her Christmas Eve Box that she would send every year. We would always open that after lunch of Christmas Eve and we would have activities to do for the rest of the day with treats to make and movies to watch. Every year it was a fun theme and the kids looked forward to it so much.
But this year as I watched the rain come down on December 23rd and I didn't have a Christmas Eve Box for the next day and it was brown and ugly, it triggered me SO MUCH with missing my momma. Man! My heart just fell and just ached ALL DAY. I went out and had to get my hair done, on my way home I went to her grave and just cried. I just said, "Mom... could you give my family the gift of a white Christmas this year? We've been here doing God's work, and for some reason it just wouldn't feel complete without a white Christmas to top it off. For my kids to see a good storm and to enjoy the snow falling down on Christmas Eve and Christmas morning. They get this chance to be here during Christmas... please can you give us that gift this year? Please?".
I just sat there and cried and cried. I miss her so much. I miss her smile. I miss her and how she was always looking for the good. She was always watching my kids, each of you, and seeing what you were good at and how to help to make you better. She was always thinking of what would be fun for you. When you woke up grumpy, she was the one who would try and figure out what was wrong so that you could feel better. She always saw everyone's heart, she always wanted everyone to feel happy and comfortable. She wanted everyone to always have a positive time and enjoy themselves, and never wanted contention around. That morning on the 23rd it added to the feeling of missing her because we had gotten in really late and you had all woken up SUPER grumpy and I just wanted her there to make it all better! Because she would! I miss how she always knew what to get and how to help the little kids make memories.
Anyway, after I finished thinking of all the reasons I missed her and got all my tears out I headed home. I got back home and pulled myself up and finished off the day. We opened our pajamas that night because I missed her so much and I didn't want to wait anymore.
But then guess what? The next morning we woke up to the BEST SNOW STORM EVER! It was picture perfect! It was white and beautiful and the snow flakes were falling and you all just thought it was the most amazing thing. As soon as I saw all the snow I started crying again. God heard me! He had answered my prayer and Mom had helped with it, I am SURE of that. She knew that my heart really wanted that as a Christmas present, and with her gift-giving abilities, she made sure it happened for me and my kids! Such a HUGE tender mercy. I kept telling you all over and over again that Mimi's gift to us this year was a White Christmas!
It snowed ALL Christmas Eve and then on Christmas morning as well. It was just what I had asked for. I know in the grand scheme of things that it seems like a small thing to have snow for Christmas, but for this heart it was HUGE, it was a grand tender mercy for God to say, "Andrea - I see you and your heart. I love you. Your mom wasn't going to let up until you had your white Christmas!"
Remember kids to look for the good. Always. Look for the ways you can help and lift others around you. Be a giver.
Also remember in those weak moments when you are sad, that God wants to help you inside those moments too. And your guardian angels up in heaven are there to help with those petitions.
I love you. And I know that Mimi loves you too.
Love,
Your Mom
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