Aunt LaRue's Funeral

 Dear Kids, 

I went to the funeral for my Aunt LaRue a couple weeks ago. I just headed up to Idaho Falls quickly for the day. I had to go support. 

Let me explain where she was in the family. 

Mimi - Her mom was Connie McCrary Connell - Your Great Grandma.

Aunt LaRue was your Great Grandma Connie's sister. 

Jennifer Berrett Tanner is my cousin - her mom is Peggy Berrett (the picture is of me and Jennifer, I love her!). Peggy was LaRue's daughter. I lived with them after my mission while I went to massage therapy school. And I roomed with Jennifer in college. Peggy really is like an adopted mom. I love her so much. 

LaRue lived to be like 96 years old. 

We went to LaRue's house for Thanksgivings. I remember being in her basement and fighting with cousins down there. I remember running around her yard in the summer. I remember she adopted our family after Grandma and Grandpa passed away. I really relate to her even more because she knew what it meant to lose a sister too young. 

When I went to her funeral I saw a bunch of cousins I hadn't seen for years. LaRue was an AMAZING grandma. Her grandkids (Jennifer was one of them) all talked about how she would ALWAYS show up for things. She and her hubby Joe would always show up to "grandparents day" at school. All her grandkids gave her tribute for keeping their family together. One of the greatest phrases from the funeral was, "I know what God's love feels like... it feels like grandma's house."

All her grandkids are all adults with their own kids now. She left quite a legacy. 

As I was sitting there I felt jealousy and I felt frustrated. I didn't get all these memories with my grandparents, on either side. My kids won't have those memories with their grandma. It was just so RIGHT to have her pass away so elderly. She did what she needed to do. She was ready to go home. 

too many people leave too early. It feels like that a lot of times. 

I know in God's economy that nothing is out of place. And I trust God. I really do. But it doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt. I get to work through those emotions of hurt and anger about what I didn't get to experience. 

But the positive thing that really came from being there was being able to support. EVERYONE thanked me for being there (I was the only one there together with papa). They were all so grateful that I came. I'm so glad I made the effort. It's ALWAYS worth the effort to support ALWAYS. Don't ever forget that. SHOW UP. Just show up. 

I also kept saying to myself, "I have longevity in my line! My great grandma lived to be 103. LaRue lived to be 96... I have longevity in my line! My grandparents on the Kvarfordt side lived to be over 80 as well. I can do this! I can have another good 40 years left in my life at least! There's so much I can do. My life is only half way through!"

That felt good. That felt right. That felt like an affirmation to feed myself. To feed my soul. 

I'm glad I went. It was hard. It was good. It was emotional. And it was the right things to do. Sometimes life just isn't fair. That is the truth. AND we aren't victims either. Work through your emotions and work through your hurt, any kind of hurt in your heart. BUT don't live there. Don't wallow in it. Learn from it and move through it and then become a better person because of it. 

I love you kids. 

Your Mom