Mentors and Inspiration

Dear Gabriel,

There are many times in your life when you are going to be presented with mentors that will guide you and teach you things that your dad and I never can. There are people who are meant to be your friends, your teachers, your coaches, your mentors and your inspiration. Please, make sure to see them when they arrive for you throughout your life.

I have had the opportunity to have MANY mentors throughout my life, which has just shaped me and molded me. I just finished with one of the top 5 people (besides family) who has shaped me and guided me in ways that I can never repay. I am so grateful for her. I can't even say. How blessed I am to have her as a mentor, a teacher, a guide and a friend.

During this time of year it is time to get back in touch with those people who have touched you in ways that inspire you, guide you, teach you, train you and mold you. When I think about mentors I think about Christ. What a mentor He was and continues to be. All my mentors, and the one I was able to spend time with today, most of all have testimonies of Christ - which makes the friendship even more special and solid.

Keep your mentors close by your side and heart - especially the One who can teach you the most.

I love you,

Your Mom

The Simple Things

Dear Gabriel,

You are right beside me eating some apples and cheese. You have stuffed as much food in your hands as possible and are grinning from ear to ear. What a gift to be reminded to be happy about the little things in my life. You do the simple things really well. (This phrase from skype is perfect!)

You are always happy about the simplest things. You are excited and thrilled to see rain coming down, taste something new, play peek-a-boo, get a kiss on the cheek, sing with us as choir, run around the yard, play with a simple toy, run as fast as your legs can carry you, laugh with your dad, spend time with cousins, and enjoy food stuffed in your hands - and you do all this so well with a laugh and a smile on your face.

This time of year is perfect to remember all the simple things and how amazing it is that I have the gifts around me - especially those not wrapped under the tree. I am so grateful for clean water, a place to live, family that loves me, clothes to wear, make up to put on, people to serve, scriptures to read, and a prayer I can say anytime I need to. I am so grateful for simplicity - especially a son who reminds me of it everyday and how to do it well.

I love you,

Your Mom

Home For The Holidays

Dear Gabriel,

It is so fascinating at this time of year the feelings of joy, peace, happiness and HOMESICKNESS that take over. I just can't WAIT for Christmas to be around my family! The song 'I'll Be Home For Christmas' has completely taken on a new meaning since I have been away from home. I LOVE my family so much. They are my best friends and I never feel like I get to see them enough.

I can't wait to have you play with your cousins, to have you talk to Grandma Mi Mi, to see you cuddle with your Grandpa, to see you laugh at your uncles, to hear from your aunts how much you have grown... I just can't wait to be around everyone with you there by me. All of these thoughts cause me to think about OUR family in 20 years. I hope you will feel the same way about 'coming home' for the holidays. I hope you feel the protective power of our family, the love and the joy we can have together and the feelings of peace, joy and happiness.

Creating our own 'Home For The Holidays' is a completely new culture. Just like I can't wait to be home with my family, I also can't wait to create that same feeling for US. As the years go by and the memories are created, I hope you and your future siblings all will feel the nostalgic glow of being home.

I love you,

Your Mom

Why?

Dear Gabriel,

So your cousin, Gavin, has been here this week while his mom is gone to Arizona. It has been fun, interesting and frustrating at times with him here. Mostly, I am amazed at how fast his little mind works. He is a good little boy, always wanting to help and always eager to find out 'WHY?'.

He is always asking 'Why?'. For everything. He wants to know 'Why' to my responses. He wants to know 'Why' you aren't bigger, 'Why' I am cleaning, 'Why' Brent is working, 'Why' the chair moves like that, 'Why' there is a bug.... Everything is 'Why'.

More than anything it has helped me look at a lot of things around me and ask 'Why?'. 'Why' do I do things a certain way? 'Why' is that my opinion? 'Why' I did or didn't say 'hi' to my neighbor? 'Why' do I believe and hope? That is a great exercise.

So when you get to the stage that Gavin is in, I am sure I will ask myself some more 'Why's' ... and all of them - in my opinion - being a good thing to ask and a good self check.

I Love You,

Your Mom

Freedom To Worship

Dear Gabriel,

This week is Thanksgiving. I can't believe it... tomorrow! Of course I need to tell you everything that I am grateful for. But for this post, I want to focus on something very specific. I am so grateful for the freedom to worship God how I decide to worship Him.

It is amazing to think back to the pilgrims and hear their stories. They believed so strongly in being able to worship God as they saw fit that they uprooted from their homes, risked their reputations and fortunes, to come over to the new land. All because of their passion for the freedom to choose to worship God according to this dictates of their conscious.

I ask myself today, "Would I risk everything, uproot from my home, move away from my family, risk death, famine and disease JUST to worship the Lord and have the freedom to worship Him according to the dictates of my own conscious?". I want to courageously say, 'YES!'- I believe I would.

Freedom to worship to me is as sweet as the air I breath. I am nothing without my Heavenly Father and my Savior. Nothing. I can't do anything with out them. I would risk everything FOR YOU to have that same privilege of worshiping them. Everything else I am grateful for stems from the peace and confidence they give my soul, from my relationship with them.

Keep your freedom to worship the Lord. Keep the Savior's name on your lips. Keep standing up for them and saying proudly, "I am a Christian and I love God"... NO MATTER how politically 'incorrect' people may say it is. Be brave for them and they will always be brave for you.

I love you,

Your Mom

My Men

Dear Gabriel,

I am so grateful for such good men in my life. This weekend your grandpa and uncle came down from Idaho to spend the weekend with us. I have been able to hang out with you, your dad, your grandpa and uncle all weekend! How refreshing to be around my men.

It makes me so sad when I think about women who don't have this regularly in their lives. I have always known the support of a good father... which in turn has coached and trained me to love and be supportive of men in my life. There are so many women who don't have this and have never had this. My heart aches for them.

When I am around my men I am reminded of the kind of man I am trying my hardest to train you to be: kind, respectful, spiritual, supportive, smart, courageous, hard working and fun. The best way for you to have these traits is to make sure you are around your grandpa, your uncle(s), great friends and especially a strong relationship with your dad. Good men make all the difference. Don't forget it.

I love you,

Your Mom

Friends

Dear Gabriel,

This weekend was very busy for us... we moved back to St. George! Thank heavens, I am so glad to be back down here. This same weekend one of my very best friends (and old mission comp) Lynne was in town to run a race. She was supposed to stay with us originally, but then it ended up being the same weekend we moved, so I missed her. Yet again.

Lynne and I have tried to see each other for months and months now. Each time we have arranged to meet one of us has had something BIG come up and we have missed each other. We haven't seen each other for over a year and she hasn't seen you yet, which makes me so sad! I was thinking about missing her YET again this weekend while I was driving with a trailer full of stuff. The Lord told me, "Andrea, be so grateful you have such a wonderful friend in your life that you WANT to see so badly."

It is so true. I have AMAZING friends. Lynne is one of many amazing friends and women in my life. I have had so many friends who have shaped who I am and what I am about because of their love and example. A child, teenager and woman is truly shaped by the people she hangs out with (and it will be the same for you, but from the guy perspective!).

Choose good friends. One of the best decisions I have ever made in my life is to surround myself with people I love and enjoy... and they also PUSH me to be better. Lynne is one of those people, which is why I want to see her so badly. But there are many friends in my life who are like that... they PUSH me to better, to be stronger, to be happier, to be courageous, just to be better. Surround yourself with friends who PUSH you to be better and you will have one of the greatest gifts in the world.

I love you,

Your Mom

Time Passing... Lessons Learned

Dear Gabriel,

How are the holidays just around the corner again? I have no idea how that happened. Time keeps getting faster and faster and faster and faster! You are already a YEAR old. Your cute personality is coming out more rapidly each day. It just reminds me to soak in every moment with you at this stage in your life because it is going to be gone in a blink of an eye.

I wonder how you are going to remember the moments of your life... Your time passing? Every family and every parent has quirks. It is just how it is. There are going to be things about me that drive you crazy as your mom. There are going to be things about your dad that inevitably you are going to want to be like (hopefully :-). It is just amazing to think that as time is passing... you are developing into YOU... into your person.

How humbling it is to be a parent. You are going to be part me, part your dad and part of everything else you allow to influence you in your life, including the natural gifts you came to this world with. Every time a minute passes, it is a minute that will be gone forever, and hopefully means that you and I have learned valuable lessons from one another.

I love you,

Your Mom

Seasons, Temperatures and Climates

Dear Gabriel,

Being in St. George for the past couple of years I have become very warm blooded! This morning I opened my shades and there was SNOW on the ground. Your dad came inside from starting the car and just said, 'This is why we are moving back to St. George!'. It is amazing to me that just 30 minutes away the temperature and climate are so different.

Isn't that amazing how different the landscape is around us? There is always a new adventure and beautiful season to appreciate. I really do love the snow. I love the winter. I love the spring. I love the fall... and of course the summer. It leads me into thinking about how different the temperatures are inside of each day of life. Just a matter of minutes and each day can be completely different.

You never know what season, temperature and climate will come with each minute of our personal lives. Each moment can bring pain, happiness, frustration, excitement, gratitude, tragedy... such different temperatures and climates. The most important thing is to find peace no matter what the temperature, climate or season comes with each day.

I love you,

Your Mom

The 'Inside Stuff'

Dear Gabriel,

Moving is a lot of work. We are moving back down to St. George next weekend, which we are very excited about, but it is a lot of work. It has given me a lot of 'brain free' time when I have been packing boxes just to think. Mostly what I think about when I am packing is... 'We have a lot of STUFF!'.

Life is just full of stuff. Stuff in stores. Stuff in cars. Stuff in purses. Stuff in houses. Stuff in planes. Stuff in suitcases... stuff, stuff, stuff. Some of the stuff is worth keeping around and the other, it's just time to toss! Now that is so symbolic of our 'inside stuff'. We have stuff in our heart. Stuff in our soul. Stuff in our mind. Stuff in our energy. Stuff in our thoughts. Stuff in our motivation... stuff, stuff, stuff. Hopefully most of the 'inside stuff' is worth keeping, and the rest... well, it's just time to toss.

The most important stuff is the 'inside stuff'. Making sure the 'inside stuff' is in order and harmony causes the outside stuff to just work out. Any time my 'inside stuff' is at peace, then no matter how much I have going on with the outside stuff, I am able to handle it and with a smile. Mostly, I can handle it because God teaches me how. He is really the maker of the good 'inside stuff'.

I love you,

Your Mom

Dancing Through Life

Dear Gabriel,

Music is the soul of the spirit. I had a very wise man tell me that one time, especially because the power of music has so much to do with my life. It has been fascinating in the last couple of weeks to watch you and how you respond to music. You are starting to sing, dance and wanting to play the piano with me all the time.

The other day I put on some music while cleaning the house and you just started dancing to the rhythm. It was adorable! Because of you dancing naturally as a baby, I started thinking about how much I dance as an adult. I believe there are ways we dance, and the most important is the way we choose to 'dance through life'. Relationship communication, starting the day right, working hard, enjoying the smells, eating well, accomplishing goals... so many different kinds of ways that we 'dance through life'.

I hope you know that I am 'dancing through life' with a smile, love and excitement. There is so much to be grateful for. There is so much to love. There is so much to laugh about. There is so much to enjoy. There is so much to see. There is so much to hear... so much around me all the time. I am so grateful especially we get to dance through life together... especially with the music blaring while we clean the kitchen floor under your high chair ;-)~

I love you,

Your Mom

Kissing Christ

Dear Gabriel,

This is a great story. So we were downstairs the other day. Your dad and I were folding laundry and you were just playing, talking, laughing and having a great time crawling (aka 'stink bugging'). Our downstairs is still not really put together and among it all is a picture of Christ still leaning up against the wall, in the spot we want to hang it up. It is just a picture of his face with a slight smile.

Well, at one point while you were crawling past him you stopped. You sat in front of his picture and looked at him for a moment. Then, all of a sudden, you leaned forward and kissed him. You got all excited and started talking to him, leaned forward and kissed him again, and kept talking (I am sure going on with a story you were dying to tell him). You laughed for a second, smiled at him, then turned and kept on crawling around and playing with your toys.

Both Brent and I saw the whole thing. Immediately when you stopped in front of his picture I swatted your dad on the arm and said,"Check this out." Then when you leaned forward and kissed him, I just about lost it. Tears welled up in my eyes as you talked to him, kissed him again, and told him your story.

What an amazing lesson for me. That night, in my prayers, I visualized being in front of him, as you were. I visualized talking with him, just like you did. I remembered what it was to truly 'be as a little child' and wept. Thank you for kissing Christ.

I love you,

Your Mom

Good Bye Summer Hello Fall

Dear Gabriel,

There is a cold front coming in this week. It is turning into fall! I LOVE the changing of the seasons. I can't even say how much it does for my soul. The changing of the seasons, for me, is a time of reflection, acceptance and renewal.

The Lord is so good to us to give us the seasons. Fall is definitely one of my favorite times of the year. All the colors, all the plants saying good bye until next year, the cold fronts coming in, wearing jackets, layering my outfits, putting on closed toe shoes and the approaching holidays just fill my heart with such excitement! I just love fall - especially because it is when YOU were born.

The coming of fall causes me to look back on my summer and think 'wow... we really did get a lot done!'. We did almost everything together. We helped your nephews come into the world, launched 3 huge projects, visited my family for a month, went to various family reunions, got together with friends, made new friends, lost most of my baby weight, had lots of fun adventures... BUT most especially watched you grow.

I hope you know as I am saying good bye to summer and hello to fall that I am preparing to say good bye to a year of 'firsts' with you. You turn 1 year old October 25th. Your year of 'first's will be over and the next chapter in our lives will begin. I just can't wait to see what it brings and what we will get done together!

I love you,

Your Mom

Crawl Out Of Your Skin Tired

Dear Gabriel,

You are 'crawl out of your skin' tired right now. You are just wiggly, groggy, have red eyes, runny nose, shaking your head... part of it is laughable, and the other part is just sad. I am trying to hold you, but you are just squirming everywhere. I put you down and you want back up, I pick you up and then you want back down. I know how you feel.

Sorry to tell you, this doesn't go away. You just start to learn how to control the squirms and the wiggles. There are times I want to squirm around like you are when I am tired, but have learned how not to. I think there are many things like that in life, with various emotions... being tired, angry, happy, sad, frustrated, excited, etc. When I was young, I probably showed my emotions more than I do now. As adults, we just learn how to 'contain' our emotions.

So, go to sleep and enjoy your night's rest. Part of me thinks it is better to show my emotions like you do, and the other part of me knows it is better for me not to. I love being able to watch your emotions, and know what you are feeling. Sometimes I just wish I could tell you that more efficiently. Until that time...

I love you,

Your Mom

Eyes of Recognition

Dear Gabriel,

I want you to picture in your mind an 80 year old man, struggling to walk, sick from various illnesses, and happy as can be. No complaints, just grateful for everything around him. On his way up his neighbors driveway to the front door he notices the garbage can empty by the road. He automatically grabs the garbage can with one hand, cane in the other hand and slowly comes up the driveway, struggling the whole way. He chose to see with eyes of recognition a service project, that he didn't even have to do.

Life is so busy. Constant text messaging, TV noises, hurried traffic, rushed kisses good bye... It takes effort to truly see the world around you with 'eyes of recognition'. Choosing to see everything with these particular eyes opens up a whole new world. The eyes of recognition help you to see people as PEOPLE. Everyone around you needs a smile, hug, warm welcome and small 'garbage can' service projects.

Because of an old's man example, my eyes of recognition have been in full force the last couple of days. I know I have missed many opportunities to serve and love, but I have seen more than I have missed. It is a happy way to live. Pray for eyes of recognition... it truly is the happiest way to live.

I love you,

Your Mom

Taking My Own Advice

Dear Gabriel,

It's time for me to take my own advice, the advice I am giving to many women (now and in the future). You are in the other room taking your nap and I need to take the time to apologize. The last week, especially the last 3 days, I have been pretty crazy busy and haven't been the best mom and wife.

5000moms launched today, there are still some things to be finished and updated, but the main part is over. I LOVE working on this project. We are going to help so many women! I can't wait to see what happens. BUT, the most important part of this project is teaching women and moms to make sure they have balance with their priorities... the last 3 days I haven't been following my own advice very well.

I know there are going to be plenty times in the future that I will be off again. I just ask for your patience with me as a mom. Being productive and adding value to the world is very important to me, but the most important thing is to put my family and the Lord first. It is going to be a lesson I will learn many times over.

Thank you for your patience. Thank you for your goodness. Thank you for being my son. At times when my priorities get a little 'whacked' I probably won't take the proper time to hold you, cuddle you, read to you, laugh with you and play with you. I apologize in advance for those times, like the last 3 days especially. It will never be a permanent habit, I promise. Holding, playing, laughing and loving you and your dad are the most important things.

I love you,

Your Mom

Urgency

Dear Gabriel,

I have about 10 minutes before I need to bounce to another appointment today and I need to tell you about my feelings today. I have been feeling urgency. The urgency I feel is to be self reliant. I have been feeling this 'rush' feeling in my heart for the last month... we don't have much time to make sure we are self reliant!

We are doing everything we can to be financially stable. I can't ever remember EVER feeling this much pressure. Your dad is working his hind end off trying to save his business as well as moving forward with the greenhouse partnership. I am working my hind end off with my projects... we are just doing everything we can to survive. We can't just survive anymore! We must THRIVE. We can't help people from empty shelves!! We can't... we must fill our shelves up and more in order to help and be in a position to help as many people as possible in the future.

I don't think this urgency is going to go away for a while. The challenge is to take time for peace and prayer, using the urgency feelings to produce powerful prayers. It is more important NOW than ever to pray deeply, feel at peace in my heart so we can get everything done...Even with the urgency feelings I have, how busy we are and how much stress we are under. No matter the kind of urgency, no matter what the stress, there must be time for urgent prayer for the Lords help to get us through this.

I love you,

Your Mom

The Missing Feeling

Dear Gabriel,

We are getting ready to leave Idaho and go back to Southern Utah. We have been up here for a month! Already I am getting that 'missing feeling'. My heart just aches when I think about not being around my family very much for the next few months. Then... I just count my blessings and thank the Lord for being able to see them as much as I do.

How do some women do it? Military wives who go months and months without their husbands. The missing feeling must over take them. My friend who permanently lost her parents and can never go back to South America. The missing feeling must engulf her for her home land! Children who go months and years without seeing their mom or dad because of abandonment... I can't imagine what that missing feeling is like.

The missing feeling is an amazing reminder of everything I HAVE. I am so grateful to have a family that is so close. I am so grateful to have siblings that love me and I love them. I am so grateful to have parents who encourage me no matter what. I am so grateful to have a family who loves my husband so unconditionally. I am just so grateful that I actually feel the 'missing feeling' because I love them so much. Some people never feel that feeling simply because of grudges, pride and greed.

Remember, the missing feeling is a signal that there really is something GREAT about a relationship. When I miss them and they miss me, I truly know we love each other.

I love you,

Your Mom

Most Desirable Thing

Dear Gabriel,

I think the most desirable thing a man can do is play with his own child. After watching your dad play with you, hug you, love you and carry you everywhere, I just want him more and more! Remember this as you get older... any woman loves seeing a handsome strong man become a boy again because of just relaxing with and playing with a child.

Your dad missed you so much being away. Since he got up to Idaho with us he has just loved you more and more. I am so grateful that you have a dad who takes his role in your life so seriously. I am so grateful for him... especially because he loves you so much.

I love you,

Your Mom

Everyone Has A Cause

Dear Gabriel,

So it sounds weird, but I was caught up tonight watching 'Whale Wars'. No, I am not a crazy tree hugger who never shaves my legs because I am want to be 100% natural. Your Uncle Jeff has been into it and he convinced me to watch a few episodes. I thought a lot of things (good and bad), but mostly what I was reminded of is this... Everyone has a cause, a purpose and a passion.

Even though I would never be passionate about fighting Japanese whaling ships, I was reminded of the things in my life that I would dedicate my life fighting for and that I HAVE dedicate my life to. More important than ever before we must all understand our cause, purpose and passion and have the guts to fight for it.

As you grow your opinions and decisions will be different... some I will agree with and some I will not. But no matter what, I want you to always have a cause, purpose and passion. Don't just let life happen to you... You must happen to life!

I love you,

Your Mom

Being Brand New

Dear Gabriel,

Your cousin got here a few days ago and I was able to be there when he was born. I think seeing child be born is one of the closest ways to be aware of the spiritual world around us. The spirit of that little baby was penetrable for everyone in the room.

It reminded me of when you were born. Brand new to the world. Brand new to life. Brand new to this adventure and experience we all get to live through. Brand new to your future decisions. Brand new to your health and strength. Brand new... to everything! Brand new babies are the closest we can get to being around angels.

You are an angel to me. Being around you and other brand new souls to this world reminds me of my life and what kind of legacy I will leave... and that hopefully I can be an angel to others around me, even though I have a few more years, a few more wrinkles and am not brand new any more.

I love you,

Your Mom

America Has Changed The World

Dear Gabriel,

People who think this country and society is brutal... or that Europe takes better care of their people... or that only highly educated people have the right to decide for the majority of people living here... I must say a few things!

This country has changed the history of the world. The republic has allowed more freedom for more people in the history of the world than any other. If anyone thinks another country takes better care of their people, then I ask you, "Have you ever really lived in another country? If you think they take better care of you... THEN LEAVE!"

It just makes my blood boil when ANYONE rants and raves about how terrible America is. To those people I say, "You have no idea what it is like to live OUTSIDE of America". Those who have lived outside of here know that we are blessed beyond measure, that we have more opportunity than any other place, that more people are enjoying the blessing of freedom because they have been able to come here and take part.

I know you are going to grow up in a time when the Constitution is completely forgotten, but I hope you don't forget. I am going to do the best I can so that you don't forget. No matter what, remember, that America has truly changed the world!

I love you,

Your Mom

Perspective Moment

Dear Gabriel,

I have a story for you.

This past weekend our car broke down while we were on our way up to Idaho. We made it up here and were in 6 cars in 24 hours. Amazing friends and family dropped their plans to make sure we got where we needed to be when we needed to be there... Along the way I had a 'perspective moment' I need to talk with you about.

When we started out on our '6 car' journey, the car was about one mile out of Cedar City when we had the problem. We limped into town and made it slowly to the Tunex there. It was a little bit after hours, but they were still there and said they would look at it. I sat in the Tunex show room for a while waiting.

While I was there a man was also there with his little boy. He was about 6-7 years old. The boy was just going crazy with energy and quite out of control. He was pretending to be a dinosaur. It was obvious the man was having a hard day and didn't give much attention to keeping his child calmed down. The man's energy was quite low. Many people around were getting quite irritated with him. At first I found myself getting irritated, so I started talking to the boy and getting to know him, which helped to ease any irritation I was feeling.

Well, after about 1/2 hour the man left with his boy and the Tunex guy, Charlie, started looking at my car. He showed me the issue and told me it was going to be about $300 - $400 to fix the car and we couldn't take it anywhere. This was hard for me to hear, especially because we definitely do not have that extra money to fix the car. We had to get on the road to make it to some business appointments. At that point I started making calls to figure out our traveling accomodations. After about another 1/2 hour there weren't very many people around and Charlie and I started talking.

I thanked him for his help and for taking me after hours. Then he said, " No problem. We would have been here anyway. We just got another call about a van breaking down outside of town. Funny enough it is the same van as that man had that was here. I felt so bad for him." Then Charlie got very quiet and said... "His van broke down on his way to California to bury his wife."

Immediately my heart was just stung. I said, "Wow... compared to that man, I am doing pretty good."

Amazing how the Lord helps to put things in perspective very well. I will fish around and find $400 that I don't have any day - as long as I can keep your dad, you and other family around. It was what I call a 'perspective moment'.

Needless to say, no matter how many cars we got in and out of, no matter how upset you got because you had to get back in the car seat AGAIN, no matter how much I missed being around your dad, no matter what came and went I thought about that man. Comparatively, no matter what I was doing pretty good.

Look for 'perspective moments' in your life. They will help you be grateful for anything you are going through.

I love you,

Your Mom

Obstacles Before Something Great

Dear Gabriel,

One of the projects I am working on called '5000moms' is so close to being launched and I can't wait. It is going to be so powerful for so many women and I know we are working towards something great. But, I have a firm opinion that when something great is about to happen, obstacles present themselves faster than ever before in the path.

It has been VERY interesting to see the obstacles that have come into the lives of everyone on the team in the last few weeks. The obstacles vary from moving a 20 year business, breaking an arm, stitches in the ER, financial issues, emotional exhaustion, family emergencies, biking accidents, children getting hurt and one daughter having a major health problem. Yet throughout all the obstacles, my team members have been keeping up with the pace of the project.

I know something great is going to happen with this project because of all the resistance that has been placed in our path. When the forces of good are combined so strongly, the forces of opposition present themselves to see if we are really dedicated.

Remember, when obstacles come in your path, stay close to the spirit of the Lord. He will direct you the right way. When you have already gotten an answer to move forward then fight through it! My life experience says it means you are on the right path and grand things are to come.

I love you,

Your Mom

Live Life On Purpose

Dear Gabriel,

The Old Testament has some of my favorite stories ever in it. Daniel and the Lions Den, Shadrack, Meshac and Abendigo in the fire, David and Goliath, Moses parting the Red Sea, Isaiah's visions, Elijah calling fire down from heaven... The list just goes on and on.

This morning I read about Daniel and the beginning of his story when he was admitted into the kings court. I love Daniel 1:8 where it says 'And he PURPOSED in his heart...'. That phrase just stuck with me. Daniel lived his life on purpose!

Living life on purpose is a powerful concept. The type of woman I am and will become depends on how I decide to live my life daily. We read about all the amazing stories in the scriptures... BUT the power those people achieved truly came from the way they lived in their daily lives. They lived their live's on purpose, so when the MAJOR trials came (that we actually read about) they were the men and women they needed to be to withstand the fire with courage and looking at the obstacle straight in the eye.

Live your life on purpose. Hopefully our posterity generations from now will love reading our stories. Every breath is a moment and gift to receive with an open heart and love for life!

I love you,

Your Mom

Feed Your Faith And Your Fear Will Starve To Death

Dear Gabriel,

'Feed your faith and your fear will starve to death'. I LOVE this quote. The famous guy 'anonymous' said it and I am so grateful to him. There is always a lot in the world to fear about, be mad about, be frustrated with, that doesn't go right... There is scarcity and 'being a victim' mindset that can be found everywhere in the media, in our culture and naturally inside of each of us.

BUT, I believe there is a stronger side of each person who has faith, has hope, has love, has abundance, has beauty and happiness. All we have to do is take the time to feed that part of us. When we feed our faith, the fear will have nothing to eat and will starve to death. No matter what your day brings, feed the thoughts which will inspire you to move upward, onward, higher and happier. After all, what we focus on expands and I want my faith to expand and fear to shrink!

Feed your faith. Feed your virtue. Feed your hope. Feed your love. Feed your thoughts that are from the Lord. Starve anything from Satan. Starve the anger. Starve the fear. Starve anything that is not full of joy and abundance.

Feed your faith and your fear will starve to death.

I love you,

Your Mom

This Life Is A Gift

Dear Gabriel,

My life is so blessed with the most amazing friends. Your Aunt Shauna came over last night to spend some time with us. You are going to love her more and more as you get older. Recently her father-in-law passed away. She was very close to him, practically her dad. We were talking about how the funeral went, how her week has been and everything involved. Then she said something that will stay with me for a while. She said, "You know I am tired of people saying this life is a trial. It is not. This life is a GIFT".

This life is a gift. She was reminded of it so potently because of being so close to the other side this last week. But most of all, it is important to feel that spiritual connection all the time so we can truly remember how much of a gift it is to really be here.

It is a gift to see, touch, smell, hear, love, give, think, learn, ponder, improve... to live! Looking through my spiritual eyes it becomes more and more evident to me how many gifts there are around me...truly how many tender mercies the Lord is always giving to me. Life truly is a gift.

I love you,

Your Mom

What Goes Around Comes Around

Dear Gabriel,

I had a really hard day yesterday. Quite painful actually. There were a few things dug up from past decisions made by someone closer to me than practically anyone... and it was quite painful. The questions, concerns and thoughts that came in and out of my life yesterday were hard to deal with because of it.

No details are necessary, only the lesson. Please know that decisions you make will come back around to you... whether they are good or bad. I firmly believe that 'what goes around comes around'. Unfortunately what has come around hasn't been the best. My friend told me this, "This is such a reminder that what I have done, even though forgiven, hasn't been forgotten".

Everyone makes mistakes, I have made plenty. Everyone makes decisions that aren't the smartest, I have made plenty. I don't expect you to make great decisions all the time. I just want to make sure and teach you about 'what goes around comes around'. Good or bad, effects of past decisions will come back around... whether the feelings are joyful (or regretfully) extremely painful.

I love you,

Your Mom

Please Remember

Dear Gabriel,

I am humbled to know I am your mom. You are going to be an amazing man. You are going to be a light for people around you. You are going to spread love and warmth to thousands. Just looking at you as a baby, smiling at me, gives me goose bumps to know what kind of leader you are going to be.

Just please remember...

No matter how bad it gets, remember to smile about it. No matter what you see around you, remember to find the positive. No matter who gets mad at you, remember to see the good in them. No matter where you are, remember to make a memory of each place. No matter when your life goes up and down, remember to thank the Lord for each experience.

Always, always keep the Savior close to your side.

And, of course, no matter who says they love you... I love you more :-).

I love you,

Your Mom

Don't Be Embarrassed

Dear Gabriel,

So... I just looked in the mirror and have TONS of stuff in my teeth. Luckily I haven't really seen anyone today, just over skype. But it brings a thought to my mind I want to make sure and debrief with you: Don't be embarrassed to tell anyone, even random strangers, something that might embarrass them MORE later. Example:

-A girl is walking out of the bathroom with her skirt tucked into her nylons in the back (happened to me before). For heavens sake, walk up to her and tell her about it! The guy that told me was about 14 years old and I am so glad he did before I could walk around the whole restaurant like that.

-Your boss is in the middle of a meeting and his zipper is down. Tell him it is down! It will be distracting everyone anyway and your boss will wonder why everyone is trying to hide their snickers... and not the candy bar.

-You see a friend at a party and he smiles at you while nodding his head. You notice a huge piece of broccoli between his front teeth. Walk right up to him and tell him to get rid of it!

The list could go on and on. I am frankly so grateful for people who step out of their 'box' in order to help me out, even when I am a random stranger to them. Don't be embarrassed to step out of your box to help someone else out. Believe me, they will be grateful for it.

I love you,

Your Mom

We See Miracles

Dear Gabriel,

So yesterday we spent some time at Grandma Bo's house. It is so great for me to go over there, help her clean and for her to spend time with you. She is a miracle for me because she always gives me such perspective. She reminds me every time we go over that we see miracles.

She grew up in an era that was without a lot. The normal home was 900 sq. ft. She grew up seeing how electricity, plumbing, computers, technology and communication has evolved. Every time I see her she tells me about how we see miracles. We have the miracle of communicating because of how well our phone's work. We have the miracle of running water and being clean daily. We have the miracle of the computer in order to expand our knowledge base - google knowledge is always at our fingertips! We have the miracle of our own set of scriptures. We have the miracle of travel and ease with nice cars and roads. We truly see miracles without even knowing it!

The past few generations have had it so easy and haven't had to work as hard for innovation... as a result we have lost our sight of seeing miracles. But you will grow up, I believe, in an age that will remember the value of hard work. We have to work again like never before. We will begin to cherish these daily miracles...especially because what we work hard for we cherish. That is also something she helps me remember.

I pray every day that the Lord will open your eyes with the gift of recognition to see daily miracles. I pray every day that the Lord will continue opening my eyes with the gift of recognition to see daily miracles. And of course, you are the greatest miracle to see of all.

I love you,

Your Mom

Peace On My Pillow

Dear Gabriel,

Just waiting for your dad to get home from his day and I can hear you breathing deeply in your crib... just sleeping like a baby :-). It is about 11pm at night and the house is quiet. I can sit and just think for a moment. The thoughts that are coming to my mind are these 'Can I lay my head on my pillow with peace in my soul knowing I did my best today?'. I truly believe I can.

No, I didn't do everything perfectly... but I did everything that best I knew how. No, I didn't accomplish everything I wanted to... but everything I accomplished was done well. No, I didn't have an easy day... but I am better because of everything today. I can truly say I will have 'Peace On My Pillow'.

The world around me is a little better because I worked hard today. The world around me is brighter because I smiled at someone who needed it. The world around me has improved because I added value to many people's lives. Even though everything wasn't done perfectly... it was still done with peace and happiness in my soul.

I just might sleep like a baby with 'Peace On My Pillow'.

I love you,

Your Mom

I Love My Country

Dear Gabriel,

Today is the 4th of July. A historic date for the entire world...

I love my country. I don't want to write today about my opinion of what is happening to our country, that will be saved for later. I do want to write about my love for our Founding Fathers, My God, and the brave Americans who have always fought to keep me free.

You will see in your life time many people attacking the very foundation of freedom and liberty which God has granted to all men. I am seeing it constantly everyday. But remember this... Your mother loves her country, she believes in freedom and liberty, she believes in personal responsibility, she believes in God's establishment of this great land and she believes in the Constitution of the United States of America. Your dad and I have a laminated copy of the Declaration of Independence in the shower so we are reminded every morning of the gift God has given us to live in a free land and a blessed land.

Remember the sacrifice the brave men and women have made throughout history in order to fight for their freedom and liberty. It is the history of the world since it's foundation. Mankind has gone through struggle after struggle in order to establish their free agency. America was founded upon correct principles in order to grant that freedom and liberty, and it has changed the face of the world as we know it.

Always stand up for this republic. Always stand up for freedom. Always remember those who has sacrificed for us to be so prosperous and abundant today. Always remember Your God and His light and life He has given to our country.

I love you,

Your Mom

Big Picture

Dear Gabriel,

Remember the 'big picture'. I have had many experiences that have taught me to step back from a situation in order to solve it effectively...residential treatment centers, dealing with crazy teenagers, dealing with their parents, teaching employees, tutoring business owners, marketing plans, inner city Chicago, massage clients, dealing with doctors, roaming around Russia, getting lost in DC, too long of road trips with family, having over 40 roommates, project management... I have so many stories about each 'chapter' in my life.

But no matter what each experience, each chapter, each day and each moment teach me about the 'big picture'. It is true that 'hindsight is 100% vision and understanding'. When I look back at the conflicts and stress I have made it through I remember no matter what, everything turns out just fine. I remember to act respectfully, stand up for what I believe in and set my boundaries. I remember to see the 'big picture'. What a gift!

I am so grateful for conflict. I am so grateful for what it teaches me about the 'big picture'. I hope I can teach you about it too. I hope every parent remembers the beauty of getting through daily conflict and stress in order to see the 'big picture'.

I love you,

Your Mom

Being Scattered

Dear Gabriel,

Being scattered. I hope this is a trait you do not inherit from me. In a matter of 10 minutes I have gone from doing laundry, to getting a sandwich, to cleaning the living room, to checking my email, to calling someone... At the end of 10 minutes the laundry is still on the door of the dryer, my sandwich is still half made on the counter, the living room is half dusted, my emails are kind of checked and I can't remember why I called the person that is all of a sudden answering their phone!

I know this is something I don't convey on the outside very much, but I am really a scattered person. I have had to work for YEARS to teach myself how to concentrate in order to get something completely done. It is a skill I have had to teach myself because it doesn't come naturally. I remember in school being 'labeled' by teachers because I couldn't focus. In reality, I just had to learn the skill. Thank heavens I was never medicated... but that opinion is for another post.

Just hope and pray you get concentration from your father. That's all I have to say about that.

I love you,

Your Mom

Have A Spine

Dear Gabriel,

One of my favorite things to do is have intelligent conversation with people. It is so rare anymore that anyone has a spine to actually stick up for what they believe in. I love that. Too many people around me don't want to 'offend' or they want to be politically correct about EVERYTHING. It becomes over kill. In my opinion, our society is missing the mark on so many things simply because we don't want to offend.

Don't get me wrong. I think being polite and respectful is important, but not to the extent to be spineless. I had some great conversation today at a book discussion that was wonderful because the people there had spines to stick up for what they believed. Whether or not I agreed was irrelevant (because there were many things said I didn't necessarily agree with, and we had great debates...). I want to be surrounded by courageous men and women, who will respectfully stick up for what they believe.

I hope you will know me and other's will know me as someone with a spine. That is definitely something I want to leave as a legacy...Always respectful, but a woman who stood up for what I believed in with my chin held high at the same time.

I hope you will be that kind of man. Always respectful... but have a spine!

I love you,

Your Mom

Just Keep Swimming

Dear Gabriel,

Little bit at a time. It is amazing to me how much life is a marathon. When I went out jogging this morning I thought about this a lot. During my jog I found myself thinking 'Just Keep Swimming' when I thought the hill in front of me would never end. When I got home I found myself thinking 'Just Keep Swimming' when I realized how dirty the house was. Later as you were ready for a nap and getting upset over the littlest things I found myself thinking 'Just Keep Swimming' when I was holding you and calming you down.

There are times in life when you will just need to think to yourself 'Just Keep Swimming'. Remember to sit down and take 5 minutes to just breathe. Feel the air coming into your lungs and give your body energy. Feel the amazing way your body works and mind is active. When I find myself thinking 'Just Keep Swimming' usually that is the sign that I need to take 5 and just breathe while being amazed at life around me.

Life is beautiful. Our blessings are beautiful. The hard times really are beautiful. I am so grateful I am really, truly getting to the point in my life that I am thankful for everything... even the times when I have to 'Just Keep Swimming'.

I love you,

Your Mom

I am in love

Dear Gabriel,

It is really important to me that you understand something very clearly. I am in love. Yep. I don't just love your dad... I am completely IN love with him. We had our 2nd anniversary yesterday and it was amazing to be reminded of what an amazing man I have in my life. He checked in with me. Asked me how we are doing, what he can do better, how he can love me more, how he can be a better father, what he can do for our relationship... How did I get someone who is so willing to be better all the time?

Don't get me wrong, it is not hearts and roses all the time. There are times I am bugged with him and he with me. There are times we completely disagree with each other. There are times we butt heads like crazy. There are days that are hard to communicate. But, he is usually the one to apologize first and hug me in order to soften the day. That is why I am in love with him.

There have been really hard times in the past little while, his business has lost hundreds of thousands of dollars. He has had to redefine really what he is doing with his career for our family. He has had a lot of disappointments throughout his life and extremely hard things with a father who committed suicide, raised by a single mom, figuring out life on his own a lot of times. BUT... even though these hard things hit him, I have never heard him complain about it. I have never heard him complain about what he has been through. He is just always saying, 'How can this make me better.' That is why I am in love with him.

Please know, no matter what we go through as a family... great, bad, good, indifferent, crazy, adventurous, funny or boring... I am always in love with your father. I am so grateful for him, especially since you have been born. As you know, he is an amazing father.

Remember, I am in love.

I love you.

Your Mom

Competent People

Dear Gabriel,

I love competent people. The project I am working on is so great for me! I love working with people who are smart, fast, efficient, funny, and hard workers. Whenever I work with people like that I think to myself, 'How did their mom's teach them those things'? Several times in my life I forget that everyday skills are TAUGHT. So often I underestimate truly how much I know and can teach, because it seems so normal to me.

There are times I remember how much I know when I meet people who don't have the same skills. Please know I am not saying this to elevate myself with my knowledge... MANY other people have better skills than I do! But, there is so much to the world that I can add because of the skills I have. Largely due to my mother and father for BEING those kind of people.

Hopefully I can teach you to be a competent person! I want you to be that man on the project who will dig in with his hands and get the work done without complaining. I want you to be that man that handles conflict effectively and sensitively. I want you to be the man who can go through any situation, no matter how hard, with a smile and finding humor along the way.

When I remember I want you to be that man, I remember that I must be that as your mom! You will learn those things from me and your dad. Raising a child is the best way to find out if we are competent people ;-)

I love you,

Your Mom

Discovery

Dear Gabriel,

You are so close to crawling, you can hardly stand it. It is so sad to see you so frustrated, but at the same time I am holding my breath because once you start moving independently... life is over as I know it!

I think once of the most beautiful things about being a mom is seeing how everything is a discovery for you. You are discovering everything! When did I lose that? You look at everything with new eyes. You work so hard. The concept of 'giving up' is not part of your thought processes at all yet. Every time I get frustrated about anything, I look at you giving your all to just learn how to crawl, and I am humbled and happy once again.

Thank you so much for everything you are teaching me about 'discovery'. Life is a discovery. There are new things to see, new tastes to taste, more to be grateful for, constant reasons to laugh and wonderful times to remember.

I love you,

Your Mom

All The Sacrifices...

Dear Gabriel,

Today when I was throwing you up and down I thought, "All the sacrifices I am going through to be home with you is totally worth it." There are times when I think that there are so many jobs I could get, so many adventures I could still be having, so many things I could still be doing away from home... but then all I have to do is look at you with your smile and I think, "All the sacrifices I am going through to be home with you is totally worth it."

Everyone is in a different circumstance, but I am so grateful to choose to be home with you. We are very tight with money, and I could go and find a job that would pay me a lot of money. There are many places we could move where I could get a fantastic job. BUT, that is not the right place for me to be. Brent is working so hard to make sure this joint venture with the greenhouses goes right, and I am having a blast doing project management for some future endeavors (yet to launch...)

All the sacrifices I am making to be with you are worth it. It makes me sick to think of leaving you with someone else who doesn't love you as much as I do. It is hard financially... but is it worth it? Yes. It is hard socially... but is it worth it? Yes. It is hard emotionally... but is it worth it? Yes. All of the sacrifices are worth it. I have never appreciated my mom more than in the last few months and all the sacrifices she went through to be home with us. But was it worth it? Absolutely, resoundingly... YES.

I love you,

Your Mom

Catch Up Time...

Dear Gabriel,

Where did the phrase 'catch up' come from? I have been thinking about that the last 24 hours because of the 'catching up' on everything I have to do and missed in the last 2 weeks. We moved, I left for a friends wedding (with you!) right after, then came back and was in charge of choir camp that sucks a week of time away. After being home for the day, I am looking around thinking 'there is still stuff to catch up with'...

What is there to 'catch up' on? Life could ALWAYS be a catch up game if I look at it that way. There will always be laundry, dishes, hugs, calls, emails, networks, callings, etc. to 'catch up' on. I have decided I want to OBLITERATE that phrase from my vocabulary. From now on I am 'living in the now'. No matter what, whenever I live in the 'now' I am always smiling and happy, because my heart and focus is exactly where it needs to be. And... (strangely enough ;-) when I live in the now, instead of the mindset of 'catching up' I get a lot more done. Miraculous!

No matter what, 'live in the now'. There will always be something else 'to get done', something else that was 'missed', something else that wasn't done 'perfectly'... I believe those are little lies Satan whispers to me in order to take my focus from 'the now' and feeling the spirit of peace. Everything is beautiful and happening in perfect harmony because everything is as it should be NOW.

I love you,

Your Mom

Essentials

Dear Gabriel,

So I am bugged. I actually have been bugged for a couple days. My emotions have been on a roller coaster with packing, moving, traveling, weddings, getting ready for choir camp, managing group conflicts, organizing my time, balancing bills and who to pay first, missing my family, project management… I have just allowed my emotions to be on edge.

But I know the answer. Have I taken time to meditate and study the last 2 weeks? No. Have I taken time to really pray? No. Have I taken time to really exercise? No. Have I taken time to eat well and sleep well? No. My schedule is completely off.

It never ceases to amaze me how when I take care of the essentials in my life, then my life takes good care of me. When I don’t take care of the essentials, it feels like my life is just cramming issues and problems down my throat. It all has to do with how I prioritize my time and myself.

Remember, no matter what life throws at you, take time for the essentials. I truly believe the answers are finding peace and being in balance. Remember, your mom hasn’t always been perfect with how she handles things, but hopefully she is learning enough to love more each day and appreciate what life throws at her.

I am learning. As you get older, please be patient with me when I have times that I am 'off'. I will always bounce back :-).

I love you,

Your Mom

Personal Holidays

Dear Gabriel,

Whoever invented the tradition of celebrating on one's birthday is a genius. I want to kiss them. I LOVE my birthday... maybe that seems conceted to some, but when else does anyone get a chance to know how much everyone loves them? What better way to celebrate 'you' than on your own personal holiday?? It is awesome.

I am 32 years young today and I can't believe how much my life has ups and downs, ins and outs, crazy times and normal times... but every year I am constantly amazed at the love I feel from people on my birthday. For some reason, my whole life, I am always surprised when people remember me and take time out for just 'me'. I am not sure where that comes from, but it is part of my thought processes. When the people I love truly take time to celebrate 'me', that is NO greater feeling in the world during that moment!

What a great reminder for me to remember others also. Happy Personal Holiday To Me! And, better yet, you have given me the best gift of all... you are being so laid back today that I get to take a bath, lay out by the pool and relax, all the while you are just hanging out and playing happily. Thanks for your gift!

I love you,

Your Mom

Refrigerator Art

Dear Gabriel, 

 Remind me in 15 years about the many levels of 'refrigerator art' we will go through as a family. We are moving, and I have the privilege of packing our 'refrigerator art' tomorrow. I find myself looking at my refrigerator and realize 'anyone could walk into my house and find out practically everything about me because of my refrigerator art'. 

 Check it out.... Sitting here looking at our refrigerator there are these things: -pictures of family and friends = my love for the people in my life -gym schedule = exercising is a daily action for me -coupons for the store = I always look for a deal -preparedness list = it is important to me that our family is ready for anything -hand written note I got from a niece on mothers day = I am sentimental -lists of foreclosed houses = our seemingly never ending search for a house -list of oils = I believe in natural healing -wedding announcements 6 months - 1 year old = I still need to send them a gift! ha ha. 

 As you get older and our family expands our 'refrigerator art' is going to evolve through many stages. I can't wait to see them.

 I love you, 

 Your Mom

History Moments

Dear Gabriel,

 So today we went over to Grandma Bo's house in order to help her with some cleaning. She just can't wait to see you each day. While we were there her husband, Art, took a 'teaching moment' with me. He said, "Andi, I am writing my history. Boy, I am a really interesting guy!" (you have to know him, he is just so funny). Then he proceeded to tell me about being in WWII, getting married, then going to the Korean war for 3 years after he got married, economic problems they had... etc. 

 Normally he jokes around a lot and is just a funny old guy. But after talking to me about his life a little bit he looked at me, extremely serious and sincerely then said, "How are you guys doing?". I had a hard time not crying because of all the stress I have felt with everything going on lately. My eyes darted away for a moment, loosing eye contact, because I didn't want him to see my emotion. I then said, "We are having a hard time." He just said, " Hmmm.... you know Andi, you might not think it now, but you are going to look back at these moments in your history and think 'those were some of the best days'. You are writing your book with your every moment. I have already written mine and don't have many moments left. Cherish your history moments.". 

 Going there today helped to give me some perspective. I want my book to be full of love, life and happiness! No matter what we might be going through right now, we will say 'this too shall pass'. I really will look back at these moments and think they are the best times of my life. 

 I love you,

 Your Mom