It is amazing how insecurities as a woman can plague you, even when you are almost 36 years old.
There is a girl at the gym, probably around 23ish, who is gorgeous. She causes everyone to look at her (even girls) as she walks around, very immodestly. Well, I have found myself judging her a lot when I see her. Thinking things about how she should be more modest, she must be insecure to be demanding so much attention, she is being a bad example for her kids (I see her coming in and out of day care with her son and daughter)... etc.
Well, today during Zumba she was in the class with us, taking her usual spot right by the biggest window where everyone could see her dancing. And I found myself, once again, being judgmental. It was a harsh reality for the spirit to say this to me, "Just because she is so gorgeous, it doesn't mean you are NOT."
Nail in the heart. That was my whole issue. I remember being insecure throughout school, about how I wanted to be the prettiest one that boys would always look at. I have never been ugly, but never the most gorgeous either. But what the spirit said to me was the root of it all. Just because someone else is more gorgeous and has a perfect body, doesn't mean that I am less beautiful.
It was also MORE of a nail to realize this was something that was still a 'weed' in my soul. I must pluck it out by the root and replace it with something else that is beautiful. Time to move on and let go of judgements and insecurities.
There is a story about President McKay that I love. There was a parade in Salt Lake City that he attended with another member of the Brethren. On one of the floats going by were girls wearing swimming suits. The other brother said, "Oh President, did you ever think there would come a day that we would see such immodesty in this city?"
Then the President said something very profound. He turned and said, "All I see are beautiful girls who the Lord loves."
The Lord looks on the heart.
I love you,
Your Mom
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