Dear Kids,
Today was 'one of those days'. I would actually rather forget it. We started out pretty good... but as the day wore on I became more and more and more on edge. My space between 'the stimulus and response' (as Steven Covey puts it) was non-existent. Everything around me I allowed to irritate me and anger me, and naturally I took it out on you three.
It has just been one of those days. I am really sorry. I am human after all and still learning how to command my emotions. So often I feel like I have this thing figured out, this life thing, then other days it just comes to a head and all of a sudden I have fallen back down the mountain, after climbing so far. I snap. I get mad. I feel such a weight on my shoulders. I am not a person that the Lord would be proud of. I show that side of myself to you, the side that no one else sees. I guess every parent does that at some time or another.
I don't want to cause feelings in our home that will cause you all to build up walls around me, your dad or around each other. If I act like I did today everyday, then our home would become that. If I loose control and allow such contention in my heart and in our home, the spirit would never reside here. It is true that the mother is the heart of the home. When the mom is 'out of whack' and having 'one of those days'... family suffers from it.
Part of the power of free agency is realizing these mistakes, and then moving forward from them. I am going to bed early tonight. I am going to really take some good prayer time. I am going to kiss you while you sleep and just hope that you can love me through all of my weaknesses and faults. I am going to reset. I am going to be better tomorrow.
I am sorry. I do love you. No matter what the outside pressures are, I must rise above them. Somehow, someday I will learn how to do it consistently. I am much more consistent than I was 10, 5, even 2 years ago... but I still have 'one of those days' come up.
Oh how much adversity teaches us about where we truly are in our development.
I love you,
Your Mom
I love this idea of writing to your kids!! This will be invaluable some day! Don't be too hard on yourself....it's hard being a mom sometimes. I'd bet that most of us have had days like yours too. I always feel bad if I lose my temper with the kids, but being willing to say sorry, means a lot! I'm sure you're doing great!
ReplyDeleteThanks Kim! It has been a wonderful way to write and keep track of daily experiences. Being willing to say sorry is so important. And that is what the Lord expects of us, and then to do better.
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