Dear Kids,
There has been a lot of pressure on your mom and dad's shoulders lately. Your dad has been gone A LOT (all week), and will be gone more in the future, single parenting young kids, schooling, starting a couple new businesses, trying to survive while starting the new businesses, doubts, family issues, extended family support, screeching babies all day, not meeting our obligations, keeping up with the house, trying to keep up my relationships...
I have been handling it all pretty good to be honest. I am an optimist, thank heavens. I find the silver lining in pretty much every situation, until tonight. I found my straw. The Straw = I deleted hundreds of pictures accidentally today... And I have been a wreck all day from it.
The days when there is the most conflict, the days when there is the most pressure, the days when there is a ton on my schedule... those days I handle smoothly. Smooth sailing. Even in the midst of the pressure I really feel good. And genuinely I feel good, I don't kid myself with my emotions, nor do I stuff emotion. One of the greatest blessings in my life is having many mentors who have
taught me extremely amazing coping and self-improvement skills. Because of their education I handle things 'swimmingly' about 95% of the time.
Until I find my straw. Deleting pictures was my straw. The simplest thing, yet the thing that means so much to me. Your memories. My memories of you. I have been trying to recover them, but not having great success. Every time I try something new to recover them and it doesn't work, I have another break down.
You are going to find in your life that each of you will have different 'straws that break the camel's back' - as the saying goes. Tonight, the straw was deleted pictures. The straw landed. I broke down quite a few times, and I knew I had to converse with the Lord.
I knelt down to pray and just allowed myself to break down. It all came out in prayer, where it usually does. I really only confide in God and your dad. All my emotion just boiled over. The conclusion the spirit whispered to me, during this time of stretching in our lives, is 'my heart is being made more tender'. And it is true. Feeling the kind of adversity we have in the last little while always shapes and defines who we are.
So I can say I am grateful for 'The Straw'. Emotionally throwing up is a good thing. Introspection is a good thing. My head is high. My hopes are steady. We will prevail.
I love you,
Your Mom
you are such a sweet mom and brilliant woman I am so glad I know you friend
ReplyDeleteThanks Ganel! Love you too. It is so nice to be able to 'suck' energy from each other when we need it, especially on the straw days ;-)
DeleteOh Andrea, I can understand the despair. You are such a beautiful example to me of one who turns to the Lord and finds solace in knowing all will be well. Being grateful for the straw... that can be so hard, but you are choosing to make it an experience to help you get to your knees. I love you.
ReplyDeleteI love you too :-)
DeleteOh Andrea, what a beautiful story... you shine when times are hard. You give light to the rest of us who sometimes get lost in the shadows of life. I understand your despair and love seeing you fall to your knees to get through this. I remember working for LDS Family Services when Katrina hit N.O. Staff were sent to assist bishops and families thru this time of loss. We were told of one family who lost their home completely immersed in mud. The parents felt that if they could find just one personal item for each child they would be okay. They found a few things, except for their teenage daughter. They could not recover a single thing. Until that sweet girl thought of one more place to look. They went to the church building and on the top shelf in her seminary classroom she found her scriptures untouched. She was joyous to have one possession in this world and that was her scriptures! I have had to leave things behind and start anew, but nothing like that. I remember that story and hold it close to help me through times of loss. All is Well, Love and hugs my friend.
ReplyDeleteI love this story! I can't imagine going through what so many of those families did. Thanks for your insight ALWAYS - I love your thoughts.
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