Dear Friend,
I am having a miscarriage. Now as we speak.
I am 38, I was going to be 39 when I had this baby. I was just starting the second trimester. I had some bleeding a couple days ago, that turned into cramps, that turned into losing this baby. What a process this has been physically and emotionally. I was counseled in a blessing to write down my feelings and experience. So here is a start...
First, I am so sorry if you have felt this and I haven't been empathetic enough. I never knew. I have decided pretty much everything in life is to teach me empathy. I have lost family members, but this kind of loss as an expecting mom is very different from the other deaths I have experienced. I didn't know how deeply your heart aches when something inside of you dies like this. I never knew. I never knew that my body would yearn to keep going with pregnancy, but it decided it was done. I just never knew. I didn't know how my emotions would be crazy, and that I want to cry about everything in my life. I never knew.
Second, I am amazed at the level and depth of loss I feel. I had already had experiences with this baby. I had felt her spirit. I had felt her hovering around our home and interacting with our family. We hadn't even told our kids we were expecting and they were talking about "the baby" saying things like "mom, when the baby comes..." and "I think I want to do this with the baby..." and "I want to read this book to the baby..." They knew instinctively. They knew that little spirit was here. But now we are going to have to wait.
Third, I am so sorry if you have had difficulties with infertility, miscarriages, or ever lost a baby. I now have a taste of what it is like. I have a little taste of what it was like to want a baby so much and then have it taken away. My heart feels more understanding and compassion. I have a little taste of what it would be like if I lost a full grown baby, since with this baby I'm in my 2nd trimester. My heart is sad, and losing a full term baby would be this level of sad times 1,000.
Fourth, I have been amazed how checked out I am right now. I am just kind of wandering around my house. I found myself sitting on the couch yesterday, just sitting there without really thinking about anything. My motivation to do anything is ZERO. My desire to do normal mom duties is gone. It's like I am wandering back and forth from a place in my heart, and realizing that reality is still going on, but I don't really want to participate.
Fifth, I am SO grateful for validation. When I told my mom and mother-in-law about it yesterday they both just told me to sit, grieve and experience the loss, and not allow anything or anyone to tell me it isn't that big of a deal. I am so grateful for all of that validation. My sisters and brother called me and texted me saying the same things. They listened to me and validated my feelings, telling me to go through the sadness and grieving and that IT IS OKAY.
Sixth, I was reminded again last night that we just don't know what someone is going through. My hubby and I went on a date last night, to get me out and get lost in good food and a movie. When I was walking out of the movie theater I thought to myself, "No one has any idea that I have had horrible cramping all day and I am miscarrying a baby." I looked at myself in the mirror several times yesterday and today, having a reality check of how haggered I look. But then I had to validate myself and remind myself that, "Of course I look haggered. I am losing a baby!".
Okay - those are all my sad, real, and raw emotional feelings. Now for the blessings from God.
First, my husband. When the bleeding started a couple days ago I just broke down. I came out of the bathroom and waved to my husband to come with me. We went to the bedroom and I just cried and said, "I am bleeding." He rushed to me and held me while I cried. He just held me. He has been texting me often throughout the past couple of days. He has been bringing me lunch. He has been taking care of the kids. He has been very aware of my feelings. He gave me a blessing. Even thinking about it I am so full of love and gratitude for my wonderful husband. I am so grateful for him and his level of compassion. He feels so deeply as well, and he allows me the freedom to process and feel anything I need. I am so grateful for that. I am so grateful for his awareness.
Second, what a blessing to be surrounded my women who support me. There are a dozen more women I could call if I needed to and they would rush to me and help me in anyway they could. They would listen and serve. For this experience, I just needed my family, especially my mom and sisters. But what a blessing to feel the sisterhood of many women and know they would help me at a moments notice.
Third, the priesthood. One of the questions I have had is about the spirit of this baby. With every one of my children I have felt them and known them before they were born. Just a spiritual gift I have. I felt this one so strongly. I wanted to know if we were going to have her in this life at all, and the miscarriage is for different reasons, or if she got her body and she is staying in heaven. This blessing told me that we will have her in this life, that the Lord gave me this experience for empathy reasons, for experience reasons, and because something was wrong and needed to change with her development. What a blessing that I can get an answer like this for me and the peace of my soul! I am so grateful for the Priesthood of God and the power it is in my life.
Fourth, my current children. I have been very emotional through all of this. I have been crying a lot and my kids have felt my sadness. They are sweet and caring. They are helping and they are concerned about me. They are praying for me. Their pure souls are keeping angels around us and helping us, especially when I have gotten impatient and haven't felt well to carry that as the mother.
Fifth, I do believe God gives me everything I need and I KNOW He loves me. I kept praying and telling Him the past few days that whatever happens, I know it is according to His will. It DOESN'T take away the sadness, the grief of what I am feeling. BUT, I know it is according to His plan for me. I have faith He knows me. He knows my heart. He knows my happiness and He knows my sorrows. I know He is an intimate part of my life, and this experience just adds to that testimony I have built for my entire life.
I love my family. I love my friends. I love my life.
Love,
Andrea
Saturday, November 7, 2015
Tuesday, October 13, 2015
Feeling Unborn Baby
Dear Child Of Mine,
I can feel you. I cry about you in my prayers. I feel your soul. I know you are near.
How am I the lucky one? How I am the one you have chosen to come to? I am amazed at the life I can help carry. You are near to our Father. You can see everything now. Oh how I wish I could too. I wish I could see with your eyes, before turning to mortal images.
You are peaceful. You are happy. I hope I am the mother you need me to be. I hope to create a relationship between you and God for the your entire life that will be strong and foundational.
Hold on to me. Take anything you need from me. Suck energy and life from me anytime you need to be healthy and strong. To be capable and able.
Thank you for choosing me. I have felt you for a long time now. We are ready for you to be with us.
I love you already. Before I felt you, I have loved you for years.
Love,
Your Mom
I can feel you. I cry about you in my prayers. I feel your soul. I know you are near.
How am I the lucky one? How I am the one you have chosen to come to? I am amazed at the life I can help carry. You are near to our Father. You can see everything now. Oh how I wish I could too. I wish I could see with your eyes, before turning to mortal images.
You are peaceful. You are happy. I hope I am the mother you need me to be. I hope to create a relationship between you and God for the your entire life that will be strong and foundational.
Hold on to me. Take anything you need from me. Suck energy and life from me anytime you need to be healthy and strong. To be capable and able.
Thank you for choosing me. I have felt you for a long time now. We are ready for you to be with us.
I love you already. Before I felt you, I have loved you for years.
Love,
Your Mom
Another New Phase
Dear Gabriel,
You showed me a defiant side of you the other day. I feel like when it happened I had a flash forward a few years, and I do NOT want that kind of relationship.
We were getting ready in the morning and you HATE being pushed to rush. But we had to rush, so I pushed you. I pushed you to get dressed, brush your teeth, have breakfast, do all the morning rituals before getting out the door. The more I pushed, the more you looked at me with loathing.
As you were walking out the door you yelled at me, "You are a MEAN MOM!!". Then you slammed the door. It really hurt my feelings. A lot actually. It took me about an hour, until all of a sudden I just started crying about it. I haven't seen that side of you before and I realized that we are getting to another level of life with you. I have to learn new parenting skills with you now. I have to learn new tactics, because the "young child/toddler" tactics aren't working, and truly aren't appropriate to be using any more with you.
Here I am on unchartered ground again as a mother. A new phase I haven't been exposed to yet. New emotions and situations that haven't reared their ugly heads yet. But as I was thinking about this I had to remind myself that we are also approaching a time when there are so many more beautiful parts about our relationships that we can expand on.
You are thinking deeper. You are feeling things on a more sophisticated level. You can understand more when I explain complexities of situations to you. You are wanting to learn more and more and more and more about everything.
As I was dropping you off after all this happened, you came back to the car and gave me a hug, "I am so sorry mom that I disobeyed you." You are still young enough to apologize quickly and move forward.
I don't want our relationship in the future to be how it was pushing you in the morning. I don't want to push, push, push, nag, nag, nag to get you to respond to me. Sometimes thinking about how to parent in different situations is exhausting because I must have the humility to admit that it ALL STARTS WITH ME.
So my goal is to open my heart to the Lord's way of parenting. He doesn't push us. He waits for us. He reminds us. He lets us all on our faces and fail. And then he is there for us when we need Him after we are bruised up and learned a few lessons ON OUR OWN. That is where you are now. You want to learn so many lessons on your own.
I love you so much. Let's keep working on this together.
Love,
Your Mom
You showed me a defiant side of you the other day. I feel like when it happened I had a flash forward a few years, and I do NOT want that kind of relationship.
We were getting ready in the morning and you HATE being pushed to rush. But we had to rush, so I pushed you. I pushed you to get dressed, brush your teeth, have breakfast, do all the morning rituals before getting out the door. The more I pushed, the more you looked at me with loathing.
As you were walking out the door you yelled at me, "You are a MEAN MOM!!". Then you slammed the door. It really hurt my feelings. A lot actually. It took me about an hour, until all of a sudden I just started crying about it. I haven't seen that side of you before and I realized that we are getting to another level of life with you. I have to learn new parenting skills with you now. I have to learn new tactics, because the "young child/toddler" tactics aren't working, and truly aren't appropriate to be using any more with you.
Here I am on unchartered ground again as a mother. A new phase I haven't been exposed to yet. New emotions and situations that haven't reared their ugly heads yet. But as I was thinking about this I had to remind myself that we are also approaching a time when there are so many more beautiful parts about our relationships that we can expand on.
You are thinking deeper. You are feeling things on a more sophisticated level. You can understand more when I explain complexities of situations to you. You are wanting to learn more and more and more and more about everything.
As I was dropping you off after all this happened, you came back to the car and gave me a hug, "I am so sorry mom that I disobeyed you." You are still young enough to apologize quickly and move forward.
I don't want our relationship in the future to be how it was pushing you in the morning. I don't want to push, push, push, nag, nag, nag to get you to respond to me. Sometimes thinking about how to parent in different situations is exhausting because I must have the humility to admit that it ALL STARTS WITH ME.
So my goal is to open my heart to the Lord's way of parenting. He doesn't push us. He waits for us. He reminds us. He lets us all on our faces and fail. And then he is there for us when we need Him after we are bruised up and learned a few lessons ON OUR OWN. That is where you are now. You want to learn so many lessons on your own.
I love you so much. Let's keep working on this together.
Love,
Your Mom
Sunday, September 20, 2015
Art On My Walls
Dear Elijah,
Today you decided to give us art on our walls.
I was in the living room with your brother and sister, teaching them how to use the home phone we just got. They were calling all sorts of people, and having a great time with it.
Then Talia walked out and three seconds later I hear, "Mooooommmmmmm!!!!" in a scream.
Of course, I jump up and run to the next room, worried about something catastrophic. What I saw melted my heart in love immediately. You turned to me, wide eyed, but grinning like crazy. Then you started playing peek-a-boo with me to show me the latest adventure in our home.
After my heart melted, my next reaction was to be frustrated, but today I chose to handle the frustration the right way. I am proud to say that I am learning a thing or two from this thing called motherhood, and that relationships are always the most important. I knelt down and talked with you about it. "Is it okay to use markers on the walls?"
You yelled, "YES!"
"No, markers are not okay on the walls. Markers are only okay on paper. Where MAY you use markers?"
And then we rehearsed where you could use markers. On the wall? No. On your shirt? No. On paper? Yes. On the table? No. On your face? No. On paper? Yes. We repeated it over and over again.
After going through it all, moving forward from the moment and going on with the day, about an hour later I looked at the wall and thought to myself, "I am going to miss this someday."
I am going to miss art on the walls. I posted about this, and the responses I received from more experienced moms were ALL to the tune of, "Frame it! Keep it! Oh how I miss the days of art on my walls."
I got really emotional. Here you are, my amazing little man - willing to love, smile and just embrace everything about life. I am so grateful for you. I am so grateful for the way you, Talia and Gabe keep things real for me. I have been really focusing the last few weeks on just being here with you. Not being distracted by other things, not being distracted by other projects, not being distracted from my most important work.
My heart is so at peace with your art on my walls right now. I am so happy to have this, and all the other "real" mom moments, as a part of my life. These moments become the memories which become the true art work of my heart and soul... all because of you and your art on the walls.
I love you,
Your Mom
Today you decided to give us art on our walls.
Then Talia walked out and three seconds later I hear, "Mooooommmmmmm!!!!" in a scream.
Of course, I jump up and run to the next room, worried about something catastrophic. What I saw melted my heart in love immediately. You turned to me, wide eyed, but grinning like crazy. Then you started playing peek-a-boo with me to show me the latest adventure in our home.
After my heart melted, my next reaction was to be frustrated, but today I chose to handle the frustration the right way. I am proud to say that I am learning a thing or two from this thing called motherhood, and that relationships are always the most important. I knelt down and talked with you about it. "Is it okay to use markers on the walls?"
You yelled, "YES!"
"No, markers are not okay on the walls. Markers are only okay on paper. Where MAY you use markers?"
And then we rehearsed where you could use markers. On the wall? No. On your shirt? No. On paper? Yes. On the table? No. On your face? No. On paper? Yes. We repeated it over and over again.
After going through it all, moving forward from the moment and going on with the day, about an hour later I looked at the wall and thought to myself, "I am going to miss this someday."
I am going to miss art on the walls. I posted about this, and the responses I received from more experienced moms were ALL to the tune of, "Frame it! Keep it! Oh how I miss the days of art on my walls."
I got really emotional. Here you are, my amazing little man - willing to love, smile and just embrace everything about life. I am so grateful for you. I am so grateful for the way you, Talia and Gabe keep things real for me. I have been really focusing the last few weeks on just being here with you. Not being distracted by other things, not being distracted by other projects, not being distracted from my most important work.
My heart is so at peace with your art on my walls right now. I am so happy to have this, and all the other "real" mom moments, as a part of my life. These moments become the memories which become the true art work of my heart and soul... all because of you and your art on the walls.
I love you,
Your Mom
Thursday, September 10, 2015
What I Want To Remember
Dear Kids,
Today. What do I want to remember about today?
I want to remember your dad looking at me and saying, "Want me to take the kids swimming to give you a couple hours by yourself?"
I want to remember having a wonderful conversation with my mom... and oh how I love my mom!
I want to remember reading the Book of Mormon today and cried a bit about how prophetic it is for the day I live in.
I want to remember first thing this morning when Talia said, "Mom! Can I go ride my bike?", bouncing with joy because she can do it by herself since yesterday.
I want to remember Elijah running back and forth to me from the front door, over and over again to give me hugs.
I want to remember telling Gabe a memory I had about him and how he threw his head back and laughed and laughed.
I want to remember the sunshine and the beauty.
Don't get me wrong... there are a lot of things about today that I don't want to remember. It wasn't all roses and sweetness. Like the dishes piled up, not feeling like doing the laundry (again), Gabe getting mad at me this morning, taking Elijah back and forth and back and forth and back and forth to time out until he stopped throwing things at me, the newly found marker on the wall, the unmade bed, the defiance of Talia and holding my temper for a time (then not being successful and handling it wrong with her), feeling exhausted and not keeping my eyes open...
I feel like lately it has been so easy to get done with my day and be frustrated by everything I haven't done. Reminding myself of everything that was accomplished. Tonight, I am choosing to focus on the first, what was done, the smiles that were given, the hugs that did happen, the love that was shown.
What I focus on expands. Focus on my frustration, it expands. Focus on my kids joy, it expands. Focus on my husbands love, it expands. Focus on my sons temper, it expands. Focus on my discouragement, it expands. Focus on my talents, they expand. Focus on having the spirit in my life, it expands.
That is a life long lesson kids.
I love you,
Your Mom
Today. What do I want to remember about today?
I want to remember your dad looking at me and saying, "Want me to take the kids swimming to give you a couple hours by yourself?"
I want to remember having a wonderful conversation with my mom... and oh how I love my mom!
I want to remember reading the Book of Mormon today and cried a bit about how prophetic it is for the day I live in.
I want to remember first thing this morning when Talia said, "Mom! Can I go ride my bike?", bouncing with joy because she can do it by herself since yesterday.
I want to remember Elijah running back and forth to me from the front door, over and over again to give me hugs.
I want to remember telling Gabe a memory I had about him and how he threw his head back and laughed and laughed.
I want to remember the sunshine and the beauty.
Don't get me wrong... there are a lot of things about today that I don't want to remember. It wasn't all roses and sweetness. Like the dishes piled up, not feeling like doing the laundry (again), Gabe getting mad at me this morning, taking Elijah back and forth and back and forth and back and forth to time out until he stopped throwing things at me, the newly found marker on the wall, the unmade bed, the defiance of Talia and holding my temper for a time (then not being successful and handling it wrong with her), feeling exhausted and not keeping my eyes open...
I feel like lately it has been so easy to get done with my day and be frustrated by everything I haven't done. Reminding myself of everything that was accomplished. Tonight, I am choosing to focus on the first, what was done, the smiles that were given, the hugs that did happen, the love that was shown.
What I focus on expands. Focus on my frustration, it expands. Focus on my kids joy, it expands. Focus on my husbands love, it expands. Focus on my sons temper, it expands. Focus on my discouragement, it expands. Focus on my talents, they expand. Focus on having the spirit in my life, it expands.
That is a life long lesson kids.
I love you,
Your Mom
Wednesday, September 2, 2015
One Memory At A Time
Dear Kids,
I have been going back to the old habit of trying to write about everything that is going on... and so actually never write because I get so far behind and nothing comes out the way I want it to.
So I have to go back to the advice your Aunt Kalea told me, "Just choose one thing that you remember about the day and write about that."
Following that advice has made journal writing so much easier over the last couple of years, and I have to remember to just record one memory at a time.
There is power in this because I can choose something and be very specific about it, capture the emotions of it, and remember it for the rest of our lives. I have been told in many blessings that I must keep a record of what I do with my family because in future times "multitudes will learn from what you have written."
So I am repenting, and coming back to writing.
My one memory today is about wrinkles.
Recently, Gabe, you found a bunch of pictures that I had printed a while ago. There are all kinds of pictures in this pile, and you insisted that we hang them up all over the house. There are pictures from 10 years ago through now that are taped up and down our hallways.
As I was walking down the hall the other day I stopped dead in my tracks. I saw a picture of me that was taped to the mirror. It was one that was 10 years old. I looked at the pictures, then looked at my reflection, and it was the FIRST moment I have had in my whole life that I looked at my reflection and thought, "You are aging! People don't look at you like you are young anymore... you are growing older!"
It was a bit of a shock and relief at the same time. You can imagine me, getting close to the mirror, and examining my wrinkles, my grey hairs, age spots... then I looked at my hands and they look exactly like my mom's hands did when she was 40 years old.
I started to cry... it wasn't a sad cry or a happy cry... it was just a cry of realization of everything that life has taught me up to this point. I feel like I have a lot to offer those around me, I have a lot to teach my kids, I have so many experiences that I can share and uplift those around me with. But I also cried because I know that life truly has just begun.
Winston Churchill said, "Life really begins at 40, up until then, you are only doing research." TRUTH. I can truly say that is truth. I am grateful to know that God is a very old man, for He will always lead me the right way with His wisdom.
And so kids, remember as you grow older, that capturing one moment at a time is worth something. One moment at a time is how the Spirit talks to us. One moment at a time is really how we truly live a miraculous life.
I love you,
Your Mom
I have been going back to the old habit of trying to write about everything that is going on... and so actually never write because I get so far behind and nothing comes out the way I want it to.
So I have to go back to the advice your Aunt Kalea told me, "Just choose one thing that you remember about the day and write about that."
Following that advice has made journal writing so much easier over the last couple of years, and I have to remember to just record one memory at a time.
There is power in this because I can choose something and be very specific about it, capture the emotions of it, and remember it for the rest of our lives. I have been told in many blessings that I must keep a record of what I do with my family because in future times "multitudes will learn from what you have written."
So I am repenting, and coming back to writing.
My one memory today is about wrinkles.
Recently, Gabe, you found a bunch of pictures that I had printed a while ago. There are all kinds of pictures in this pile, and you insisted that we hang them up all over the house. There are pictures from 10 years ago through now that are taped up and down our hallways.
As I was walking down the hall the other day I stopped dead in my tracks. I saw a picture of me that was taped to the mirror. It was one that was 10 years old. I looked at the pictures, then looked at my reflection, and it was the FIRST moment I have had in my whole life that I looked at my reflection and thought, "You are aging! People don't look at you like you are young anymore... you are growing older!"
It was a bit of a shock and relief at the same time. You can imagine me, getting close to the mirror, and examining my wrinkles, my grey hairs, age spots... then I looked at my hands and they look exactly like my mom's hands did when she was 40 years old.
I started to cry... it wasn't a sad cry or a happy cry... it was just a cry of realization of everything that life has taught me up to this point. I feel like I have a lot to offer those around me, I have a lot to teach my kids, I have so many experiences that I can share and uplift those around me with. But I also cried because I know that life truly has just begun.
Winston Churchill said, "Life really begins at 40, up until then, you are only doing research." TRUTH. I can truly say that is truth. I am grateful to know that God is a very old man, for He will always lead me the right way with His wisdom.
And so kids, remember as you grow older, that capturing one moment at a time is worth something. One moment at a time is how the Spirit talks to us. One moment at a time is really how we truly live a miraculous life.
I love you,
Your Mom
Monday, August 17, 2015
Gabe's First Day: Montessori
Dear Gabriel,
It's true. Mom's really do feel emotional and cry on the first day of dropping off your kid at school.
I know because I did that with you this morning.
We have always been big homeschooling supporters. We homeschooled last year and I plan on homeschooling in the future. But when you were accepted into Montessori, it just felt so right for you to go to this school.
I think for a few reasons... Because we know we need to have another baby and (let's get real) no schooling is going to happen once I get pregnant. Keeping up with regular stuff will be the max I can handle. Another reason is because you are ready, and the Lord wants you to have this experience. Another reason is because this is an excellent school and your mind is just entering into a space where you can't soak up enough.
I have a feeling in my gut that during the younger years all you kids will go to the Montessori, then we are going to join the TJEd Co-op. We will see what the future brings.
When I dropped you off I cried on my way out of the parking lot. You are my first baby! I can't believe you are growing like this. You are such an amazing kid. Your mind is phenomenal. Your dad gave you a blessing last night. It told you in the blessing that in the pre-existence you dedicated yourself to learning so much that you have an extra ordinary ability to learn in this life because of the gifts you developed and because of the mission you have on earth. He told you to harness that gift because of what the Lords wants of you.
I asked your dad what he saw when he was giving you your blessing, and he said, "Andrea, He is one REALLY special kid."
It's true. You are already on a 2nd grade reading level. You are 6, going to be 7 in October. Your creations with what you build are extravagent, much more advanced than your age. I am excited to see how you develop!
I love you so much. My heart hurts to let you go, but it is so excited as well. My boy! My amazing boy.
I love you,
Your Mom
It's true. Mom's really do feel emotional and cry on the first day of dropping off your kid at school.
I know because I did that with you this morning.
We have always been big homeschooling supporters. We homeschooled last year and I plan on homeschooling in the future. But when you were accepted into Montessori, it just felt so right for you to go to this school.
I think for a few reasons... Because we know we need to have another baby and (let's get real) no schooling is going to happen once I get pregnant. Keeping up with regular stuff will be the max I can handle. Another reason is because you are ready, and the Lord wants you to have this experience. Another reason is because this is an excellent school and your mind is just entering into a space where you can't soak up enough.
I have a feeling in my gut that during the younger years all you kids will go to the Montessori, then we are going to join the TJEd Co-op. We will see what the future brings.
When I dropped you off I cried on my way out of the parking lot. You are my first baby! I can't believe you are growing like this. You are such an amazing kid. Your mind is phenomenal. Your dad gave you a blessing last night. It told you in the blessing that in the pre-existence you dedicated yourself to learning so much that you have an extra ordinary ability to learn in this life because of the gifts you developed and because of the mission you have on earth. He told you to harness that gift because of what the Lords wants of you.
I asked your dad what he saw when he was giving you your blessing, and he said, "Andrea, He is one REALLY special kid."
It's true. You are already on a 2nd grade reading level. You are 6, going to be 7 in October. Your creations with what you build are extravagent, much more advanced than your age. I am excited to see how you develop!
I love you so much. My heart hurts to let you go, but it is so excited as well. My boy! My amazing boy.
I love you,
Your Mom
Tuesday, May 19, 2015
The Lord's Timing Is Never Wrong
Dear Kids,
This is a lesson that I keep learning over and over again - and mainly because in the moment of the lesson it is painful enough that I forget that the Lord's timing really is perfect - even when the reality of waiting for that timing is really painful.
Your dad just got a job with a small, growing company doing dispatching for oil trucks. We are SO excited about it. The potential with the company is AWESOME because of the growth rate they have ahead of them and what Brent can do to help them with his talents and gifts. He interviewed with the company in February. We felt REALLY good about it and we thought it was perfect timing because the play was going to be starting and it would have fit into the schedule really well, and the IRS would have been able to be handled because we would have more money to pay people that we needed to... etc.
But he didn't get the job. We were SO disappointed when we found out. It actually took both of us a few days to get past not getting it.
So then we moved on. And the IRS started garnishing wages. And the play was intense. And all the extra stuff was not getting done. And Brent kept working MANY hours a week and find as many side jobs as he could to pay bills. And we didn't get the bills paid. And Brent stayed at Red Mountain, getting paid nothing. And we had to go to the church for help. And Brent had a really hard time with dealing with it all. And I had a hard time dealing with it all. And we weren't doing well together. And he got really sick. And the family got sick. And I was totally stressed out. And the stress kept growing.
You get the picture.
Well, after Brent met with the Bishop and told him our situation, he was hard on Brent... maybe I shouldn't say hard, but he was blunt. But he called a few days later and he had found a guy in our ward that does EXACTLY what we need. So Brent went and met with him.
This is where the timing of the Lord comes in. When Brent was talking to him about everything, we found out that working with him instead of the other places we were working through is going to be a HUGE blessing. Brent doesn't have to put in the intense paperwork as the other place. It is very minimal output on Brent's part (which is HUGE for Brent because it really stresses him out to put together all the details of paperwork, so much so, that he just puts it off.... for years!). Basically he takes our case and presents it as a big lump sum to the IRS and then asks for a settlement.
Here is the cool part.
When he was going through the numbers of the settlement, BECAUSE of how much we HAVEN'T been making the total of the settlement for what we will owe the IRS when everything is said and done will be like $3,000. Now that's AMAZING!!! Getting it down to just $3,000 is AMAZING, it is totally doable. And the whole reason it will go down that far is BECAUSE of how poor we have been for the last while.
So if we would have gotten that other opportunity when we wanted it and when we thought was best, it would have actually been worse for us. Because we would have gone with the OTHER company, who wouldn't have been able to get it down that far, and because we never would have found this other guy (as a result of going to the Bishop for help), and because of the opportunity that didn't happen when we wanted it to.
I just think looking at the timing of all of that is just amazing. It is such a huge testimony builder for me that the Lord DOES have us in the palm of His hands... even when it maybe doesn't feel like it because it is really just painful and really hard in the moment and dealing with the reality of it all seems too much. Even with all of our mistakes up to this point and all our weaknesses up to this point and how much better we could have handled things up to this point... He still has mercy on us to get us back on track.
So we shall see what happens from here. But as of today, tonight, I am breathing a sigh of relief. Sweet, shoulder lifting, relief.
I love you,
Your Mom
This is a lesson that I keep learning over and over again - and mainly because in the moment of the lesson it is painful enough that I forget that the Lord's timing really is perfect - even when the reality of waiting for that timing is really painful.
Your dad just got a job with a small, growing company doing dispatching for oil trucks. We are SO excited about it. The potential with the company is AWESOME because of the growth rate they have ahead of them and what Brent can do to help them with his talents and gifts. He interviewed with the company in February. We felt REALLY good about it and we thought it was perfect timing because the play was going to be starting and it would have fit into the schedule really well, and the IRS would have been able to be handled because we would have more money to pay people that we needed to... etc.
But he didn't get the job. We were SO disappointed when we found out. It actually took both of us a few days to get past not getting it.
So then we moved on. And the IRS started garnishing wages. And the play was intense. And all the extra stuff was not getting done. And Brent kept working MANY hours a week and find as many side jobs as he could to pay bills. And we didn't get the bills paid. And Brent stayed at Red Mountain, getting paid nothing. And we had to go to the church for help. And Brent had a really hard time with dealing with it all. And I had a hard time dealing with it all. And we weren't doing well together. And he got really sick. And the family got sick. And I was totally stressed out. And the stress kept growing.
You get the picture.
Well, after Brent met with the Bishop and told him our situation, he was hard on Brent... maybe I shouldn't say hard, but he was blunt. But he called a few days later and he had found a guy in our ward that does EXACTLY what we need. So Brent went and met with him.
This is where the timing of the Lord comes in. When Brent was talking to him about everything, we found out that working with him instead of the other places we were working through is going to be a HUGE blessing. Brent doesn't have to put in the intense paperwork as the other place. It is very minimal output on Brent's part (which is HUGE for Brent because it really stresses him out to put together all the details of paperwork, so much so, that he just puts it off.... for years!). Basically he takes our case and presents it as a big lump sum to the IRS and then asks for a settlement.
Here is the cool part.
When he was going through the numbers of the settlement, BECAUSE of how much we HAVEN'T been making the total of the settlement for what we will owe the IRS when everything is said and done will be like $3,000. Now that's AMAZING!!! Getting it down to just $3,000 is AMAZING, it is totally doable. And the whole reason it will go down that far is BECAUSE of how poor we have been for the last while.
So if we would have gotten that other opportunity when we wanted it and when we thought was best, it would have actually been worse for us. Because we would have gone with the OTHER company, who wouldn't have been able to get it down that far, and because we never would have found this other guy (as a result of going to the Bishop for help), and because of the opportunity that didn't happen when we wanted it to.
I just think looking at the timing of all of that is just amazing. It is such a huge testimony builder for me that the Lord DOES have us in the palm of His hands... even when it maybe doesn't feel like it because it is really just painful and really hard in the moment and dealing with the reality of it all seems too much. Even with all of our mistakes up to this point and all our weaknesses up to this point and how much better we could have handled things up to this point... He still has mercy on us to get us back on track.
So we shall see what happens from here. But as of today, tonight, I am breathing a sigh of relief. Sweet, shoulder lifting, relief.
I love you,
Your Mom
Wednesday, May 13, 2015
Our Hearts Were Made More Tender
Dear Kids,
There were a few posts the other night I was looking at. One was a friend of mine who's husband is dying of a brain tumor. They have 2 little kids. The other was a friend who is getting a divorce after 30 years of marriage because of unfaithfulness. The other was a friend who just simply was having a hard time and didn't know how to handle it.
When I was reading through those posts and a few others I found my heart was so soft for them and their situations - many of those situations which I haven't been through (yet :-) ). The feelings I had reminded me of the words of the prophet Joseph Smith after his experience in Liberty Jail. About that horrific experience he said, "But it was not in vain, because our hearts had been made more tender."
It caused me to think about the things that I have been through that have caused my heart to be tender. I know what it is like to:
There were a few posts the other night I was looking at. One was a friend of mine who's husband is dying of a brain tumor. They have 2 little kids. The other was a friend who is getting a divorce after 30 years of marriage because of unfaithfulness. The other was a friend who just simply was having a hard time and didn't know how to handle it.
When I was reading through those posts and a few others I found my heart was so soft for them and their situations - many of those situations which I haven't been through (yet :-) ). The feelings I had reminded me of the words of the prophet Joseph Smith after his experience in Liberty Jail. About that horrific experience he said, "But it was not in vain, because our hearts had been made more tender."
It caused me to think about the things that I have been through that have caused my heart to be tender. I know what it is like to:
- Be exhausted after a long day of little kids
- Homeschool and figure out how to educate my kids on my own
- Be persecuted because of my faith and my beliefs from people who should have been some of the most influential people in my life
- Cry myself to sleep at night because of IRS levies and garnishments, not knowing how to let go of the stress of money and survival
- Be so lonely because of a spouse with a pornography problem
- Work on forgiving the person that I am supposed to trust the most
- Not have enough money for rent and go to the church for support
- Have my credit be shot and not able to be qualified for anything
- Have a family member and friends commit suicide
- Not know how to handle emotions because of a mother with major anxiety problems
- Look at my house and never feel like I am going to catch up
- Be so sick from pregnancy that I can't move
- Go through the pains and getting to the "veil of death" through natural child birth
- Go through the pains of a C-section and getting over surgery
- Have body aches/sprains/tears that takes months to heal
- Lose a business, homes, material things and start over
- Live in a foreign land and miss home terribly, learn the language and work hard
- Be single for a long time and long for a husband, children and a forever family
- Go through depression and feel stuck and lost
- Have close family members go through drug addiction
- Learn to love family members who are homosexual, but maintain different opinions about it all
- Have doubts about my faith, study, pray and work on a personal relationship with Jesus Christ and build my own testimony
- Understand the atonement because of forgiveness of a spouse who made serious sexual mistakes before marriage
- Be exhausted from a long day at "the office", working with high maintanence families and teenagers
- Feel emotionally exhausted from being the "anchor" for so many of my friends and family, and not feeling like I can do it any more
This is the just the start of a few of the things that have caused my heart to be made "more tender". But, the greatest part is that it's not just because of the hard things that my heart has sympathy. It is also because of all the victories in my life as well. Like:
- Having children and holding my newborn babies close to my heart, feeling joy beyond anything describable
- Having a very successful career and supporting myself for a long time
- Forgiving my spouse, working through it together, going back to the temple, looking into each other's eyes and working on love - the verb.
- Be involved in community service projects that feed families bodies, souls and spirits
- Giving back to my neighborhood, loving my callings in the church and fulfilling my stewardships involved because I love the people and my Lord
- Going through such work to have my own testimony, then standing up in front of a crowd, share my powerful testimony and have it touch people's hearts
- Perform music and feel the power that is in music, carrying it to people's hearts
- Loving my husband, making love to him, giving my whole heart and soul to each other
- Go to the temple and keep those covenants, knowing that I have worked hard to keep them, feeling the satisfaction of that reassurance
- Having a lot of fun in my life, smiling a lot and uplifting people as much as I can
- Being with my soul mate - with everything we have been through together so far, I truly can say that I know he is my soul mate, that we are meant to go through these situations and experiences together
- Learning how to truly love
- Having adventures - being able to do so much with my life before I got married
- Going to Russia, traveling throughout the US, traveling to various places - Oh how I love to travel! I miss it
- Being loyal to my family, knowing that my father loves me, he adores me, knowing my mother's sacrifices to make our lives growing up the best she could give to us
- Having so many talents - loving the arts, painting, writing, reading, appreciating, loving beauty and adding it to my life
- Teaching myself about natural medicines, herbs, being as self reliant as I can
- Reading the scriptures and loving them, filling my life with the spirit
Once again - that is just the beginning of all the amazing things that I have experienced in my life. And I am not even 40 yet! There is so much to experience, especially to "make our hearts more tender".
What other people are going through doesn't diminish in anyway my trials and how I have learned - there is really no need to "compare" trials and think how hard it is for so many people, because of how different our trials are. But the same with our joys - our joys are so unique and meant for us as well!
I love you,
Your Mom
Wednesday, May 6, 2015
Brent's Miracle: His Dad Came
Dear Kids,
I have to tell you about a miracle that happened a few nights ago.
We are in the play "The Music Man" right now as a family with SGMT. Your dad, talented soul he is, is the lead of the play. We REALLY prayed about whether to do the play or not (because of a lot of reasons) but felt like we should move forward with it. Because of your dad being Harold Hill we decided to be in it all together as a family (with the exception of Elijah, poor kid).
Well, it is a six week run. A LONG run. Your poor dad has been so tired. But he has been able to pull off this role and has done an amazing job at it. Well, last week (about 10-12 days ago) he got a cough. Usually he gets over stuff really fast, but not this time. The cough kept getting worse and worse. We have tried EVERYTHING (truly everything we know, medicine, natural medicine, blessings, prayers...) in order to get rid of it. He has been able to make it through the show, but a few nights were a little rough.
Well, when we got to the play to warm up on Monday we didn't know how he was going to pull it off. For 3 nights straight he only slept 1/2 hour each night (literally) because of how bad he was coughing, and he made a trip up and back from Idaho Falls in there (on Sunday) for extra work, not sleeping the whole time. This is truly no exaggeration. He hadn't been able to sleep at all for 72 hours. And the previous week he only slept 2-3 hours each night. I have no idea how he was functioning.
Monday during warm ups he coughed all the way through both songs he tried to warm up with. His energy was so down, he barely could walk and comprehend what people were saying to him. He looked at me and had no idea how he was going to make it through and what he was going to do. He has no double and no understudy, so he has to perform or the show is cancelled.
Well, we got dressed and ready to perform. The whole time I was singing through the first song of the show on stage, I was just praying my guts out for Brent. He came onto stage and I just kept praying, then I had a very distinct feeling that his dad was there by his side. His dad died years ago when Brent was 17 (for those who don't know) of suicide. We know his dad (Milton) has done so much work on the other side and his soul is in a very good place. Well, when Brent came on stage, I felt Milton immediately. Brent went through every song and every line of the first act with no problems, no coughs, clear voice... His energy was amazing and he has energy to spare. I couldn't believe it. It was truly a miracle. He was amazing on stage.
I went up during intermission to Brent's changing room and looked at him with my arms out proclaiming, "It is a miracle!". Brent looked at me and said, "Yes, literally it really is." Then he told me how before the play started he closed the door to his dressing room and sat on his chair. He said, "I didn't even have the energy to kneel down and be able to get back up. Then I looked at the heavens with my arms out and prayed 'Lord, I need a miracle right now... will you please send me my dad?'... And he came immediately and has been with me." (picture of Brent as a baby with his dad)
The rest of the show went GREAT. Then as soon as the show ended and we got back in the car to come home, his dad left and Brent started coughing again! Luckily that night Brent got 3 hours of sleep, which is more than he has had for a long time, then he had to get on the road again for some work projects until tonight.
I think he needed this experience with the play for a lot of reasons... but one of the biggest reasons was to have this experience with his dad.
Kids - I am so grateful for your dad. I am grateful for his faith. I am grateful he is willing to push through hard things. I am grateful that he believes in prayer and that he believes in help from the Lord. I am grateful for his talents and his abilities. I am grateful he has chosen life. I am grateful he is not bitter at his father and the myriad of crazy struggles in the soap opera he grew up in. I am grateful and praise my Lord that forgiveness and repentance is real, especially on the other side. I am grateful for miracles in our lives.
I love you,
Your Mom
I have to tell you about a miracle that happened a few nights ago.
We are in the play "The Music Man" right now as a family with SGMT. Your dad, talented soul he is, is the lead of the play. We REALLY prayed about whether to do the play or not (because of a lot of reasons) but felt like we should move forward with it. Because of your dad being Harold Hill we decided to be in it all together as a family (with the exception of Elijah, poor kid).
Well, it is a six week run. A LONG run. Your poor dad has been so tired. But he has been able to pull off this role and has done an amazing job at it. Well, last week (about 10-12 days ago) he got a cough. Usually he gets over stuff really fast, but not this time. The cough kept getting worse and worse. We have tried EVERYTHING (truly everything we know, medicine, natural medicine, blessings, prayers...) in order to get rid of it. He has been able to make it through the show, but a few nights were a little rough.
Well, when we got to the play to warm up on Monday we didn't know how he was going to pull it off. For 3 nights straight he only slept 1/2 hour each night (literally) because of how bad he was coughing, and he made a trip up and back from Idaho Falls in there (on Sunday) for extra work, not sleeping the whole time. This is truly no exaggeration. He hadn't been able to sleep at all for 72 hours. And the previous week he only slept 2-3 hours each night. I have no idea how he was functioning.
Monday during warm ups he coughed all the way through both songs he tried to warm up with. His energy was so down, he barely could walk and comprehend what people were saying to him. He looked at me and had no idea how he was going to make it through and what he was going to do. He has no double and no understudy, so he has to perform or the show is cancelled.
Well, we got dressed and ready to perform. The whole time I was singing through the first song of the show on stage, I was just praying my guts out for Brent. He came onto stage and I just kept praying, then I had a very distinct feeling that his dad was there by his side. His dad died years ago when Brent was 17 (for those who don't know) of suicide. We know his dad (Milton) has done so much work on the other side and his soul is in a very good place. Well, when Brent came on stage, I felt Milton immediately. Brent went through every song and every line of the first act with no problems, no coughs, clear voice... His energy was amazing and he has energy to spare. I couldn't believe it. It was truly a miracle. He was amazing on stage.
The rest of the show went GREAT. Then as soon as the show ended and we got back in the car to come home, his dad left and Brent started coughing again! Luckily that night Brent got 3 hours of sleep, which is more than he has had for a long time, then he had to get on the road again for some work projects until tonight.
I think he needed this experience with the play for a lot of reasons... but one of the biggest reasons was to have this experience with his dad.
Kids - I am so grateful for your dad. I am grateful for his faith. I am grateful he is willing to push through hard things. I am grateful that he believes in prayer and that he believes in help from the Lord. I am grateful for his talents and his abilities. I am grateful he has chosen life. I am grateful he is not bitter at his father and the myriad of crazy struggles in the soap opera he grew up in. I am grateful and praise my Lord that forgiveness and repentance is real, especially on the other side. I am grateful for miracles in our lives.
I love you,
Your Mom
Tuesday, April 28, 2015
When Magical Moments Become Just Life
Dear Kids,
You know, I was thinking today about how easy it is to start to look at everything I used to find amazing, magical, emotional, hard, easy, brave, happy, and exciting inside of life as just everyday moments...
The thinking started because all of you did something really cute in the car today. In the car, you started telling me about your dreams and the super heros in your dreams and who you wish you could be. Your stories were adorable and the phrases were so hilarious... your words and facial expressions. You left me laughing and giggling.
But then we arrived at our destination, got out of the car, did our errands, got back to the house, went on with life. I started thinking about how something like that used to just get me. I would run to my journal (or blog) and write it all down so I didn't miss it or forget it. I used to post the funny phrases on facebook, or take video of it, take pictures of it... It used to be something to brag about, to post about, to share and laugh about.
But now it is just part of life.
I also thought about how when I used to share and post the lessons or funny moments of my day, that "more experienced" moms out there could have possibly found my posts and pictures of my fun little kids a little bit... well, naive I guess. After having three kids all say such funny things, or go through the same phases, or talk back to me, or have an attitude, or I realize that all these stages are part of life (and my oldest is still only 6 1/2, so we have a lot of stages left) what my kids do is suddenly "just what happens". It's life. It's family. It's kids being kids. It's me being mom.
Not sure this is making sense... but it is helping me to sort it out in my mind. So I shall keep typing...
The part I am not sure about is if it is a good thing to get to this point. I am really busy (doing mom stuff, just trying to some how keep up with the never ending pile of laundry, work and massage clients, schooling, volunteer time at the play, organizing my 20th reunion, supporting hubby, figuring out IRS problems...). Part of me is worried that the things I used to write posts about, the lessons I used to see in everyday situations, aren't hitting me as much because I am just not taking the time to see them.
A huge part of me wants to just slow down. A lot. The other part of me really likes being busy. The other part of me has to be busy because that is just the stage we are in right now and truly I don't have the luxury of not taking care of very important life obligations.
But I don't want to let all of this pass me by.
So for right now, for this moment, I am choosing to be grateful for this moment of thinking about my kids. Remembering that the most important work I can do is in my home. The most important thing I can do is bring my children to Christ. And if that isn't happening, then I definitely need to reorganize some things.
Kids = I want you to remember that I just love you. On the hard days when I seem irritated a lot - I still love you. On the easy days when we can just hang out - I love you. On the busy days when we are never home and we are running around like crazy - I love you. On the working days when I don't see you - I love you.
I just love you. Whether there is magic or not. Whether there are lessons I have noticed in the day or not. Whether I have captured cute moments or whether I have forgotten. Whether I have read with you and we sing songs at night, or I just put you in bed because I am tired. Whether we snuggle during a movie or I used that time to get computer work done. Whether I have the patience to let you help me make dinner or I have you leave the kitchen...
I just love you. And Jesus loves you too. If only those two things are cemented in your head, then I have done my job for the day.
Your Mom
You know, I was thinking today about how easy it is to start to look at everything I used to find amazing, magical, emotional, hard, easy, brave, happy, and exciting inside of life as just everyday moments...
The thinking started because all of you did something really cute in the car today. In the car, you started telling me about your dreams and the super heros in your dreams and who you wish you could be. Your stories were adorable and the phrases were so hilarious... your words and facial expressions. You left me laughing and giggling.
But then we arrived at our destination, got out of the car, did our errands, got back to the house, went on with life. I started thinking about how something like that used to just get me. I would run to my journal (or blog) and write it all down so I didn't miss it or forget it. I used to post the funny phrases on facebook, or take video of it, take pictures of it... It used to be something to brag about, to post about, to share and laugh about.
But now it is just part of life.
I also thought about how when I used to share and post the lessons or funny moments of my day, that "more experienced" moms out there could have possibly found my posts and pictures of my fun little kids a little bit... well, naive I guess. After having three kids all say such funny things, or go through the same phases, or talk back to me, or have an attitude, or I realize that all these stages are part of life (and my oldest is still only 6 1/2, so we have a lot of stages left) what my kids do is suddenly "just what happens". It's life. It's family. It's kids being kids. It's me being mom.
Not sure this is making sense... but it is helping me to sort it out in my mind. So I shall keep typing...
The part I am not sure about is if it is a good thing to get to this point. I am really busy (doing mom stuff, just trying to some how keep up with the never ending pile of laundry, work and massage clients, schooling, volunteer time at the play, organizing my 20th reunion, supporting hubby, figuring out IRS problems...). Part of me is worried that the things I used to write posts about, the lessons I used to see in everyday situations, aren't hitting me as much because I am just not taking the time to see them.
A huge part of me wants to just slow down. A lot. The other part of me really likes being busy. The other part of me has to be busy because that is just the stage we are in right now and truly I don't have the luxury of not taking care of very important life obligations.
But I don't want to let all of this pass me by.
So for right now, for this moment, I am choosing to be grateful for this moment of thinking about my kids. Remembering that the most important work I can do is in my home. The most important thing I can do is bring my children to Christ. And if that isn't happening, then I definitely need to reorganize some things.
Kids = I want you to remember that I just love you. On the hard days when I seem irritated a lot - I still love you. On the easy days when we can just hang out - I love you. On the busy days when we are never home and we are running around like crazy - I love you. On the working days when I don't see you - I love you.
I just love you. Whether there is magic or not. Whether there are lessons I have noticed in the day or not. Whether I have captured cute moments or whether I have forgotten. Whether I have read with you and we sing songs at night, or I just put you in bed because I am tired. Whether we snuggle during a movie or I used that time to get computer work done. Whether I have the patience to let you help me make dinner or I have you leave the kitchen...
I just love you. And Jesus loves you too. If only those two things are cemented in your head, then I have done my job for the day.
Your Mom
Wednesday, March 4, 2015
Just Updates
Dear Kids,
Time for a report on our life and what we have been up to for a couple of months. I think it is important to remember everything that is going on in our daily lives for our journal.
-We are in "Music Man". Your dad got the leading role as Harold Hill. We have practices every night through March. When the show starts it will be 4 nights a week. Gabe and Talia, you are in it with us! You are helping with the songs and you are so cute on stage :-).
-I started doing "Natural Medicine Mamas" with my mom at the beginning of the year (after Christmas). We are still getting all our stuff figured out, the marketing, the systems, the content, the products. We are taking it slow because both of us only have about 5-10 hours a week to work on it. We are figuring it out together, but having a good time!
-We joined a homeschooling co-op here in the town on Tuesdays. You are all LOVING it! You tell me about everything you are doing in your classes and you are loving the time with other teachers and friends.
-Gabe and Talia, you did NOT get into the Montessori Charter School here in town, so we have to decide what we are doing for your education next year. I am sure we will homeschool again, because besides the Montessori, nothing else is really appealing to us as a family. Gabe you will be in 1st grade next year and Talia you will be in kindergarten.
-Talia, you are doing the Rusty and Rosy program again this year and you are doing SO WELL. I got a call from a lady at the Waterford institute telling me how amazing your progress is. You are on the 1st grade reading level already! She was concerned about your emotional state to handle the mental leap. Which was interesting. We have been working on it together, and as long as I am there with you helping you, then you do really well. If I am not and you are left to do it on your own, then you have anxiety about it. I was glad to get some feedback from her about what physiologically is going on with your body and brain at this point in your life.
-Gabe, you are on an advanced 1st grade level with your reading and getting there with your Math. I know I need to work more with you on getting your thoughts onto paper. We are going to work on that this year. But you are doing SO WELL!
-Gabe, you are going to do t-ball again this year and Jake's dad is going to be your coach! We are so excited.
-Elijah, you just got over being sick... poor little thing! It was a pretty bad one this time around. You had a good fever and throwing up and everything. You are on the mend and doing much better. You are starting to talk! You are saying more and more things that we can understand.
-Our favorite thing that you all say is "resternaut" instead of "resteraunt". It is so cute when you all say it.
-Your favorite movie right now is Big Hero 6. You want to watch it all the time, lucky for you all, at play practices you get to watch it pretty often when there are times that everyone has to be quiet!
-I am in the young women's presidency - 2nd counselor. I love the Beehives, they are so great! I love having them with me in my life and everything they teach me.
-The book "I Can Do Hard Things With God" came out about a month ago, and I have a chapter in there on finances. It has been such a pleasure to see how my experience has been helping people. I am grateful for that.
-It is greenhouse season so we are selling more greenhouses in the last month! Yay! We love this time of year.
-Brent is still doing some work for Red Mountain. The House of Jump was having him work with them but they decided not to move forward with their business plans, so that stopped at the first of the year. Luckily, the Lord has been providing for us.
-Your dad and I are fasting every Sunday for our future. We have to get our long term finances and future figured out. We are going to keep fasting every Sunday for this until we receive the answers we are needing and looking for. Nothing has come yet, but we are going to keep on keeping on. We are praying and fasting for a vision of our future, for a vision of all of you and your futures, for the Lord to unfold to us and show us the way.
-My 20th reunion is coming up in June and somehow I got myself pulled in to be in charge of it. So we will see how that goes!
-There are family meetings, we are doing herb calls 2 times a month still, educating ourselves, starting family calls again with your dad's family, and keeping up with relationships there.
-We planted our garden just a little bit ago! There is more to plant, which I am going to do after I get off the computer. :-)
-I need to paint. I need some creative time. I really feel that. A LOT. I have been having a hard time with claustrophobia... and that means I need to get some creative energy out.
-I delivered a greenhouse to Idaho about a month ago, that was a fun spur of the moment trip with all of you.
-Then just the day in's and out's of life! We are invited to a lot of things and some things we say yes to and others we say no to. We are working on getting our house in order.
-I made a bunch more tinctures the other day. I have more to add to my medicine cabinet. I gave a presentation to a mom's group a couple weeks ago about natural medicine in their families. That was fun. I am working on the vision of my life and this feels like a part of it... especially because of the gift of healing.
Love you.
Your Mom
Time for a report on our life and what we have been up to for a couple of months. I think it is important to remember everything that is going on in our daily lives for our journal.
-We are in "Music Man". Your dad got the leading role as Harold Hill. We have practices every night through March. When the show starts it will be 4 nights a week. Gabe and Talia, you are in it with us! You are helping with the songs and you are so cute on stage :-).
-I started doing "Natural Medicine Mamas" with my mom at the beginning of the year (after Christmas). We are still getting all our stuff figured out, the marketing, the systems, the content, the products. We are taking it slow because both of us only have about 5-10 hours a week to work on it. We are figuring it out together, but having a good time!
-We joined a homeschooling co-op here in the town on Tuesdays. You are all LOVING it! You tell me about everything you are doing in your classes and you are loving the time with other teachers and friends.
-Gabe and Talia, you did NOT get into the Montessori Charter School here in town, so we have to decide what we are doing for your education next year. I am sure we will homeschool again, because besides the Montessori, nothing else is really appealing to us as a family. Gabe you will be in 1st grade next year and Talia you will be in kindergarten.
-Talia, you are doing the Rusty and Rosy program again this year and you are doing SO WELL. I got a call from a lady at the Waterford institute telling me how amazing your progress is. You are on the 1st grade reading level already! She was concerned about your emotional state to handle the mental leap. Which was interesting. We have been working on it together, and as long as I am there with you helping you, then you do really well. If I am not and you are left to do it on your own, then you have anxiety about it. I was glad to get some feedback from her about what physiologically is going on with your body and brain at this point in your life.
-Gabe, you are on an advanced 1st grade level with your reading and getting there with your Math. I know I need to work more with you on getting your thoughts onto paper. We are going to work on that this year. But you are doing SO WELL!
-Gabe, you are going to do t-ball again this year and Jake's dad is going to be your coach! We are so excited.
-Elijah, you just got over being sick... poor little thing! It was a pretty bad one this time around. You had a good fever and throwing up and everything. You are on the mend and doing much better. You are starting to talk! You are saying more and more things that we can understand.
-Our favorite thing that you all say is "resternaut" instead of "resteraunt". It is so cute when you all say it.
-Your favorite movie right now is Big Hero 6. You want to watch it all the time, lucky for you all, at play practices you get to watch it pretty often when there are times that everyone has to be quiet!
-I am in the young women's presidency - 2nd counselor. I love the Beehives, they are so great! I love having them with me in my life and everything they teach me.
-The book "I Can Do Hard Things With God" came out about a month ago, and I have a chapter in there on finances. It has been such a pleasure to see how my experience has been helping people. I am grateful for that.
-It is greenhouse season so we are selling more greenhouses in the last month! Yay! We love this time of year.
-Brent is still doing some work for Red Mountain. The House of Jump was having him work with them but they decided not to move forward with their business plans, so that stopped at the first of the year. Luckily, the Lord has been providing for us.
-Your dad and I are fasting every Sunday for our future. We have to get our long term finances and future figured out. We are going to keep fasting every Sunday for this until we receive the answers we are needing and looking for. Nothing has come yet, but we are going to keep on keeping on. We are praying and fasting for a vision of our future, for a vision of all of you and your futures, for the Lord to unfold to us and show us the way.
-My 20th reunion is coming up in June and somehow I got myself pulled in to be in charge of it. So we will see how that goes!
-There are family meetings, we are doing herb calls 2 times a month still, educating ourselves, starting family calls again with your dad's family, and keeping up with relationships there.
-We planted our garden just a little bit ago! There is more to plant, which I am going to do after I get off the computer. :-)
-I need to paint. I need some creative time. I really feel that. A LOT. I have been having a hard time with claustrophobia... and that means I need to get some creative energy out.
-I delivered a greenhouse to Idaho about a month ago, that was a fun spur of the moment trip with all of you.
-Then just the day in's and out's of life! We are invited to a lot of things and some things we say yes to and others we say no to. We are working on getting our house in order.
-I made a bunch more tinctures the other day. I have more to add to my medicine cabinet. I gave a presentation to a mom's group a couple weeks ago about natural medicine in their families. That was fun. I am working on the vision of my life and this feels like a part of it... especially because of the gift of healing.
Love you.
Your Mom
Wandering Days & Brain Downtime
Dear Kids,
So today is a "Wandering Day".
I have a lot I need to catch up on. I look outside and there are seeds to be planted, weeds to be pulled, toys to be hosed off... I look at my house and there is laundry to be put away, clutter to be picked up, deep cleaning that needs to happen... I have business posts to follow up on, emails to write, books to read, content to formulate...
The problem is that I don't have any desire to do any of it.
For the last few weeks I have been ANXIOUSLY WAITING for a day when I wasn't running around like a chicken with my head cut off so I could just "catch up". Now that I have a day that is low-key and I don't have any appointments or anything going on, I just can't make myself focus and get stuff done. I am just wandering around. Five minutes here, five minutes there.
I don't have any wise advice for days like this. I am pretty sure there are many others who have days like today. When there is a list of things to do but none of it gets done, even though you have the time. I feel like the only wisdom I can impart on days like today is that maybe the reason my brain can't focus on anything is because my brain needs a "Wandering Day" too.
Here is a great article that explains this much better than I can. It talks about why the brain needs downtime. There is scientific evidence of the needs to allow our brains and thoughts to slow down and "unclutter". I know I spend so much time with my brain ON, that when I have a day that I just can't focus on anything, it shows that I need a day of OFF.
There are many people who have told me they are jealous of my energy and getting so much done in a day. I have worried about that as a mom, especially for the different personalities that you all are. I know that you crave for me to just slow down and relax with you all a little bit more. We DO a lot together, but sometimes I wonder if I am filling your love buckets enough of just BEING together.
I love you all so much. I look at your faces and see you and my heart just melts. Remember as you grow and do more and more and more that it is okay to have a "Wandering Day" and just relax and unclutter a bit.
So here I go... I am turning off the computer (after posting this ;-).
I am going to just sit in the sun.
I am just going to breathe.
I am just going to BE.
I love you,
Your Mom
So today is a "Wandering Day".
I have a lot I need to catch up on. I look outside and there are seeds to be planted, weeds to be pulled, toys to be hosed off... I look at my house and there is laundry to be put away, clutter to be picked up, deep cleaning that needs to happen... I have business posts to follow up on, emails to write, books to read, content to formulate...
The problem is that I don't have any desire to do any of it.
For the last few weeks I have been ANXIOUSLY WAITING for a day when I wasn't running around like a chicken with my head cut off so I could just "catch up". Now that I have a day that is low-key and I don't have any appointments or anything going on, I just can't make myself focus and get stuff done. I am just wandering around. Five minutes here, five minutes there.
I don't have any wise advice for days like this. I am pretty sure there are many others who have days like today. When there is a list of things to do but none of it gets done, even though you have the time. I feel like the only wisdom I can impart on days like today is that maybe the reason my brain can't focus on anything is because my brain needs a "Wandering Day" too.
Here is a great article that explains this much better than I can. It talks about why the brain needs downtime. There is scientific evidence of the needs to allow our brains and thoughts to slow down and "unclutter". I know I spend so much time with my brain ON, that when I have a day that I just can't focus on anything, it shows that I need a day of OFF.
There are many people who have told me they are jealous of my energy and getting so much done in a day. I have worried about that as a mom, especially for the different personalities that you all are. I know that you crave for me to just slow down and relax with you all a little bit more. We DO a lot together, but sometimes I wonder if I am filling your love buckets enough of just BEING together.
I love you all so much. I look at your faces and see you and my heart just melts. Remember as you grow and do more and more and more that it is okay to have a "Wandering Day" and just relax and unclutter a bit.
So here I go... I am turning off the computer (after posting this ;-).
I am going to just sit in the sun.
I am just going to breathe.
I am just going to BE.
I love you,
Your Mom
Monday, February 16, 2015
A Day Of Normal
Dear Kids,
I want to sit down and write something magical.
I want to write about something tragic.
I want to create poetry about something life altering.
I want to portray gut bursting laughter and jokes.
I want to touch a million people's hearts with something that only can seep out of my brain and heart.
But as I sit here all I can think of is just a normal day.
I got up. I went to the gym. Listened to a seminar. Then turned on blasting music. Sweated my guts out. Drove home. Prayed at the red light. Got home. Opened the door. Heard crying. Heard laughing. "Mommy! We are up!". Stepped on some legos and stuffed animals (clearly in the positions of some kind of war). Kissed hubby. Showered. Breakfast. "That's MY chair. Mom! Tell her to get OUT!".
Took a deep breath. Smiled. Intervention. Read scriptures. Read children's stories. Did a bit of school work. Went outside. Planned a garden. Tried to teach about gardening. "Mommy! I want to do it this way. This is my choice!". Took another deep breath. "Yes, can I please show you something that will help?".
Dug in the dirt. Planted some seeds. Six little hands and feet all around me. "I want some! It's my turn!". Loud outside voices. "Please stop yelling." Taking turns. Teaching about taking turns... for the 1,000th time this month... with a smile (possibly through gritted teeth). Watering seeds. Covering seeds. Shake time. Lunch time. Greenhouse sold.
Reading time. Nap time. "Mom! reekknelknfaoiksn!" in 2-year old language only mom understands and knows he means "more hugs". Give more hugs. Wraps kids in blankets. Six year old boys in and out of the house for play time. Business call. Business planning. Product decisions. Laughing with mom. Kissed hubby good bye. More laundry rotation. Finish dishes. Nap time done. Teach about putting dishes away. Kids in and out of the house. Play time. "STOP!" six year old not being respectful to friends. Intervention. Social teaching. Dirt clods hit house. Intervention. Crying from the tramp. Intervention. Hide and Seek. "Mom, you count we will all hide!". 1,2,3,4,5,6...... play time.
Afternoon sluggish time. Take more tea. Do more pick up. Teach more pick up. Open doors. Kids playing. Teaching two year old what the driveway is. Over and over again teach the boundary of "do not go in the street". He gets it! Four year old daughter crying from being left out of boy play. Intervention. Hugs. Barbies. Braiding hair. More six year old boys. Tempted to have them go to someone else's house. Remember it is a goal to have an open house to friends. It starts young. Calm myself down from screams. Embrace the chaos. "I want a home where friends are happy."
More mom things. Answer texts. Listen to voicemail. Return a call. Looking at schedule. Figuring out "Yes" things and "No" things for outside commitments. Time for dinner. Time for laundry rotation. Call in from playing. "But mom, I am not ready! No I don't want to come!". Intervention and giving choices. "Would you rather..." statement repeated for the 1000th time in the last 10 hours. Dinner time. Pick up time. Bath time. Reading time. Scripture time. Snuggle time.
All in bed. Tired mom time. Sit in the computer chair for 25 minutes scrolling pinterest, facebook, blogs... anything to separate my brain. Look up. More dishes. More laundry. "I need to write... what to write?". Child out of bed, "Mom I need more hugs." Kisses. More hugs. To bed again.
And here we are.
Nothing earth shattering. Nothing life changing. Just a day. A day of "Normal". Sometimes there are earth shattering days. Sometimes there are life changing moments. And 95% of the time there are just days of "Normal".
You know what? That is okay. Because it's the daily normal adding together that makes life magical.
I love you,
Your Mom
I want to sit down and write something magical.
I want to write about something tragic.
I want to create poetry about something life altering.
I want to portray gut bursting laughter and jokes.
I want to touch a million people's hearts with something that only can seep out of my brain and heart.
But as I sit here all I can think of is just a normal day.
I got up. I went to the gym. Listened to a seminar. Then turned on blasting music. Sweated my guts out. Drove home. Prayed at the red light. Got home. Opened the door. Heard crying. Heard laughing. "Mommy! We are up!". Stepped on some legos and stuffed animals (clearly in the positions of some kind of war). Kissed hubby. Showered. Breakfast. "That's MY chair. Mom! Tell her to get OUT!".
Took a deep breath. Smiled. Intervention. Read scriptures. Read children's stories. Did a bit of school work. Went outside. Planned a garden. Tried to teach about gardening. "Mommy! I want to do it this way. This is my choice!". Took another deep breath. "Yes, can I please show you something that will help?".
Dug in the dirt. Planted some seeds. Six little hands and feet all around me. "I want some! It's my turn!". Loud outside voices. "Please stop yelling." Taking turns. Teaching about taking turns... for the 1,000th time this month... with a smile (possibly through gritted teeth). Watering seeds. Covering seeds. Shake time. Lunch time. Greenhouse sold.
Reading time. Nap time. "Mom! reekknelknfaoiksn!" in 2-year old language only mom understands and knows he means "more hugs". Give more hugs. Wraps kids in blankets. Six year old boys in and out of the house for play time. Business call. Business planning. Product decisions. Laughing with mom. Kissed hubby good bye. More laundry rotation. Finish dishes. Nap time done. Teach about putting dishes away. Kids in and out of the house. Play time. "STOP!" six year old not being respectful to friends. Intervention. Social teaching. Dirt clods hit house. Intervention. Crying from the tramp. Intervention. Hide and Seek. "Mom, you count we will all hide!". 1,2,3,4,5,6...... play time.
Afternoon sluggish time. Take more tea. Do more pick up. Teach more pick up. Open doors. Kids playing. Teaching two year old what the driveway is. Over and over again teach the boundary of "do not go in the street". He gets it! Four year old daughter crying from being left out of boy play. Intervention. Hugs. Barbies. Braiding hair. More six year old boys. Tempted to have them go to someone else's house. Remember it is a goal to have an open house to friends. It starts young. Calm myself down from screams. Embrace the chaos. "I want a home where friends are happy."
More mom things. Answer texts. Listen to voicemail. Return a call. Looking at schedule. Figuring out "Yes" things and "No" things for outside commitments. Time for dinner. Time for laundry rotation. Call in from playing. "But mom, I am not ready! No I don't want to come!". Intervention and giving choices. "Would you rather..." statement repeated for the 1000th time in the last 10 hours. Dinner time. Pick up time. Bath time. Reading time. Scripture time. Snuggle time.
All in bed. Tired mom time. Sit in the computer chair for 25 minutes scrolling pinterest, facebook, blogs... anything to separate my brain. Look up. More dishes. More laundry. "I need to write... what to write?". Child out of bed, "Mom I need more hugs." Kisses. More hugs. To bed again.
And here we are.
Nothing earth shattering. Nothing life changing. Just a day. A day of "Normal". Sometimes there are earth shattering days. Sometimes there are life changing moments. And 95% of the time there are just days of "Normal".
You know what? That is okay. Because it's the daily normal adding together that makes life magical.
I love you,
Your Mom
Sunday, February 15, 2015
Heart Is Opening A Bit
Dear Kids,
So I have found myself pacing the floor all night tonight. I keep munching and keep looking for snacks. I just can't quite make myself go to bed yet.
And I think it is because I am supposed to write.
My heart has been closed to writing super personal things for almost a year. There are so many things that happened in my life and our marriage in this last year and I reacted by going into a cave. I stopped writing. I stopped painting. My clarity depleted. My emotional eating increased. My workouts suffered. My focus went away. It has felt like half my brain and heart has been gone and I have been slowly getting them back.
But I paced tonight and realized that I wanted to write ~ I wanted to finish my day by reviewing it, writing about it, journaling about it and rejoicing in it.
I feel like I have passed a major hurdle!
There is a friend of mine whose husband is dying. She is doing everything she can to record every little detail she can before she doesn't have him any more. There is another friend of mine who is going to have her first baby and she is doing the same thing, recording everything she can and remembering everything she can. There are many people who are going through some big things, life changing things...
This past year has been very life changing and life altering in many ways... and what if I didn't record it because I just want to forget about it? That doesn't help anyone. And there is no reason to shove things under the rug? But I want to preserve the confidence in my marriage as well and need to reserve information for just us and what we are doing in order to keep moving forward and "onward and upward".
I still don't have the answers to that because there are a lot of things in my soul that I want to really write about, and get to the breathless and gory details... not for me, but because I think there are so many other people out there that have "gory details" as well, and perhaps my details can help their details to feel a little bit better... because we can understand each other and buoy each other up with support and friendship.
I don't have the answer of how to write about this last year yet... but I do know that I want to start writing again. I want to start recording my thoughts and my feelings from my everyday experiences again. Where before I haven't been able to do that because there were everyday feelings and emotions that I didn't want to write down and remember forever. I wanted to forget about them and make them just go away into the eternal universe somewhere and get sucked up by the black hole that makes it all disappear.
That's okay. We will get there. For now, my heart is opening and I am more excited about sharing my daily lessons.
So... this is the beginning of a new week and there will be lots to write about.
I love you,
Your Mom
So I have found myself pacing the floor all night tonight. I keep munching and keep looking for snacks. I just can't quite make myself go to bed yet.
And I think it is because I am supposed to write.
My heart has been closed to writing super personal things for almost a year. There are so many things that happened in my life and our marriage in this last year and I reacted by going into a cave. I stopped writing. I stopped painting. My clarity depleted. My emotional eating increased. My workouts suffered. My focus went away. It has felt like half my brain and heart has been gone and I have been slowly getting them back.
But I paced tonight and realized that I wanted to write ~ I wanted to finish my day by reviewing it, writing about it, journaling about it and rejoicing in it.
I feel like I have passed a major hurdle!
There is a friend of mine whose husband is dying. She is doing everything she can to record every little detail she can before she doesn't have him any more. There is another friend of mine who is going to have her first baby and she is doing the same thing, recording everything she can and remembering everything she can. There are many people who are going through some big things, life changing things...
This past year has been very life changing and life altering in many ways... and what if I didn't record it because I just want to forget about it? That doesn't help anyone. And there is no reason to shove things under the rug? But I want to preserve the confidence in my marriage as well and need to reserve information for just us and what we are doing in order to keep moving forward and "onward and upward".
I still don't have the answers to that because there are a lot of things in my soul that I want to really write about, and get to the breathless and gory details... not for me, but because I think there are so many other people out there that have "gory details" as well, and perhaps my details can help their details to feel a little bit better... because we can understand each other and buoy each other up with support and friendship.
I don't have the answer of how to write about this last year yet... but I do know that I want to start writing again. I want to start recording my thoughts and my feelings from my everyday experiences again. Where before I haven't been able to do that because there were everyday feelings and emotions that I didn't want to write down and remember forever. I wanted to forget about them and make them just go away into the eternal universe somewhere and get sucked up by the black hole that makes it all disappear.
That's okay. We will get there. For now, my heart is opening and I am more excited about sharing my daily lessons.
So... this is the beginning of a new week and there will be lots to write about.
I love you,
Your Mom
Monday, January 19, 2015
Conflict Management Class In Practice
Dear Kids,
I decided to really take to heart the things I taught in my conflict management class over the weekend. I felt like something I could have done was give an example of a "Conflict Cleanse" and what that would look like.
So I tried it today. And let me say... the day went AMAZING. Seriously.
That isn't to say there weren't any fights. Because there were. But where they have gone out of control, today it was handled with such grace and care, because my heart was prepared for it and because of the spirit guiding me. So this is what today looked like:
1. I unfortunately didn't wake up with my alarm. Blah. However, I had prepared myself the night before to face the day with a smile. I was very realistic about kids crying and getting upset and I set my expectations at a very appropriate level of what to handle.
2. When I did get up, I greeted my kids with huge smiles and hugs. HUGE ones. On purpose I thought to myself, "I am so grateful to be their mom today!"
3. We went to make breakfast, and I prepared myself to always use the phrase "Would you rather..." when there was going to be fighting while the kids helped me. So I used it, I said, "Would you rather share the space with your sister or would you rather get down?".... "Would you rather take turns putting the flour in or would you rather go clean your room?"... "Would you rather obey and not touch _______ or would you rather lose the privilege of helping?". I prepared myself like CRAZY, that any time I was getting frustrated I would automatically see I was getting frustrated with a small performance, and I would use the "Would you rather" phrase in order to set the boundaries of behavior.
4. Any time I got irritated I used a soft answer and smiled. I mean a really soft answer. The kids listened better.
5. As soon as there was physical fighting then their time out's were immediately to do some physical NOT go sit on a chair. Example, "I see you decided to push your sister, that means you chose to go jump on the tramp for 10 minutes. I will set the timer. See you in 10!"
6. I did not stress myself out by thinking about everything I needed to get done. I have a list of things to do. I focused on my kids. I totally focused on loving them first. When they asked a question I would look them immediately in the eyes and get on their level. With my body I immediately let them know that what they were asking was more important than what I was doing. And you know what? It worked great! Their emotional needs were met so fast that they didn't need me so much and I still got stuff done.
7. When I treated them with respect they obeyed me immediately. I used the phrase, "Tell me about...." So if Gabe was getting frustrated and raising his voice, instead of telling him to stop I said, "Tell me about why you are frustrated." And I prepared myself to really LISTEN. REALLY listen. He could feel from my heart that I was focused on his worth, not on his performance, and because of that validation he calmed down immediately.
Those were a few things that happened today. I really hope I have another chance to teach this class again, and hopefully a lot because I really feel like it helped me and I hope I can help other people, especially moms, who have a hard time with this.
I love you,
Your Mom
I decided to really take to heart the things I taught in my conflict management class over the weekend. I felt like something I could have done was give an example of a "Conflict Cleanse" and what that would look like.
So I tried it today. And let me say... the day went AMAZING. Seriously.
That isn't to say there weren't any fights. Because there were. But where they have gone out of control, today it was handled with such grace and care, because my heart was prepared for it and because of the spirit guiding me. So this is what today looked like:
1. I unfortunately didn't wake up with my alarm. Blah. However, I had prepared myself the night before to face the day with a smile. I was very realistic about kids crying and getting upset and I set my expectations at a very appropriate level of what to handle.
2. When I did get up, I greeted my kids with huge smiles and hugs. HUGE ones. On purpose I thought to myself, "I am so grateful to be their mom today!"
3. We went to make breakfast, and I prepared myself to always use the phrase "Would you rather..." when there was going to be fighting while the kids helped me. So I used it, I said, "Would you rather share the space with your sister or would you rather get down?".... "Would you rather take turns putting the flour in or would you rather go clean your room?"... "Would you rather obey and not touch _______ or would you rather lose the privilege of helping?". I prepared myself like CRAZY, that any time I was getting frustrated I would automatically see I was getting frustrated with a small performance, and I would use the "Would you rather" phrase in order to set the boundaries of behavior.
4. Any time I got irritated I used a soft answer and smiled. I mean a really soft answer. The kids listened better.
5. As soon as there was physical fighting then their time out's were immediately to do some physical NOT go sit on a chair. Example, "I see you decided to push your sister, that means you chose to go jump on the tramp for 10 minutes. I will set the timer. See you in 10!"
6. I did not stress myself out by thinking about everything I needed to get done. I have a list of things to do. I focused on my kids. I totally focused on loving them first. When they asked a question I would look them immediately in the eyes and get on their level. With my body I immediately let them know that what they were asking was more important than what I was doing. And you know what? It worked great! Their emotional needs were met so fast that they didn't need me so much and I still got stuff done.
7. When I treated them with respect they obeyed me immediately. I used the phrase, "Tell me about...." So if Gabe was getting frustrated and raising his voice, instead of telling him to stop I said, "Tell me about why you are frustrated." And I prepared myself to really LISTEN. REALLY listen. He could feel from my heart that I was focused on his worth, not on his performance, and because of that validation he calmed down immediately.
Those were a few things that happened today. I really hope I have another chance to teach this class again, and hopefully a lot because I really feel like it helped me and I hope I can help other people, especially moms, who have a hard time with this.
I love you,
Your Mom
Sunday, January 18, 2015
Conflict Management Class Homeschooling Conference
Dear Kids,
I taught a conflict management class at the homeschooling conference yesterday. It was great experience for me to get back up in front of a small audience to teach about communication and conflict management. There were several things that went really well, and other things that I wish I had narrowed down for people there better. Each presentation I do reminds me of how much more I have to learn about teaching and passing information on in a very effective way!
I taught about the three worlds that are constantly interacting. I taught about the steps of conflict. The escalation of conflict. I taught about separating worth from performance. I taught about the physical responses of stress and why we feel like we can go from peaceful to snapping in .02 seconds.
I wish I would have prepared better for really good everyday examples of solving conflict, what it looks like, what to do in the exact moments of conflict, how to help our kids better... just the nitty gritty of everyday situations. I feel like I explained all the concepts really well, but I didn't have enough examples of application. I also feel like I should have written down a bunch of ideas of how to handle things. Activity ideas. I want to put together, for the next time I present, an example of what a week's schedule would look like if all you are focusing on is conflict management.
I will get better at presenting. I have to because the Lord wants me to be better at it so I can teach more and more people about his gospel. That is in my blessing that I will be bearing my testimony really often. So I want to be worthy of that calling and life's purpose. I just pray He will give me another opportunity to do this lesson again so I can get better and better at it!
I love you,
Your Mom
I taught a conflict management class at the homeschooling conference yesterday. It was great experience for me to get back up in front of a small audience to teach about communication and conflict management. There were several things that went really well, and other things that I wish I had narrowed down for people there better. Each presentation I do reminds me of how much more I have to learn about teaching and passing information on in a very effective way!
I taught about the three worlds that are constantly interacting. I taught about the steps of conflict. The escalation of conflict. I taught about separating worth from performance. I taught about the physical responses of stress and why we feel like we can go from peaceful to snapping in .02 seconds.
I wish I would have prepared better for really good everyday examples of solving conflict, what it looks like, what to do in the exact moments of conflict, how to help our kids better... just the nitty gritty of everyday situations. I feel like I explained all the concepts really well, but I didn't have enough examples of application. I also feel like I should have written down a bunch of ideas of how to handle things. Activity ideas. I want to put together, for the next time I present, an example of what a week's schedule would look like if all you are focusing on is conflict management.
I will get better at presenting. I have to because the Lord wants me to be better at it so I can teach more and more people about his gospel. That is in my blessing that I will be bearing my testimony really often. So I want to be worthy of that calling and life's purpose. I just pray He will give me another opportunity to do this lesson again so I can get better and better at it!
I love you,
Your Mom
Spirit Promptings For Homeschooling
Dear Kids,
I went to a homeschooling conference yesterday, my first one! And I also presented! That was fun. I learned so much, both from the classes I attended and from presenting.
A few notes on what the spirit REALLY guided me on:
-I am going to pray for a vision of YOU. Donna Goff highly suggested this in master planning. She said, "Pray for a vision of your children in the future and what adults you are really going to turn out. It will help you in your stamina and diligence in teaching. It will help you look past all there little annoying behaviors today because you have a vision of their future." I LOVE this suggestion.
-I felt highly prompted to really focus on childhood development and research the best activities for you RIGHT NOW. I was not inspired to do homeschooling to bring the public school system home. I was inspired because the Lord is going to educate you through my hands. I must understand better your development, what your body is doing, how it is doing it and aid you inside of discovering it.
-The other big inspiration is that we have to move more. We have been having a hard time with all three of you really getting on each other's nerves a lot and stressing each other out. That means that you have to MOVE MORE. At least 2+ hours of activity and movement each day.
-The other part of Donna's presentation that was so good for me was her recommendations of "Rhythms" in our day. This is like a word for schedules, but I like it better. She reminded me that you are all under 8 years old. I can't have accountability systems for you to "return and report" on because the Lord doesn't even require that of children under 8. What you require is hands on time with me. I must be there WITH you, showing you, guiding you and readjusting my expectations to know that is part of the energy output I am going to have to do everyday. I have wanted you all to be independent too early. I think that is why there has been behavior problems. You can't be independent yet. You aren't supposed to be.
-The other suggestion was "One spelling rule, math rule, science rule and grammar rule a week. That's it. One artist of the week, one music piece a week."
-Choose one chore to do with them until they get it as a habit. And walk through EVERY DETAIL in the exact order every time. Example: their room. Everyday when we attack their "Room Habit" we make bed, dirty clothes to laundry, pick up books, pick up legos, pick up dolls... etc. And do it in the same order each time. Then once they have the habit and they can do it themselves after 21 days of repetition the SAME way, move onto another chore.
Those were my take home thoughts of the conference!
I love you,
Your Mom
I went to a homeschooling conference yesterday, my first one! And I also presented! That was fun. I learned so much, both from the classes I attended and from presenting.
A few notes on what the spirit REALLY guided me on:
-I am going to pray for a vision of YOU. Donna Goff highly suggested this in master planning. She said, "Pray for a vision of your children in the future and what adults you are really going to turn out. It will help you in your stamina and diligence in teaching. It will help you look past all there little annoying behaviors today because you have a vision of their future." I LOVE this suggestion.
-I felt highly prompted to really focus on childhood development and research the best activities for you RIGHT NOW. I was not inspired to do homeschooling to bring the public school system home. I was inspired because the Lord is going to educate you through my hands. I must understand better your development, what your body is doing, how it is doing it and aid you inside of discovering it.
-The other big inspiration is that we have to move more. We have been having a hard time with all three of you really getting on each other's nerves a lot and stressing each other out. That means that you have to MOVE MORE. At least 2+ hours of activity and movement each day.
-The other part of Donna's presentation that was so good for me was her recommendations of "Rhythms" in our day. This is like a word for schedules, but I like it better. She reminded me that you are all under 8 years old. I can't have accountability systems for you to "return and report" on because the Lord doesn't even require that of children under 8. What you require is hands on time with me. I must be there WITH you, showing you, guiding you and readjusting my expectations to know that is part of the energy output I am going to have to do everyday. I have wanted you all to be independent too early. I think that is why there has been behavior problems. You can't be independent yet. You aren't supposed to be.
-The other suggestion was "One spelling rule, math rule, science rule and grammar rule a week. That's it. One artist of the week, one music piece a week."
-Choose one chore to do with them until they get it as a habit. And walk through EVERY DETAIL in the exact order every time. Example: their room. Everyday when we attack their "Room Habit" we make bed, dirty clothes to laundry, pick up books, pick up legos, pick up dolls... etc. And do it in the same order each time. Then once they have the habit and they can do it themselves after 21 days of repetition the SAME way, move onto another chore.
Those were my take home thoughts of the conference!
I love you,
Your Mom
2015 Word = SUCCESS
Dear Kids,
New Year. Another New Year. How did that happen so fast?
This last year has been a huge blur for me. Definitely the most trying year of the marriage of your dad and I. Satan has done his best to pit us against each other through some major sin and some major financial difficulties. But I am so happy to say that we have made it through. We made it through! Our relationship is still in tact and we fought for it - "like Lions" as the scriptures say.
Last year I chose the word "Vulnerable" as the theme of 2014. I wanted to be vulnerable in my heart, with my friends, with my professional pursuits, with everything. It is funny how I got exactly what I wanted, I understand vulnerability better than I ever have, but it didn't come the way I thought it was going to come. It came because of exposing major flaws in the most important relationship of my life. It came because of feeling more stress and pull in my marriage relationship than I ever thought. My heart is more vulnerable, more soft, more empathetic. I understand better than ever really what it means to be as vulnerable as possible to my Savior and having Him come in and save me. I get that now.
So I have been taking my careful and sweet time deciding on my theme for this year. Since I learned about vulnerability so deeply, I want to choose my theme right! I decided the word I want for 2015 is "Success". I want success in our lives. I want success in homeschooling. I want success in my relationships. I want success in our business pursuits. I want success in getting out of financial bondage. I want success! That is my word and theme this year.
I love you,
Your Mom
New Year. Another New Year. How did that happen so fast?
This last year has been a huge blur for me. Definitely the most trying year of the marriage of your dad and I. Satan has done his best to pit us against each other through some major sin and some major financial difficulties. But I am so happy to say that we have made it through. We made it through! Our relationship is still in tact and we fought for it - "like Lions" as the scriptures say.
Last year I chose the word "Vulnerable" as the theme of 2014. I wanted to be vulnerable in my heart, with my friends, with my professional pursuits, with everything. It is funny how I got exactly what I wanted, I understand vulnerability better than I ever have, but it didn't come the way I thought it was going to come. It came because of exposing major flaws in the most important relationship of my life. It came because of feeling more stress and pull in my marriage relationship than I ever thought. My heart is more vulnerable, more soft, more empathetic. I understand better than ever really what it means to be as vulnerable as possible to my Savior and having Him come in and save me. I get that now.
So I have been taking my careful and sweet time deciding on my theme for this year. Since I learned about vulnerability so deeply, I want to choose my theme right! I decided the word I want for 2015 is "Success". I want success in our lives. I want success in homeschooling. I want success in my relationships. I want success in our business pursuits. I want success in getting out of financial bondage. I want success! That is my word and theme this year.
I love you,
Your Mom
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