Thoughts for Elijah

 Dear Elijah, 

I need to write to just you today. 

I hope you know that I love you. You and I have been trying to figure each other out for your whole life. There are days when we are just in a flow together and it's beautiful. 

You have always been the child to bring me flowers :-). I love that about you. 

You have always been the child to come find me first for a morning hug after you wake up. I love that about you. 

You have always been the child who stands up for people, who makes sure to help the underdog. I love that about you. 

You have always been my child who has such a soft heart when someone gets a consequence. When Joshua has to finish his dinner to get ice cream, you are the one who sits by him to try and help him eat and not give up. I love that about you. 

You have a HIGH sense of fairness - and sometimes that gets us into trouble together. 

You want EVERYTHING to be exactly the way YOU think it should be, because it's the way you want to control the situations and make everything fair. 

Just today we got into a little disagreement because you did something where you had to run together with Joshua as a consequence, and you thought Talia should have to as well. You were SO MAD at me that I didn't "MAKE" Talia get the same consequence. You just were beside yourself that she wasn't running as well. You kept trying to argue with me and twist words around. 

You were trying to boss me around with making me parent the way YOU think I should. Because to you it seemed like it was the fair thing to do. 

There are a lot of times when you try to force my hand with parenting in a certain way and it's difficult for me. I have definitely lost my temper several times because you are RELENTLESS. That is another thing about you that I love, your determination, but you are sometimes pushy about the wrong things that you really can't control.

I want you to know Elijah - that I love your strength. Remember to use it for things that are UNDER YOUR CONTROL.

You can't control other people. You can only control yourself. 

You can't control other's decisions. You can only control your own decisions. 

You can't control other's emotions. You can only control your own emotions. 

And guess what? You get to practice this your whole life. I am still practicing this. When you become a dad you are going to learn these lessons in a way you never thought possible because your kids are going to push your buttons more than you can imagine. They give you LOTS of opportunity for spiritual growth!

Just like all my kids give me that opportunity. You help me spiritually grow. 

Today when we had the disagreement I am SO GRATEFUL to say that I was able to control my own emotions. When you were spewing anger at me and frustration, I didn't retaliate. I'm SO GRATEFUL for the spirit's help to do that. I was praying the whole time you were upset for the spirit to help me to NOT get upset back at you. And it worked!

I love you so much buddy. Even when we disagree. Even when I do things that you get frustrated with. I love your strength and abilities. Please use them for good! Please DON'T BE A VICTIM TO OTHER PEOPLE!~

Remember that. DON'T BE A VICTIM. 

I love you, 

Your Mom