Box Days

Dear Gabriel,

You know, I hear stories and advice all the time from people, books, magazines... etc. about just making sure to spend time with your kids no matter what. The laundry and dishes can always wait. Other things on your list can just wait... "just put down the 'to-do' list and focus on your kids".

Well, I want to call their bluff a little bit today. There are days when I really can't focus on you as much as I want to. That is just reality. We are getting ready to move and so we have a lot to do this week. Today you kept asking me, "Mom do you want to take a video of me? Mom, do you want to watch me? Mom, will you play monsters with me? Mom, do you want to..." Over and over again you kept asking me to do something with you constantly.

I found myself just getting irritated about it today. I was feeling overwhelmed and just didn't want to worry about doing anything else except pack and get ready. It was one of those days when I had to repeat to myself again and again and again, "Andrea, you are a mom first... you are a mom first.... you are a mom first."

But then I realized (with help from a friend) that sometimes there are just 'box' days, like today when I had to focus on the boxes everywhere and I couldn't focus on you. The 'box' days come and go, but when they are here I don't need to feel guilty about getting things done that are needed. There are 'time' days when I can spend a bunch of time with you, and then there are 'box' days, when what I really need to do is pack and put stuff in boxes to move.

So at one point when you asked me again to do something with you I put down the box and said, "Gabe, let me talk with you a little bit." So I sat down with you and told you why I kept saying 'no' when you asked me to do something. I explained that it wasn't because I didn't want to, but I had to get some things done. Then when they were finished we could spend a lot of time together.

Once I took that magical 2 minutes with you to look in your eyes and let you know I wasn't ignoring you, but I still couldn't spend time with you like you wanted, you replied, "It's okay mom." You touched my cheek and then went on your way. You were a little bit sad and had a little bit of a rough emotional day, but we were able to work through it once I took that time with you. 

I think that is the 'magic' of taking time for your kids. It isn't that I have to spend hours with you on end constantly, it is that you need to know that your feelings are heard and respected. Then once that happens, even if it is a 'box' day and not a 'time' day you will know I love you still, no matter what.

Let this be a lesson to me and anyone else who needs it on the 'box' days.

I love you,

Your Mom