I don't know what I say. You are rocking. Silently rocking in your swing chair. I am sitting here with my heart looking at the screen, with so many words on the tip of my mind, but those words are not rolling off my tongue. So, what is important is that I record your story:
(Written as a letter on Oct. 9th. Born October 8th, 2012) So, this is the easiest way to update everyone that I can think of who would want the story of our events last night and today. I started feeling some contractions that were stronger than just Braxton Hicks at about 6pm last night (Sunday Oct.7th). I went into my room to focus on them a little more to try and see if it was going to be another false labor or the real thing. False labors are so horrible. They just get you so excited and expectations are high, only to slam them back in your face...Then my water broke at 9pmish and I was so excited! That meant that we were really on our way! So Brent and I started calling those we invited to come - namely Krista, Janet and of course our mid-wife, Liz Smith.
For those of you who don't know, we have had both of our previous babies naturally at home with Liz as well. So they started getting there and my contractions were progressing nicely. At one point we needed to switch positions, mainly at Liz's request because she wanted to feel something she wasn't sure about. After laying down, she checked me again and said, "okay everyone, we need to have a pow-wow".
She then told us that she was feeling something she didn't like. She could feel Elijah's head, but it was the wrong way and she didn't like it. So she suggested to say a prayer to know what to do. We prayed all together, I went through a couple more contractions and she checked me again. She still felt the same thing and looked at me and said, "I have butterflies". Janet nodded her head and she said she didn't feel like everything was right either. So Liz suggested that we get ready to do a transport. That we get to the hospital to do an ultrasound and check everything out, especially before any kind of emergency were to happen. She would feel more comfortable if we were there.
This is something that I love about Liz. I know I can trust her instincts and she will always suggest what her gut is telling her to do. I tell people all the time that if it wasn't for Liz, I would double think doing home-births. And she has proved me right with this last baby again. Both of our other babies came naturally and at home. Liz was there both times and knew exactly what had to happen with both of them. Then with Elijah, she knew exactly what had to happen - even though it turned out different than the others.
Anyway, so we got everything ready to go. The contractions slowed way down on our way to the hospital mainly because I really was nervous, and trying not to be! Brent held me close the whole time in the car and into the hospital. Once we got into the room and situated, the doctor came in. Dr. Steple. SUCH a nice guy. Looking back on it today, I have been so blessed with amazing hospital staff who have been very respectful of Brent and my wishes. I am so grateful for that because of how much it eased the energy of the whole thing. Anyway, the doctor came in and checked me and did an ultrasound. What he said was that Elijah was 'face and brow presenting'. Which basically means that he was presenting into the birth canal with his head tilted back instead of to his chin - and he was also posterior. His face was basically trying to squoosh into the birth canal instead of the back of his head.
He said there was a chance as I kept progressing that the baby would move correctly to the right place and tilt his head forward and everything would be okay. So he suggested to keep laboring for a little while and see if anything would change before deciding to do something different. So I labored for about another 1 1/2 hours. As I kept progressing it wasn't feeling right. Everyone around me was reminding me that it was going to feel very different because of being posterior. So I kept trying to feel if that was it. But as it would show, Elijah was just having a hard time.
After laboring pretty good, the doctor came back in and checked me again. Elijah was still brow presenting at this point. Both the doctor and Liz explained that if he came down into the birth canal brow presenting with his face, it would cause major damage to his neck and head and potentially be a very dangerous situation for me as well. I could labor for hours and hours and he just wouldn't descend because of the way he was positioned.
The doctor then left and Liz called together another 'pow-wow'. She suggested another prayer. During the prayer my mom instincts were going off major. After the prayer I just touched my heart and shook my head... I looked at Liz and said, "This isn't right". Janet and Krista reminded me it was feeling different (because by now the contractions were REALLY hard and strong) because of how posterior he was, there was still a chance. But it just wasn't right.
I looked at Brent and then felt Elijah. He was hurting. It was like in that moment Elijah was talking to me and our souls were touching. He was saying, "Mom, I am not okay, this is hurting me." He wasn't okay, and he needed my help to get him here another way. Even now typing it out, I am just crying feeling was I was experiencing in that moment. So I just kept touching my heart and said, "No... I want to have him naturally... but it isn't right. We need to get him out." Liz went out and consulted with the doctor. She came back and looked at me and said, "The doctor said there is a 50/50% chance he will turn..." She just looked at my face and said, "You have to trust your mommy instincts. You are saying there is a 100% chance he won't make it." I nodded. We had to get him out.
As soon as I felt that and made that decision I started fighting my contractions like crazy. Wow, that was painful, emotionally and physically. But it was like my mom instincts were going crazy and I had to protect my baby. I didn't want him to descend into the birth canal anymore and hurt his neck. Liz was watching the baby monitor like a hawk. She could tell he was struggling and told everyone, "Andrea made the right decision at the right time."
By this point the room was just crazy with people all around me getting everything ready. Krista was amazing at making sure all the documents were read and signed correctly. I am so grateful for her and taking over that stewardship so my brain didn't have to wrap around it. That is the benefits of having a power of attorney in place. She wrote it all out right there and took over that whole aspect of the situation.
Janet was just stellar and helping me through the contractions and reminding me that no matter how my baby came into the world, it was beautiful and wonderful. Janet has experienced everything under the sun with delivering her own babies, and I needed her there to remind me that everything was beautiful no matter how he came - especially since this experience was so different from our home experiences.
Then of course my amazing husband, he was right by my side the whole time, giving me his strength and calming my emotions. After getting everything ready, they wisked me off into the surgery room. My body was going through transition during this entire time of craziness. My baby nurse, her name was Kim, acknowledged all of our requests - especially that I wanted to have skin to skin with the baby immediately and as long as I wanted before they took him. I did NOT want my baby taken from me. She said she didn't think they would have any emergencies with him, he was stable enough.
She supported me through getting the spinal stuff done and numbed to have the surgery. That was like magic, I could feel the pain and intensity of transition and then all of a sudden it was gone. The doctor then paused everyone and said, 'I promised her family I wouldn't start with out them." That made me feel very safe and respected. So at that point Krista and Brent were allowed into the room before he started surgery. Brent came straight to me and kept whispering in my ear, "He is okay, everything is going to be okay."
Then he was there! I heard him cry and they passed him to me after cleaning his lungs out quickly. He was skin to skin with me during the entire clean up and getting my placenta out. His poor little head was like a square! His face was completely swollen. Brent took him from me for a little bit because I was shaking so badly, I was afraid I was going to drop him.
Brent was able to weigh him, Kim allowed him to do everything while explaining to him what to do. It was awesome. He went and showed him to Liz and she said, "yep, there is no way he was going to come out okay like that." Which was very validating to hear, that we had made the right choice. He started nursing when we got back to our room. Krista, Janet and Liz left after a few minutes of making sure I was settled and okay - by this point it was 3am, he was born at 1:52am. 8 pounds and 1 ounce. 20 inches long.
Right now we are doing well. this recovery is going to be very different from the ones before. Crazy the difference in experiences. But Janet is right that no matter how he comes, it is still the amazing birth of my baby into this world.
I am so grateful for having my home birth deliveries naturally, for those experiences. But I am also so immensely grateful for this experience, with the help of doctors when it is necessary to keep me and my baby safe. This is the kind of situation where 200 years ago the baby and mom would have just died in childbirth. But the Lord protected us, He helped us through it all. I am so grateful for His protection and help.
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