Dear Elijah,
I had to write for just a minute about your experience at Papa and Mimi's house during the whole ordeal to get Joshua here.
When I went on bed rest Mimi suggested that you go up to her house. You went up the Sunday before Joshua was born and came back the next Sunday... but it seemed like longer than a week that you were away. You had an okay first couple of days... but after that Mimi said you just started to break down. You knew you were the only one on "the trip" and you really were having a hard time.
Tuesday after you got there you finally were okay talking to me on the phone when you went to bed. You were just crying, "Mom, I need you and I want you and I miss you!!". We both cried and cried that night while we were on the video chat with each other. I can't believe how much my heart just yearned to be with you and to have you close. But I knew that this was the best thing that could have happened. I had to rest and after having the baby I knew that it was the best thing we could have done to have you go on the trip so I could recover more effectively.
But man... it was hard on both of us! When Jonathan went up to get you from Papa and take you to Dani the next Sunday, he said you were just having a hard time. He stayed at Krista's house with you for a while because you didn't want to be around anyone else and you were just crying. He called me with you on the phone and you just said, "Mom I need you!". My heart just was breaking. Uncle J helped you feel better, helped to clear your energy, and helped to know that you didn't do anything wrong! You just got to go on a trip for a little while to Mimi's house. I kept telling you how brave you were and that you hadn't done anything wrong and that we loved you much and missed you so much!
When Dani got to our house that night with you, Talia and I were waiting on lawn chairs outside for you. When you saw us you just yelled, "Hi mom, Hi Talia!!!". You were soooooo excited. You just ran to me! I gobbled you up in my arms. Then you went in and just played with Gabe and Talia to your hearts content. It took you a few hours to acknowledge the baby, but when you did, you haven't stopped since! You touched him soft on his head and gave him such great kisses. And now you are perfect pals.
the lesson from this was... sending away one sibling so small was a bit of a mistake. Mimi thinks that if Talia or Gabe had been with you, it wouldn't have been so hard on you. But being by yourself, you had a really hard time being away from everyone. Another lesson is truly what a blessing it was for me and my recovery. I missed you dearly, but it was what I needed at the time. The other lesson is... I never want my family to be apart very much in the future until you can handle it better! Talia and Gabe were actually a bit jealous that you got to go to Mimi's house all by yourself and they didn't get to go!
Little hearts are so tender, but resilient. You have bee wonderful and I'm so glad to have you home.
I love you,
Your Mom
Wednesday, November 9, 2016
Joshua Mitchell's Birth Story
Dear Baby Boy Of Ours,
As you are laying here on your dad's lap, it is time to write down your birth story so I don't forget any of the details. It is Tuesday, November 1st, 2016. You were born Thursday night, October 27th, 2016.
I'm trying to decide where to start with this. We moved at the beginning of October (the 7th) to a new house, still a rental. It was very hard timing being 8 months pregnant, but we made it through. I was keeping busy and always so much to do with the family.
Well, you were officially due on November 15th. Friday night, Oct. 21st, I had a small leak. I knew it wasn't an "accident", it was vaginal fluid, but I didn't know what kind. It was small, so I left it alone (there are so many ways to "leak" when you are pregnant... your wife will experience that one day too). I had a couple more leaks on Saturday, so I called Liz (our midwife).
She was out of town, but explained that there are so many folds in the vagina that it was probably a different fluid... but that if it was amniotic fluid, it would be consistent coming out, not just sporadic like that. She said to monitor and keep track, but that I needed to be on bed rest and be very careful staying down so I didn't irritate anything and that I had pushed it too much. We needed the baby to stay in for at least another week to be past 37 weeks, especially to be able to have him naturally. The other portion is that I had already had a couple of "cramping" scares up to this point that were very scary, so my body truly needed the rest and be down so I didn't push labor.
So I went on bed rest. My mom was really worried about it, and suggested to take Elijah for the week. Jonathan was down here for the weekend, so he offered to take him up to mom and dad's house so I could really rest and stay down. Brent and I decided that was a good idea and he could take a small trip to their house. At that point, we didn't know how long it was going to be, but we knew that we had to do something since he really needed more help than Gabe and Talia and I truly wouldn't be able to help him like he needs right now.
I leaked a few times on Sunday, a few more times on Monday, but then on Tuesday I was leaking A LOT. Nothing consistent, but much more than the other days. I had also been cramping up quite a bit all the time, for a couple of weeks. Tuesday night I thought for sure I was going into labor when I laid down to go to sleep. I was contracting really well for about an hour and breathing through them, but then I was able to fall asleep and the contractions went away. I went into my appointment with Liz on Wednesday with Brent, told her, "I thought we were going to be calling you to come over last night!" She took a test to see what kind of fluid it was... and low and behold, it was amniotic fluid.
So at the appointment she looks at us and says, "Well.... we need to have a baby tonight. You need to go home and go into labor." I started sweating and my blood pressure increased for sure... I just didn't realize that I hadn't really taken the time to get ready to have this baby yet! When the leaks started happening, your dad was able to get all the boxes out of our room. We hadn't completely moved in yet! We found the tote with the baby stuff and did some laundry to get our surroundings ready. But mentally, I thought I had a few more weeks! And here I was, in my midwife's office, being told I had to force labor to get going. That day (Wed) I was officially 37 weeks.
So we went to Cafe Rio and had some food, and let everyone on my birth plan know what was going on. We went home and I listened to some hypnobirthing CD's and tried to focus. At about 7pm I felt labor coming on. It was good and consistent for a couple of hours. Dani came and Michele came over. Dani ended up calling Krista and she showed up at about 1am in the morning from SLC. Like I said, labor started and it was moving, but then slowed down quite a bit. I switched positions to try and get it to come back. I laid down, I was on the ball, went to the bathroom... but it kept slowing down and by the time Krista got here, I walked out and hugged everyone, but then told them things had slowed down enough that I was going to go to sleep and see if labor would start while I was sleeping.
I fell asleep and woke up the next morning a little bit depressed it hadn't started. I tried everything I could think of to get it going again, and I would contract here and there, but just nothing consistent. (I should mention by the time Thursday morning came around, up to that point I had started labor about 4 times - 2 times in the last 24 hours and another 2 times in the previous couple of weeks with the move - which those times were scary because I didn't want the baby to come out as a premie baby!).
We called Liz and told her everything and she said that we needed to do a stress test and some blood work to make sure everything was okay because of already being ruptured. Well, at this point, psychologically, I started going down hill. I knew that if I didn't start labor soon, then I would have to go to the hospital. And if I had to go to the hospital, the chances of being induced were at 100% because they wouldn't put up with a leak like that. And if I was induced, as a v-bac, chances of another c-section were also going to climb. So I was feeling a little bit down Thursday morning. Everyone had slept, both Krista and Dani had slept at our house (the kids went to Leslie Leonards house the night before when we knew what was going to have to happen).
We told both of them that Liz wanted us to go and get some tests done. We went to the birthing center at about 9am. Liz did a stress test on the baby to make sure he was okay. And everything with him was showing up perfectly. So baby was great. Then after that she took us downstairs to do an exam and see how far along I was from the various "preparatory labor" I had already done. When she checked me, it wasn't good. She was being very kind and generous, but I could see in her eyes that what she said was being generous.
"Andrea, you aren't as far a long as I would like. You are a very small 3 and the baby hasn't descended at all. He is very high." Which meant that my cervix was still as hard as a rock (which Liz admitted to later). I wasn't effaced at all.
All that preparatory work and NOTHING had moved me farther along than that? I wasn't even effaced, he hadn't dropped, my cervix was hard, and I had barely started to dialate? That is when the mind games for me really started to kick in. Liz suggested to say a prayer. She said a very nice prayer, asking Heavenly Father to help us have a home birth, but if we needed go to the hospital, then we could have a wonderful experience there as well.
After the prayer Liz was trying to help me feel better. She said she still had a good feeling about it and Brent said he also felt good about it, but she said that since we did an internal exam, then we had about 10 hours before we would have to go to the hospital because of the chances of infection being introduced. Then she said, "We can make it a wonderful experience there as well. We could go in tonight and the nurses are very wonderful at night, I know so many of them. We can help you have a great experience there.... but go home, and take some castor oil... and go into labor before 10pm tonight!". She was trying to prepare me mentally for needing to go into the hospital and not have a home birth experience again.
She ordered a blood test for us, and told us to go over and have a blood test done to make sure I didn't have any infections in my body. She was amazed I hadn't really gone into labor yet because of already being ruptured.... and the clock really started ticking for when we had to force the baby to get out. We headed over and had blood work done, and I was cramping the whole time. Then we headed home, by this point it was about noon, and I was exhausted from not getting very good rest the night before and from my body cramping up for about 5 days straight (and not getting anywhere!! - it was sooooooo frustrating).
I got food, then I took some castor oil and then went and laid down to take a bit of a nap. I woke up when my body had major diarrhea from the castor oil. I cleaned out about 3 times (which Liz prepped me for... taking castor oil is gross, but it is a great way to get your body cleaned out, that is for sure). After being sure I had finished with the bowel movements, I went out and Brent and Krista were talking. I was feeling down and depressed. I took the castor oil and I hadn't felt any difference in the movement for 4 hours. I told Brent I needed to talk to him. We went back to the room and I just told him that we might as well just give up and go in and get induced. I told him my gut feeling was that it was going to be a really long and hard labor and I just didn't know if I had it in me to do that. I was resigned. The facts all pointed to having a hard labor and that it wasn't going to be fast and quick. I was sooooo hoping for a "Talia" type of labor again, and by this time I was just resigned to the fact that I was going to have to be induced, because nothing was working and that the chances for c-section were super high.
My energy was horribly low. My faith was gone. My resolution for a natural labor had vanished. I just didn't care any more. I cried and Brent held me. He told me he could understand why I would be feeling this way and tried to sympathize as much as he could. Then the door bell rang and it was Liz. She had come to check my temperature and tell us the blood test results. They weren't great. It showed that infection had entered my body and my white blood cell count was not looking good. The blood test also showed that I was anemic. After she left we went back to the room and I just cried. It didn't matter any more. If we went to the hospital with those results they were just going to cut me again. My mind set was, "I might as well just admit to myself that I am going to have to have a c-section to get this baby out, so we might as well go in and just get it over with."
That is when Brent really started showing up. He knelt in front of me and said, "Andrea, you are right, from everything we know and everything that we have experienced in the last 48 hours, it looks like we are going to have a c-section result.... BUT, what would a miracle look like?" I looked at him with such a heavy heart. I didn't know! Maybe the miracle is that I just had to swallow and give in to what was happening around me.
I said, "A miracle would look like a 4-5 hour labor here at home."
He looked at me with a smile and with so much confidence and said, "Okay, let's focus and pray for THAT."
At this point, I didn't believe it would happen. I really didn't. I was convinced that a c-section was going to be the result. Brent helped me up and said, "Okay, let's go for a walk." At this point it was about 5pm. This is where the miracles started happening for us. We left the house and on the walk Liz called and said, "Andrea! I have such great news! The blood test that came back was WRONG, they were the wrong results! Your cell count is perfect and you are NOT anemic at all! Everything is just perfect. Let's have a baby!".
That was the start of my mental, emotional, and spiritual turn around. Brent said after that call I started walking with more confidence and we walked faster. He said my energy started to change. The way I remember it is that I was leaning on him for EVERYTHING. I didn't have the faith in that time for what a miracle would be, but I KNEW and I FELT that HE had the faith for it. He was doing the emotional labor for me. I started sucking the energy and faith from him as much as I could.
So we walked down to Lin's and got a donut. I started feeling starting contractions. It took us about 45 minutes to go down and back from there. When we got home I went to the room and got on the ball and just started breathing.
At 6pm, the contractions were heavier than they had been and started being consistent enough that we started tracking them. Brent came in and he started helping me and I would lean my head on him. Krista came in and watched me for a minute and said, "Okay! We are going to have a baby tonight! How does that feel Andrea?". I just started to cry and said, "It feels so good. It's a miracle." I thought for sure I was going to have to be induced, but I started on my own!
Krista and Dani texted Michele and Liz at about 6pm and told them I had started labor and things were moving well. I was on the ball for about 10 minutes, then I moved to the toilet for a few contractions, then I went back to the ball for a few more. Brent stayed by me and I was breathing through them. It was definitely labor this time! It was at this point Brent told me that he heard a voice that said, "My son, you are going to see a miracle tonight." Dani came in and Brent left and went into the storage room and just cried. I remember when he went out and came back in. And he said, "We are going to have a miracle tonight! He is giving us the miracle we asked for!"
It was because of Brent and his faith. I didn't have the faith for it. Brent did, he carried me through it. I labored physically, but Brent was there to labor spiritually and emotionally and mentally for me. I depended on it like I never had to before. With the other births he was always there and I leaned on him and I needed him as a part of it, but this time was different. I knew I couldn't have done this without him. He was the strong one.
After going to the ball the second time, the contractions started getting more intense. I moved to the toilet and sat on it backwards and asked for the heat to be applied to my back. Dani and Krista came in and this is where my coaching to get through labor really started. They helped me to focus on my breath and coached me through the contractions. I labored there for a little while and got up and stood by the sink. They helped me with my visualizations and breathing, and coached me through how to breath longer to make the contractions come more powerfully to move things along. This is when things really got crazy. I felt like I went from a 4-5-6-7-8 in a matter of a few contractions. I felt transition come and I started wondering if I could do this! It was so painful, SO INTENSE.
I moved to kneel by the side of the bed and Brent sat on the bed while I leaned against him. This is when Liz finally made it. She watched me through one contraction there kneeling and said, "She's pushing!!!" I remember thinking, "What??? I am already??". Then Liz was moving like a blur to get everything set up. She was a bit frantic. During the next contraction she said, "Andrea after this contraction I want you to crawl over here and squat."
So after that one I crawled over and got in a squat and Brent was sitting right in front of me on the bed. Then THE contraction came. Brent said, I took a breath and buried my head in his chest and just screamed. Then during the next breath I said, "It's his head!!!"... then in the next breath I pushed him out and he landed right on the floor!! I couldn't believe it! I remember during that contraction feeling the ring of fire and thinking, "THAT'S THE RING OF FIRE!" I couldn't believe it. Everything happened so fast, so intensely, so painfully, but SO MIRACULOUSLY!
Liz said, "Andrea! Pick up your baby!"... but I couldnt' move. I was frozen in that spot. Dani and Krista got behind me and helped me to move back. Brent picked up Joshua and put him on my chest. Poor little guy was just as shocked as I was! He was just perfect. They covered me up and Liz started working on making sure everything was okay with the "after birth labor" and the placenta. I just remember leaning back and thinking, "I can't believe that just happened!". Then someone said the time... 7:42pm! I labored from 6pm-7:42.... 1 1/2 hour labor. It was a MIRACLE. Very literally a miracle. I just cried. I couldn't believe it. Brent looked at me and said, "It's a miracle!" Then I looked him in the eyes and said, "It's because of you babe. You got us here, I couldn't have done it this time with your faith." And it's true.
Poor Michele missed the actual birth and walked in about 3 seconds after he was born. She got there and started taking pictures. I'm so glad she made it for pictures or we wouldn't have any documentation at all. We got the placenta delivered and checked to make sure the baby was okay. Clamped the cord and then Brent took Joshua while Dani and Krista helped me to the bed. I crawled over and crawled up in bed. Brent had to come and move me higher on the bed, I literally couldn't move very well, my body went through quite the shock to get everything done in that amount of time to have the baby in 1.5 hours. Michele said that's how her labors are too. Very fast and very intense. She got a warm blanket for me from the dryer and that felt amazing. I was shivering. Brent came and gave me Joshua and I nursed for a bit then they did all his measurements and then we just sat and talked for a little while. Sherri (my visiting teaching companion from the ward I moved from) brought me soup that I had requested for dinner. She was so cute. She said the spirit in the room was so tangible when she came in.
I told everyone how grateful I was they were there with me. I just cried, my heart was so full. Brent and I told them about experiencing everything and the miracle that it was. It was truly a miracle. My heart still just jumps with amazement when I think about it. The spirit was tangible, the Lord sent so many angels to help me through that labor and experience. I look back on it now and I can't even grasp His love for me and His Grace for me. I am also amazed at Brent. I was completely dependent on him, the whole experience brought us so close. It was a huge testimony builder for me that the Savior's atonement and miracles are for me personally, they are for my family. When we talked with everyone after we all bore testimony of His goodness and how wonderful God is to us. Everyone got to hold him and snuggle him, then everyone left. Brent and I were able to just enjoy each other and Joshua for the night before the kids came back the next morning.
Gabe and Talia were ecstatic to see him and snuggle him. They automatically were in love with him. Poor Elijah had a really hard time being the only one away from the family with Papa and Mimi... Jonathan ended up going up and getting him and bringing him back down to SLC and Dani brought him back the Sunday after Joshua was born (after McKenna's farewell). When he got back our family was complete!
I love my family. I love my life. I am so blessed.
As you are laying here on your dad's lap, it is time to write down your birth story so I don't forget any of the details. It is Tuesday, November 1st, 2016. You were born Thursday night, October 27th, 2016.
I'm trying to decide where to start with this. We moved at the beginning of October (the 7th) to a new house, still a rental. It was very hard timing being 8 months pregnant, but we made it through. I was keeping busy and always so much to do with the family.
Well, you were officially due on November 15th. Friday night, Oct. 21st, I had a small leak. I knew it wasn't an "accident", it was vaginal fluid, but I didn't know what kind. It was small, so I left it alone (there are so many ways to "leak" when you are pregnant... your wife will experience that one day too). I had a couple more leaks on Saturday, so I called Liz (our midwife).
She was out of town, but explained that there are so many folds in the vagina that it was probably a different fluid... but that if it was amniotic fluid, it would be consistent coming out, not just sporadic like that. She said to monitor and keep track, but that I needed to be on bed rest and be very careful staying down so I didn't irritate anything and that I had pushed it too much. We needed the baby to stay in for at least another week to be past 37 weeks, especially to be able to have him naturally. The other portion is that I had already had a couple of "cramping" scares up to this point that were very scary, so my body truly needed the rest and be down so I didn't push labor.
So I went on bed rest. My mom was really worried about it, and suggested to take Elijah for the week. Jonathan was down here for the weekend, so he offered to take him up to mom and dad's house so I could really rest and stay down. Brent and I decided that was a good idea and he could take a small trip to their house. At that point, we didn't know how long it was going to be, but we knew that we had to do something since he really needed more help than Gabe and Talia and I truly wouldn't be able to help him like he needs right now.
I leaked a few times on Sunday, a few more times on Monday, but then on Tuesday I was leaking A LOT. Nothing consistent, but much more than the other days. I had also been cramping up quite a bit all the time, for a couple of weeks. Tuesday night I thought for sure I was going into labor when I laid down to go to sleep. I was contracting really well for about an hour and breathing through them, but then I was able to fall asleep and the contractions went away. I went into my appointment with Liz on Wednesday with Brent, told her, "I thought we were going to be calling you to come over last night!" She took a test to see what kind of fluid it was... and low and behold, it was amniotic fluid.
So at the appointment she looks at us and says, "Well.... we need to have a baby tonight. You need to go home and go into labor." I started sweating and my blood pressure increased for sure... I just didn't realize that I hadn't really taken the time to get ready to have this baby yet! When the leaks started happening, your dad was able to get all the boxes out of our room. We hadn't completely moved in yet! We found the tote with the baby stuff and did some laundry to get our surroundings ready. But mentally, I thought I had a few more weeks! And here I was, in my midwife's office, being told I had to force labor to get going. That day (Wed) I was officially 37 weeks.
So we went to Cafe Rio and had some food, and let everyone on my birth plan know what was going on. We went home and I listened to some hypnobirthing CD's and tried to focus. At about 7pm I felt labor coming on. It was good and consistent for a couple of hours. Dani came and Michele came over. Dani ended up calling Krista and she showed up at about 1am in the morning from SLC. Like I said, labor started and it was moving, but then slowed down quite a bit. I switched positions to try and get it to come back. I laid down, I was on the ball, went to the bathroom... but it kept slowing down and by the time Krista got here, I walked out and hugged everyone, but then told them things had slowed down enough that I was going to go to sleep and see if labor would start while I was sleeping.
I fell asleep and woke up the next morning a little bit depressed it hadn't started. I tried everything I could think of to get it going again, and I would contract here and there, but just nothing consistent. (I should mention by the time Thursday morning came around, up to that point I had started labor about 4 times - 2 times in the last 24 hours and another 2 times in the previous couple of weeks with the move - which those times were scary because I didn't want the baby to come out as a premie baby!).
We called Liz and told her everything and she said that we needed to do a stress test and some blood work to make sure everything was okay because of already being ruptured. Well, at this point, psychologically, I started going down hill. I knew that if I didn't start labor soon, then I would have to go to the hospital. And if I had to go to the hospital, the chances of being induced were at 100% because they wouldn't put up with a leak like that. And if I was induced, as a v-bac, chances of another c-section were also going to climb. So I was feeling a little bit down Thursday morning. Everyone had slept, both Krista and Dani had slept at our house (the kids went to Leslie Leonards house the night before when we knew what was going to have to happen).
We told both of them that Liz wanted us to go and get some tests done. We went to the birthing center at about 9am. Liz did a stress test on the baby to make sure he was okay. And everything with him was showing up perfectly. So baby was great. Then after that she took us downstairs to do an exam and see how far along I was from the various "preparatory labor" I had already done. When she checked me, it wasn't good. She was being very kind and generous, but I could see in her eyes that what she said was being generous.
"Andrea, you aren't as far a long as I would like. You are a very small 3 and the baby hasn't descended at all. He is very high." Which meant that my cervix was still as hard as a rock (which Liz admitted to later). I wasn't effaced at all.
All that preparatory work and NOTHING had moved me farther along than that? I wasn't even effaced, he hadn't dropped, my cervix was hard, and I had barely started to dialate? That is when the mind games for me really started to kick in. Liz suggested to say a prayer. She said a very nice prayer, asking Heavenly Father to help us have a home birth, but if we needed go to the hospital, then we could have a wonderful experience there as well.
After the prayer Liz was trying to help me feel better. She said she still had a good feeling about it and Brent said he also felt good about it, but she said that since we did an internal exam, then we had about 10 hours before we would have to go to the hospital because of the chances of infection being introduced. Then she said, "We can make it a wonderful experience there as well. We could go in tonight and the nurses are very wonderful at night, I know so many of them. We can help you have a great experience there.... but go home, and take some castor oil... and go into labor before 10pm tonight!". She was trying to prepare me mentally for needing to go into the hospital and not have a home birth experience again.
She ordered a blood test for us, and told us to go over and have a blood test done to make sure I didn't have any infections in my body. She was amazed I hadn't really gone into labor yet because of already being ruptured.... and the clock really started ticking for when we had to force the baby to get out. We headed over and had blood work done, and I was cramping the whole time. Then we headed home, by this point it was about noon, and I was exhausted from not getting very good rest the night before and from my body cramping up for about 5 days straight (and not getting anywhere!! - it was sooooooo frustrating).
I got food, then I took some castor oil and then went and laid down to take a bit of a nap. I woke up when my body had major diarrhea from the castor oil. I cleaned out about 3 times (which Liz prepped me for... taking castor oil is gross, but it is a great way to get your body cleaned out, that is for sure). After being sure I had finished with the bowel movements, I went out and Brent and Krista were talking. I was feeling down and depressed. I took the castor oil and I hadn't felt any difference in the movement for 4 hours. I told Brent I needed to talk to him. We went back to the room and I just told him that we might as well just give up and go in and get induced. I told him my gut feeling was that it was going to be a really long and hard labor and I just didn't know if I had it in me to do that. I was resigned. The facts all pointed to having a hard labor and that it wasn't going to be fast and quick. I was sooooo hoping for a "Talia" type of labor again, and by this time I was just resigned to the fact that I was going to have to be induced, because nothing was working and that the chances for c-section were super high.
My energy was horribly low. My faith was gone. My resolution for a natural labor had vanished. I just didn't care any more. I cried and Brent held me. He told me he could understand why I would be feeling this way and tried to sympathize as much as he could. Then the door bell rang and it was Liz. She had come to check my temperature and tell us the blood test results. They weren't great. It showed that infection had entered my body and my white blood cell count was not looking good. The blood test also showed that I was anemic. After she left we went back to the room and I just cried. It didn't matter any more. If we went to the hospital with those results they were just going to cut me again. My mind set was, "I might as well just admit to myself that I am going to have to have a c-section to get this baby out, so we might as well go in and just get it over with."
That is when Brent really started showing up. He knelt in front of me and said, "Andrea, you are right, from everything we know and everything that we have experienced in the last 48 hours, it looks like we are going to have a c-section result.... BUT, what would a miracle look like?" I looked at him with such a heavy heart. I didn't know! Maybe the miracle is that I just had to swallow and give in to what was happening around me.
I said, "A miracle would look like a 4-5 hour labor here at home."
He looked at me with a smile and with so much confidence and said, "Okay, let's focus and pray for THAT."
At this point, I didn't believe it would happen. I really didn't. I was convinced that a c-section was going to be the result. Brent helped me up and said, "Okay, let's go for a walk." At this point it was about 5pm. This is where the miracles started happening for us. We left the house and on the walk Liz called and said, "Andrea! I have such great news! The blood test that came back was WRONG, they were the wrong results! Your cell count is perfect and you are NOT anemic at all! Everything is just perfect. Let's have a baby!".
That was the start of my mental, emotional, and spiritual turn around. Brent said after that call I started walking with more confidence and we walked faster. He said my energy started to change. The way I remember it is that I was leaning on him for EVERYTHING. I didn't have the faith in that time for what a miracle would be, but I KNEW and I FELT that HE had the faith for it. He was doing the emotional labor for me. I started sucking the energy and faith from him as much as I could.
So we walked down to Lin's and got a donut. I started feeling starting contractions. It took us about 45 minutes to go down and back from there. When we got home I went to the room and got on the ball and just started breathing.
At 6pm, the contractions were heavier than they had been and started being consistent enough that we started tracking them. Brent came in and he started helping me and I would lean my head on him. Krista came in and watched me for a minute and said, "Okay! We are going to have a baby tonight! How does that feel Andrea?". I just started to cry and said, "It feels so good. It's a miracle." I thought for sure I was going to have to be induced, but I started on my own!
Krista and Dani texted Michele and Liz at about 6pm and told them I had started labor and things were moving well. I was on the ball for about 10 minutes, then I moved to the toilet for a few contractions, then I went back to the ball for a few more. Brent stayed by me and I was breathing through them. It was definitely labor this time! It was at this point Brent told me that he heard a voice that said, "My son, you are going to see a miracle tonight." Dani came in and Brent left and went into the storage room and just cried. I remember when he went out and came back in. And he said, "We are going to have a miracle tonight! He is giving us the miracle we asked for!"
It was because of Brent and his faith. I didn't have the faith for it. Brent did, he carried me through it. I labored physically, but Brent was there to labor spiritually and emotionally and mentally for me. I depended on it like I never had to before. With the other births he was always there and I leaned on him and I needed him as a part of it, but this time was different. I knew I couldn't have done this without him. He was the strong one.
After going to the ball the second time, the contractions started getting more intense. I moved to the toilet and sat on it backwards and asked for the heat to be applied to my back. Dani and Krista came in and this is where my coaching to get through labor really started. They helped me to focus on my breath and coached me through the contractions. I labored there for a little while and got up and stood by the sink. They helped me with my visualizations and breathing, and coached me through how to breath longer to make the contractions come more powerfully to move things along. This is when things really got crazy. I felt like I went from a 4-5-6-7-8 in a matter of a few contractions. I felt transition come and I started wondering if I could do this! It was so painful, SO INTENSE.
I moved to kneel by the side of the bed and Brent sat on the bed while I leaned against him. This is when Liz finally made it. She watched me through one contraction there kneeling and said, "She's pushing!!!" I remember thinking, "What??? I am already??". Then Liz was moving like a blur to get everything set up. She was a bit frantic. During the next contraction she said, "Andrea after this contraction I want you to crawl over here and squat."
So after that one I crawled over and got in a squat and Brent was sitting right in front of me on the bed. Then THE contraction came. Brent said, I took a breath and buried my head in his chest and just screamed. Then during the next breath I said, "It's his head!!!"... then in the next breath I pushed him out and he landed right on the floor!! I couldn't believe it! I remember during that contraction feeling the ring of fire and thinking, "THAT'S THE RING OF FIRE!" I couldn't believe it. Everything happened so fast, so intensely, so painfully, but SO MIRACULOUSLY!
Liz said, "Andrea! Pick up your baby!"... but I couldnt' move. I was frozen in that spot. Dani and Krista got behind me and helped me to move back. Brent picked up Joshua and put him on my chest. Poor little guy was just as shocked as I was! He was just perfect. They covered me up and Liz started working on making sure everything was okay with the "after birth labor" and the placenta. I just remember leaning back and thinking, "I can't believe that just happened!". Then someone said the time... 7:42pm! I labored from 6pm-7:42.... 1 1/2 hour labor. It was a MIRACLE. Very literally a miracle. I just cried. I couldn't believe it. Brent looked at me and said, "It's a miracle!" Then I looked him in the eyes and said, "It's because of you babe. You got us here, I couldn't have done it this time with your faith." And it's true.
Poor Michele missed the actual birth and walked in about 3 seconds after he was born. She got there and started taking pictures. I'm so glad she made it for pictures or we wouldn't have any documentation at all. We got the placenta delivered and checked to make sure the baby was okay. Clamped the cord and then Brent took Joshua while Dani and Krista helped me to the bed. I crawled over and crawled up in bed. Brent had to come and move me higher on the bed, I literally couldn't move very well, my body went through quite the shock to get everything done in that amount of time to have the baby in 1.5 hours. Michele said that's how her labors are too. Very fast and very intense. She got a warm blanket for me from the dryer and that felt amazing. I was shivering. Brent came and gave me Joshua and I nursed for a bit then they did all his measurements and then we just sat and talked for a little while. Sherri (my visiting teaching companion from the ward I moved from) brought me soup that I had requested for dinner. She was so cute. She said the spirit in the room was so tangible when she came in.
I told everyone how grateful I was they were there with me. I just cried, my heart was so full. Brent and I told them about experiencing everything and the miracle that it was. It was truly a miracle. My heart still just jumps with amazement when I think about it. The spirit was tangible, the Lord sent so many angels to help me through that labor and experience. I look back on it now and I can't even grasp His love for me and His Grace for me. I am also amazed at Brent. I was completely dependent on him, the whole experience brought us so close. It was a huge testimony builder for me that the Savior's atonement and miracles are for me personally, they are for my family. When we talked with everyone after we all bore testimony of His goodness and how wonderful God is to us. Everyone got to hold him and snuggle him, then everyone left. Brent and I were able to just enjoy each other and Joshua for the night before the kids came back the next morning.
Gabe and Talia were ecstatic to see him and snuggle him. They automatically were in love with him. Poor Elijah had a really hard time being the only one away from the family with Papa and Mimi... Jonathan ended up going up and getting him and bringing him back down to SLC and Dani brought him back the Sunday after Joshua was born (after McKenna's farewell). When he got back our family was complete!
I love my family. I love my life. I am so blessed.
Things To Remember From First Weeks After Baby Comes
Dear Kids,
These first couple of weeks after Joshua was born havw been such a reflective week for me. Recovering from birth is a very dependent project, and I have a hard time being dependent on anything or anyone... so I have received lots of lessons that I have needed to be reminded of. I learned all of these lessons with all of you kids, but I want to write them down as they are fresh on my mind post birth (especially good to be able to read in future years when you are all having babies and I am helping other people who need to recover from having a baby):
-Breastfeeding is hard. It is just hard. When the milk finally comes in about the 3rd day your boobs hurt like crazy and you can't hug anyone, let alone have a great time breastfeeding. It gets better after the first couple of weeks, I know that... but getting your boobs and nipples to the point that they are regulated and calloused over takes some time and it is difficult. I will remember to have empathy for anyone trying to learn how to breastfeed. It takes so much patience and time. Each baby is different too, so figuring each other out is part of the journey.
-After pains hurt like CRAZY. I remember when I had Gabriel that I had NO IDEA there was such a thing as "after pains". No one had told me about them. It shocked me... of course it made sense that my uterus would have to shrink back, but I didn't know the process that it would take. With each child the after pains are harder, last longer and just hurt like a mother. I will prepare my daughter and my daughters-in-law about this if they don't know it before. You have to breath through each one and just pray that it will be over soon. It took about 6 days for them to finally start subsiding, the first 3 days were definitely the worst of them, that's for sure.
-It's amazing how much pain we go through to get a child here. I was thinking about that the other day. The pain of labor and delivery, the pain of pregnancy, the pain of breastfeeding, the pain of recovery... there is a lot of PAIN associated with babies. But yet the paradox is that the pain is all washed away when I look at my baby's face and hold him and kiss his cheeks. That is how it is with each baby. Each one of my babies has been completely worth all the pain involved to get them here. There is a good reason why the analogy of pregnancy, labor and delivery are used with so many things in life, because of the effort and pain involved inside of it all. But it also comes back to one of the biggest reasons we are on this earth anyway... to experience JOY and SORROW. Having a baby is full of both of these.
-Brent was able to stay with me for the first 5 days after having Joshua. He has been amazing... doing the laundry, getting the kids to and from school, doing the dishes, keeping up with as much as he can. But when he had to go back to work after that, the first day he was gone I just CRIED for the first hour after he left. I told him before he went that I just didn't want to be alone! The fear of being alone for the first time with the baby by myself was still as tangible as it was with Gabriel. I remember feeling that EVERY single time... the first time I knew I would be alone without another adult around, it scared me every time! Part of the process for me I guess, learning how to adjust to being alone with the baby.
-For me, the first 3 days after birth I can't really move anywhere by myself. The first 48 hours after having the baby I needed Brent to help me to the bathroom, help me shower, help me back to the bed, help me go anywhere. These stories I hear about how women will have babies in the fields, catch their baby and then just keep on working.... I just don't see how anyone could do that! Of course I never had a baby in my twenties... so many that is why! I have heard having babies in your twenties is infinitely easier on your body than in your thirties. At least for me it is a pretty major ordeal that takes a good week of just laying down to recover from. After the first 2 weeks is when I finally feel like I can really get up and start moving around the house again. I have to really ease back into life that is for sure!
-More than postpartum depression, I get postpartum psychosis. I had it really bad with Gabriel, it was awful some of the thoughts that I would have about him, CRAZY things. I remember after having him, understanding how women just go crazy after having a baby and get to the point where they harm themselves and their baby because of it. I am a very stable woman, and it was insane how crazy my thoughts were. With every single one of my babies, the postpartum psychosis is really evident. Being the 4th time around I am really recognizing it as it comes and goes, and I have learned how to keep on top of my nutrition and herbal medicine to help keep depression and major hormonal issues at bay. But every time I experience the psychosis, I gain that much more empathy for people who really go nuts!
-All of these are sounding really negative... I don't mean to be negative, I just want to be blunt about what I experience to remember it as much as possible! The things that I just LOVE about the first couple weeks after is the down time I have with my family. Because of not really getting up and moving around, I have a lot more time to just sit and be with my kids. It is a really good lesson to remember... just sit down and BE with each one of my kids. When I get up and moving again, I KNOW that I don't remember to do that enough with each of them. It is something to really remember and not forget. They want to spend time with me and snuggle with me and read with me and touch me and have me touch them and laugh together and just BE together. THIS is one of the most important lessons I want to remember... is the perspective it gives me to have a new baby in the home. Everything falls into line and I remember what this is all about. I remember about the beauty of motherhood and really what I am doing this for.
-Being able to see how much siblings LOVE their babies that join their family is AMAZING. My kids LOVE "their baby Joshua". Elijah calls him "Doshua". It could easily turn into a nickname to call him "Dosh" because it's so cute. Elijah is always putting his hand on the baby's head and then kissing his head. He doesn't really want to hold him, but he wants to touch him soft all the time. Gabriel always wants to hold him and he washes his hands faithfully before touching Joshua in anyway. Talia just adores everything about having a baby. They all are amazed at anything he does or any sound he makes or any face he makes. I LOVE seeing sibling love like this!
-Remembering to be patient with my body getting back into shape. I don't have a lot more to say about that one, other than just BE PATIENT with my body.
-How hungry nursing all the times makes me! And how crazy growth spurts are when the baby is all of a sudden hungry all the time again and protecting myself against breast infections, and the time it takes to nurse! It takes so much time to nurse in the first month. Every time I sit down to feed him it is a good 45-60 minutes. I know baby's get faster at eating, but it is also amazing to me that the Lord created a system where moms have to just sit down and relax every 2-3 hours while they are going through the most recovery. He knows what he's doing up there! My life is revolving around nursing times right now... and it is okay! I need to remember to support other mothers who really actively do that too and it's important to them to take nursing seriously.
-Remembering to acknowledge how much Brent is making up for all the difference inside of what I normally do in the home. He has been amazing. It's because of his faith that Joshua got here in the first place, and he is making up the difference for things I can't get to right now. He is an amazing husband and father. He LOVES having the babies snuggle up on his chest. He LOVES it so much. He loves talking to his babies and asking them all kinds of "heaven" questions. He is so good with taking the baby when he is crying so I can rest, so good about staying up late with Joshua when I need to just sleep. It is such a tag team effort! I couldn't do it without him.
-It's been interesting to see the various adjustments of the kids. They really feel the time the baby is taking from what I normally can do for them. Learning how to be patient with the whining, but try to help them understand their emotions has been a little hard for me, but something to work on!
Let's see...... what else?
-Every time we have gone out in the sun Joshua stretches his whole body out and just basks in it. He LOVES feeling the sun on his body! It is adorable. He loves water, he loves his head touched. He is a soul that I want to do some more prayer about so I can really know him better and what he did in the pre-existence and what his mission is on earth. It is a practice I have done with all my kids, and I can't wait to get the answers!
I love my family.
I love my babies.
I love you,
Your Mom
-Brent was able to stay with me for the first 5 days after having Joshua. He has been amazing... doing the laundry, getting the kids to and from school, doing the dishes, keeping up with as much as he can. But when he had to go back to work after that, the first day he was gone I just CRIED for the first hour after he left. I told him before he went that I just didn't want to be alone! The fear of being alone for the first time with the baby by myself was still as tangible as it was with Gabriel. I remember feeling that EVERY single time... the first time I knew I would be alone without another adult around, it scared me every time! Part of the process for me I guess, learning how to adjust to being alone with the baby.
-For me, the first 3 days after birth I can't really move anywhere by myself. The first 48 hours after having the baby I needed Brent to help me to the bathroom, help me shower, help me back to the bed, help me go anywhere. These stories I hear about how women will have babies in the fields, catch their baby and then just keep on working.... I just don't see how anyone could do that! Of course I never had a baby in my twenties... so many that is why! I have heard having babies in your twenties is infinitely easier on your body than in your thirties. At least for me it is a pretty major ordeal that takes a good week of just laying down to recover from. After the first 2 weeks is when I finally feel like I can really get up and start moving around the house again. I have to really ease back into life that is for sure!
-More than postpartum depression, I get postpartum psychosis. I had it really bad with Gabriel, it was awful some of the thoughts that I would have about him, CRAZY things. I remember after having him, understanding how women just go crazy after having a baby and get to the point where they harm themselves and their baby because of it. I am a very stable woman, and it was insane how crazy my thoughts were. With every single one of my babies, the postpartum psychosis is really evident. Being the 4th time around I am really recognizing it as it comes and goes, and I have learned how to keep on top of my nutrition and herbal medicine to help keep depression and major hormonal issues at bay. But every time I experience the psychosis, I gain that much more empathy for people who really go nuts!
-All of these are sounding really negative... I don't mean to be negative, I just want to be blunt about what I experience to remember it as much as possible! The things that I just LOVE about the first couple weeks after is the down time I have with my family. Because of not really getting up and moving around, I have a lot more time to just sit and be with my kids. It is a really good lesson to remember... just sit down and BE with each one of my kids. When I get up and moving again, I KNOW that I don't remember to do that enough with each of them. It is something to really remember and not forget. They want to spend time with me and snuggle with me and read with me and touch me and have me touch them and laugh together and just BE together. THIS is one of the most important lessons I want to remember... is the perspective it gives me to have a new baby in the home. Everything falls into line and I remember what this is all about. I remember about the beauty of motherhood and really what I am doing this for.
-Being able to see how much siblings LOVE their babies that join their family is AMAZING. My kids LOVE "their baby Joshua". Elijah calls him "Doshua". It could easily turn into a nickname to call him "Dosh" because it's so cute. Elijah is always putting his hand on the baby's head and then kissing his head. He doesn't really want to hold him, but he wants to touch him soft all the time. Gabriel always wants to hold him and he washes his hands faithfully before touching Joshua in anyway. Talia just adores everything about having a baby. They all are amazed at anything he does or any sound he makes or any face he makes. I LOVE seeing sibling love like this!
-Remembering to be patient with my body getting back into shape. I don't have a lot more to say about that one, other than just BE PATIENT with my body.
-How hungry nursing all the times makes me! And how crazy growth spurts are when the baby is all of a sudden hungry all the time again and protecting myself against breast infections, and the time it takes to nurse! It takes so much time to nurse in the first month. Every time I sit down to feed him it is a good 45-60 minutes. I know baby's get faster at eating, but it is also amazing to me that the Lord created a system where moms have to just sit down and relax every 2-3 hours while they are going through the most recovery. He knows what he's doing up there! My life is revolving around nursing times right now... and it is okay! I need to remember to support other mothers who really actively do that too and it's important to them to take nursing seriously.
-Remembering to acknowledge how much Brent is making up for all the difference inside of what I normally do in the home. He has been amazing. It's because of his faith that Joshua got here in the first place, and he is making up the difference for things I can't get to right now. He is an amazing husband and father. He LOVES having the babies snuggle up on his chest. He LOVES it so much. He loves talking to his babies and asking them all kinds of "heaven" questions. He is so good with taking the baby when he is crying so I can rest, so good about staying up late with Joshua when I need to just sleep. It is such a tag team effort! I couldn't do it without him.
-It's been interesting to see the various adjustments of the kids. They really feel the time the baby is taking from what I normally can do for them. Learning how to be patient with the whining, but try to help them understand their emotions has been a little hard for me, but something to work on!
Let's see...... what else?
-Every time we have gone out in the sun Joshua stretches his whole body out and just basks in it. He LOVES feeling the sun on his body! It is adorable. He loves water, he loves his head touched. He is a soul that I want to do some more prayer about so I can really know him better and what he did in the pre-existence and what his mission is on earth. It is a practice I have done with all my kids, and I can't wait to get the answers!
I love my family.
I love my babies.
I love you,
Your Mom
Sunday, October 23, 2016
Seeing Some Fruits Of Motherhood
Dear Kids,
I'm really noticing the "fruits of motherhood" in the last little while.
We have had a lot going on. We just moved a couple weeks ago while I was 8 months pregnant. There was a night a couple weeks before the move that was really scary. I cramped up and started contracting really bad. I had done "too much" that day around the house trying to get things ready, and I really paid for it that night. I was scared and worried about the baby staying in and cooking a little longer.
Realizing that I couldn't do as much as I normally can, I started relying on you to help me a lot more. You have all been good about doing "chores" and getting the normal routine done, but during this move while I haven't been able to do very much, you have REALLY stepped up to the plate. Gabe packed a ton of the storage room, Talia packed up all the books in the house, and Elijah did a lot of little helper things constantly.
It has been a stressful couple of months, and all of you have had to really put up with "momster" sometimes instead of a happier mom. But you have done it. You have really showed me so many fruits of motherhood. When I sit back and watch you and think about everything you ARE doing right and everything that IS going well around us, I can't help but cry thinking about how all my hard work has been worth it! I was the one who taught you how to clean up, how to vacuum, how to do dishes, how to talk to each other, how to work as a team, how to read, how to work, how to do soooooo many things. And now, during this time when I need it the most, you are giving all of that hard work back to me.
I want to jump up and down and shout, "It's worth it! This motherhood thing... it's really worth it! Something is working and it's worth all the hard work and frustration!"
Once again, in the last 24 hours I have had to start relying on you more. I have started cramping up and contracting a bunch, more than is comfortable for 3-4 weeks out on having this baby. So I am on bed rest. I am taking it easy, I am truly doing NOTHING that requires any kind of physical energy. Mimi and Papa ended up taking Elijah for a couple of weeks (which is a huge blessing right now). We are missing each other already, but both of you, Gabe and Talia, have stepped up to the plate with what is needed and helping with all the little things.
I am amazed at you and I am so privileged to be your mother. You are all such amazing souls, you have so much light, so much goodness, so much talent, so much inside of you to share with the world. I can only hope that I can help to mentor that the best I know how and then Heavenly Father will make up the difference for me and you.
We will get through this one too! Sooner than later we will be on the other side of this baby adventure, and we will have a new brother to add to our family. We will be moving forward and growing together, and another adventure will come along that we will need to tackle together. And it will keep going like that until we are done with this life. There will be constant things that will keep coming up and keep happening, but that is why we have a family, that is why we are here together is because we can help each other through it. Just like my family, my mom and dad, my siblings help to make up the difference (like Uncle J taking Elijah to Idaho), I hope to pass that onto you as well, to help each other and support each other.
But my heart is so happy to be seeing some of those "fruits of motherhood" already in moments like this. I'm so grateful for it!
I love you,
Your Mom
I'm really noticing the "fruits of motherhood" in the last little while.
We have had a lot going on. We just moved a couple weeks ago while I was 8 months pregnant. There was a night a couple weeks before the move that was really scary. I cramped up and started contracting really bad. I had done "too much" that day around the house trying to get things ready, and I really paid for it that night. I was scared and worried about the baby staying in and cooking a little longer.
Realizing that I couldn't do as much as I normally can, I started relying on you to help me a lot more. You have all been good about doing "chores" and getting the normal routine done, but during this move while I haven't been able to do very much, you have REALLY stepped up to the plate. Gabe packed a ton of the storage room, Talia packed up all the books in the house, and Elijah did a lot of little helper things constantly.
It has been a stressful couple of months, and all of you have had to really put up with "momster" sometimes instead of a happier mom. But you have done it. You have really showed me so many fruits of motherhood. When I sit back and watch you and think about everything you ARE doing right and everything that IS going well around us, I can't help but cry thinking about how all my hard work has been worth it! I was the one who taught you how to clean up, how to vacuum, how to do dishes, how to talk to each other, how to work as a team, how to read, how to work, how to do soooooo many things. And now, during this time when I need it the most, you are giving all of that hard work back to me.
I want to jump up and down and shout, "It's worth it! This motherhood thing... it's really worth it! Something is working and it's worth all the hard work and frustration!"
Once again, in the last 24 hours I have had to start relying on you more. I have started cramping up and contracting a bunch, more than is comfortable for 3-4 weeks out on having this baby. So I am on bed rest. I am taking it easy, I am truly doing NOTHING that requires any kind of physical energy. Mimi and Papa ended up taking Elijah for a couple of weeks (which is a huge blessing right now). We are missing each other already, but both of you, Gabe and Talia, have stepped up to the plate with what is needed and helping with all the little things.
I am amazed at you and I am so privileged to be your mother. You are all such amazing souls, you have so much light, so much goodness, so much talent, so much inside of you to share with the world. I can only hope that I can help to mentor that the best I know how and then Heavenly Father will make up the difference for me and you.
We will get through this one too! Sooner than later we will be on the other side of this baby adventure, and we will have a new brother to add to our family. We will be moving forward and growing together, and another adventure will come along that we will need to tackle together. And it will keep going like that until we are done with this life. There will be constant things that will keep coming up and keep happening, but that is why we have a family, that is why we are here together is because we can help each other through it. Just like my family, my mom and dad, my siblings help to make up the difference (like Uncle J taking Elijah to Idaho), I hope to pass that onto you as well, to help each other and support each other.
But my heart is so happy to be seeing some of those "fruits of motherhood" already in moments like this. I'm so grateful for it!
I love you,
Your Mom
Monday, August 15, 2016
Feeling Our Baby
Dear Baby,
So we don't know what your name needs to be yet. But until that point, you are our baby.
I need to tell you an experience I had the other day that was soooooo happy for me. I haven't had any kind of spiritual experiences with you up until this happened... Which is unusual for me. Gabe was around me constantly while he was in my tummy, he was hovering. Talia came quite a few times and had some powerful experiences with her. Elijah didn't come often, but I knew him and what he was going to be like and his personality. He was just busy on the other side, and told me once, "Stop worrying about it mom. I will get there when I get there. I'm busy over here." Typical Elijah.
But with you, I hadn't had any experiences or feelings from the spirit about you at all. Part of it is because we really thought you were a girl until getting the ultrasound. And I had a lot of experiences with the baby girl that was miscarried. But just not with you. You are a surprise for us!
I figured out that part of the reason is because you needed to come to Brent first. He needed that spiritual experience with you first. When we were in the temple about a month ago, you came to visit Brent. He told me after the session that you were there, in front of him at one point, as about a 4 year old boy and said, "Hi Dad!". Brent had such peace about having that experience with you, his heart just wrapped around you at that point. The awesome thing is during the whole session I was just praying and praying for some kind of experience to know you and to feel you. You went to Brent first, and when he told me about it I cried and knew my prayers had been answered, just in a different way.
Well, the other day I was having some prayer time. It was after having a REALLY hard pregnancy day. The day before this experience I was in tears because my sciatic was hurting so badly and my body was just aching. It was a hard pregnancy day and I was having a rough time, I cried several times and was just emotional. The next day *finally* came, and I was praying and just asking Heavenly Father about you. Pleading and asking for help as I enter the third trimester. Then you were there! You came to me! You have to understand when I have experiences like this it is in my "mind's eye". I have also come to call it my "heart's eye". To the naked eye, no one would have seen you. But I felt you and saw you in my "heart's eye". You simply said, "Thank you mom."
Even now thinking about it, I am crying. I felt very deeply the gratitude you felt (and feel) towards me for helping you come to the earth. It was a depth of gratitude that I don't know I have ever felt from someone before. It was a heavenly gratitude. You looked at me so softly, the feeling was just so grateful, such peace, such softness surrounding your heart. Then you were gone.
I have felt you around me a few times after that, nothing profound, but just feeling and knowing your spirit is walking around our home. I'm SO, SO, SO grateful for these experiences to know all of my kids before they come. It is a HUGE tender mercy, that I hope I will never take for granted.
We are excited to have you as part of our family, our little baby. The kids can't wait. Brent and I are going into this with eyes wide open of knowing what to expect with a newborn baby. Both of us are excited and both of us are very realistic about what a new dynamic like a baby brings into a family. Brent said it perfectly the other day, "I vacillate between being really excited and just wanting to have hives." Ha! He has such a way with words.
Can't wait to see you. There are a couple more months to go in this third trimester. I'm doing my best to make sure my body is ready for labor to get you here as safely and naturally as possible.
I love you baby.
Love,
Your Mom
So we don't know what your name needs to be yet. But until that point, you are our baby.
I need to tell you an experience I had the other day that was soooooo happy for me. I haven't had any kind of spiritual experiences with you up until this happened... Which is unusual for me. Gabe was around me constantly while he was in my tummy, he was hovering. Talia came quite a few times and had some powerful experiences with her. Elijah didn't come often, but I knew him and what he was going to be like and his personality. He was just busy on the other side, and told me once, "Stop worrying about it mom. I will get there when I get there. I'm busy over here." Typical Elijah.
But with you, I hadn't had any experiences or feelings from the spirit about you at all. Part of it is because we really thought you were a girl until getting the ultrasound. And I had a lot of experiences with the baby girl that was miscarried. But just not with you. You are a surprise for us!
I figured out that part of the reason is because you needed to come to Brent first. He needed that spiritual experience with you first. When we were in the temple about a month ago, you came to visit Brent. He told me after the session that you were there, in front of him at one point, as about a 4 year old boy and said, "Hi Dad!". Brent had such peace about having that experience with you, his heart just wrapped around you at that point. The awesome thing is during the whole session I was just praying and praying for some kind of experience to know you and to feel you. You went to Brent first, and when he told me about it I cried and knew my prayers had been answered, just in a different way.
Well, the other day I was having some prayer time. It was after having a REALLY hard pregnancy day. The day before this experience I was in tears because my sciatic was hurting so badly and my body was just aching. It was a hard pregnancy day and I was having a rough time, I cried several times and was just emotional. The next day *finally* came, and I was praying and just asking Heavenly Father about you. Pleading and asking for help as I enter the third trimester. Then you were there! You came to me! You have to understand when I have experiences like this it is in my "mind's eye". I have also come to call it my "heart's eye". To the naked eye, no one would have seen you. But I felt you and saw you in my "heart's eye". You simply said, "Thank you mom."
Even now thinking about it, I am crying. I felt very deeply the gratitude you felt (and feel) towards me for helping you come to the earth. It was a depth of gratitude that I don't know I have ever felt from someone before. It was a heavenly gratitude. You looked at me so softly, the feeling was just so grateful, such peace, such softness surrounding your heart. Then you were gone.
I have felt you around me a few times after that, nothing profound, but just feeling and knowing your spirit is walking around our home. I'm SO, SO, SO grateful for these experiences to know all of my kids before they come. It is a HUGE tender mercy, that I hope I will never take for granted.
We are excited to have you as part of our family, our little baby. The kids can't wait. Brent and I are going into this with eyes wide open of knowing what to expect with a newborn baby. Both of us are excited and both of us are very realistic about what a new dynamic like a baby brings into a family. Brent said it perfectly the other day, "I vacillate between being really excited and just wanting to have hives." Ha! He has such a way with words.
Can't wait to see you. There are a couple more months to go in this third trimester. I'm doing my best to make sure my body is ready for labor to get you here as safely and naturally as possible.
I love you baby.
Love,
Your Mom
Some Quality Time
Dear Elijah,
Gabe and Talia went to school today. They have the same teacher this year, Mrs. Crouch, in the same class. It's so awesome! Gabe had an amazing experience with Mrs. Crouch last year in first grade, and because in Montessori there are combined grades, Talia got to go to her class this year as well.
They were both so excited to go to school. Talia got up right on time to get dressed and get her hair done. She was ready to go! I knew she would be. She has been ready for quite a few months. She went and met Mrs. Crouch last week and saw the classroom and everything. This morning in her school video she said that she just couldn't wait!
Gabe was just back in the routine quickly, and taking his time to get everything done this morning, just like usual. He has his own time clock, that is for sure. Does everything according to his own time schedule. He was excited to have Talia there with him.
I totally trust that Mrs. Crouch will handle them just like a champ. She is such a great teacher. She believes in teaching principles of the classroom first, respect, peacefulness, in dependency, etc. Then academics come as they learn various principles. I completely agree with her. She is such a great fit for our family.
On the other hand, you, Elijah, had a hard time this morning. "Where are my kids?", you said as we were getting to the gym. We told you again we had taken them to school and you got to be with mom and dad all by yourself. You just cried. "I need my kids.", you said, and you kept crying. Took you a few minutes to be okay with it all. It is going to be quite a change for you.
But me, the mom, couldn't be happier about it. I'm so excited to have some alone time with you! There are things about being the third child that has their advantages, however, there are other things with your behavior and just having some quality time, than hasn't been there. You haven't had that quality time with us like Gabe and Talia had. I am excited to just have time with you before the baby comes.
I'm excited to make things alone with you, to read alone with you, to build with you, to just have you here by yourself with me. I'm excited about what can mean for our relationship. Getting a really good solid relationship with you by yourself has been a little bit of a challenge for me because of how difficult you can be sometimes. So this will give me a chance to build that one-on-one relationship with you. I am so excited about it.
I love you so much. I hope you know it. I hope you never feel looked over. I hope you always feel how much your mom and dad love all of you kids individually and collectively together.
I love you,
Your Mom
Gabe and Talia went to school today. They have the same teacher this year, Mrs. Crouch, in the same class. It's so awesome! Gabe had an amazing experience with Mrs. Crouch last year in first grade, and because in Montessori there are combined grades, Talia got to go to her class this year as well.
They were both so excited to go to school. Talia got up right on time to get dressed and get her hair done. She was ready to go! I knew she would be. She has been ready for quite a few months. She went and met Mrs. Crouch last week and saw the classroom and everything. This morning in her school video she said that she just couldn't wait!
Gabe was just back in the routine quickly, and taking his time to get everything done this morning, just like usual. He has his own time clock, that is for sure. Does everything according to his own time schedule. He was excited to have Talia there with him.
I totally trust that Mrs. Crouch will handle them just like a champ. She is such a great teacher. She believes in teaching principles of the classroom first, respect, peacefulness, in dependency, etc. Then academics come as they learn various principles. I completely agree with her. She is such a great fit for our family.
On the other hand, you, Elijah, had a hard time this morning. "Where are my kids?", you said as we were getting to the gym. We told you again we had taken them to school and you got to be with mom and dad all by yourself. You just cried. "I need my kids.", you said, and you kept crying. Took you a few minutes to be okay with it all. It is going to be quite a change for you.
But me, the mom, couldn't be happier about it. I'm so excited to have some alone time with you! There are things about being the third child that has their advantages, however, there are other things with your behavior and just having some quality time, than hasn't been there. You haven't had that quality time with us like Gabe and Talia had. I am excited to just have time with you before the baby comes.
I'm excited to make things alone with you, to read alone with you, to build with you, to just have you here by yourself with me. I'm excited about what can mean for our relationship. Getting a really good solid relationship with you by yourself has been a little bit of a challenge for me because of how difficult you can be sometimes. So this will give me a chance to build that one-on-one relationship with you. I am so excited about it.
I love you so much. I hope you know it. I hope you never feel looked over. I hope you always feel how much your mom and dad love all of you kids individually and collectively together.
I love you,
Your Mom
Sunday, June 19, 2016
Little Irritations
Dear Kids,
Sometimes I am just more irritated than other times. I wish I could put a finger on why or what happens. Sometimes I know exactly when the irritation starts, and when I allow it to expand and continue. Sometimes I can immediately stop it and take control. Sometimes it just escalates and I feel irritated about everything that is happening around me.
This is one of my biggest challenges as a mother.
It was just a hard day today, for not really any specific reason. I was more on edge... and mother is the heart of the home. When I am irritated, it goes down to everyone around. I didn't have a blow up at any point. I didn't get really upset or yell. But I just was irritated, A LOT.
Hormones... pregnancy. Yep, I will blame it on pregnancy.
But in reality, I can't blame it on anything but understanding that when I am irritated I am choosing to be that way. I am choosing to be irritated and stay in that space.
I know there are proactive ways of getting around it. I know that if I were to go takes certain herbs it would help a lot. I know that I need to go take a break and breath a little bit. I know that doing small things to calm down my irritation speaks volumes to the inside of my body.
But did I choose to do any of that today? Nope. Just kept going.
I think we all have those days though. Sometimes we are more proactive than other times. Most of the time the key is to NOT repeat it again tomorrow. Break the problem so that it doesn't over take two days. Then the irritation has only conquered one day and I can take over better tomorrow.
So tomorrow... here is what I am going to do. Get up and get ready to be at the gym at a reasonable hour. Go swimming with a friend. Smile. Laugh. Spread smiling and laughter to my kids. Have family home evening. Clean my house. Pretty simple day. But I will choose to make strides inside of my spiritual focus. I will use the enticements around me for my spiritual growth. The enticements being the little irritations that happened today.
So there we have it. Just try to be a little better tomorrow.
I love you,
Your Mom
Sometimes I am just more irritated than other times. I wish I could put a finger on why or what happens. Sometimes I know exactly when the irritation starts, and when I allow it to expand and continue. Sometimes I can immediately stop it and take control. Sometimes it just escalates and I feel irritated about everything that is happening around me.
This is one of my biggest challenges as a mother.
It was just a hard day today, for not really any specific reason. I was more on edge... and mother is the heart of the home. When I am irritated, it goes down to everyone around. I didn't have a blow up at any point. I didn't get really upset or yell. But I just was irritated, A LOT.
Hormones... pregnancy. Yep, I will blame it on pregnancy.
But in reality, I can't blame it on anything but understanding that when I am irritated I am choosing to be that way. I am choosing to be irritated and stay in that space.
I know there are proactive ways of getting around it. I know that if I were to go takes certain herbs it would help a lot. I know that I need to go take a break and breath a little bit. I know that doing small things to calm down my irritation speaks volumes to the inside of my body.
But did I choose to do any of that today? Nope. Just kept going.
I think we all have those days though. Sometimes we are more proactive than other times. Most of the time the key is to NOT repeat it again tomorrow. Break the problem so that it doesn't over take two days. Then the irritation has only conquered one day and I can take over better tomorrow.
So tomorrow... here is what I am going to do. Get up and get ready to be at the gym at a reasonable hour. Go swimming with a friend. Smile. Laugh. Spread smiling and laughter to my kids. Have family home evening. Clean my house. Pretty simple day. But I will choose to make strides inside of my spiritual focus. I will use the enticements around me for my spiritual growth. The enticements being the little irritations that happened today.
So there we have it. Just try to be a little better tomorrow.
I love you,
Your Mom
Sunday, May 29, 2016
Update Post With A List
Dear Kids,
It's hard to write something really emotionally amazing when all of a sudden I haven't written for three months and there is so much to catch up on. I suppose the emotional tugging posts will have to wait until the catch up is finished!
When I have to catch up it is always easier to just write a list of everything that has happened. So that's what this post is going to look like. A list of events:
-Our family is expecting another baby! We don't know what it is yet, we will get an ultrasound in a couple weeks and find out. You are all so excited about it and you are looking at my tummy everyday and saying things like, "I think your tummy is a little bigger today mom!". It's pretty adorable. We have been talking about the whole process a lot and trying to do our best to be as honest and open about it as is age appropriate.
-Your Uncle Greg Barton died at the end of March, on Easter Sunday actually. It was a really hard situation because their family was struggling being and staying together anyway, and divorce was on the way. There is a lot of speculation about the motivation of his death. It could have been an accidental overdose, or "on purpose" ... only the Lord knows his heart. I have a lot of personal feelings about the whole situation, but those are my own and not necessarily fact. All the cousins are in different homes for the summer this year because Janet has been really struggling to stay up with life. We weren't able to have any of the cousins because my energy with this pregnancy has been HORRIBLE, and keeping up with just simple things has been a chore. We shall see what the whole situation will look like at the end of the summer. I hope that Janet chooses a healthier lifestyle than she is right now, especially during grieving recovery... but only she is in charge of that. Your dad and I haven't been involved a lot, for better or for worse. We shall see.
-Your dad planned the whole funeral. He was amazing about it and he did so many things that probably only I really know about with the craziness of it all. It was an intense week getting it all taken care of, but he really stepped up and did everything in his power to make it as good of an experience as possible for Greg's kids. He was buried at a military cemetery, which was huge and will be an amazing memory for his children.
-We went to Idaho for Easter and we were there for a little while because of what happened with Greg, before heading to Utah, It's funny, but the more drama has taken place on your dad's side of the family, the more the spirit has been pushing me to build stronger relationships with my own siblings. Every time I have tried to feel what I need to do for his family or any situation that comes up, I feel the push to build relationships with my own siblings first. Every time I have felt that, and so that is what I have been focusing on. I don't know exactly why, if anything is coming up, or if it is just because that is where my stewardship really needs to lie, but I have been following that inkling and impression. It has been a little hard, because I do feel a distance from his family, which usually I haven't felt. But that's okay, my focus is not supposed to be there right now. I am choosing to follow what the spirit is leading me to do.
-I think I wrote you about the cruise your dad and I went on at the beginning of February. That was just awesome. End of story!
-Gabriel, you finished out this school year with Mrs. Crouch. She has been an amazing fit for you as a teacher and as a mentor, it's been exactly what you have needed this year and I am so grateful for it. You have learned so much, there are still some things that need rounded out with your education at this point, but really I'm not at all concerned about it. It will get there. Your character is changing all the time to be more mature and understanding of free agency, especially with your eighth birthday coming up. It is a new phase of parenting, that is for sure. We are trying to figure it out and work around what it all means. But you are a good kid who works hard. You have been in tumbling this whole year and loving that. You went to some soccer tryouts, but we together decided you are going to try different sports this fall. You are doing a basketball camp and a rock climbing camp in June, that I think you will really like. You are discovering more talents all the time. We will get you going on piano this fall. And your reading is out of this world amazing. You are doing amazing with reading. I love you.
-Natalia, you had an end of year dance performance that you had a blast at. You love the stage and love performing. We have been trying to think of a few different ways to expand on that talent, we will get there, after all, you are only almost six years old! We have time. You will start piano this fall, and I think you will really like that. It will help you a lot to get going on an instrument. You have been VERY helpful lately. We have been getting along a lot better and I am so grateful for that. I am trying to fill your love buckets as much as possible, it is time consuming, but that is my job right? You are responding and it is working well. I am learning more and more about parenting so many different personalities that is for sure! You are going to start the Montessori school this fall and you can't wait for that! You are so excited. and I am excited for you! You have been playing with Laela a lot this last little while (Steve and Karina Palmer's daughter) and you guys have a lot of fun together. We are trying to figure out how you are so aware socially at such a young age, a strength and a weakness all at the same time!
-Elijah, you are starting to push every boundary possible the last little bit. You and Talia have switched places with "hard" inside of parenting. Your boundary pushing has been REALLY strong. We will get there, but it is tough a lot of days and exhausting! But you are 3 1/2 and so you are figuring out a different stage of life, that is for sure. When you aren't pushing boundaries or throwing fits, you are actually really fun to be around. You are discovering your sense of humor more and more, you are also discovering your free agency more and more. We will make it through... hopefully!
-We have been reading the "Narnia" books together as a family. We just finished "The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe", and will be starting the next book this week. It has been fun watching you discover a story through reading and I am grateful for it! We need to get more in the habit of reading like that, and this is a great start.
-Your dad's work schedule has been up and down and very demanding, but started getting back on track and regular this last week. He is getting impatient to find something else that can be more independent with making money. I am grateful that he is willing to keep this job until we can slowly move into something else. We will hopefully be able to make the transition in a healthy and smart financial way. It has been such a blessing to have this job. SUCH a blessing. NO complaints.
-We have a good garden this year. We've been working on this quite a bit this year.
-I have been napping more than I think I ever have my entire life this pregnancy... it actually is the same amount of sleep that I had to get during the day with all my newborns. I am having to learn to take it slower than normal and to be okay with that. It has been actually a challenge because it just isn't my personality, but it's a sliver of time in my life. Plus it helps me to take it slower to really "see" my kids more and better. So that is a blessing inside of it all.
I think that is it for the "list" update!
Love you,
Your Mom
It's hard to write something really emotionally amazing when all of a sudden I haven't written for three months and there is so much to catch up on. I suppose the emotional tugging posts will have to wait until the catch up is finished!
When I have to catch up it is always easier to just write a list of everything that has happened. So that's what this post is going to look like. A list of events:
-Our family is expecting another baby! We don't know what it is yet, we will get an ultrasound in a couple weeks and find out. You are all so excited about it and you are looking at my tummy everyday and saying things like, "I think your tummy is a little bigger today mom!". It's pretty adorable. We have been talking about the whole process a lot and trying to do our best to be as honest and open about it as is age appropriate.
-Your Uncle Greg Barton died at the end of March, on Easter Sunday actually. It was a really hard situation because their family was struggling being and staying together anyway, and divorce was on the way. There is a lot of speculation about the motivation of his death. It could have been an accidental overdose, or "on purpose" ... only the Lord knows his heart. I have a lot of personal feelings about the whole situation, but those are my own and not necessarily fact. All the cousins are in different homes for the summer this year because Janet has been really struggling to stay up with life. We weren't able to have any of the cousins because my energy with this pregnancy has been HORRIBLE, and keeping up with just simple things has been a chore. We shall see what the whole situation will look like at the end of the summer. I hope that Janet chooses a healthier lifestyle than she is right now, especially during grieving recovery... but only she is in charge of that. Your dad and I haven't been involved a lot, for better or for worse. We shall see.
-Your dad planned the whole funeral. He was amazing about it and he did so many things that probably only I really know about with the craziness of it all. It was an intense week getting it all taken care of, but he really stepped up and did everything in his power to make it as good of an experience as possible for Greg's kids. He was buried at a military cemetery, which was huge and will be an amazing memory for his children.
-We went to Idaho for Easter and we were there for a little while because of what happened with Greg, before heading to Utah, It's funny, but the more drama has taken place on your dad's side of the family, the more the spirit has been pushing me to build stronger relationships with my own siblings. Every time I have tried to feel what I need to do for his family or any situation that comes up, I feel the push to build relationships with my own siblings first. Every time I have felt that, and so that is what I have been focusing on. I don't know exactly why, if anything is coming up, or if it is just because that is where my stewardship really needs to lie, but I have been following that inkling and impression. It has been a little hard, because I do feel a distance from his family, which usually I haven't felt. But that's okay, my focus is not supposed to be there right now. I am choosing to follow what the spirit is leading me to do.
-I think I wrote you about the cruise your dad and I went on at the beginning of February. That was just awesome. End of story!
-Gabriel, you finished out this school year with Mrs. Crouch. She has been an amazing fit for you as a teacher and as a mentor, it's been exactly what you have needed this year and I am so grateful for it. You have learned so much, there are still some things that need rounded out with your education at this point, but really I'm not at all concerned about it. It will get there. Your character is changing all the time to be more mature and understanding of free agency, especially with your eighth birthday coming up. It is a new phase of parenting, that is for sure. We are trying to figure it out and work around what it all means. But you are a good kid who works hard. You have been in tumbling this whole year and loving that. You went to some soccer tryouts, but we together decided you are going to try different sports this fall. You are doing a basketball camp and a rock climbing camp in June, that I think you will really like. You are discovering more talents all the time. We will get you going on piano this fall. And your reading is out of this world amazing. You are doing amazing with reading. I love you.
-Natalia, you had an end of year dance performance that you had a blast at. You love the stage and love performing. We have been trying to think of a few different ways to expand on that talent, we will get there, after all, you are only almost six years old! We have time. You will start piano this fall, and I think you will really like that. It will help you a lot to get going on an instrument. You have been VERY helpful lately. We have been getting along a lot better and I am so grateful for that. I am trying to fill your love buckets as much as possible, it is time consuming, but that is my job right? You are responding and it is working well. I am learning more and more about parenting so many different personalities that is for sure! You are going to start the Montessori school this fall and you can't wait for that! You are so excited. and I am excited for you! You have been playing with Laela a lot this last little while (Steve and Karina Palmer's daughter) and you guys have a lot of fun together. We are trying to figure out how you are so aware socially at such a young age, a strength and a weakness all at the same time!
-Elijah, you are starting to push every boundary possible the last little bit. You and Talia have switched places with "hard" inside of parenting. Your boundary pushing has been REALLY strong. We will get there, but it is tough a lot of days and exhausting! But you are 3 1/2 and so you are figuring out a different stage of life, that is for sure. When you aren't pushing boundaries or throwing fits, you are actually really fun to be around. You are discovering your sense of humor more and more, you are also discovering your free agency more and more. We will make it through... hopefully!
-We have been reading the "Narnia" books together as a family. We just finished "The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe", and will be starting the next book this week. It has been fun watching you discover a story through reading and I am grateful for it! We need to get more in the habit of reading like that, and this is a great start.
-Your dad's work schedule has been up and down and very demanding, but started getting back on track and regular this last week. He is getting impatient to find something else that can be more independent with making money. I am grateful that he is willing to keep this job until we can slowly move into something else. We will hopefully be able to make the transition in a healthy and smart financial way. It has been such a blessing to have this job. SUCH a blessing. NO complaints.
-We have a good garden this year. We've been working on this quite a bit this year.
-I have been napping more than I think I ever have my entire life this pregnancy... it actually is the same amount of sleep that I had to get during the day with all my newborns. I am having to learn to take it slower than normal and to be okay with that. It has been actually a challenge because it just isn't my personality, but it's a sliver of time in my life. Plus it helps me to take it slower to really "see" my kids more and better. So that is a blessing inside of it all.
I think that is it for the "list" update!
Love you,
Your Mom
Monday, February 15, 2016
Thoughts on Elijah
Dear Elijah,
You are a strong headed little kid. I think that is all I have to say about that.
But you are also HILARIOUS. You are going to be one of those people that are just funny. You say things that are so funny and your comedic timing is already amazing. You are coordinated as well.
I am so grateful you are past the screaming stages. I thought for a few years that you were going to put me in the crazy bin because of how much you screamed over EVERYTHING. When you were happy, you screamed. When you were sad, you screamed. When you wanted something, you screamed. I am just so grateful we are past all of THAT.
You are very strong willed. You want to do everything by yourself. But the cool part about it is that you are also VERY capable. You are very coordinated and so you can do a lot of things by yourself. But it's funny the things you don't want to do by yourself, one of them being potty trained. You want NOTHING to do with it. So we are going to wait another couple months and see how you are doing with it. Your dad is ready for you to be potty trained, but I don't want a major fight with you about it, so we are going to wait a couple months. No rush.
You also want to be the leader wherever we go. You want to open all the doors and be the one helping with everything. You and your sister but heads with EVERYTHING. You are either playing like best friends, or you are tearing each other's hair out, there is no in between.
Your talking is getting better and better. We still have to practice quite a few sounds and things, but you will get there.
I love you,
Your Mom
You are a strong headed little kid. I think that is all I have to say about that.
But you are also HILARIOUS. You are going to be one of those people that are just funny. You say things that are so funny and your comedic timing is already amazing. You are coordinated as well.
I am so grateful you are past the screaming stages. I thought for a few years that you were going to put me in the crazy bin because of how much you screamed over EVERYTHING. When you were happy, you screamed. When you were sad, you screamed. When you wanted something, you screamed. I am just so grateful we are past all of THAT.
You are very strong willed. You want to do everything by yourself. But the cool part about it is that you are also VERY capable. You are very coordinated and so you can do a lot of things by yourself. But it's funny the things you don't want to do by yourself, one of them being potty trained. You want NOTHING to do with it. So we are going to wait another couple months and see how you are doing with it. Your dad is ready for you to be potty trained, but I don't want a major fight with you about it, so we are going to wait a couple months. No rush.
You also want to be the leader wherever we go. You want to open all the doors and be the one helping with everything. You and your sister but heads with EVERYTHING. You are either playing like best friends, or you are tearing each other's hair out, there is no in between.
Your talking is getting better and better. We still have to practice quite a few sounds and things, but you will get there.
I love you,
Your Mom
Thoughts on Gabe
Dear Gabriel,
Your mind is amazing to me lately. This last 6 months and for the next 6 months I am witnessing one of the most fascinating developments... getting to the accountability age.
Your understanding of right and wrong has sky-rocketed. Your ability to help me has done the same thing. Your ability to read, to understand, your mind working... they have all just sky-rocketed. It's all part of reaching the accountability age.
I have wanted to witness this since having children and I am soaking it up. Your ability to control your emotions, so understand how to handle situations, to see when there needs to be help. your ability to work... all of it.
It's amazing to see. The last 2 months you have insisted on wearing a suit to church, and you don't want a church bag anymore because you are "too old for it." You only want to bring a book of scripture to read and that's it. You are focusing on the scripture stories like crazy and you are just gobbling them up.
Your patience with your siblings has increased. Your awareness of how you can help me has doubled. This is a magic period of your life, and I hope you soak it in like crazy... and I want to do that same.
We are going to be getting to those ages that are going to be hard in the next 10 years. I just pray and hope that I can give you the foundations you need, with your dad, and then you can take it from there with the Lord's help.
I love you,
Your Mom
Your mind is amazing to me lately. This last 6 months and for the next 6 months I am witnessing one of the most fascinating developments... getting to the accountability age.
Your understanding of right and wrong has sky-rocketed. Your ability to help me has done the same thing. Your ability to read, to understand, your mind working... they have all just sky-rocketed. It's all part of reaching the accountability age.
I have wanted to witness this since having children and I am soaking it up. Your ability to control your emotions, so understand how to handle situations, to see when there needs to be help. your ability to work... all of it.
It's amazing to see. The last 2 months you have insisted on wearing a suit to church, and you don't want a church bag anymore because you are "too old for it." You only want to bring a book of scripture to read and that's it. You are focusing on the scripture stories like crazy and you are just gobbling them up.
Your patience with your siblings has increased. Your awareness of how you can help me has doubled. This is a magic period of your life, and I hope you soak it in like crazy... and I want to do that same.
We are going to be getting to those ages that are going to be hard in the next 10 years. I just pray and hope that I can give you the foundations you need, with your dad, and then you can take it from there with the Lord's help.
I love you,
Your Mom
Thoughts on Talia
Dear Natalia,
You have been pretty hard lately. You have been sneaking stuff and lying more than is okay.
It has really concerned me a lot. A LOT.
But after having a break away from my daily interactions with you I can see that one reason for this is because you are afraid of my reactions and so you are doing things in order to get the best reaction from me.
I need to apologize to you for this, and I hope that I can help to change this pattern. You have a very demanding personality. VERY demanding. You want what you want from me RIGHT NOW all the time, every time. I really try hard to make sure I am not putting you off, but I have to set my boundaries often with you that you have to wait. You must learn how to be patient and wait.
The part I have to work on is making sure to separate your worth from your performance while you are doing "actions" that are pretty hard to get a long with. Your worth is perfect, I want to make sure you feel that from me. You can get me more riled up in my heart faster than anyone else right now, and it's because I am wrapping my emotions around you and how you reaction and what you want and getting involved in your arguments.
I am working on it and I love you through it, with patience and the spirit.
I love you fiercely, I hope you know that always. We will get this figured out, then move onto something else that will refine both of us.
I love you,
Your Mom
You have been pretty hard lately. You have been sneaking stuff and lying more than is okay.
It has really concerned me a lot. A LOT.
But after having a break away from my daily interactions with you I can see that one reason for this is because you are afraid of my reactions and so you are doing things in order to get the best reaction from me.
I need to apologize to you for this, and I hope that I can help to change this pattern. You have a very demanding personality. VERY demanding. You want what you want from me RIGHT NOW all the time, every time. I really try hard to make sure I am not putting you off, but I have to set my boundaries often with you that you have to wait. You must learn how to be patient and wait.
The part I have to work on is making sure to separate your worth from your performance while you are doing "actions" that are pretty hard to get a long with. Your worth is perfect, I want to make sure you feel that from me. You can get me more riled up in my heart faster than anyone else right now, and it's because I am wrapping my emotions around you and how you reaction and what you want and getting involved in your arguments.
I am working on it and I love you through it, with patience and the spirit.
I love you fiercely, I hope you know that always. We will get this figured out, then move onto something else that will refine both of us.
I love you,
Your Mom
Faith In My Kids
Dear Kids,
There is so much going on in the world right now. And all of it reminds me of the last portion of the Book of Mormon when the Gadianton Robbers are controlling the land through murder, lying and secret combinations. I can't even really watch anything that is happening in DC any more because energetically and spiritually I can pinpoint exactly what is happening. There are so many secret combinations it is unbelievable. We put the Nephites to shame that is for sure.
BUT, I have to remind myself that this is all following the Lord's plan. HE is in charge, not the deceivers and liars in the government. HE is in charge. Ultimately everything is helping the world be ready for Christ's Second Coming. And so I focus on Zion. I focus on the gospel. I focus on spreading the light of Christ, because that is the only answer.
And I think to myself, "The only thing I have control over is myself, my attitudes and my reactions to life. I have control over raising my family and teaching my kids as much as I possibly can while I have them, then turn them over to the Lord."
Sometimes I am very afraid for you, my children, how you are going to stand it, how you are going to withstand everything that will be thrown at you. I am reminded of when we were pregnant with Gabe and I was thinking, "How are our kids going to handle this world?". Your dad and I went out to dinner with a couple in our ward that were rock solid in the gospel and they raised kids that were just amazing. I told them my concerns, and my fears. Then this woman looked me straight in the eye and said, "You know, there are times when I feel the same way. But then I have to remember that they chose to come at this time, and the Lord had faith in them to come at this time, so why shouldn't I? Have faith that the Lord has faith in your kids. He prepared them, just turn them over to Him."
I love that and I remember it often. He had faith in you to send you at this time, so why shouldn't I?
I love you, I have faith in you. I pray that you are getting the foundation that you need with the missions you have to fulfill.
I love you,
Love,
Your Mom
There is so much going on in the world right now. And all of it reminds me of the last portion of the Book of Mormon when the Gadianton Robbers are controlling the land through murder, lying and secret combinations. I can't even really watch anything that is happening in DC any more because energetically and spiritually I can pinpoint exactly what is happening. There are so many secret combinations it is unbelievable. We put the Nephites to shame that is for sure.
BUT, I have to remind myself that this is all following the Lord's plan. HE is in charge, not the deceivers and liars in the government. HE is in charge. Ultimately everything is helping the world be ready for Christ's Second Coming. And so I focus on Zion. I focus on the gospel. I focus on spreading the light of Christ, because that is the only answer.
And I think to myself, "The only thing I have control over is myself, my attitudes and my reactions to life. I have control over raising my family and teaching my kids as much as I possibly can while I have them, then turn them over to the Lord."
Sometimes I am very afraid for you, my children, how you are going to stand it, how you are going to withstand everything that will be thrown at you. I am reminded of when we were pregnant with Gabe and I was thinking, "How are our kids going to handle this world?". Your dad and I went out to dinner with a couple in our ward that were rock solid in the gospel and they raised kids that were just amazing. I told them my concerns, and my fears. Then this woman looked me straight in the eye and said, "You know, there are times when I feel the same way. But then I have to remember that they chose to come at this time, and the Lord had faith in them to come at this time, so why shouldn't I? Have faith that the Lord has faith in your kids. He prepared them, just turn them over to Him."
I love that and I remember it often. He had faith in you to send you at this time, so why shouldn't I?
I love you, I have faith in you. I pray that you are getting the foundation that you need with the missions you have to fulfill.
I love you,
Love,
Your Mom
Mom and Dad Traveling Together
Dear Kids,
We just got back from a cruise. Mom and Dad... we went on a cruise and were gone by ourselves for FIVE WHOLE DAYS all by ourselves.
Can I just tell you how amazing it was to be able to rejuvenate our relationship like that? I advocate it for every couple. I had one of my church leaders tell me once that the key to keeping a spark in your relationship (so you don't forget you are crazy about each other and forever lovers) is to have one night a week together, one day a month and one week a year.
I BELIEVE this so much. Your dad and I have gone on over-nighters a few times, but being able to be gone together for so many days in a row was just magical. I remembered why I fell in love with him! I knew why and remembered why BEFORE we went of course, but when we are able to be together like that and have no distractions from each other, it is just amazing and truly magical how it helps.
It also really helped me in my energy with you. I missed you guys like crazy and I just kept thinking about how grateful I am for each of you. I am so grateful for your part in our family and how much you teach me all the time. I am so grateful that I am your mother.
We made a goal that we are going to be rejuvenating our relationship more on a regular basis. This is something that I didn't see my parents doing when I was growing up. I know there are lots of reasons why, especially financial. We haven't been able to do this because financially we are just at the point where we had some extra bonus money to be able to go. But I am so grateful that we went. I thought for a long time about if we should use the money for something with preparedness, or something with our home, or debt... there are plenty of things we could have applied the money to. BUT, looking back I am so grateful that we created the memories together instead of using the money for something else. Memories like this are priceless and I want to be making memories together!
We also decided we want to do "Family Money Making Projects" to earn money to go on family vacations together more often. Up to this point we have used Idaho as our family get aways, but it's time to branch out and do more than that. We have talked about a few options of projects, but haven't decided quite what to do first.
We are also going to be moving soon. We need to go to a different house because the house we are in is going to be put back on the market. Which is good because it is going to push us to move to a better home and expand our stewardships a bit.
I love you so much. I am so grateful for our family.
Love,
Your Mom
We just got back from a cruise. Mom and Dad... we went on a cruise and were gone by ourselves for FIVE WHOLE DAYS all by ourselves.
Can I just tell you how amazing it was to be able to rejuvenate our relationship like that? I advocate it for every couple. I had one of my church leaders tell me once that the key to keeping a spark in your relationship (so you don't forget you are crazy about each other and forever lovers) is to have one night a week together, one day a month and one week a year.
I BELIEVE this so much. Your dad and I have gone on over-nighters a few times, but being able to be gone together for so many days in a row was just magical. I remembered why I fell in love with him! I knew why and remembered why BEFORE we went of course, but when we are able to be together like that and have no distractions from each other, it is just amazing and truly magical how it helps.
It also really helped me in my energy with you. I missed you guys like crazy and I just kept thinking about how grateful I am for each of you. I am so grateful for your part in our family and how much you teach me all the time. I am so grateful that I am your mother.
We made a goal that we are going to be rejuvenating our relationship more on a regular basis. This is something that I didn't see my parents doing when I was growing up. I know there are lots of reasons why, especially financial. We haven't been able to do this because financially we are just at the point where we had some extra bonus money to be able to go. But I am so grateful that we went. I thought for a long time about if we should use the money for something with preparedness, or something with our home, or debt... there are plenty of things we could have applied the money to. BUT, looking back I am so grateful that we created the memories together instead of using the money for something else. Memories like this are priceless and I want to be making memories together!
We also decided we want to do "Family Money Making Projects" to earn money to go on family vacations together more often. Up to this point we have used Idaho as our family get aways, but it's time to branch out and do more than that. We have talked about a few options of projects, but haven't decided quite what to do first.
We are also going to be moving soon. We need to go to a different house because the house we are in is going to be put back on the market. Which is good because it is going to push us to move to a better home and expand our stewardships a bit.
I love you so much. I am so grateful for our family.
Love,
Your Mom
Wednesday, February 3, 2016
Being An American
Dear Kids,
Recently there was an event in the news that really troubled me. A man named LaVoy Finicum was peacefully protesting with some other ranchers up in Oregon. They had all experienced the over reaching of our government on their lands and their rights. They had tried for years to stay within the bounds of the law, but decided that it was time to get more attention on the matter. So they decided to go and take over a bird refuge in Oregon in order to be able to start negotiations with the BLM to get their land back.
There is A LOT to this story, and only time will tell how the world is going to view it in 20 years, if they remember it at all. But basically what happened in the end is that LaVoy was shot and killed by the FBI. There were many falsehoods told about him in the media, calling him a terrorist and other horrible things, but they were all not true.
How do I know they weren't true? Because I did some digging, I met his family, I really took some time to get to know this issue. There are many "Gadianton Robbers" in the head of our government, and there have been for years. Many secret combinations that are running the world. But after reading, researching and meeting his family, I know the falsehoods that have been told. I haven't trusted the main media for YEARS... This just once again reaffirmed those feelings.
After he was killed, I felt a HUGE loss for our country. I spent about 48 hours in mourning over where we are as a country. This isn't America!! This isn't the country our founding fathers had in mind! But yet, here we are with tyranny all around us, and the majority of America not even realizing it.
I read in my scriptures in 2 Nephi 33:3 about how Nephi says that he prays, "continually for them (his people) by day, and mine eyes water my pillow by night because of them". For the first time in my life I started to understand the depth of those emotions that Nephi, and so many other prophets, felt. My heart was so heavy with mourning over my people and over my country.
But I went to a candlelight vigil for LaVoy on Monday night. I am so glad that I did. His family talked and told everyone that they feel no malice or anger. They reminded us that Jesus forgave those who crucified him on the cross and LaVoy would want everyone to do the same. They asked us to pray for the trial, that those who seek to bring about truth and justice will be upheld by the angels of heaven. They told us to not be mad at America. Yes, there are those in secret places planning for America's destruction, BUT that is not America. They reminded us that everyone at the gathering remembering LaVoy, THIS is America. WE ARE AMERICA. We love each other, we trust each other, we uphold the right and the true.
They asked everyone to read the Constitution and the Bill of Rights. They asked everyone to educate themselves and be smart about their feelings of patriotism. The death of an amazing man won't be in vain if we do that.
It was so good for me to remember about what America really is about... and not just America, but what the gospel is about. The gospel promotes freedom. The gospel promotes truth. The end game of the world is afoot. The end game of the Lord is the most important and it is leading us to the Second Coming of our Savior. That is the most important thing to keep in mind. Be Christlike. Stand for truth boldly, nobly and freely. Don't give up.
I am so glad I went to that gathering. The world is changing all around me. I am seeing such a significant change from when I was young to now. I don't know what it is going to look like when you are all grown and having families of your own. But I hope I can instill in you the principles of the gospel and the principles of freedom. I will teach you. I will train you and pray that you will go in the right ways with angels around you helping you on your errand here on the earth.
I love the gospel. I love America. I love freedom and liberty. I love my Father in Heaven and I KNOW HIS WAYS will prevail. I know it and I have faith in the path of the world.
I love you,
Your Mom
Recently there was an event in the news that really troubled me. A man named LaVoy Finicum was peacefully protesting with some other ranchers up in Oregon. They had all experienced the over reaching of our government on their lands and their rights. They had tried for years to stay within the bounds of the law, but decided that it was time to get more attention on the matter. So they decided to go and take over a bird refuge in Oregon in order to be able to start negotiations with the BLM to get their land back.
There is A LOT to this story, and only time will tell how the world is going to view it in 20 years, if they remember it at all. But basically what happened in the end is that LaVoy was shot and killed by the FBI. There were many falsehoods told about him in the media, calling him a terrorist and other horrible things, but they were all not true.
How do I know they weren't true? Because I did some digging, I met his family, I really took some time to get to know this issue. There are many "Gadianton Robbers" in the head of our government, and there have been for years. Many secret combinations that are running the world. But after reading, researching and meeting his family, I know the falsehoods that have been told. I haven't trusted the main media for YEARS... This just once again reaffirmed those feelings.
After he was killed, I felt a HUGE loss for our country. I spent about 48 hours in mourning over where we are as a country. This isn't America!! This isn't the country our founding fathers had in mind! But yet, here we are with tyranny all around us, and the majority of America not even realizing it.
I read in my scriptures in 2 Nephi 33:3 about how Nephi says that he prays, "continually for them (his people) by day, and mine eyes water my pillow by night because of them". For the first time in my life I started to understand the depth of those emotions that Nephi, and so many other prophets, felt. My heart was so heavy with mourning over my people and over my country.
But I went to a candlelight vigil for LaVoy on Monday night. I am so glad that I did. His family talked and told everyone that they feel no malice or anger. They reminded us that Jesus forgave those who crucified him on the cross and LaVoy would want everyone to do the same. They asked us to pray for the trial, that those who seek to bring about truth and justice will be upheld by the angels of heaven. They told us to not be mad at America. Yes, there are those in secret places planning for America's destruction, BUT that is not America. They reminded us that everyone at the gathering remembering LaVoy, THIS is America. WE ARE AMERICA. We love each other, we trust each other, we uphold the right and the true.
They asked everyone to read the Constitution and the Bill of Rights. They asked everyone to educate themselves and be smart about their feelings of patriotism. The death of an amazing man won't be in vain if we do that.
It was so good for me to remember about what America really is about... and not just America, but what the gospel is about. The gospel promotes freedom. The gospel promotes truth. The end game of the world is afoot. The end game of the Lord is the most important and it is leading us to the Second Coming of our Savior. That is the most important thing to keep in mind. Be Christlike. Stand for truth boldly, nobly and freely. Don't give up.
I am so glad I went to that gathering. The world is changing all around me. I am seeing such a significant change from when I was young to now. I don't know what it is going to look like when you are all grown and having families of your own. But I hope I can instill in you the principles of the gospel and the principles of freedom. I will teach you. I will train you and pray that you will go in the right ways with angels around you helping you on your errand here on the earth.
I love the gospel. I love America. I love freedom and liberty. I love my Father in Heaven and I KNOW HIS WAYS will prevail. I know it and I have faith in the path of the world.
I love you,
Your Mom
Wednesday, January 13, 2016
Girlie-girl
Dear Talia,
You are a girlie-girl. You love everything girl. Pink and purple. Soft kittens. Doing your own hair and make up. Putting on lipgloss everyday. Doing your nails.
You are pure girl!
You are also pure girl in your emotions. There are many times that you throw me for a loop that is for sure, trying to fill up your love bucket. Your love language is physical touch. You want to just be touching me all the time. I have been learning how important hugs are to you and how important it is for you to be touched in order for you to understand love.
I am still trying to get it, because my love language is not physical touch. I love words of affirmation and gifts. I love them. Trying to fill your love bucket is pretty tiring for me, but we will get there, I am determined to have a good relationship with you. I love you so much and I want you to know I love you back. There are times that you don't recognize it because I don't tell you enough in your love language. We will get it figured out.
You are SOOOOO aware of everyone around you. That is a strength you have always had, you were born with it. You are in tune with every's energy around you. You know who is having a good day and who is having a bad day. You are so aware of things like that. You also have your dad's skill of remembering where everything is put. You remember where everything is located! It is amazing.
You are learning how to read and doing great! You are soooooo gifted with music. You have music in your soul that is just dying to be released. You sing everything. Your life is a musical. Truly.
I love you so much,
Love,
Your Mom
You are a girlie-girl. You love everything girl. Pink and purple. Soft kittens. Doing your own hair and make up. Putting on lipgloss everyday. Doing your nails.
You are pure girl!
You are also pure girl in your emotions. There are many times that you throw me for a loop that is for sure, trying to fill up your love bucket. Your love language is physical touch. You want to just be touching me all the time. I have been learning how important hugs are to you and how important it is for you to be touched in order for you to understand love.
I am still trying to get it, because my love language is not physical touch. I love words of affirmation and gifts. I love them. Trying to fill your love bucket is pretty tiring for me, but we will get there, I am determined to have a good relationship with you. I love you so much and I want you to know I love you back. There are times that you don't recognize it because I don't tell you enough in your love language. We will get it figured out.
You are SOOOOO aware of everyone around you. That is a strength you have always had, you were born with it. You are in tune with every's energy around you. You know who is having a good day and who is having a bad day. You are so aware of things like that. You also have your dad's skill of remembering where everything is put. You remember where everything is located! It is amazing.
You are learning how to read and doing great! You are soooooo gifted with music. You have music in your soul that is just dying to be released. You sing everything. Your life is a musical. Truly.
I love you so much,
Love,
Your Mom
Little Entrepreneur
Dear Gabriel,
So at this point in your life, you are a little entrepreneur. You decided you wanted to earn money to buy your family Christmas presents this year. So dad talked about some options of ways to earn money and you decided you wanted to make candy to sell. We helped you with everything, but you were completely involved! You worked hard all day to make candy to sell, then we spent 2 days around the neighborhood getting it sold to people.
I was completely impressed with your determination. When we went to the first house to sell candy too, you said, "It's okay mom, I can carry all the bags." You carried four full garbage bags and when they answered the door you knew exactly what to say. "I want to earn money for Christmas presents, and I am selling candy."
You were so confident! You didn't shy away from the conversation at all. I thought for sure you would look to me for guidance, but you handled all of the transaction. I was amazed at you.
You ended up earning about $120! You gave Talia 40$ for helping you make the candy, then you put some in tithing and some in savings. Then you bought all the Christmas presents you wanted with your own money and you have some left over in your wallet right now!
On your way home from school today you just told me you want a phone. I said, "A phone is something that mom and dad won't get for you. You have to be able to pay for it yourself." You said, "Okay... how much?" I told you and then automatically you said, "Well then, I will just have to earn more money!"
I loved hearing that from your mouth. You are creating value and you aren't afraid of earning money to pay for things by yourself. I love it. It is so independent and it will serve you well as you get older. I hope you keep the same motivation as we go along through the next few years... almost 10 years until you go on a mission!! Ah, I can't believe it. You will be 8 years old this year and I can't believe it.
I have been amazed at watching your transition from being an "innocent child" to being "accountable". It really is amazing the transition that is happening in your life. The way your brain is comprehending so much more, the way your emotions are being handled... all of it.
I love you so much
Love,
Your Mom
So at this point in your life, you are a little entrepreneur. You decided you wanted to earn money to buy your family Christmas presents this year. So dad talked about some options of ways to earn money and you decided you wanted to make candy to sell. We helped you with everything, but you were completely involved! You worked hard all day to make candy to sell, then we spent 2 days around the neighborhood getting it sold to people.
I was completely impressed with your determination. When we went to the first house to sell candy too, you said, "It's okay mom, I can carry all the bags." You carried four full garbage bags and when they answered the door you knew exactly what to say. "I want to earn money for Christmas presents, and I am selling candy."
You were so confident! You didn't shy away from the conversation at all. I thought for sure you would look to me for guidance, but you handled all of the transaction. I was amazed at you.
You ended up earning about $120! You gave Talia 40$ for helping you make the candy, then you put some in tithing and some in savings. Then you bought all the Christmas presents you wanted with your own money and you have some left over in your wallet right now!
On your way home from school today you just told me you want a phone. I said, "A phone is something that mom and dad won't get for you. You have to be able to pay for it yourself." You said, "Okay... how much?" I told you and then automatically you said, "Well then, I will just have to earn more money!"
I loved hearing that from your mouth. You are creating value and you aren't afraid of earning money to pay for things by yourself. I love it. It is so independent and it will serve you well as you get older. I hope you keep the same motivation as we go along through the next few years... almost 10 years until you go on a mission!! Ah, I can't believe it. You will be 8 years old this year and I can't believe it.
I have been amazed at watching your transition from being an "innocent child" to being "accountable". It really is amazing the transition that is happening in your life. The way your brain is comprehending so much more, the way your emotions are being handled... all of it.
I love you so much
Love,
Your Mom
Sunday, January 3, 2016
Recap Of 2015 Events
Dear Kids,
I just wanted to do a recap of 2015 and write down the things that happened and were accomplished last year:
I just wanted to do a recap of 2015 and write down the things that happened and were accomplished last year:
- Job with Tradestar
- Being in Music Man all together
- Miscarriage
- Went to Idaho for a month
- Andrea organized her 20th high school reunion
- Gayle giving us her car
- Being in YW presidency
- Brent taught the 16-17 year olds for Church
- Basket Brigade again
- Performed at Dickens Festival
- Started the Quartet (for Brent)
- Brent did the sound for West Side
- Started and working on Natural Medicine Mamas and growth there
- Gabe started Dixie Montessori Academy
- Working with Talia more consistently - she learned to read!
- Talia graduated from the Rusty and Rosy preschool program
- Gabe and Talia in Soccer in the fall
- Gabe had baseball in the Spring
- Gabe in tumbling all year
- Talia in dance all year
- Took Talia to "When You Wish" out at Tuachan
- Took Gabe and Talia to "The Christmas Bus" at SGMT
- Elijah had a rough year (discovering his independence!)
- Went to the Shakespeare Festival and saw "Taming of the Shrew"
- Jeff Noxon had a brain surgery, made an emergency trip there to see him
- Janet and Greg's situation
- Gayle and Jaylyn both moved up north with Krista and Janet
- Denise had a neck surgery - went to see Jonathan at Thanksgiving
- Spent a week catching up with friends during Thanksgiving in SLC
- Kalea had Ayla REALLY early - premature at 28 (?) weeks
- Shayla and Casey came down to St. George to visit us
- Jeff Robbins started working at Tradestar as well
- Berg's parents passed away, reconnected with her - went to their funerals and helped a bit with the house
- Started working with James for the tax situation - still waiting on settlement
- Shauna Little in Spain the last half of the year
- Andrea did the chapter for Ganel's "I can forgive with God" book - not published yet
- "I can do hard things with God" book was published and Andrea had a financial chapter with that - helped at a book signing
- Andrea taught a class at the homeschooling conference in January
My Word For 2016: Polished
Dear Kids,
I wanted to write you about my for this year.
POLISHED.
Every year I choose a word as a theme of the year. It is quite amazing how it helps with manifesting things in your life. A couple years ago I chose the word "Vulnerable". I wanted to learn how to be more vulnerable with myself and people around me. Well, that was the year that Brent and I had more problems in our marriage than ever before, or after. I had no idea setting that intention would be manifested in such a way, but it was the best way for me to learn vulnerability. Last year I chose the word "Success". I wanted success in my life and in my marriage and in our finances. And it came last year. We had an amazing job opportunity that came and we took it. We hadn't had steady finances for YEARS, but in the last 6 months we have actually gotten back on our financial pathway, and I'm soooo grateful for it!
Well, for the last few months I have been really bugged by the spirit to "up my A game" in my life. I have a great life... and excellent one in fact. I have everything to be grateful for, but there is a large part of my soul that knows I can be more polished in my life. There are quite a few rough edges that need work.
The word "Polished" just brings to mind taking the time to make something great. Like when you wash your car, it looks good after it's washed, but until it's polished it doesn't turn heads. I want my life to turn heads... but not on the outside, on the inside of my life. I want you, my kids, to remember me as a polished woman of God. I want my relationship with my husband to be polished so that we are more of a power couple. I want the closest people in my life to know me as polished in every aspect.
So that is my focus this year. I am going to take it a month and then a week at a time. I want to polish our home, my eating habits, my study and prayer habits, my relationship habits... all of it! Don't get me wrong, I feel like we are doing great in our lives together, but the polishing must happen.
For January I am working on polishing my eating habits and deep cleaning and de-junking my house. Our house has a lot of junk in it that we don't need, and I want to clean it out so that my home is more of a temple. After focusing on those things for a month then February is about polishing my relationships. I am going on a cruise with Brent, so that will be a great start to polishing up my relationship with him! Then when we get back, I want to polish up my relationship with all of you, my kids. Better alone time, more concentrated helping time, more patience,etc.
The fun part about choosing a word for the year is that I have no idea what the Lord has in mind for us this year, or what it is going to look like. We still want to have another baby, so depending on when that happens will add to the pathway of being polished. I want to be open to the spirit to have the spirit teach me more than anything how my life can be polished up.
I am excited for this year! That is the first time I have said that or felt that way for what MANY years! I feel excited about this year and what lies in store.
I love you so much,
Love,
Your Mom
I wanted to write you about my for this year.
POLISHED.
Every year I choose a word as a theme of the year. It is quite amazing how it helps with manifesting things in your life. A couple years ago I chose the word "Vulnerable". I wanted to learn how to be more vulnerable with myself and people around me. Well, that was the year that Brent and I had more problems in our marriage than ever before, or after. I had no idea setting that intention would be manifested in such a way, but it was the best way for me to learn vulnerability. Last year I chose the word "Success". I wanted success in my life and in my marriage and in our finances. And it came last year. We had an amazing job opportunity that came and we took it. We hadn't had steady finances for YEARS, but in the last 6 months we have actually gotten back on our financial pathway, and I'm soooo grateful for it!
Well, for the last few months I have been really bugged by the spirit to "up my A game" in my life. I have a great life... and excellent one in fact. I have everything to be grateful for, but there is a large part of my soul that knows I can be more polished in my life. There are quite a few rough edges that need work.
The word "Polished" just brings to mind taking the time to make something great. Like when you wash your car, it looks good after it's washed, but until it's polished it doesn't turn heads. I want my life to turn heads... but not on the outside, on the inside of my life. I want you, my kids, to remember me as a polished woman of God. I want my relationship with my husband to be polished so that we are more of a power couple. I want the closest people in my life to know me as polished in every aspect.
So that is my focus this year. I am going to take it a month and then a week at a time. I want to polish our home, my eating habits, my study and prayer habits, my relationship habits... all of it! Don't get me wrong, I feel like we are doing great in our lives together, but the polishing must happen.
For January I am working on polishing my eating habits and deep cleaning and de-junking my house. Our house has a lot of junk in it that we don't need, and I want to clean it out so that my home is more of a temple. After focusing on those things for a month then February is about polishing my relationships. I am going on a cruise with Brent, so that will be a great start to polishing up my relationship with him! Then when we get back, I want to polish up my relationship with all of you, my kids. Better alone time, more concentrated helping time, more patience,etc.
The fun part about choosing a word for the year is that I have no idea what the Lord has in mind for us this year, or what it is going to look like. We still want to have another baby, so depending on when that happens will add to the pathway of being polished. I want to be open to the spirit to have the spirit teach me more than anything how my life can be polished up.
I am excited for this year! That is the first time I have said that or felt that way for what MANY years! I feel excited about this year and what lies in store.
I love you so much,
Love,
Your Mom
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