Joshua Has A Different Mom

Dear Joshua,

After reading about so many experiences that I had with the other three kids the other day, I was reminded from the spirit to not forget to write about you and what you are teaching me!

There are many things that you have with me as a mother and raising you that are different from your older siblings. I am so much more patient with the little things that you do. The things that you do, which used to just send me over the edge with the other kids (messes, spills, interruptions, emotional neediness, yells, cries... just being little!), just hardly phase me anymore.

You are recently getting to a place in your life where you are finding your independence, that's for sure. You like things how you like them. You are very particular with how you want things done. The other day you wanted toast. I made it for you, but it wasn't "brown" enough. You just lost it. "I want it brown mom! I want it brown! Do it again!". You cried and yelled at me. I did not give into your fit, I said, "Joshua, don't yell at mom. Ask me nicely."

You decided in that moment to calm yourself down and say, "Mom, will you make it brown please?" through the tears that were rising in your eyes. I said, "Of course, I would love to help you."

Other times when I have done just the littlest thing that you haven't liked, you've had to take a break because you would not calm down. You usually will stay in your room for about 10 minutes, have a bit of a break, then you will come out and say, "Mom, I'm ready!". After have a reset and getting all those big emotions out of your body, you ask me nicely and move on.

There are various parenting philosophies that tell you to "never do a time out!". I completely disagree. As kids grow up, you have SO MANY BIG EMOTIONS, and a lot of the time you just have to get them out. I have personally noticed that getting them out on your own helps you get through them in a way that is different than if I try to coddle you through it.

The key as a parent is to not allow myself to separate you if I MYSELF am angry. That is when it's inappropriate, because then you think you are being separated from me because I am angry with you. When I have my emotions under control and love you through it, it is still a very valuable thing to let you work it out.

And that is something that the Lord does as well. In the temple we are shown that parenting tactic very clearly. That you can rant and rave all you want, but I don't need to let you abuse me. I can set a boundary that is very clear.

You are so sweet and are learning so much. You are a TEASE. You love to tease your older siblings all the time.

Seeing you grow up is a joy. I am so grateful for it. Thank you for teaching me how to love and how to be happy under every circumstance.

I love you,

Your Mom