Dear Kids,
It's the Monday after Mimi's funeral, and it feels like we all got hit by a tornado that we could see coming in the distance but didn't know exactly when it was going to get to our house.
There's so much to write, so it's going to be a few journal entries. This is going to be the non-emotional timeline of events, then the other entries will go into the stories within the timeline.
1. August-September: Beginning of August - we got here to stay here through August and September. The goal was to help with the house, deep cleaning and everything while we were waiting for our passports to arrive in order to travel to Guatemala. We deep cleaned the storage rooms downstairs, the craft room, under the stairs, the herb room, the garage and general deep cleaning all throughout the house itself. It was during this time (cleaning the craft room) the God told me I was preparing the house for the death of my mom. I'll write more about that in another entry.
2. October 1st: Beginning of October (1st literally) mom started to really not feel well. She was spending more time her room on oxygen, less time out in the main area of the house. It's a high possibility that she got Covid, but it also could have been just general wearing down of her body from Ovarian Cancer. She died from Ovarian Cancer that she and dad kept very quiet. More on that in another journal entry as well.
3. October 8th: 8th of October is when I left to go to Colleen's wedding. Before this time she had to be on oxygen pretty much full time (from like the 5th or 6th). I told Brent that he had to help mom as much as he could while he was here. He got food for her, she was still getting up and down to the bathroom okay, but couldn't walk around very long outside of the room.
4. October 11th: 11th of October when I returned from Colleen's wedding I had a total break down. I called Mesha and told her that everything I saw happening to mom reminded me of Shayla. She was still eating but her whole demeanor from when I left to Colleen's wedding and when I got back was completely different. She had deteriorated so much in just a couple of days that is shocked me. Mesha had to talk me off the ledge a bit because of how worried I was. I updated all the siblings on Marco Polo and told them she was REALLY not doing well.
5. October 11-14th: From the 11th-14th (until Kalea got here) it was a full time job to take care of mom and help the kids. She was completely oxygen dependent. She dipped down to 56 when her oxygen was off. I kept everyone updated on Marco Polo about mom's condition and that she was continuing to decline. Quickly. I was up with her at night helping her with food and bathroom stuff. During the day I was helping her making sure that she was comfortable. Her appetite was going away slowly. Papa finally admitted that he knew God had been preparing him for Mimi to pass away. Mom admits to me that she told the Lord that she's willing to do whatever He wants her to do, including passing away, and she isn't afraid of it anymore.
6. October 14th: Kalea got into town on Thursday the 14th, that helped A TON with my stress levels to have someone else there to help her. The kids were so excited to have cousins there.
7. October 15th: Mesha got into town the 15th, through a miracle that Jeff was able to help come with the boys and Mesha's mother in law helped to buy the ticket to get her here. She was able to work immediately on hospice help in order to help mom get more comfortable. Mom continues to decline. We are helping her to the bathroom and her appetite starts going away quite a bit. Mesha told Jonathan to get here sooner than later.
8. October 16th: Jonathan drives up from St George (Denise's sister had a wedding down there) and gets here by 9pm on Saturday the 16th. He was able to stay through the night. Sunday the 17th we had the most perfect last day with mom. Had sacrament all together, Jonathan gave her a blessing of release, Jeff and the boys made it to see her, and Ben made it.
9. October18th: Mesha and Kalea and I start planning all the funeral stuff. The 18th we go to the funeral home with dad and pick out the grave sight.
10. October 19th-21st: From the 19th-21st the girls work on the funeral planning with the outline, the handouts, getting the display ready, sending pictures to Laura for printing, pictures for the video, back and forth communication with the ward on details, meals coming in to the house for us, working through emotions of it all, helping dad with whatever he needs, etc. It was exhausting. LOTS of revelations about mom and her having ovarian cancer and lots of talks with dad (more journal entries on this).
11. October 22nd: Funeral on the 22nd and burial, so many family members who came to support, so many people who showed up for our family. The support was just unbelievable. My friends from St George, Katie and Shirlyn, came to support me... so much love and companionship that happened. Krista, Al, Dani and Gavin came up to support Brent and I.
12. Your dad and I and the stress it was on your dad for me to be checked out for a little while was an interesting thing to experience in our relationship.
13. October 23rd-25th: Then everyone started leaving on October 23rd... Mesha went out of town with the boys, Kalea's kids went back to Soda, Kalea stayed until Monday the 25th, Jonathan and Denise stayed until Sunday morning the 24th.
And now it's now.
Now I'm looking back on the tornado that just hit my life and trying to process it all. So many miracles and tender mercies to get EVERYONE here to see mom and spend good time with her. It has been a whirlwind and it's going to take some time to wrap my head and heart around it all.
I love you kids. So much.
I know that if YOU ARE ALL surrounding me as I am passing away that I would had done my job as your mom. I know there are lots of things we can work on as a family, but most of all I want you all to know how much I love you, despite all the imperfections, that we are ALWAYS there for each other. Always.
I love you,
Your Mom
No comments:
Post a Comment