Dear Kids,
Satan is so sneaky. Very sneaky.
You started watching a cartoon series on Saturday mornings called "The Dragon Prince". It was a little more of a mature cartoon than what you've watched in the past, but every time I sat down to watch it, it had great adventures and good characters.
Well, evidently I didn't sit down and watch it long enough with you. You ended up getting into the 3rd season of it, and when I sat down with you yesterday morning (Saturday mornings are episode days), they showed on the cartoon two of the male characters kissing each other!
Unbelievable.
I sat down and talked with you all about it. "So, when the two boy characters kissed each other, you understand that isn't okay right?"
Your word answer didn't bother me. You all said, "Yes mom, we know. We knew it wasn't right, we understand why."
But what DID bother me was your heart answer. You all rolled your eyes. You gave a snort of "yeah, whatever, we know it isn't okay, but come on mom, give us a break and back off okay?"
Your hearts were not in your answer. Your hearts wanted to brush me away. Your hearts wanted to brush the conversation away. I asked if anything like that had happened before on the show and you told me that there was one time they showed two girls kissing as well.
Sneaky job Satan. Very sneaky.
We then talked about how something can be cool, fun, appealing, and even 90% good messages. But when Satan uses a kids cartoon to put sneaky messages in there about homosexuality, it's no longer cool, fun or good.
Satan is so good at sneaking. He knew that I didn't sit down and watch episodes with my kids on Saturday morning. That's my sleep in day. Of course I don't sit down and watch them all. I check up on the kids, I watch for a few minutes here and there to get the idea of the story.
The other part that bothered me is that it happened before, quite a few episodes ago, and you didn't tell me. None of the kids told me about it.
That was the BIGGEST thing that bothered me about the situation. They didn't think to stop watching, or talk to me, or anything of the like.
It's about the heart of the matter. Our hearts need more work in our family. We've been too head based. I've done a great job setting a foundation of the gospel, questions, learning, critical thinking, but your hearts are not in it. More than anything it's a fight to have a lesson, to get into the scriptures, to do anything that is "holy and good".
"Kind is different than good." - Into the Woods.
Your dad and I have been taking the last 30 days to do a complete mind overhaul. It's been beautiful and amazing. It's been quite phenomenal to see the thought pattern changes that are happening for us. One of the things that is changing within myself is knowing that our family needs heart work. To FEEL the music of the gospel, not just learn the steps and check it off the list.
That is one of my biggest messages of my life, is that the gospel is not a checklist... yet my kids only relate to the gospel as just that.
Time for some heart work.
When this all happened, I didn't respond with fear. I was very grateful for that. I didn't freak up and jump up and start coming unglued. But I was pondering what was happening with my kids... not just with this, but with everything in our lives.
I love you. I hope that you all know, and come to know. that the Gospel of Jesus Christ has the answers.
Yes, there are lesbians and gay couples out there. Yes, we have them in our family. Yes, I love them. But NO, it is not according to the law of God, that He has put into place on the earth. Having this media introduce things into my home was actually a blessing, something that turned into a blessing, because it gave me an opportunity for pondering. Making sure my kids know the "why" behind what we believe, and that Satan wants to normalize everything that is sexual.
Let me just say this... Sex should not be just "normalized". It is a beautiful part of who we are. It's not just normal, it's beautiful and wonderful.
I love you,
Your Mom
Sunday, December 29, 2019
Thursday, November 21, 2019
Don't Forget Jesus
Dear Kids,
There are so many people leaving the gospel of Jesus Christ. So. Many. People.
It makes me feel really sad because it is just the beginning.
I feel especially sad because I feel like the people who are being lead astray are those who are working "so hard at being good" that they just get so tired and they don't want to do it anymore.
The gospel is not about "working so hard at being good"! That has nothing to do with what the gospel of Jesus Christ is all about! The gospel is about giving our souls to Christ, realizing our perfect worth the way He sees it, and then using that love to move through our lives.
It has caused me to sit back and think a lot about what I am doing with you, my kids. Are you really learning about Jesus? Not just about Him, but am I really teaching you HIM. If there are three things that are my goals as a mother they would be this:
1. Testimony of Jesus Christ as the Savior.
2. Self concept secure.
3. How to work hard and not give up.
If those are the only three things that you learn from me, then I've done my job. I want you to have a testimony of Jesus Christ FIRST and FOREMOST. The way HE looks at you and thinks about you. No one else. Just Him and our Father.
Please don't forget Jesus. Don't forget Jesus.
I love you,
Your Mom
There are so many people leaving the gospel of Jesus Christ. So. Many. People.
It makes me feel really sad because it is just the beginning.
I feel especially sad because I feel like the people who are being lead astray are those who are working "so hard at being good" that they just get so tired and they don't want to do it anymore.
The gospel is not about "working so hard at being good"! That has nothing to do with what the gospel of Jesus Christ is all about! The gospel is about giving our souls to Christ, realizing our perfect worth the way He sees it, and then using that love to move through our lives.
It has caused me to sit back and think a lot about what I am doing with you, my kids. Are you really learning about Jesus? Not just about Him, but am I really teaching you HIM. If there are three things that are my goals as a mother they would be this:
1. Testimony of Jesus Christ as the Savior.
2. Self concept secure.
3. How to work hard and not give up.
If those are the only three things that you learn from me, then I've done my job. I want you to have a testimony of Jesus Christ FIRST and FOREMOST. The way HE looks at you and thinks about you. No one else. Just Him and our Father.
Please don't forget Jesus. Don't forget Jesus.
I love you,
Your Mom
Saturday, November 9, 2019
Honoring Spaces & Emotions With Gabe
Dear Kids,
This story is for Gabe today. I am learning, or trying to learn, all the time how to interact with growing children, and poor Gabe gets all the parenting experimenting because of being the oldest child.
This morning after watching cartoons and having Saturday morning breakfast it was time to get laundry done. Gabe and Elijah have been fighting a lot more lately. Part of it is that Gabe is standing up for himself more with Elijah, which is proper. And part of it is that Elijah is starting to understand the world around him enough that he is telling Gabe what to do, he's trying to find his place in the family.
So it becomes this vicious cycle of Elijah telling Gabe what to do, or something that Gabe is doing that is bugging Elijah. And the other part of it is Gabe standing up for himself and not taking the push from Elijah as much. And then they end up just fighting and blowing everything up.
It was happening like that this morning as well, this same cycle. So in the middle of the cycle I told Gabe and Elijah to go do their laundry. And then I asked again. And then I asked again. All the while he and Elijah are going at it and really not listening to me at all.
So finally I resorted to yelling at them. "Boys! Knock it off! Elijah, go to your room! Gabe go get your laundry and start to get it done!"
Well, they were both pretty upset with me and each other and we all needed some cooling down time. I went into some shame because of resorting to yelling inside of it, but went and grounded a bit, then went and approached Gabe about what just happened.
He was in the storage room on the mattress in there just laying there. I laid down by him and asked him if he wanted to talk about what just happened. He said, "Mom, I don't like it that you yell at me." He had tears in his eyes as he spoke. I told him I could understand why he would feel that way. "I don't like being treated that way mom." I again, told him that I could understand that.
Then I told him that I asked him nicely three times to go get his laundry done, and he didn't listen. I told him I was frustrated because I don't feel like he or Elijah listen to me UNLESS I yell. Every time I ask nicely, they don't listen and it really frustrates me. I said, "Do you have any ideas of how to get our problem solved?"
Neither of us did. And I was starting to get emotionally wrapped up in it again. So I suggested to say a prayer. I asked him if he wanted to say it, and he said no, that he wanted me to say it. So this is how the prayer went:
Dear Heavenly Father. Gabe is really upset with me because I yelled at him and I am really upset with Gabe because he didn't listen to me. We don't know what to do about it, but its' something we need to solve. Please help us to figure it out. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
Then I got up and left.
Well, I've had all day to think about it and how to handle the situation. It's amazing what I do and how I handle things when I take my breaths AS the situation is escalating, not AFTER I've already yelled and gotten upset. Today, I didn't take a moment to check within before I allowed myself to get escalated emotionally. So I escalated, yelled, and then felt guilty and shame about my behavior.
When I take the time to review what has happened in a situation, it comes down to my state of being within the moments and within the space between "stimulus and response".
Kids, I know this stuff. I've practiced it over and over and over again. And for all the times I yell, there are 10 times that I have held myself together and handled something right. I don't want you to remember a mom that was yelling all the time. But when I think about it, I am balancing it out. I am not yelling at you all the time. I am handling things right A LOT. MOST of the time actually.
That's part of what makes these moments to much more poignant is because of the infrequency of them.
That is part of what I want to celebrate tonight about this situation with Gabe. I want to celebrate the fact that I went to him after to try and talk. I didn't make him feel horrible for the rest of the day. I checked in, I honored how he felt, I said I'm sorry, and I also said how I felt and said my boundaries as well. I honor the fact that we said a prayer together. I honor the fact that after the blow up happened for the rest of the time I was with the kids today that everything went so much better.
I love that I see my weaknesses. I love that I see how human I am and how much room for help I need from my Savior. I love that about myself.
So, Gabe, the solution is both of us coming to ourselves in those moments. It's you understanding more of who you are, and you know what? That is going to take years to get to that point. It's me taking down my adult expectations of you and really giving you the space to grow as you are in your magnificent soul.
I love you guys so much. I hope you remember your mom as very human, and because of that I rely on my Savior that much more inside of my life.
I love you,
Your Mom
This story is for Gabe today. I am learning, or trying to learn, all the time how to interact with growing children, and poor Gabe gets all the parenting experimenting because of being the oldest child.
This morning after watching cartoons and having Saturday morning breakfast it was time to get laundry done. Gabe and Elijah have been fighting a lot more lately. Part of it is that Gabe is standing up for himself more with Elijah, which is proper. And part of it is that Elijah is starting to understand the world around him enough that he is telling Gabe what to do, he's trying to find his place in the family.
So it becomes this vicious cycle of Elijah telling Gabe what to do, or something that Gabe is doing that is bugging Elijah. And the other part of it is Gabe standing up for himself and not taking the push from Elijah as much. And then they end up just fighting and blowing everything up.
It was happening like that this morning as well, this same cycle. So in the middle of the cycle I told Gabe and Elijah to go do their laundry. And then I asked again. And then I asked again. All the while he and Elijah are going at it and really not listening to me at all.
So finally I resorted to yelling at them. "Boys! Knock it off! Elijah, go to your room! Gabe go get your laundry and start to get it done!"
Well, they were both pretty upset with me and each other and we all needed some cooling down time. I went into some shame because of resorting to yelling inside of it, but went and grounded a bit, then went and approached Gabe about what just happened.
He was in the storage room on the mattress in there just laying there. I laid down by him and asked him if he wanted to talk about what just happened. He said, "Mom, I don't like it that you yell at me." He had tears in his eyes as he spoke. I told him I could understand why he would feel that way. "I don't like being treated that way mom." I again, told him that I could understand that.
Then I told him that I asked him nicely three times to go get his laundry done, and he didn't listen. I told him I was frustrated because I don't feel like he or Elijah listen to me UNLESS I yell. Every time I ask nicely, they don't listen and it really frustrates me. I said, "Do you have any ideas of how to get our problem solved?"
Neither of us did. And I was starting to get emotionally wrapped up in it again. So I suggested to say a prayer. I asked him if he wanted to say it, and he said no, that he wanted me to say it. So this is how the prayer went:
Dear Heavenly Father. Gabe is really upset with me because I yelled at him and I am really upset with Gabe because he didn't listen to me. We don't know what to do about it, but its' something we need to solve. Please help us to figure it out. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
Then I got up and left.
Well, I've had all day to think about it and how to handle the situation. It's amazing what I do and how I handle things when I take my breaths AS the situation is escalating, not AFTER I've already yelled and gotten upset. Today, I didn't take a moment to check within before I allowed myself to get escalated emotionally. So I escalated, yelled, and then felt guilty and shame about my behavior.
When I take the time to review what has happened in a situation, it comes down to my state of being within the moments and within the space between "stimulus and response".
Kids, I know this stuff. I've practiced it over and over and over again. And for all the times I yell, there are 10 times that I have held myself together and handled something right. I don't want you to remember a mom that was yelling all the time. But when I think about it, I am balancing it out. I am not yelling at you all the time. I am handling things right A LOT. MOST of the time actually.
That's part of what makes these moments to much more poignant is because of the infrequency of them.
That is part of what I want to celebrate tonight about this situation with Gabe. I want to celebrate the fact that I went to him after to try and talk. I didn't make him feel horrible for the rest of the day. I checked in, I honored how he felt, I said I'm sorry, and I also said how I felt and said my boundaries as well. I honor the fact that we said a prayer together. I honor the fact that after the blow up happened for the rest of the time I was with the kids today that everything went so much better.
I love that I see my weaknesses. I love that I see how human I am and how much room for help I need from my Savior. I love that about myself.
So, Gabe, the solution is both of us coming to ourselves in those moments. It's you understanding more of who you are, and you know what? That is going to take years to get to that point. It's me taking down my adult expectations of you and really giving you the space to grow as you are in your magnificent soul.
I love you guys so much. I hope you remember your mom as very human, and because of that I rely on my Savior that much more inside of my life.
I love you,
Your Mom
Sunday, November 3, 2019
Generational Wounds
Dear Kids,
Wounds.
I just want to tell you directly that I already know and accept the fact that you will have emotional wounds from me and your father and it's okay.
It's okay.
It doesn't intimidate me that you will have to process feelings about us, how you were raised, what you start to think as adults, what you go through, what you want to have in your life and marriage that are different from ours.
It's okay.
I remember the first time that I looked at Brent and we both realized that "We don't have to do anything the way our parents did if we don't want." It was so liberating. So liberating.
So many things in our lives and how we raise you are because we believe firmly in what we are doing and how we are doing it because those are our answers for our family and our life.
But I want you to feel the freedom of knowing that you can also get your own answers and do your family in your own way. Your spouses will bring things to the table that will change all of it and that's okay too.
There are many wounds that I've had to process in life. There are even more wounds that Brent has had to process. And guess what - it doesn't mean that we love and respect our parents any less. Just because I have had to process things about my parents that have lodged deep in my soul and I realized I didn't want them there any more - it doesn't mean that I don't love them and respect them deeply. It has nothing to do with their self worth and all the amazing things that they DID do. Which - I've also processed those things as well!
You see - it's not just about looking at JUST the good and things I want to adopt from my parents, but it's also having the freedom to let go of the things that just aren't me.
And it's about having the freedom to do my family in my way.
With the gospel I've chosen to stay rooted in the church - same with your dad. We can't do this life without the gospel. We can't. We've been through too much with the enabling power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ to let go of that foundation.
And that is something I praise both of our parents for.
When I address my wounds, it also gives me the freedom to celebrate all the power from my parents as well. I love them. I respect them. They have taught me so much. And I love that I can do the same for you. That your dad can too.
We've both already broken so many chains and unhealthy ways of being - it's amazing. And you are going to do even more work to get rid of generational effects of unhealthy spiritual ways of being. That's the beauty of you feeling free to address any wounds we might cause. It's because it's letting go of any generational issues that have held on energetically to our family line and replacing it with faith and with hope and with love.
It allows you to forgive.
And forgive a lot.
I hope you forgive me for anything that you will need to work through.
No matter what, know that I did my best. I know that I will be able to stand before God and say, "I know I placed my five loaves and two fish before you in the best way I knew how. then you expanded the rest."
That's the key. I can't do this without them.
If the ONLY thing we teach you is to have a testimony of Jesus Christ and the restored gospel, then anything else you choose for your life is just fine with me.
I love you,
Your Mom
Wounds.
I just want to tell you directly that I already know and accept the fact that you will have emotional wounds from me and your father and it's okay.
It's okay.
It doesn't intimidate me that you will have to process feelings about us, how you were raised, what you start to think as adults, what you go through, what you want to have in your life and marriage that are different from ours.
It's okay.
I remember the first time that I looked at Brent and we both realized that "We don't have to do anything the way our parents did if we don't want." It was so liberating. So liberating.
So many things in our lives and how we raise you are because we believe firmly in what we are doing and how we are doing it because those are our answers for our family and our life.
But I want you to feel the freedom of knowing that you can also get your own answers and do your family in your own way. Your spouses will bring things to the table that will change all of it and that's okay too.
There are many wounds that I've had to process in life. There are even more wounds that Brent has had to process. And guess what - it doesn't mean that we love and respect our parents any less. Just because I have had to process things about my parents that have lodged deep in my soul and I realized I didn't want them there any more - it doesn't mean that I don't love them and respect them deeply. It has nothing to do with their self worth and all the amazing things that they DID do. Which - I've also processed those things as well!
You see - it's not just about looking at JUST the good and things I want to adopt from my parents, but it's also having the freedom to let go of the things that just aren't me.
And it's about having the freedom to do my family in my way.
With the gospel I've chosen to stay rooted in the church - same with your dad. We can't do this life without the gospel. We can't. We've been through too much with the enabling power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ to let go of that foundation.
And that is something I praise both of our parents for.
When I address my wounds, it also gives me the freedom to celebrate all the power from my parents as well. I love them. I respect them. They have taught me so much. And I love that I can do the same for you. That your dad can too.
We've both already broken so many chains and unhealthy ways of being - it's amazing. And you are going to do even more work to get rid of generational effects of unhealthy spiritual ways of being. That's the beauty of you feeling free to address any wounds we might cause. It's because it's letting go of any generational issues that have held on energetically to our family line and replacing it with faith and with hope and with love.
It allows you to forgive.
And forgive a lot.
I hope you forgive me for anything that you will need to work through.
No matter what, know that I did my best. I know that I will be able to stand before God and say, "I know I placed my five loaves and two fish before you in the best way I knew how. then you expanded the rest."
That's the key. I can't do this without them.
If the ONLY thing we teach you is to have a testimony of Jesus Christ and the restored gospel, then anything else you choose for your life is just fine with me.
I love you,
Your Mom
Thursday, October 10, 2019
Escaping The Waiting Place
Dear Kids,
You know the Dr. Suess Book "Oh, The Places You'll Go"? Obviously one of my favorites. I feel like lately I am stuck in the "waiting place".
I'm not trying to be stuck here. Truly. I'm constantly working on something, never sitting down, moving, always moving... yet I still feel like I am just stuck... waiting.
I don't like this feeling. I'm not sure how to shake it, besides keep on moving forward.
I mainly feel this way because of working so hard on switching my mindset, switching my thought patterns to abundance again, switching my mode of talking to myself, my old beliefs, everything. I feel like my insides want to be on my outsides, I've been changing and renovating within my own heart and soul so much for the past... well, atleast a year. And it's funny because so many of the things I'm working on, I thought I had already gotten rid of before... but it's like they have reared there heads again in a challenge to get me to really "wish them goodbye".
I got thrown for a loop today because we got word that our house owners hired a property management company. He came for an inspection today and at the end we were talking about rental prices, and he said he is pretty much going to advise our landlords that we aren't paying enough. In our neighborhood rents are 1600+. I told him that would really stretch us and I don't think we could do that.
But he left, and I started looking for places to live.
And wow. I spiraled. Major. I took a huge emotional dive. Down. Down. Down.
Rent. Again. Looking. Again. Don't we know this already? Can't we be done with this pattern of renting?
But no. Because our credit is awful. We have no money to our name. We are living pay check to pay check. We still have IRS debt looming over our heads.
The same.
Waiting.
I kept having these thoughts swirl around in my head of more of the same. Getting more and more depressed because after 3 years of living in this house, we haven't made any kind of headway in a wealthier position.
Waiting.
These thoughts just swirling like crazy. The hard part is, I know exactly what power those kind of thoughts have. I know what they create.
They create more of the same. Again.
More waiting.
So catching myself in the spiral of downward energetic movement was huge today. And I got above it. I really did. I knew I had to write about it... because I caught myself. It takes a lot of practice and patience and will power and all those other things to really be in a good space emotionally, spiritually and energetically. And I've been doing amazing at it. Especially knowing what that state of mind and state of emotion creates. That's what I want. I want my life to be different in 5 years. I don't want more of the same.
So I have to go and look for evidences of better. We are doing so much better than 5 years ago. Wow. Yes. We are doing so much better. 5 years ago we were just starting a job at Tradestar and getting out of major financial crisis that we had been in for 6 years before that. Yes, we are doing so much better. 5 years ago our patterns were not healthy in our marriage. We were working on some major breakdowns in our relationship. Major.
Yes. Evidences. 5 years. 5 years ago my thoughts were creating what I have now. I have to remember that. Remember that it takes time for the tree to grow.
So that is why I fight my way out of those thoughts. Because 5 years from now we will be in the different space. I have faith in that. I MUST have faith in that. That the effort I'm putting into our life right now is going to make a huge difference in 5 years. That the work Brent is putting in will also show in 5 years.
So yes, all those things I wrote about are the same - but we are moving in the right direction. I must have faith in that. I KNOW what I'm doing right now is creating our future. No fear. No more fear.
I am going through all these transitions for so many reasons. I know that as well. I have valuable things to share with the world. I will not let Satan derail me in my thoughts, pictures in my mind, eye of faith, and state of being. I won't let him do that to me.
so I keep my head up. Yes, I'm still waiting but just like the book, "All that waiting and staying is not for you! Somehow you'll escape all that waiting and get to a place where the boom bands are playing!"
Yes. We will. We will escape it.
I love you,
Your Mom
You know the Dr. Suess Book "Oh, The Places You'll Go"? Obviously one of my favorites. I feel like lately I am stuck in the "waiting place".
I'm not trying to be stuck here. Truly. I'm constantly working on something, never sitting down, moving, always moving... yet I still feel like I am just stuck... waiting.
I don't like this feeling. I'm not sure how to shake it, besides keep on moving forward.
I mainly feel this way because of working so hard on switching my mindset, switching my thought patterns to abundance again, switching my mode of talking to myself, my old beliefs, everything. I feel like my insides want to be on my outsides, I've been changing and renovating within my own heart and soul so much for the past... well, atleast a year. And it's funny because so many of the things I'm working on, I thought I had already gotten rid of before... but it's like they have reared there heads again in a challenge to get me to really "wish them goodbye".
I got thrown for a loop today because we got word that our house owners hired a property management company. He came for an inspection today and at the end we were talking about rental prices, and he said he is pretty much going to advise our landlords that we aren't paying enough. In our neighborhood rents are 1600+. I told him that would really stretch us and I don't think we could do that.
But he left, and I started looking for places to live.
And wow. I spiraled. Major. I took a huge emotional dive. Down. Down. Down.
Rent. Again. Looking. Again. Don't we know this already? Can't we be done with this pattern of renting?
But no. Because our credit is awful. We have no money to our name. We are living pay check to pay check. We still have IRS debt looming over our heads.
The same.
Waiting.
I kept having these thoughts swirl around in my head of more of the same. Getting more and more depressed because after 3 years of living in this house, we haven't made any kind of headway in a wealthier position.
Waiting.
These thoughts just swirling like crazy. The hard part is, I know exactly what power those kind of thoughts have. I know what they create.
They create more of the same. Again.
More waiting.
So catching myself in the spiral of downward energetic movement was huge today. And I got above it. I really did. I knew I had to write about it... because I caught myself. It takes a lot of practice and patience and will power and all those other things to really be in a good space emotionally, spiritually and energetically. And I've been doing amazing at it. Especially knowing what that state of mind and state of emotion creates. That's what I want. I want my life to be different in 5 years. I don't want more of the same.
So I have to go and look for evidences of better. We are doing so much better than 5 years ago. Wow. Yes. We are doing so much better. 5 years ago we were just starting a job at Tradestar and getting out of major financial crisis that we had been in for 6 years before that. Yes, we are doing so much better. 5 years ago our patterns were not healthy in our marriage. We were working on some major breakdowns in our relationship. Major.
Yes. Evidences. 5 years. 5 years ago my thoughts were creating what I have now. I have to remember that. Remember that it takes time for the tree to grow.
So that is why I fight my way out of those thoughts. Because 5 years from now we will be in the different space. I have faith in that. I MUST have faith in that. That the effort I'm putting into our life right now is going to make a huge difference in 5 years. That the work Brent is putting in will also show in 5 years.
So yes, all those things I wrote about are the same - but we are moving in the right direction. I must have faith in that. I KNOW what I'm doing right now is creating our future. No fear. No more fear.
I am going through all these transitions for so many reasons. I know that as well. I have valuable things to share with the world. I will not let Satan derail me in my thoughts, pictures in my mind, eye of faith, and state of being. I won't let him do that to me.
so I keep my head up. Yes, I'm still waiting but just like the book, "All that waiting and staying is not for you! Somehow you'll escape all that waiting and get to a place where the boom bands are playing!"
Yes. We will. We will escape it.
I love you,
Your Mom
Thursday, September 26, 2019
Prayer and Emotional Organization
Dear Kids,
When I remember about the power of prayer in the moments of meltdown, it changes the landscape of our entire day.
Gabe and Elijah got into a huge fight while I was in the shower. I came out to Gabe, locking Elijah out in the garage, and Elijah have a coming apart. When I opened the garage door Elijah was beside himself with frustration. "Gabe said he would punch me in the face if I threw the mustard at him! He didn't let me have some of the sandwich!"
In this moment, the colliding of anger and emotional disorganization, is the power inside of parenting choices. The power of my reaction made the biggest different inside of how the boys handled it. Today, they got the mom who chose to be completely present with them.
I knelt down and asked Gabe to tell his side of the story. Then Elijah had a turn. Then I told them I saw that they both had something to apologize for, and to do differently next time. Then I took the sandwich (a pre-made hoagie sandwich) to the kitchen to cut it up.
This was the juncture that really caused a meltdown for Elijah. I cut him a smaller piece of sandwich. He immediately felt completely dismissed and "put down" by that action. Elijah just couldn't handle having a smaller portion than Gabe. He lost it. Crocodile tears rushing down his cheeks. "It isn't fair! I want as big of a piece as Gabe! It isn't fair. Why would you do this!" - words that accompanied yelling, tears, and frenzy.
In a flash, I had another choice to make. I tried to calmly respond, but he was beyond talking. So I took him to his room, and I stayed there with him. I sat down by the door. He was out of control emotionally. "Mom! Let me out! I want out! I don't want to be here!"
No amount of talking calmly was going to help him. I tried breathing with him, I tried opening my hands to him for a hug, I tried so many things, but he was rejecting all of it. Tears, screams, anger was spewing from his body. I could feel the anger lashing out energetically.
So I sat there for a moment and told God that I didn't want to leave Elijah in his emotional disorganization. I've done that a lot, when I give him breaks, but it has translated to him of disconnecting emotionally and not being able to get emotionally organized again. So I sat there. "Father... what should I do?". My heart was hurting for my boy, but he was beyond reaching at this point. Then the whisper... "Pray".
While he was having a melt down, I prayed softly out loud in a calm voice. "Father, I pray for my son. I pray that his heart will let go of the anger inside of it. I pray for angels to be around him and with him to help him figure out how he is feeling, and how to use it. I pray for my heart to remain soft to him. I pray, not to control his emotions, but so that I can remain spiritually centered to be available to him as he needs me to be. I pray for him to know that I love him no matter what he does or doesn't do. I am so grateful to be his mother. I am so grateful he is my son. I am so grateful for everything about him, for the anger, the frustration, but also for his warrior spirit, for his love, for his big heart. I pray that he will be released from the anger that is holding him bound. I cast out any influence that is keeping his heart wrapped around anger..."
During the prayer I saw Elijah in my mind calming down. I saw the angels who were wrapping their arms around him to help him. I saw my heart reaching out to hug him and accept him JUST AS HE IS, inside of some of his madness and humanity.
I just kept praying distinctly for him while he was melting down. I repeated these same phrases and words over and over again. And he slowly started to calm. He slowed down. He started breathing again. Eventually he was organized emotionally and I was able to go to him. I reached out my arms and he ran for a hug, for love. I didn't say a word except, "Are you okay?". He said he was okay. We sat there for a few beautiful seconds before he was ready to go out to eat. He asked me to carry him out, and I did. He is getting big enough it is difficult to do that, but it is a big way he asks for love, is by being carried. I complied.
And now I am watching him and he is remaining emotionally organized. He is expressing himself smoothly and easily. While I'm watching him, I'm breathing and praising God for parenting power, the energy to spiritually focus, and angels watching over us. I know this unseen power is real and tangible.
I am so indebted to prayer when I have no idea what else to do! When a child refuses to come to me, refuses to participate, when they are completely disorganized emotionally, I always find that prayer, out loud so they know I am praying for them, WORKS.
This isn't the first time I've done this... but it is a reminder to me to do this CONSISTENTLY. To consistently spiritually focus inside of those disorganized emotional moments.
I love you kids. So much.
Your Mom
When I remember about the power of prayer in the moments of meltdown, it changes the landscape of our entire day.
Gabe and Elijah got into a huge fight while I was in the shower. I came out to Gabe, locking Elijah out in the garage, and Elijah have a coming apart. When I opened the garage door Elijah was beside himself with frustration. "Gabe said he would punch me in the face if I threw the mustard at him! He didn't let me have some of the sandwich!"
In this moment, the colliding of anger and emotional disorganization, is the power inside of parenting choices. The power of my reaction made the biggest different inside of how the boys handled it. Today, they got the mom who chose to be completely present with them.
I knelt down and asked Gabe to tell his side of the story. Then Elijah had a turn. Then I told them I saw that they both had something to apologize for, and to do differently next time. Then I took the sandwich (a pre-made hoagie sandwich) to the kitchen to cut it up.
This was the juncture that really caused a meltdown for Elijah. I cut him a smaller piece of sandwich. He immediately felt completely dismissed and "put down" by that action. Elijah just couldn't handle having a smaller portion than Gabe. He lost it. Crocodile tears rushing down his cheeks. "It isn't fair! I want as big of a piece as Gabe! It isn't fair. Why would you do this!" - words that accompanied yelling, tears, and frenzy.
In a flash, I had another choice to make. I tried to calmly respond, but he was beyond talking. So I took him to his room, and I stayed there with him. I sat down by the door. He was out of control emotionally. "Mom! Let me out! I want out! I don't want to be here!"
No amount of talking calmly was going to help him. I tried breathing with him, I tried opening my hands to him for a hug, I tried so many things, but he was rejecting all of it. Tears, screams, anger was spewing from his body. I could feel the anger lashing out energetically.
So I sat there for a moment and told God that I didn't want to leave Elijah in his emotional disorganization. I've done that a lot, when I give him breaks, but it has translated to him of disconnecting emotionally and not being able to get emotionally organized again. So I sat there. "Father... what should I do?". My heart was hurting for my boy, but he was beyond reaching at this point. Then the whisper... "Pray".
While he was having a melt down, I prayed softly out loud in a calm voice. "Father, I pray for my son. I pray that his heart will let go of the anger inside of it. I pray for angels to be around him and with him to help him figure out how he is feeling, and how to use it. I pray for my heart to remain soft to him. I pray, not to control his emotions, but so that I can remain spiritually centered to be available to him as he needs me to be. I pray for him to know that I love him no matter what he does or doesn't do. I am so grateful to be his mother. I am so grateful he is my son. I am so grateful for everything about him, for the anger, the frustration, but also for his warrior spirit, for his love, for his big heart. I pray that he will be released from the anger that is holding him bound. I cast out any influence that is keeping his heart wrapped around anger..."
During the prayer I saw Elijah in my mind calming down. I saw the angels who were wrapping their arms around him to help him. I saw my heart reaching out to hug him and accept him JUST AS HE IS, inside of some of his madness and humanity.
I just kept praying distinctly for him while he was melting down. I repeated these same phrases and words over and over again. And he slowly started to calm. He slowed down. He started breathing again. Eventually he was organized emotionally and I was able to go to him. I reached out my arms and he ran for a hug, for love. I didn't say a word except, "Are you okay?". He said he was okay. We sat there for a few beautiful seconds before he was ready to go out to eat. He asked me to carry him out, and I did. He is getting big enough it is difficult to do that, but it is a big way he asks for love, is by being carried. I complied.
And now I am watching him and he is remaining emotionally organized. He is expressing himself smoothly and easily. While I'm watching him, I'm breathing and praising God for parenting power, the energy to spiritually focus, and angels watching over us. I know this unseen power is real and tangible.
I am so indebted to prayer when I have no idea what else to do! When a child refuses to come to me, refuses to participate, when they are completely disorganized emotionally, I always find that prayer, out loud so they know I am praying for them, WORKS.
This isn't the first time I've done this... but it is a reminder to me to do this CONSISTENTLY. To consistently spiritually focus inside of those disorganized emotional moments.
I love you kids. So much.
Your Mom
Tuesday, September 24, 2019
Old Thought Patterns
Dear Kids,
I am being taught. I can't believe how much I'm being taught.
As I'm sitting here I can't even describe how much is going on inside of my head and my heart. The spirit has been exploding with downloading information to my mind and heart, it's hard to even describe the intricacies of it all. I have more and new downloads EVERYDAY. I know it's for a purpose and I know the Lord knows that I will do His will as He gives me platforms to do so.
One of the things I'm learning is how to say goodbye to old thought patterns, rooted stories in my mind's thoughts that I don't even realize are constantly on the screen of my mind, and old beliefs. Many of these beliefs and thoughts I thought I got rid of years ago! But, here they are, making their debut once again. But I am loving it! The spirit is being my guide and I'm loving every moment of it. It's stretching me in a way that is unprecedented up to this point of my life, but I'm welcoming it with everything I have.
I want bigger stewardship for the Lord. I want a bigger stage for the Lord. I want to share the gift of influence He has given me and told me that I must share. He told me in my patriarchal blessing how much I will be speaking to people all over the world. I am stepping into that in the last little while. The seed is planted and it's starting to form and it's starting to germinate. It's been under the layers for quite a few years, but all of this is according to His grand design and I glory in it.
There is such a science of faith. There is so much to faith that most of us have no idea how to work with. He is teaching me. It's exciting!
Going back to old thought patterns, I have been saying "hello" to them as they bubble up from my heart and mind instead of shoving them back down. I was listening to a lecture the other day from John Assaraf and he suggested that when the old thought patterns and beliefs start to make themselves known, to welcome them. Tell them "Hello old thought pattern" and see what they are trying to show you. See where the seed of abundance is inside of the thought pattern itself. Talk to it. See what it has for you to learn.
More on this later.
I love you,
Mom
I am being taught. I can't believe how much I'm being taught.
As I'm sitting here I can't even describe how much is going on inside of my head and my heart. The spirit has been exploding with downloading information to my mind and heart, it's hard to even describe the intricacies of it all. I have more and new downloads EVERYDAY. I know it's for a purpose and I know the Lord knows that I will do His will as He gives me platforms to do so.
One of the things I'm learning is how to say goodbye to old thought patterns, rooted stories in my mind's thoughts that I don't even realize are constantly on the screen of my mind, and old beliefs. Many of these beliefs and thoughts I thought I got rid of years ago! But, here they are, making their debut once again. But I am loving it! The spirit is being my guide and I'm loving every moment of it. It's stretching me in a way that is unprecedented up to this point of my life, but I'm welcoming it with everything I have.
I want bigger stewardship for the Lord. I want a bigger stage for the Lord. I want to share the gift of influence He has given me and told me that I must share. He told me in my patriarchal blessing how much I will be speaking to people all over the world. I am stepping into that in the last little while. The seed is planted and it's starting to form and it's starting to germinate. It's been under the layers for quite a few years, but all of this is according to His grand design and I glory in it.
There is such a science of faith. There is so much to faith that most of us have no idea how to work with. He is teaching me. It's exciting!
Going back to old thought patterns, I have been saying "hello" to them as they bubble up from my heart and mind instead of shoving them back down. I was listening to a lecture the other day from John Assaraf and he suggested that when the old thought patterns and beliefs start to make themselves known, to welcome them. Tell them "Hello old thought pattern" and see what they are trying to show you. See where the seed of abundance is inside of the thought pattern itself. Talk to it. See what it has for you to learn.
I love you,
Mom
Wednesday, August 14, 2019
The Supporter
It’s an interesting place to be.
The Supporter.
It’s a place that is in between everyone’s misery, in between pain and suffering. It’s an in between place.
A place that is found in vacuuming the corners of your mother’s house because she’s too sick do it herself. A place that is found in cleaning your sister’s blinds because she is in a chemo-coma. A place that is found in cleaning out your friend’s junk drawer because she is too overwhelmed and depressed to do it herself. A place that is found in cleaning blood stains off your other mother’s head at night from a fall. A place that is found in a listening ear, myriads of friends contacting you to have a heart-to-heart about their problems because you will listen … you will understand that all they want is someone to just attend to them and validate them. A place that is found in traveling miles to help someone, finding a babysitter for your own babies so you can go love someone else’s children, coming home to your own huge piles of laundry and looking at them with a deep sigh, getting messages from those who need help and having to decide who you have the energy to give to, staying by your sick child at midnight because during the day you were organizing your parents garage.
I wouldn’t say it’s a secluded place because as a Supporter you are around other’s, and other’s need you. You aren’t isolated. But I would say that emotionally you are caught between a frog in your throat and a hole in your heart. This lonely spot of wishing, of desiring “the Different”. There is an element of the Supporter that is fatigued, yet prepared to keep giving. Parts of you that have endless energy to keep assisting, yet wanting to run away to the beach for a week.
It’s a noteworthy role, yet not one that is acknowledged. An important part that would cause a huge hole in the flow of life’s play, but not the main character, nor a role to brag about to people around you. Sometimes a post on social media about being with someone is posted, with happy faces that really don’t portray the agony that is happening on the other side of the photo. Most of the time a “thank you” is shouted from the other room as you leave. And you are satisfied with that. Gratified in knowing you were able to be there to give, even for a slight period inside of the reality of the constant pain someone is experiencing.
Yet, the Supporter knows that the ultimate reason for giving of yourself over and over and over again is because He did that for you. It is a contented place, an eager place, not a place of grudges or malice or jealousy. It is deeply joyful, not laugh-like-crazy-because-you-won-the-lottery joy, but delight because you can honor Him in your giving, your loving, your cleaning, your exhaustion, your energy output, your dinner-to-go-to-a-friend… in essence your whole life. Because your life is His.
So you keep on going.
Yes, it’s an interesting place to be.
Monday, July 29, 2019
Her Time. The Thing That Is Mine To Do
Dear Kids,
I hope I can describe what I've been feeling lately.
An awakening... of sorts. But a death... of sorts as well. The spirit is moving me to a new place.
This picture describes it perfectly... what is going on inside of me.
What better way to describe what is going on right now. There isn't another way. Everyday I have so much content that is being downloaded to my brain, but I don't know how to get it out because I have little people pushing and pulling on me so much. Just last night I had a TedX talk given to me. I could have stayed up until the wee hours of the morning writing it out... but then I had to sleep so I could actually function today... which I didn't do very well at that either. I have books I need to write. I have people I need to see. I have traveling that needs to get done.The tricky part is that it's been going on inside of me for about a year. The Lord is trying to get me ready for something. But then I have a bad day, like today, and I think, "So you really think that you want more stewardship? You really think you want greater and more in your life? You can't even handle what is going on in your life right now! How could you think that you ready for that?"But I have to believe that I'm feeling all of this because I am being led. I have valuable things to share with the world. And yes there are so many voices out there right now and the road is going to be rocky and there will be critics and there will be stumbling blocks... but you know what? It is my time. The Lord is telling me that. It is my time. It is time for me to notice and go out and do. It is time for me to feel the personal vision and message that I have to give to the world. It is time for that. I have a message that is mine to give. And only the Lord can give it to me. No amount of reading will lead me there. No amount of study. No amount of social media. No amount of distraction. Only a download from the heavens will help me to get to that place of what is coming. Only a download from above will show me the right way. No comparing. Only a download from the spirit will lead me in my message, in my voice and in my mission. I have to be quiet in my heart as much as I can so I get detoxed from everything else that is being thrown at me, or that I feel that 'I could do'. You know what? It is true that there are so many things I "could" do. I am one of those people. I could take on so many various things and be good at it. That is something that the Lord has given me. Many talents. And my talents will be used in His kingdom. Many blessings have been given me to me and much is required. BUT.Just because "I could" do so many things... doesn't me it's mine to do. There is a "mine" to do that the Lord has for me. There is a "mine" to do that is ONLY MINE, and no one else. Only my message and my mission. Only I can do it. That is why I'm being still and away from social media and other media right now. I can't hear what other people are saying right now. I need to only hear what the Lord has for me. I need to only listen for HIm. I know that is one reason why I had such a hard day today. My soul is detoxing from comparison. My soul is detoxing from expectations. My soul is detoxing from what "I could" be doing. Just because I could, doesn't mean it's mine to do. I have a unique voice. I have a unique message. The Lord will give it to me when my mind, heart and gut are cleared. I know that is why I'm eating like crazy right now. I'm feeling so much. There is so much. It is so big. And it isn't just about me. It's about Brent too. It's not about me trying to do all of this on my own. it is about US. We are doing it together. Together. He will be shown the way as well. Lead us. Guide Us. Walk Beside us Lord. Show us the way. We are imperfect servants. But we are still here. Arms out. Show us. Forgive our weaknesses. I am stretching. Oh, I am feeling the stretch. I am feeling the stretch. You ahve it for me. I can do this with You at my side. Show me.
It won't let me get rid of the underline! I will work on it another day when I'm not getting super tired.
I hope I can describe what I've been feeling lately.
An awakening... of sorts. But a death... of sorts as well. The spirit is moving me to a new place.
This picture describes it perfectly... what is going on inside of me.
What better way to describe what is going on right now. There isn't another way. Everyday I have so much content that is being downloaded to my brain, but I don't know how to get it out because I have little people pushing and pulling on me so much. Just last night I had a TedX talk given to me. I could have stayed up until the wee hours of the morning writing it out... but then I had to sleep so I could actually function today... which I didn't do very well at that either. I have books I need to write. I have people I need to see. I have traveling that needs to get done.The tricky part is that it's been going on inside of me for about a year. The Lord is trying to get me ready for something. But then I have a bad day, like today, and I think, "So you really think that you want more stewardship? You really think you want greater and more in your life? You can't even handle what is going on in your life right now! How could you think that you ready for that?"But I have to believe that I'm feeling all of this because I am being led. I have valuable things to share with the world. And yes there are so many voices out there right now and the road is going to be rocky and there will be critics and there will be stumbling blocks... but you know what? It is my time. The Lord is telling me that. It is my time. It is time for me to notice and go out and do. It is time for me to feel the personal vision and message that I have to give to the world. It is time for that. I have a message that is mine to give. And only the Lord can give it to me. No amount of reading will lead me there. No amount of study. No amount of social media. No amount of distraction. Only a download from the heavens will help me to get to that place of what is coming. Only a download from above will show me the right way. No comparing. Only a download from the spirit will lead me in my message, in my voice and in my mission. I have to be quiet in my heart as much as I can so I get detoxed from everything else that is being thrown at me, or that I feel that 'I could do'. You know what? It is true that there are so many things I "could" do. I am one of those people. I could take on so many various things and be good at it. That is something that the Lord has given me. Many talents. And my talents will be used in His kingdom. Many blessings have been given me to me and much is required. BUT.Just because "I could" do so many things... doesn't me it's mine to do. There is a "mine" to do that the Lord has for me. There is a "mine" to do that is ONLY MINE, and no one else. Only my message and my mission. Only I can do it. That is why I'm being still and away from social media and other media right now. I can't hear what other people are saying right now. I need to only hear what the Lord has for me. I need to only listen for HIm. I know that is one reason why I had such a hard day today. My soul is detoxing from comparison. My soul is detoxing from expectations. My soul is detoxing from what "I could" be doing. Just because I could, doesn't mean it's mine to do. I have a unique voice. I have a unique message. The Lord will give it to me when my mind, heart and gut are cleared. I know that is why I'm eating like crazy right now. I'm feeling so much. There is so much. It is so big. And it isn't just about me. It's about Brent too. It's not about me trying to do all of this on my own. it is about US. We are doing it together. Together. He will be shown the way as well. Lead us. Guide Us. Walk Beside us Lord. Show us the way. We are imperfect servants. But we are still here. Arms out. Show us. Forgive our weaknesses. I am stretching. Oh, I am feeling the stretch. I am feeling the stretch. You ahve it for me. I can do this with You at my side. Show me. It won't let me get rid of the underline! I will work on it another day when I'm not getting super tired.
The Happy Mom Doesn't Have To Mean The Fun Mom
Dear Kids,
Something that the spirit told me that I needed to write down is this:
Being a happy mom has nothing to do with being "the fun" mom.
I already wrote about how hard "doing mothering" was for me today. One of the self destructive thoughts I got into is that I wasn't being "the fun mom"... and so often I am not.
But then the phrase came to my mind of, "Your kids don't want a perfect mom, they want a happy one."
Being "the happy mom" has nothing to do with being fun all the time. It has everything to do with smiling at them when they are doing something. Looking in their eyes when they ask a question. Being present with them and listening.
I don't have time to just play with them. I really don't. I wish I did. But you know what, there is crap to get done. There is laundry to do, dishes to get done, food to make, appointments to make, books to write, school to plan, piles to pick up, lemonade stands to help with... all the 'things'.
But I can do all those things with a smile. I can be happy. I can choose joy. I can choose eye contact during the midst of it.
When I need to set a boundary I can do that with love in my heart. I can.
When I need to lay down for 30 minutes, I can request that with a smile and love. I can.
When I need to do mom jobs and I can't go and do anything I want to, I can do it with love and not frustration. I can.
It's easy to realize that as a mother you lose your smile. I have lost my smile with my kids. I have. So often I realize halfway through the day that I haven't really smiled at them yet that day. I gave smiles to neighbors or dog owners or the store attendant... but not to my own kids.
That's all they want. They just want my smiles. They want my hugs. They want my joy.
Motherhood is draining. It's draining me to my core so often. So why would I choose to stay here and do this? I could go out and get a REALLY good paying job. I could. We wouldn't have to be so strapped financially if I did that. I could get a nanny. I could delegate everything out. I could do that.
But every time I think about going down that route I am stopped. No.
I am choosing to be here. I am choosing this. So I can choose to be happy inside of it. I am not a victim in my motherhood choices. I am not going to be stuck in "mom martyrdom". Yes, it's difficult. What do I expect? These are some of the most powerful souls on the earth. Of course it's going to stretch me to my core. Of course Satan is going to attack every part of my soul while I am mothering these children. Of course he is going to send as many doubts my way as possible until i feel like "I can't do this anymore!". What do I expect?
Smiles. The happy mom. Not the perfect mom. But a mom who smiles. Not the constant playing mom. But a mom who listens. Not the "shove everything else off because we only live once with these little kids" mom. But a mom who makes eye contact and hugs in the midst of the laundry.
Oh. Yes. I can be that mom. I can be happy. Just keep it simple.
I love you,
Your Mom
Something that the spirit told me that I needed to write down is this:
Being a happy mom has nothing to do with being "the fun" mom.
I already wrote about how hard "doing mothering" was for me today. One of the self destructive thoughts I got into is that I wasn't being "the fun mom"... and so often I am not.
But then the phrase came to my mind of, "Your kids don't want a perfect mom, they want a happy one."
Being "the happy mom" has nothing to do with being fun all the time. It has everything to do with smiling at them when they are doing something. Looking in their eyes when they ask a question. Being present with them and listening.
I don't have time to just play with them. I really don't. I wish I did. But you know what, there is crap to get done. There is laundry to do, dishes to get done, food to make, appointments to make, books to write, school to plan, piles to pick up, lemonade stands to help with... all the 'things'.
But I can do all those things with a smile. I can be happy. I can choose joy. I can choose eye contact during the midst of it.
When I need to set a boundary I can do that with love in my heart. I can.
When I need to lay down for 30 minutes, I can request that with a smile and love. I can.
When I need to do mom jobs and I can't go and do anything I want to, I can do it with love and not frustration. I can.
It's easy to realize that as a mother you lose your smile. I have lost my smile with my kids. I have. So often I realize halfway through the day that I haven't really smiled at them yet that day. I gave smiles to neighbors or dog owners or the store attendant... but not to my own kids.
That's all they want. They just want my smiles. They want my hugs. They want my joy.
Motherhood is draining. It's draining me to my core so often. So why would I choose to stay here and do this? I could go out and get a REALLY good paying job. I could. We wouldn't have to be so strapped financially if I did that. I could get a nanny. I could delegate everything out. I could do that.
But every time I think about going down that route I am stopped. No.
I am choosing to be here. I am choosing this. So I can choose to be happy inside of it. I am not a victim in my motherhood choices. I am not going to be stuck in "mom martyrdom". Yes, it's difficult. What do I expect? These are some of the most powerful souls on the earth. Of course it's going to stretch me to my core. Of course Satan is going to attack every part of my soul while I am mothering these children. Of course he is going to send as many doubts my way as possible until i feel like "I can't do this anymore!". What do I expect?
Smiles. The happy mom. Not the perfect mom. But a mom who smiles. Not the constant playing mom. But a mom who listens. Not the "shove everything else off because we only live once with these little kids" mom. But a mom who makes eye contact and hugs in the midst of the laundry.
Oh. Yes. I can be that mom. I can be happy. Just keep it simple.
I love you,
Your Mom
Forgiveness For Mom Monster Days
Dear Kids,
Today was a mom monster day. I was in my head with self destructive language ALL DAY LONG. I was bugged by everything and everyone and for the littlest things. The neighborhood kids were in and out of the house, I was bugged by them. My kids were fighting over the normal things, I was bugged by them. All the messes, every time I passed by ANOTHER MESS I just grunted to myself, "I'm so tired of all these messes!". All the fighting, every time I would hear it I said to myself, "I'm so tired of all the fighting!" All the things the kids wanted to do and bounced off of me (it had to go through me... like lemonade stands and such), I complained to myself, "I'm so tired of always getting interrupted! I'm so tired of always being the middle man for everything that everyone has to do!". All the yells of "mom!" just grated on my soul.
At quite a few points in the day I had to just take a break and go get on my knees, I'm pretty sure the is the only way no one was killed. Seriously. In reality I wanted to just crawl into my bed and stay there and just sit in my skin for a little while and not have anyone need me for anything.
Of course on days like today after "doing a lot of angers", I have a lot of mom guilt. "Why did I have to get so mad?" "Why couldn't I have handled it like this...?" ... all the thoughts of guilt. So then I choose in those moments to "do a discouragement" and it just becomes this endless cycle of horrible self counseling sessions.
I KNOW I'm not the only parent who experiences this. Luckily, I don't go into those self defeating behaviors often, but man, when I do I feel like I totally crash and burn.
So here I am at the table, writing while I can hear kids in the shower finishing up getting washed. Talia just started screaming....
...........
Well, it's been an hour since I stopped that last sentence. Talia came down the hall screaming because Elijah had hit her really hard on the back. After a day like today, I should have expected it. I didn't. I didn't have my armor on to handle it.
I can't even describe the emotions I feel when one of my children really hurts another one of my children. I went into the shower and just lost it on Elijah. "How dare you hit my daughter that way!" it came out in a bear voice. More mom monster. "How would you like it if every time I got angry with you that I hit you as hard as I could?".
He started crying, went to his room, got in his pajamas and got in bed, according to my instructions that were given amidst the yelling. I got frustrated with Talia because knowing her, she pushed his buttons until he blew up. Everyone then went to bed and I sat down on the floor by my couch and just cried. I cried a lot. My soul is heavy. I haven't given myself the room to get rid of everything going on inside of me. And today is a result of "one last straw" that broke the mom's back.
Joshua was still up, he came over and hugged me. Then I got up and loaded the dishwasher (the next morning is ALWAYS better when it is met with clean dishes), he got the ladder and came and said, "Help you!" and started rinsing the dishes in the sink and handing them to me.
Oh, if all my children were still two years old. No.... Oh, if I could have the energy of my two year old. The goodness, innocence and immediate forgiveness and "moving on" and letting go. He showed me what to do. One dish at a time, he smiled at me. He helped me. He stayed by me. He calmed me. This isn't the first time that one of you has done this for me. Every single one of you, at some point or another in your childhood, has comforted me and shown me the way.
There are so many mistakes that I make. So many mistakes. Today was one huge mistake all piled up into one. I got frustrated, got upset, yelled, lost it, and let anger take control of me today. I did anger all day today. Today I was very human. Today I need to be forgiven of my humanity.
I am oh so human. Oh my dear children. I can only pray and hope that the good out weighs the bad that I do. I can only pray that the Lord will make all the good things stand out in your mind more than the bad.
After crying and loading the dishwasher, I went in to tuck Talia in. She was, of course, crying softly. I just told her I'm sorry. I said, "I'm still learning how to do this. I don't do things right all the time. I'm so sorry. I love being your mom. My feelings had nothing to do with you, or what you did. It was MY choice to get upset. It was all my choice. You are not responsible for that." Then we said prayers in which I said the same things again.
"Dear Father, please forgive me for making mistakes today. Please apply the atonement of Jesus Christ in my life today. Please let Talia know that I love being her mom. I'm so glad I'm her mom and that she is my daughter. Please help her to know that it was my choice to get upset and to be angry. It had nothing to do with her. Please help her to always want to have a testimony of Jesus Christ. And HE is the only one and the only way that we can all be whole and have joy and faith in this life."
Then I repeated that process for Elijah and for Gabriel. I apologized. I told them it wasn't their fault. It was my choice. It was my choice to do an anger. And then I said the same prayer again with their names in it.
My kids. I make a mess of things sometimes. I really do. My self destructive thoughts on days like today, when I'm stressed out about money, about things in my family, things about each of you that are heavy on my mind, about things in my soul, about anxieties and depression, about stewardships and all the heavy things that weigh on a mom's heart so often... those self destructive thoughts are when the ship of my life is rocking "to and fro" on the stormy sea...
If the only thing I pass onto you is that Jesus is the way out... then that's all I pray for. He is the way. He is the ONLY way. He is the way to my heart. He is the way for me to be whole. He is the way for my life to mean anything. It is because of Him that I am forgiven and because of Him that I can do a little bit better tomorrow than I did today. If that is the only thing you leave my stewardship with, then that is enough.
Please know how much I love you. Even when I mess up. Even when I get so angry. Even when I don't know how to handle things. Even when I let the passion in my soul get the better of me. Even when I don't know how to do this "mom thing"... Even when all those things are there... I love you so fiercely. I love you passionately. I love you with my whole heart, mind and soul. I'm so grateful to be your mom.
I love you,
Your Mom
Today was a mom monster day. I was in my head with self destructive language ALL DAY LONG. I was bugged by everything and everyone and for the littlest things. The neighborhood kids were in and out of the house, I was bugged by them. My kids were fighting over the normal things, I was bugged by them. All the messes, every time I passed by ANOTHER MESS I just grunted to myself, "I'm so tired of all these messes!". All the fighting, every time I would hear it I said to myself, "I'm so tired of all the fighting!" All the things the kids wanted to do and bounced off of me (it had to go through me... like lemonade stands and such), I complained to myself, "I'm so tired of always getting interrupted! I'm so tired of always being the middle man for everything that everyone has to do!". All the yells of "mom!" just grated on my soul.
At quite a few points in the day I had to just take a break and go get on my knees, I'm pretty sure the is the only way no one was killed. Seriously. In reality I wanted to just crawl into my bed and stay there and just sit in my skin for a little while and not have anyone need me for anything.
Of course on days like today after "doing a lot of angers", I have a lot of mom guilt. "Why did I have to get so mad?" "Why couldn't I have handled it like this...?" ... all the thoughts of guilt. So then I choose in those moments to "do a discouragement" and it just becomes this endless cycle of horrible self counseling sessions.
I KNOW I'm not the only parent who experiences this. Luckily, I don't go into those self defeating behaviors often, but man, when I do I feel like I totally crash and burn.
So here I am at the table, writing while I can hear kids in the shower finishing up getting washed. Talia just started screaming....
...........
Well, it's been an hour since I stopped that last sentence. Talia came down the hall screaming because Elijah had hit her really hard on the back. After a day like today, I should have expected it. I didn't. I didn't have my armor on to handle it.
I can't even describe the emotions I feel when one of my children really hurts another one of my children. I went into the shower and just lost it on Elijah. "How dare you hit my daughter that way!" it came out in a bear voice. More mom monster. "How would you like it if every time I got angry with you that I hit you as hard as I could?".
He started crying, went to his room, got in his pajamas and got in bed, according to my instructions that were given amidst the yelling. I got frustrated with Talia because knowing her, she pushed his buttons until he blew up. Everyone then went to bed and I sat down on the floor by my couch and just cried. I cried a lot. My soul is heavy. I haven't given myself the room to get rid of everything going on inside of me. And today is a result of "one last straw" that broke the mom's back.
Joshua was still up, he came over and hugged me. Then I got up and loaded the dishwasher (the next morning is ALWAYS better when it is met with clean dishes), he got the ladder and came and said, "Help you!" and started rinsing the dishes in the sink and handing them to me.
Oh, if all my children were still two years old. No.... Oh, if I could have the energy of my two year old. The goodness, innocence and immediate forgiveness and "moving on" and letting go. He showed me what to do. One dish at a time, he smiled at me. He helped me. He stayed by me. He calmed me. This isn't the first time that one of you has done this for me. Every single one of you, at some point or another in your childhood, has comforted me and shown me the way.
There are so many mistakes that I make. So many mistakes. Today was one huge mistake all piled up into one. I got frustrated, got upset, yelled, lost it, and let anger take control of me today. I did anger all day today. Today I was very human. Today I need to be forgiven of my humanity.
I am oh so human. Oh my dear children. I can only pray and hope that the good out weighs the bad that I do. I can only pray that the Lord will make all the good things stand out in your mind more than the bad.
After crying and loading the dishwasher, I went in to tuck Talia in. She was, of course, crying softly. I just told her I'm sorry. I said, "I'm still learning how to do this. I don't do things right all the time. I'm so sorry. I love being your mom. My feelings had nothing to do with you, or what you did. It was MY choice to get upset. It was all my choice. You are not responsible for that." Then we said prayers in which I said the same things again.
"Dear Father, please forgive me for making mistakes today. Please apply the atonement of Jesus Christ in my life today. Please let Talia know that I love being her mom. I'm so glad I'm her mom and that she is my daughter. Please help her to know that it was my choice to get upset and to be angry. It had nothing to do with her. Please help her to always want to have a testimony of Jesus Christ. And HE is the only one and the only way that we can all be whole and have joy and faith in this life."
Then I repeated that process for Elijah and for Gabriel. I apologized. I told them it wasn't their fault. It was my choice. It was my choice to do an anger. And then I said the same prayer again with their names in it.
My kids. I make a mess of things sometimes. I really do. My self destructive thoughts on days like today, when I'm stressed out about money, about things in my family, things about each of you that are heavy on my mind, about things in my soul, about anxieties and depression, about stewardships and all the heavy things that weigh on a mom's heart so often... those self destructive thoughts are when the ship of my life is rocking "to and fro" on the stormy sea...
If the only thing I pass onto you is that Jesus is the way out... then that's all I pray for. He is the way. He is the ONLY way. He is the way to my heart. He is the way for me to be whole. He is the way for my life to mean anything. It is because of Him that I am forgiven and because of Him that I can do a little bit better tomorrow than I did today. If that is the only thing you leave my stewardship with, then that is enough.
Please know how much I love you. Even when I mess up. Even when I get so angry. Even when I don't know how to handle things. Even when I let the passion in my soul get the better of me. Even when I don't know how to do this "mom thing"... Even when all those things are there... I love you so fiercely. I love you passionately. I love you with my whole heart, mind and soul. I'm so grateful to be your mom.
I love you,
Your Mom
Saturday, July 20, 2019
Conflict Counseling Over A Puzzle
Dear Kids,
Yesterday there was a debacle over a puzzle. Talia got a space puzzle for her birthday. She was putting it together and allowed Gabe to put it together with her... but not Elijah. Elijah was able to shake it off for that day. But the next morning I came home from the gym and was hopping in the shower. Talia and Joshua hopped in with me. When I went out to the living room before I got in Gabe said, "Talia said I could do this", as he held up the space puzzle. Elijah then spoke up and said, "Can I do it with him?" - to which I told Elijah that was okay. They went on their way to put it together.
I went and got in the shower and told Talia about it, so she was prepared to wrap her emotions around Elijah touching her puzzle. Since things like that are a REALLY big deal (who touched my stuff??? Don't touch my things! etc.) At this point when I told her about it, I expected it wouldn't be a problem because she seems fine with it when I told her.
Well, when she got out of the shower and walked out, she did what I thought she wouldn't do (since I thought I had prepared her) which was yell at Elijah for touching her puzzle. "I told Gabe he could touch it but not you! You can touch my things without asking me first!"
To which the yelling reply from the most incensed brother was, "Mom said I could!"
And the yelling ensued. Back and forth. I am sure any parent can picture it in their minds. Oh, the glorious sing-song of yelling... said no one ever.
I was still in the bathroom getting ready for the day when the out bursts came flooding down the hallway. I had this conversation in my head ... "Do I go get involved?"
My first instinct was to put my make up down, go down the hallway and tell Talia to knock it off. But I took a moment to pause, and I decided that I needed to WAIT. So I kept getting ready. "They will either work it out or come to me for help" was the affirmation in my mind. So I waited.
It didn't take long for Elijah to came in with tears running down his cheeks, "I didn't do anything wrong! Talia is mad at me and I didn't do anything wrong! You said it was okay!" To Elijah's credit, he has been working REALLY hard lately to honor boundaries and control his hands and physical reactions. I was really proud of him to coming to me before he blew up and hit her.
The first thing I said was, "Tell me all about it." Then I sat down, held him and he told me about it. And I listened. Then I asked, "Do you need to talk to Talia? Or just needed to tell mom?" To which he replied that he wanted to talk to Talia. So I had him go get her. They came back.
At this point, they know the conflict management routine. I have done it enough with them that they know what to do. Each party gets a turn to say what they want to say without interruption from the other party. So I gave Elijah a chance to go first. He said, "You hurt my feelings! Mom said I could and then you got mad at me and I didn't do anything wrong!" Pause. Then I asked him if he had anything else he needed to say. "I'm done", came the sad, soft reply.
Then Talia got a turn. I told her it was her turn to talk without interruptions. So she retorted with the fact that she didn't care of I told him it was okay, it was still her puzzle and she wanted him to ask her for permission.
Pause. Folded arms across her chest and deep breathing.
I asked her if she was finished. She said she was through gritted teeth. Then I said, "Okay, I can see why both of you are frustrated. If I understand you correctly, Elijah felt sad because he thought it was okay to touch the puzzle (looked at him for nodding affirmation), and Talia felt frustrated because she wanted to be asked first. Is that correct?"
"Yes" came the reply.
"I can understand why both of you would feel that way."
Then I said, "So what do you think about how you can handle it if it happens again?"
I looked at Elijah and told him I was sorry that we didn't ask Talia first, and that next time we could check together to make sure it's okay. He said, "I think that's a good idea." Then I turned to Talia and she said, "I shouldn't have yelled."
Then came out the "I'm Sorry's" and they went bounding away.
It was about 10 minutes from start to finish of when Elijah came to find me for help. I sat there as they left and reaffirmed to myself that it is WORTH IT to take the time to teach them. To calm them. To validate them.
When conflict happens and I am in the proper emotional space (that is KEY! That I am in the proper emotional place to handle it. That I PAUSE and WAIT and BREATH) they get to:
1. Say how they feel without interruption.
2. I restate to make sure they feel validated and understood.
3. I ask them how they can change their tactic in the future.
The moments I DON'T take the time to go through this conflict counseling with my kids, during any situation, it never helps it be better. When I take the time to go through this same routine, it dissolves it so quickly... I'm still surprised by how fast it works.
I think part of the key is that I WAIT. Unless someone is getting hurt. If someone is getting hurt, I will involve myself at those moments to give everyone some cool down time. But the moments when they are just fighting, if I WAIT for someone to come to me first, it makes a huge difference with how I handle the situation. And sometimes they don't need to come to me for help, because they figure it out themselves.
Conflict management. I had no idea when I was doing this professionally how much it would make a difference for me in my parenting life. I also had no idea how easy it is to get my emotions so out of control as a parent! Learning how to center myself in parenting is the GREATEST refinement.
I love you kids,
Your Mom
Yesterday there was a debacle over a puzzle. Talia got a space puzzle for her birthday. She was putting it together and allowed Gabe to put it together with her... but not Elijah. Elijah was able to shake it off for that day. But the next morning I came home from the gym and was hopping in the shower. Talia and Joshua hopped in with me. When I went out to the living room before I got in Gabe said, "Talia said I could do this", as he held up the space puzzle. Elijah then spoke up and said, "Can I do it with him?" - to which I told Elijah that was okay. They went on their way to put it together.
I went and got in the shower and told Talia about it, so she was prepared to wrap her emotions around Elijah touching her puzzle. Since things like that are a REALLY big deal (who touched my stuff??? Don't touch my things! etc.) At this point when I told her about it, I expected it wouldn't be a problem because she seems fine with it when I told her.
Well, when she got out of the shower and walked out, she did what I thought she wouldn't do (since I thought I had prepared her) which was yell at Elijah for touching her puzzle. "I told Gabe he could touch it but not you! You can touch my things without asking me first!"
To which the yelling reply from the most incensed brother was, "Mom said I could!"
And the yelling ensued. Back and forth. I am sure any parent can picture it in their minds. Oh, the glorious sing-song of yelling... said no one ever.
I was still in the bathroom getting ready for the day when the out bursts came flooding down the hallway. I had this conversation in my head ... "Do I go get involved?"
My first instinct was to put my make up down, go down the hallway and tell Talia to knock it off. But I took a moment to pause, and I decided that I needed to WAIT. So I kept getting ready. "They will either work it out or come to me for help" was the affirmation in my mind. So I waited.
It didn't take long for Elijah to came in with tears running down his cheeks, "I didn't do anything wrong! Talia is mad at me and I didn't do anything wrong! You said it was okay!" To Elijah's credit, he has been working REALLY hard lately to honor boundaries and control his hands and physical reactions. I was really proud of him to coming to me before he blew up and hit her.
The first thing I said was, "Tell me all about it." Then I sat down, held him and he told me about it. And I listened. Then I asked, "Do you need to talk to Talia? Or just needed to tell mom?" To which he replied that he wanted to talk to Talia. So I had him go get her. They came back.
At this point, they know the conflict management routine. I have done it enough with them that they know what to do. Each party gets a turn to say what they want to say without interruption from the other party. So I gave Elijah a chance to go first. He said, "You hurt my feelings! Mom said I could and then you got mad at me and I didn't do anything wrong!" Pause. Then I asked him if he had anything else he needed to say. "I'm done", came the sad, soft reply.
Then Talia got a turn. I told her it was her turn to talk without interruptions. So she retorted with the fact that she didn't care of I told him it was okay, it was still her puzzle and she wanted him to ask her for permission.
Pause. Folded arms across her chest and deep breathing.
I asked her if she was finished. She said she was through gritted teeth. Then I said, "Okay, I can see why both of you are frustrated. If I understand you correctly, Elijah felt sad because he thought it was okay to touch the puzzle (looked at him for nodding affirmation), and Talia felt frustrated because she wanted to be asked first. Is that correct?"
"Yes" came the reply.
"I can understand why both of you would feel that way."
Then I said, "So what do you think about how you can handle it if it happens again?"
I looked at Elijah and told him I was sorry that we didn't ask Talia first, and that next time we could check together to make sure it's okay. He said, "I think that's a good idea." Then I turned to Talia and she said, "I shouldn't have yelled."
Then came out the "I'm Sorry's" and they went bounding away.
It was about 10 minutes from start to finish of when Elijah came to find me for help. I sat there as they left and reaffirmed to myself that it is WORTH IT to take the time to teach them. To calm them. To validate them.
When conflict happens and I am in the proper emotional space (that is KEY! That I am in the proper emotional place to handle it. That I PAUSE and WAIT and BREATH) they get to:
1. Say how they feel without interruption.
2. I restate to make sure they feel validated and understood.
3. I ask them how they can change their tactic in the future.
The moments I DON'T take the time to go through this conflict counseling with my kids, during any situation, it never helps it be better. When I take the time to go through this same routine, it dissolves it so quickly... I'm still surprised by how fast it works.
I think part of the key is that I WAIT. Unless someone is getting hurt. If someone is getting hurt, I will involve myself at those moments to give everyone some cool down time. But the moments when they are just fighting, if I WAIT for someone to come to me first, it makes a huge difference with how I handle the situation. And sometimes they don't need to come to me for help, because they figure it out themselves.
Conflict management. I had no idea when I was doing this professionally how much it would make a difference for me in my parenting life. I also had no idea how easy it is to get my emotions so out of control as a parent! Learning how to center myself in parenting is the GREATEST refinement.
I love you kids,
Your Mom
What Do I Write About You
Dear Joshua,
I'm sitting here at my computer doing some writing. I am in my bed with pillow propping me up. It's a Saturday morning, your dad is just stirring from sleeping. My sleep in moments are until like 8am, where your dad can sleep for at least another hour.
You came to our bed. Wanted to take off your pajamas by yourself. Then came up and sat down right by me. You are sitting here by me and I'm realizing that there are so many muscles I have built in parenting. It's amazing to see how I handle you compared to my other kids. When you are sitting here by me I'm thinking, "What do I need to write about you little one? Your long eye lashes. How you are sitting here leaning against me. I look down at you and you smile up at me. What do I need to write about you?"
I can write about how you pulled all the diapers out of the box the other day and made a huge pile. When I saw it, I laughed. Years ago it would have been a pain. But now, my parenting muscles are such that I can look at you and say, "Let's clean up! Clean up song!" and we put it all away. My emotions aren't tied into the mess. I know it's no big deal to have things out of their place. They will be clean again when we work together.
I can write about how you are talking to the dog on the bed with such a sweet voice. Then you get licked by the dog and you look at me with huge eyes and say, "Lick me!"
I can write about how I heard the back door open and shut yesterday and when I went out I discovered you had dumped all the turtle food in a huge pile right on top of her. When I saw it you looked at me and said, "Tuttle eat-tang!" Something like that would tie my heart up because it was "just another mess to clean up" but now... it's no big deal.
I can see that a lot of my anxiety with my kids has been about messes, leaving the house on time, and yelling at each other. It's good for me to see how my parenting muscles have grown to the point where I can handle it now without getting emotionally wrapped up in the chaos of it all. I can see things for the importance that they are. I can see where the lessons need to happen. I can see what to let go.
I have a lot more years of parenting muscles to grow. So many more. I will keep writing about you, about your siblings and about how you made a difference in everything I do and decide to do.
I love you,
Your Mom
I'm sitting here at my computer doing some writing. I am in my bed with pillow propping me up. It's a Saturday morning, your dad is just stirring from sleeping. My sleep in moments are until like 8am, where your dad can sleep for at least another hour.
You came to our bed. Wanted to take off your pajamas by yourself. Then came up and sat down right by me. You are sitting here by me and I'm realizing that there are so many muscles I have built in parenting. It's amazing to see how I handle you compared to my other kids. When you are sitting here by me I'm thinking, "What do I need to write about you little one? Your long eye lashes. How you are sitting here leaning against me. I look down at you and you smile up at me. What do I need to write about you?"
I can write about how you pulled all the diapers out of the box the other day and made a huge pile. When I saw it, I laughed. Years ago it would have been a pain. But now, my parenting muscles are such that I can look at you and say, "Let's clean up! Clean up song!" and we put it all away. My emotions aren't tied into the mess. I know it's no big deal to have things out of their place. They will be clean again when we work together.
I can write about how you are talking to the dog on the bed with such a sweet voice. Then you get licked by the dog and you look at me with huge eyes and say, "Lick me!"
I can write about how I heard the back door open and shut yesterday and when I went out I discovered you had dumped all the turtle food in a huge pile right on top of her. When I saw it you looked at me and said, "Tuttle eat-tang!" Something like that would tie my heart up because it was "just another mess to clean up" but now... it's no big deal.
I can see that a lot of my anxiety with my kids has been about messes, leaving the house on time, and yelling at each other. It's good for me to see how my parenting muscles have grown to the point where I can handle it now without getting emotionally wrapped up in the chaos of it all. I can see things for the importance that they are. I can see where the lessons need to happen. I can see what to let go.
I have a lot more years of parenting muscles to grow. So many more. I will keep writing about you, about your siblings and about how you made a difference in everything I do and decide to do.
I love you,
Your Mom
The Magic Words "I Noticed"
Dear Kids,
Every morning that I get up and go to the gym I listen to lectures and personal improvement books for about 20 minutes before moving to music.
I've been listening to a lot of parenting lectures at this point, especially to help me with our homeschool efforts. The one I'm listening to right now is talking and teaching about self concept, and praise vs. encouragement.
I KNOW you all respond SO much better to encouragement rather than praise. Something Jim McVay said is, basically when you praise a child, you are passing a judgement on them. "Good job for sitting up in your seat!"... that's a judgement that if the child doesn't sit up in their seat then they are being a bad student. Which isn't true. There are surface praise phrases that are the lazy way out. General praise phrases will kill your ability to connect with the child every time.
Instead it was suggested to use encouragement phrases. He gave some magical words. He said, "Use 'I NOTICED' ... " and then notice something VERY specific about the child.
For example, I did this with Elijah a lot yesterday. It was amazing how he responded! Usually he shoves off praise phrases. He is building his self concept and he pushes away anything that doesn't coorelate with how he feels about himself. I said to him at one point, "You are such a hard worker!" and guess what he said?? "No I'm not!".
But, in another moment while we were working I said this, "I noticed that you really cleaned up those corners!" Then guess what happened? When he went to clean the shelf underneath he went for the corners first. And he cleaned it SO WELL.
I didn't pass a judgement based on his behavior. I simple NOTICED him. That is all he wanted. And because of noticing, he could decide how he felt about it. I didn't pass a judgement on how he SHOULD feel about it.
I did this throughout the day. "I noticed that you really spread the mayonnaise on that bread". Then the next time he made a sandwich he was more confident doing it on his own.
Listening to these parenting lectures is helping me to prepare for my day. It is helping me to put my armor on for the day. I'm not going into the battle thinking that there isn't a battle going on. I'm ready for it and I have my head wrapped around how best to handle things for the day.
I believe so strongly in getting up 2 hours before everyone else in order to sharpen my saw. I believe in it SO MUCH.
I love you kids,
Your Mom
Every morning that I get up and go to the gym I listen to lectures and personal improvement books for about 20 minutes before moving to music.
I've been listening to a lot of parenting lectures at this point, especially to help me with our homeschool efforts. The one I'm listening to right now is talking and teaching about self concept, and praise vs. encouragement.
I KNOW you all respond SO much better to encouragement rather than praise. Something Jim McVay said is, basically when you praise a child, you are passing a judgement on them. "Good job for sitting up in your seat!"... that's a judgement that if the child doesn't sit up in their seat then they are being a bad student. Which isn't true. There are surface praise phrases that are the lazy way out. General praise phrases will kill your ability to connect with the child every time.
Instead it was suggested to use encouragement phrases. He gave some magical words. He said, "Use 'I NOTICED' ... " and then notice something VERY specific about the child.
For example, I did this with Elijah a lot yesterday. It was amazing how he responded! Usually he shoves off praise phrases. He is building his self concept and he pushes away anything that doesn't coorelate with how he feels about himself. I said to him at one point, "You are such a hard worker!" and guess what he said?? "No I'm not!".
But, in another moment while we were working I said this, "I noticed that you really cleaned up those corners!" Then guess what happened? When he went to clean the shelf underneath he went for the corners first. And he cleaned it SO WELL.
I didn't pass a judgement based on his behavior. I simple NOTICED him. That is all he wanted. And because of noticing, he could decide how he felt about it. I didn't pass a judgement on how he SHOULD feel about it.
I did this throughout the day. "I noticed that you really spread the mayonnaise on that bread". Then the next time he made a sandwich he was more confident doing it on his own.
Listening to these parenting lectures is helping me to prepare for my day. It is helping me to put my armor on for the day. I'm not going into the battle thinking that there isn't a battle going on. I'm ready for it and I have my head wrapped around how best to handle things for the day.
I believe so strongly in getting up 2 hours before everyone else in order to sharpen my saw. I believe in it SO MUCH.
I love you kids,
Your Mom
Wednesday, July 17, 2019
Keeping Our End Of The Bargain - Financial Abundance Around The Corner
Dear Kids,
Your dad and I keep learning financial spiritual lessons.
Both of us, in our past, haven't been great with our finances. Your father was negligent in reporting taxes when he was single and doing various business ventures (along with issues with partners and other things), and I haven't always been great about paying back my debts or being financial responsible. It's a weakness for both of us... but we can make the weakness into a strength~ We are doing our very best to make sure you learn these important financial lessons early in life.
We both grew up with a lot of scarcity in our homes and in our thought training and blueprint training. More than anything, our parents didn't achieve financial abundance themselves, and passed on various things to us. That is NOT to bad mouth your grandparents, all of them have abundance in many other areas of their lives, but not in finances... that is just a fact.
So this financial journey of ours has always been a very stretching experience for us. We hope to break the chains.
I had another interesting study this morning and related it to finances that I want to tell you about. I am reading in Mosiah, chapter seven. It is about a people who were put into bondage. There are SO MANY correlations with what we are experiencing and being taught, I needed to write it down to make sure I don't lose any thoughts while it's fresh.
Vs. 25: "For if this people had not fallen into transgression the Lord would not have suffered that this great evil should have come upon them."
How is this a PERFECT mirror for us right now? I am going to rephrase...
"For if Brent and Andrea had not fallen into financial negligence and stewardship transgression the Lord would not have allowed, through the effects of free agency and the power of creation, that this great evil of financial bondage should have come upon them."
We are learning lessons of abundance and scarcity YET AGAIN. These lessons are familiar at this point, but obviously there are some things that need to be engrained in our hearts and minds so we can in the future help and teach others. We are tight financially again. We are NOT in survival (thank heavens). The survival years were SO refining. But we are learning again about financial stewardships and the power of our creation and free agency involved in them. The IRS thing came back on our shoulders because of negligence on our part to cover all our bases. It was NOT an on purpose mistake of trying to deceive, it was very innocent, but non the less, our offer a few years ago was rejected and now we need to figure out how to get past it AGAIN. We started thinking in scarcity about 6-9 months ago, and here we are, manifesting what we have been feeding our lives in this way.
This has EVERYTHING to do with God and teaching us about these lessons. God and Christ are the Father of us. They are the ones who put these principles into place. It's not something they "did" to us to punish us, rather they are allowing us to grow within these principles and universal laws that they are in charge of.
Vs. 32: Now the promise of the Lord is fulfilled and ye are smitten and afflicted.
Rephrase: Now the promise of the Lord inside of free agency principles is fulfilled and you are smitten within the framework of God's laws.
Vs. 33: But if ye will turn to the Lord with full purpose of heart, and put your trust in him, and serve him with all diligence of mind, if ye do this, he will, according to his own will and pleasure, deliver you out of bondage.
This verse is so beautiful to me right now and has struct me so powerfully.
Rephrase: But if you, Brent and Andrea, will turn to the Lord with FULL purpose of heart within your financial stewardships and counting every dollar as you have been commanded to do, and put your trust in HIM and serve HIM within your personal revelations and commandments with all diligence of your mind and thoughts, if you will do this, HE WILL, according to His own will and time table of financial abundance, deliver you out of financial bondage.
Even though we are unprofitable and weak servants, that Lord will and can still use us for HIS purposes and it will be according to HIS timetable. He will deliver us... but this is a conditional promise. The visions we have had about our financial future are CONDITIONAL promises based on:
1. Turn to the Lord with full purpose of heart within our financial stewardship and counting every dollar.
2. Put trust in HIM and serve HIM within the personal revelations and commandments He has given to us about how to handle our lives and our stewardships.
3. Diligence in our minds and thoughts... DO NOT GIVE UP.
I wrote about the powerful revelation I had at the homeschool moms retreat last year. "You are where you are today because of the work you have put into your life 5-10 years ago. DON'T give up! Keep on the path of self improvement and working with the universal God creation principles!"
It's amazing to look back a year ago when that powerful revelation came and to see how easy it is to create the things that you are trying to avoid as well! We went into scarcity IN OUR THOUGHTS FIRST and then we started manifesting scarcity. We were negligent in the personal revelations we received about our morning routine and our habits and our "counting of every dollar" as a stewardship. I'm so grateful for this lesson, because it means that the Lord has given it to us for our benefit and learning.
We can turn this around with the Lord's help. I know it. I have faith in that promise, upon my faithfulness and diligence. I have faith the Lord wants all the things to come about in our lives that we have had visions about. We must keep diligent on this path. Don't give up! I know all of these things are just around the corner. I can see it and feel it and taste it. But it is FOR THE LORD'S purposes for our lives. We keep our part, He will keep His.
I love you kids. I know that you will have similar lessons in your lives. I hope that when you read about our experiences that it can help you along your path and journey as well.
I love you,
Your Mom
Your dad and I keep learning financial spiritual lessons.
Both of us, in our past, haven't been great with our finances. Your father was negligent in reporting taxes when he was single and doing various business ventures (along with issues with partners and other things), and I haven't always been great about paying back my debts or being financial responsible. It's a weakness for both of us... but we can make the weakness into a strength~ We are doing our very best to make sure you learn these important financial lessons early in life.
We both grew up with a lot of scarcity in our homes and in our thought training and blueprint training. More than anything, our parents didn't achieve financial abundance themselves, and passed on various things to us. That is NOT to bad mouth your grandparents, all of them have abundance in many other areas of their lives, but not in finances... that is just a fact.
So this financial journey of ours has always been a very stretching experience for us. We hope to break the chains.
I had another interesting study this morning and related it to finances that I want to tell you about. I am reading in Mosiah, chapter seven. It is about a people who were put into bondage. There are SO MANY correlations with what we are experiencing and being taught, I needed to write it down to make sure I don't lose any thoughts while it's fresh.
Vs. 25: "For if this people had not fallen into transgression the Lord would not have suffered that this great evil should have come upon them."
How is this a PERFECT mirror for us right now? I am going to rephrase...
"For if Brent and Andrea had not fallen into financial negligence and stewardship transgression the Lord would not have allowed, through the effects of free agency and the power of creation, that this great evil of financial bondage should have come upon them."
We are learning lessons of abundance and scarcity YET AGAIN. These lessons are familiar at this point, but obviously there are some things that need to be engrained in our hearts and minds so we can in the future help and teach others. We are tight financially again. We are NOT in survival (thank heavens). The survival years were SO refining. But we are learning again about financial stewardships and the power of our creation and free agency involved in them. The IRS thing came back on our shoulders because of negligence on our part to cover all our bases. It was NOT an on purpose mistake of trying to deceive, it was very innocent, but non the less, our offer a few years ago was rejected and now we need to figure out how to get past it AGAIN. We started thinking in scarcity about 6-9 months ago, and here we are, manifesting what we have been feeding our lives in this way.
This has EVERYTHING to do with God and teaching us about these lessons. God and Christ are the Father of us. They are the ones who put these principles into place. It's not something they "did" to us to punish us, rather they are allowing us to grow within these principles and universal laws that they are in charge of.
Vs. 32: Now the promise of the Lord is fulfilled and ye are smitten and afflicted.
Rephrase: Now the promise of the Lord inside of free agency principles is fulfilled and you are smitten within the framework of God's laws.
Vs. 33: But if ye will turn to the Lord with full purpose of heart, and put your trust in him, and serve him with all diligence of mind, if ye do this, he will, according to his own will and pleasure, deliver you out of bondage.
This verse is so beautiful to me right now and has struct me so powerfully.
Rephrase: But if you, Brent and Andrea, will turn to the Lord with FULL purpose of heart within your financial stewardships and counting every dollar as you have been commanded to do, and put your trust in HIM and serve HIM within your personal revelations and commandments with all diligence of your mind and thoughts, if you will do this, HE WILL, according to His own will and time table of financial abundance, deliver you out of financial bondage.
Even though we are unprofitable and weak servants, that Lord will and can still use us for HIS purposes and it will be according to HIS timetable. He will deliver us... but this is a conditional promise. The visions we have had about our financial future are CONDITIONAL promises based on:
1. Turn to the Lord with full purpose of heart within our financial stewardship and counting every dollar.
2. Put trust in HIM and serve HIM within the personal revelations and commandments He has given to us about how to handle our lives and our stewardships.
3. Diligence in our minds and thoughts... DO NOT GIVE UP.
I wrote about the powerful revelation I had at the homeschool moms retreat last year. "You are where you are today because of the work you have put into your life 5-10 years ago. DON'T give up! Keep on the path of self improvement and working with the universal God creation principles!"
It's amazing to look back a year ago when that powerful revelation came and to see how easy it is to create the things that you are trying to avoid as well! We went into scarcity IN OUR THOUGHTS FIRST and then we started manifesting scarcity. We were negligent in the personal revelations we received about our morning routine and our habits and our "counting of every dollar" as a stewardship. I'm so grateful for this lesson, because it means that the Lord has given it to us for our benefit and learning.
We can turn this around with the Lord's help. I know it. I have faith in that promise, upon my faithfulness and diligence. I have faith the Lord wants all the things to come about in our lives that we have had visions about. We must keep diligent on this path. Don't give up! I know all of these things are just around the corner. I can see it and feel it and taste it. But it is FOR THE LORD'S purposes for our lives. We keep our part, He will keep His.
I love you kids. I know that you will have similar lessons in your lives. I hope that when you read about our experiences that it can help you along your path and journey as well.
I love you,
Your Mom
Sunday, June 30, 2019
Dad's Back & Accepting Mortality
Dear Kids,
Your dad hurt his back last week. This time it has been REALLY bad. He was completely down for about five days. He's hurt is back before, but this time, it is more than at other times.
I know that one thing I am learning through it is patience in being a care giver. I am not keeping up with everything by myself. My heart is so soft for those women who have no help, single women, or women with disable husbands. They are a league all of their own. I am so grateful that normally I have so much more help from your dad. I can't imagine taking care of everything, ALL THE TIME by myself. That would be so exhausting.
Your dad has to do something different about his back, or he's going to end up on the operating table in about 10 years. It's not a good shape. But, if we act now, he will be okay.
I've been having a hard time wrapping my head around my own aging body and life. I've always had such a vibrant soul, heart and energy. I am feeling the toll of mortality starting to set in just a bit. I can't eat what I used to eat. I can't do what I used to do. It is a bit discouraging, especially to see my parents aging they way they are.
I have been eating horribly for the last little while... almost in rebellion. I don't want to admit that this is where I am in life. I have been rebeling against my own life by eating whatever I want. I am going to make it a major matter of prayer to get past this block that I've had in my heart.
I did a cleanse last week and felt GREAT. But I hopped right back into my bad habits once it was done. Getting my emotional state wrapped around my own mortality is taking me for a loop.
But... I will figure this out and conquer this, just like I have anything else. I am giving myself so much grace inside of figuring it out, but now I am feeling the pull of the spirit to really get past it, accept it, love it, and glean what I can at this point in my life. Influence who and what I can at this point in my life. Really start to step into my magic. That's what I want to do, that's what my heart is aching for, to step into my own magic.
Patience Andrea. It will come.
I love you kids,
Your Mom
Your dad hurt his back last week. This time it has been REALLY bad. He was completely down for about five days. He's hurt is back before, but this time, it is more than at other times.
I know that one thing I am learning through it is patience in being a care giver. I am not keeping up with everything by myself. My heart is so soft for those women who have no help, single women, or women with disable husbands. They are a league all of their own. I am so grateful that normally I have so much more help from your dad. I can't imagine taking care of everything, ALL THE TIME by myself. That would be so exhausting.
Your dad has to do something different about his back, or he's going to end up on the operating table in about 10 years. It's not a good shape. But, if we act now, he will be okay.
I've been having a hard time wrapping my head around my own aging body and life. I've always had such a vibrant soul, heart and energy. I am feeling the toll of mortality starting to set in just a bit. I can't eat what I used to eat. I can't do what I used to do. It is a bit discouraging, especially to see my parents aging they way they are.
I have been eating horribly for the last little while... almost in rebellion. I don't want to admit that this is where I am in life. I have been rebeling against my own life by eating whatever I want. I am going to make it a major matter of prayer to get past this block that I've had in my heart.
I did a cleanse last week and felt GREAT. But I hopped right back into my bad habits once it was done. Getting my emotional state wrapped around my own mortality is taking me for a loop.
But... I will figure this out and conquer this, just like I have anything else. I am giving myself so much grace inside of figuring it out, but now I am feeling the pull of the spirit to really get past it, accept it, love it, and glean what I can at this point in my life. Influence who and what I can at this point in my life. Really start to step into my magic. That's what I want to do, that's what my heart is aching for, to step into my own magic.
Patience Andrea. It will come.
I love you kids,
Your Mom
Angels Helped Nana Down The Hall
Dear Kids,
Your Nana came to stay with us for a few days while Dani and Alan are moving houses. It is good to have her with us anyway, we haven't spent time with her for a while.
Well, the first night she was here, something happened that really jolted both Brent and I, and we are so grateful she is okay. Once again, angels are very aware of everything happening around us.
At 3am I felt someone touch my foot, I shook myself awake and Nana was there at the end of the bed. She said, "I've hit my head. Will you help me?". Well, of course I jumped out of bed and thrust my eyes open even more. She sat on the edge of the bed and as we put light on it, we could see that she had really fallen. She didn't have a deep cut on her head, but there was plenty of blood on her hair and around the abrasion. It took us some time to clean up everything that we could. There was blood that had already dried, so it was evident that she had been knocked out and was laying on the floor for a little while before she made it into our room.
While she sat there during cleaning her up, she was completely confused and couldn't remember anything. She couldn't remember why she was in St. George. She couldn't remember living with Dani and Alan. She couldn't remember where Tooele was. She was very disoriented and her memory of the last few years was gone. She remembered living at Sam's house and that she wasn't happy there. She kept asking questions and we kept telling her the answers and talking about it. It really shook your dad up quite a bit to see his mom that way.
It took us about 30-45 minutes to get her cleaned up. By the time we finished her memory started to come back. We had her lay down on my side of the bed next to Brent for the rest of the night so if anything happened and she needed immediate help, he would be there to help her.
When we went to the kids bathroom, the blood on the floor was in a particular spot, and we couldn't figure out how she fell down. We didn't know if she had fainted or was dizzy and fell. The edge of the rug was turned up, and your dad pointed that she could have caught her foot on the edge of the rug when she was getting up from the toilet and fallen down.
All of that was very scary, but here is the miracle part. She had angels guide her down the hall to our room. She has NO memory of what happened and no memory of even making it down the hallway. But the lights were on so she could see her way. She has no memory of getting off the floor, nothing. Even when all her memory was restored from the incident, she still doesn't know how she was able to make it to us in order to help her. It was the angels in our house that helped her. I know it. They helped her up and helped her down the hallway to get our help. I tear up just thinking about it in my mind. I have no doubt of it that she was accompanied by angels that night.
I am so grateful for the spirit and our Savior who helps us in time of need and the "errand of angels" that we receive on a daily basis.
It's hard to see parents getting old. It's even a bit harder to realize that "I am next". I am the next one in line in this circle of life. One day it will be me that YOU all will have to help down the hallway, and help me when I fall, and support me in my aging years. I hope you know that I already appreciate it in advance. Caring for parents isn't for the faint of heart, but it is part of our turn. It's my turn to help Nana, Mimi and Papa, because they cared for me and Brent for so many years. And eventually it will be yours. Know that I love you, no matter what.
I love you,
Your Mom
Your Nana came to stay with us for a few days while Dani and Alan are moving houses. It is good to have her with us anyway, we haven't spent time with her for a while.
Well, the first night she was here, something happened that really jolted both Brent and I, and we are so grateful she is okay. Once again, angels are very aware of everything happening around us.
At 3am I felt someone touch my foot, I shook myself awake and Nana was there at the end of the bed. She said, "I've hit my head. Will you help me?". Well, of course I jumped out of bed and thrust my eyes open even more. She sat on the edge of the bed and as we put light on it, we could see that she had really fallen. She didn't have a deep cut on her head, but there was plenty of blood on her hair and around the abrasion. It took us some time to clean up everything that we could. There was blood that had already dried, so it was evident that she had been knocked out and was laying on the floor for a little while before she made it into our room.
While she sat there during cleaning her up, she was completely confused and couldn't remember anything. She couldn't remember why she was in St. George. She couldn't remember living with Dani and Alan. She couldn't remember where Tooele was. She was very disoriented and her memory of the last few years was gone. She remembered living at Sam's house and that she wasn't happy there. She kept asking questions and we kept telling her the answers and talking about it. It really shook your dad up quite a bit to see his mom that way.
It took us about 30-45 minutes to get her cleaned up. By the time we finished her memory started to come back. We had her lay down on my side of the bed next to Brent for the rest of the night so if anything happened and she needed immediate help, he would be there to help her.
When we went to the kids bathroom, the blood on the floor was in a particular spot, and we couldn't figure out how she fell down. We didn't know if she had fainted or was dizzy and fell. The edge of the rug was turned up, and your dad pointed that she could have caught her foot on the edge of the rug when she was getting up from the toilet and fallen down.
All of that was very scary, but here is the miracle part. She had angels guide her down the hall to our room. She has NO memory of what happened and no memory of even making it down the hallway. But the lights were on so she could see her way. She has no memory of getting off the floor, nothing. Even when all her memory was restored from the incident, she still doesn't know how she was able to make it to us in order to help her. It was the angels in our house that helped her. I know it. They helped her up and helped her down the hallway to get our help. I tear up just thinking about it in my mind. I have no doubt of it that she was accompanied by angels that night.
I am so grateful for the spirit and our Savior who helps us in time of need and the "errand of angels" that we receive on a daily basis.
It's hard to see parents getting old. It's even a bit harder to realize that "I am next". I am the next one in line in this circle of life. One day it will be me that YOU all will have to help down the hallway, and help me when I fall, and support me in my aging years. I hope you know that I already appreciate it in advance. Caring for parents isn't for the faint of heart, but it is part of our turn. It's my turn to help Nana, Mimi and Papa, because they cared for me and Brent for so many years. And eventually it will be yours. Know that I love you, no matter what.
I love you,
Your Mom
Joshua Was Lost Then Found
Dear Kids,
Your dad gave a talk in church last week and told this story about Joshua. I wanted to just copy and paste the part of his talk because he did such a great job with this story:
Your dad gave a talk in church last week and told this story about Joshua. I wanted to just copy and paste the part of his talk because he did such a great job with this story:
One of the prayers we pray as a family, and one that I offer almost daily myself as a father, is that the Lord will protect our family and send angels to watch over us, especially when we are apart. Last Sunday shortly after arriving home from church I was changing out of my Sunday clothes and I heard Andrea and Talia leaving for Choir practice, which is conveniently held a few doors down from us at the Valentine’s home. When I came back into the living room and kitchen area I couldn’t find Joshua, our 2 year old. Glancing outside and not seeing him either there or in the garage I assumed Andrea had taken him to choir with her and went on with what I was doing. A few minutes later I texted Andrea to make sure she had him with her, no answer. I looked around the house one more time and reassured myself he must be with her if he’s not here. It turns out he had let himself out of the house while no one was looking and saw his mom heading towards the Valentine’s home and decided to follow. He of course didn’t find her because she was inside singing long before his little legs could carry him that far, so he just kept looking. He walked all the way around the block, twice, as it was later reported to us by the angels who were sent to keep watch over him. A mom in our neighborhood saw him walking and tried to help him but he wouldn’t have it so she jumped in her car and followed him while he walked, and another angel saw him walk by while he was out mowing his lawn and stopped what he was doing to make sure my son stayed safe. Imagine the terrible things that could have happened, imagine how differently that day could have turned out for us. Immediately after choir practice we discovered he was indeed missing and started our frantic search which only lead us to the end of the circle where another angel, a police officer was attending to the situation to make sure our son made it home safe, he just happened to be driving by when the angel mom flagged him down.
As we walked back home, clutching our scared little boy in our arms the spirit whispered to both of us, "I have heard you and your prayers have been answered, and angels did indeed protect him."
Our prayers were answered even before we knew that we needed to say a prayer, before we even realized the danger.
Now, of course, my mother's heart went crazy when I realized what had happened. Joshua was so scared when I went to him. He clung to me. These sweet people who found him, they were obviously not of our faith. They had tattoos, a "rough" exterior to most people on the outside. But my goodness, were they amazing on the inside to follow around my boy and make sure he was okay. I'm so grateful for their instincts. And the policeman was so cute, he could tell how horrified I was. He said, "I have six kids, and something like this has happened with atlas three of them. It's okay."
After all this happened, Talia asked me, "Did Heavenly Father make that happen? Did He make Joshua do that?"
It was a great opportunity to talk with her about how Heavenly Father helps us inside of our free agency. I told her, "No, Heavenly Father didn't make him do that. Joshua chose to do that on his own. But Heavenly Father protected Joshua inside of that choice." I believe this so strongly. I believe that Heavenly Father sends us inspirations all the time to help us in our life. It is our job to listen and keep close to the spirit. This was such a perfect reminder of the way He helps us, despite of our choices.
I'm so grateful for Heavenly Father's protection and help for Joshua this day.
I love you,
Your Mom
Friday, June 14, 2019
Update on Gabriel
Dear Gabriel,
It's time to update your life! I can't believe how much you are growing.
-In the truck the other day I looked over at you and your head is almost as high as mine when we sit down! I couldn't believe it! Pretty soon you are going to be taller than me. I'm going to have a man child soon!
-You are very thoughtful and methodical.
-You are still loving building with legos, playing pokemon (you go to a pokemon card group every other week) and you are totally into "Dogman" books right now. I don't like those books, they are really fluffy books, but you love them. They are "boy" humor.
-You are in the love of learning phase right now like CRAZY. There is always a book in your hands. You are reading like mad. You retain everything that you read too! It's amazing the stuff you will spout off that you read about.
-You are very "information" oriented right now. It's actually making it a little hard for your friends to be around you, because all you want to do is talk about what you are reading, and most of them just want to go play and they don't want to be "talked" at. You will learn, you'll get there... all those social things that you have to learn can be tough sometimes.
-You are still in karate, you finished up robotics last semester, you are doing a bouldering class this summer, pottery, and also rugby.
-The High school Rugby coach actually gave you a really great compliment. He was there for one of the practices and he wanted by you after the practice because he wanted to meet me. He said, "This sport is a really good fit for him. He is a thinker. More than anything you have to think on your feet quickly in this sport, and he's got it. I would love to have him on my team. I would highly recommend to keep him going in this." He gave you great compliments about how quickly you listened to instructions and everything. Out of all the kids at the camp, he noticed YOU! I thought that was pretty cool.
-You are really into "toy soldiers" on xbox right now. You are wanted to earn time to play so you can play that game. You have your regular "check off" tasks you have to do to earn the screen time. You are pretty good at getting it all done.
-You are in your "head" a lot. I have to go touch you on the shoulder to jolt you out of your thought processes. It reminds me a lot of MY dad, your papa. He does that all the time. He can tune anything out around him, you got that from him.
-You will still reach out and hold my hand. I love that.
I love you handsome man. I can't believe how fast you are growing. In only 7 years you will be going on a mission. That's CRAZY.
I love you,
Your Mom
It's time to update your life! I can't believe how much you are growing.
-In the truck the other day I looked over at you and your head is almost as high as mine when we sit down! I couldn't believe it! Pretty soon you are going to be taller than me. I'm going to have a man child soon!
-You are very thoughtful and methodical.
-You are still loving building with legos, playing pokemon (you go to a pokemon card group every other week) and you are totally into "Dogman" books right now. I don't like those books, they are really fluffy books, but you love them. They are "boy" humor.
-You are in the love of learning phase right now like CRAZY. There is always a book in your hands. You are reading like mad. You retain everything that you read too! It's amazing the stuff you will spout off that you read about.
-You are very "information" oriented right now. It's actually making it a little hard for your friends to be around you, because all you want to do is talk about what you are reading, and most of them just want to go play and they don't want to be "talked" at. You will learn, you'll get there... all those social things that you have to learn can be tough sometimes.
-You are still in karate, you finished up robotics last semester, you are doing a bouldering class this summer, pottery, and also rugby.
-The High school Rugby coach actually gave you a really great compliment. He was there for one of the practices and he wanted by you after the practice because he wanted to meet me. He said, "This sport is a really good fit for him. He is a thinker. More than anything you have to think on your feet quickly in this sport, and he's got it. I would love to have him on my team. I would highly recommend to keep him going in this." He gave you great compliments about how quickly you listened to instructions and everything. Out of all the kids at the camp, he noticed YOU! I thought that was pretty cool.
-You are really into "toy soldiers" on xbox right now. You are wanted to earn time to play so you can play that game. You have your regular "check off" tasks you have to do to earn the screen time. You are pretty good at getting it all done.
-You are in your "head" a lot. I have to go touch you on the shoulder to jolt you out of your thought processes. It reminds me a lot of MY dad, your papa. He does that all the time. He can tune anything out around him, you got that from him.
-You will still reach out and hold my hand. I love that.
I love you handsome man. I can't believe how fast you are growing. In only 7 years you will be going on a mission. That's CRAZY.
I love you,
Your Mom
Update on Talia
Dear Natalia,
Time for your update! I haven't written one for a while.
-You've all of a sudden started playing the piano like crazy. You didn't really gravitate towards it for a while, but now it's like your body is just getting it. You love to play!
-You cut off your hair really short when I shaved my head. You came to me the next day and said that you wanted to donate your hair to people with cancer as well, so we chopped it off! It's so nice, it's super easy and fast to do. Low maintenance for the win!
-You are very aware of how you spend your money. I've been pleasantly surprised by that actually. You just bought an iPod, and you are listening to books on it like crazy right now. You are a very auditory learner, and listening to things is a big deal for you. You love to have something to listen to all the time.
-We have been dog sitting lots of dogs lately. You are by far the most responsible with them. You are very aware of their schedules, what to do for them, keeping them clean, walking them, feeding them, just everything about it. You are very responsible.
-You are the first one to get your "tasks" done for the day so you can go play with friends. You are very socially motivated and you want to get all your stuff done so you can just be "free" for the rest of the day.
-You did a "Princess Camp" a couple weeks ago and loved it. You are going to be doing a pottery class in July, and you can't wait for that. I'm excited for you to do it.
-You are missing dance during the summer time. This last year with dance, your body just "got it". You started really getting the coordination of it all and loving going to dance. I'm excited about it for you. You are always moving around and dancing with everything, it's a huge part of your soul.
-Your voice is getting stronger and stronger. I love hearing you sing. You have music in your heart all the time.
-Right now for school you are doing "elephant math" online learning, reading chapter books everyday, learning cursive writing, copywork each day, your daily chores around the house, and lots of creative and experiment time. I think you are going to be going into the love of learning phase really quickly, you are starting to go in that direction right now, I love to see it.
-You are still in karate. I always want you in self defense, especially with your personality.
-You are a little mom to Joshua. You love to help him with everything. It's really cute to see it actually. You love to be in charge of things. You know everyone's schedule, you know what's happening all the time, you keep track of EVERYTHING. And if I'm off on the schedule even a little bit, you are the first to let me know about it!
-Your sense of fashion is AWESOME!
I love you so much! I love bonding with you. I'm so grateful for you in my life. I already know that as you grow you are going to be one of my best friends.
I love you,
Your Mom
Time for your update! I haven't written one for a while.
-You've all of a sudden started playing the piano like crazy. You didn't really gravitate towards it for a while, but now it's like your body is just getting it. You love to play!
-You cut off your hair really short when I shaved my head. You came to me the next day and said that you wanted to donate your hair to people with cancer as well, so we chopped it off! It's so nice, it's super easy and fast to do. Low maintenance for the win!
-You are very aware of how you spend your money. I've been pleasantly surprised by that actually. You just bought an iPod, and you are listening to books on it like crazy right now. You are a very auditory learner, and listening to things is a big deal for you. You love to have something to listen to all the time.
-We have been dog sitting lots of dogs lately. You are by far the most responsible with them. You are very aware of their schedules, what to do for them, keeping them clean, walking them, feeding them, just everything about it. You are very responsible.
-You are the first one to get your "tasks" done for the day so you can go play with friends. You are very socially motivated and you want to get all your stuff done so you can just be "free" for the rest of the day.
-You did a "Princess Camp" a couple weeks ago and loved it. You are going to be doing a pottery class in July, and you can't wait for that. I'm excited for you to do it.
-You are missing dance during the summer time. This last year with dance, your body just "got it". You started really getting the coordination of it all and loving going to dance. I'm excited about it for you. You are always moving around and dancing with everything, it's a huge part of your soul.
-Your voice is getting stronger and stronger. I love hearing you sing. You have music in your heart all the time.
-Right now for school you are doing "elephant math" online learning, reading chapter books everyday, learning cursive writing, copywork each day, your daily chores around the house, and lots of creative and experiment time. I think you are going to be going into the love of learning phase really quickly, you are starting to go in that direction right now, I love to see it.
-You are still in karate. I always want you in self defense, especially with your personality.
-You are a little mom to Joshua. You love to help him with everything. It's really cute to see it actually. You love to be in charge of things. You know everyone's schedule, you know what's happening all the time, you keep track of EVERYTHING. And if I'm off on the schedule even a little bit, you are the first to let me know about it!
-Your sense of fashion is AWESOME!
I love you so much! I love bonding with you. I'm so grateful for you in my life. I already know that as you grow you are going to be one of my best friends.
I love you,
Your Mom
Update on Elijah
Dear Elijah,
It's time for an update on you handsome man! I can't believe how much you are growing.
-You still always want to sit on my lap and you are getting so big that I can't see past your head when you are on my lap. It's adorable.
-You DON'T want kisses. You think they are gross. You want me to hug you and snuggle you, but no kisses! When we watch a movie and if there is any kissing you always say, "Oh great. Another kiss just went into my brain." Ha!! it's so funny!
-Your sense of humor just gets better every day. It's amazing to see how witty you are.
-You are still having a hard time with hitting and pushing people. You are SO PHYSICAL. It's crazy. It's a strength for you as long as you learn how to control it. You learn through touching. You are extremely tactile.
-For school you are doing "elephant math", reading with mom everyday, doing a few words of copywork, and playing as much as possible. You have daily chores you are in charge of, and you are particular with those. When you do a job, it is done right.
-You are learning how to be honest right now. Sometimes you will tell me you've done something, when I know you haven't yet. So we are working on that.
-You want me to snuggle with you every night. You love the snuggles.
-You stand up for people when they are being picked on. You aren't afraid to stand up for people. You are brave. You are a fighter and a warrior. You always will be. It came with you from heaven.
-You are very self aware of any mistakes that you make. You have a very particular personality, and you don't like making mistakes. Most of the time you won't try something unless you know you can succeed FIRST. It will be a challenge for you to "put yourself out there" before knowing you can do something perfectly.
-You are very coordinated. You are an athlete for sure.
-You just finished your first basketball camp for three days. You loved it!
-You are a teaser. You will always push people's buttons that's for sure.
-You LOVE "Pirates of the Caribbean" music. You listen to that every second you can get it. you love the beat and the instruments. Your body moves with the music like crazy when you listen to it. I think it helps you get so much of your inner feelings out, it's therapy for you.
-You make me laugh all the time! You are so fun!
I love you my handsome boy. You are going to be a heart breaker, that's for sure. You turn heads everywhere you go already. But always remember, you've got to be handsome from the inside out.
I love you,
Your Mom
It's time for an update on you handsome man! I can't believe how much you are growing.
-You still always want to sit on my lap and you are getting so big that I can't see past your head when you are on my lap. It's adorable.
-You DON'T want kisses. You think they are gross. You want me to hug you and snuggle you, but no kisses! When we watch a movie and if there is any kissing you always say, "Oh great. Another kiss just went into my brain." Ha!! it's so funny!
-Your sense of humor just gets better every day. It's amazing to see how witty you are.
-You are still having a hard time with hitting and pushing people. You are SO PHYSICAL. It's crazy. It's a strength for you as long as you learn how to control it. You learn through touching. You are extremely tactile.
-For school you are doing "elephant math", reading with mom everyday, doing a few words of copywork, and playing as much as possible. You have daily chores you are in charge of, and you are particular with those. When you do a job, it is done right.
-You are learning how to be honest right now. Sometimes you will tell me you've done something, when I know you haven't yet. So we are working on that.
-You want me to snuggle with you every night. You love the snuggles.
-You stand up for people when they are being picked on. You aren't afraid to stand up for people. You are brave. You are a fighter and a warrior. You always will be. It came with you from heaven.
-You are very self aware of any mistakes that you make. You have a very particular personality, and you don't like making mistakes. Most of the time you won't try something unless you know you can succeed FIRST. It will be a challenge for you to "put yourself out there" before knowing you can do something perfectly.
-You are very coordinated. You are an athlete for sure.
-You just finished your first basketball camp for three days. You loved it!
-You are a teaser. You will always push people's buttons that's for sure.
-You LOVE "Pirates of the Caribbean" music. You listen to that every second you can get it. you love the beat and the instruments. Your body moves with the music like crazy when you listen to it. I think it helps you get so much of your inner feelings out, it's therapy for you.
-You make me laugh all the time! You are so fun!
I love you my handsome boy. You are going to be a heart breaker, that's for sure. You turn heads everywhere you go already. But always remember, you've got to be handsome from the inside out.
I love you,
Your Mom
Update On Joshua
Dear Joshua,
It's time to write an update about you and how you are doing in your life right now. You are two and a half years old. I can't believe it. You will be three in October. How did that happen?
Here are some things that I want to write down and remember:
-When you want a cup, you say "Puc" .... hahahaha! It can sound like a bad word. And we laugh every time.
-You want to be involved in EVERYTHING that your siblings are doing. You are completely aware of everything that is going on around you.
-You still LOVE your binky. You don't want to give it up yet. Reminds me a lot of your sister!
-You are starting to talk like crazy. Just in the last month you are trying new words everyday. It's amazing! I will say something, and you will mimic me every time. Your talking reminds me a lot of your sister as well. You just try things out, even when you've never said them before, you are brave with your speaking and not afraid to make mistakes.
-You are still napping everyday, and it's wonderful. You have acted like you want to stop your naps, but I keep forcing you to do it. There's so much going on, I have to protect that time for you.
-You are very independent and get whatever you want in the kitchen. I will walk into the kitchen and catch you sneaking something all the time. You don't want to wait and ask for permission.
-You are the most pleasant personality. You are happy all the time. You hardly ever throw fits, and when you do, you learn from them. I can tell you anything and you understand exactly what I'm saying and the boundary I'm setting with you. You will push the boundary, but your understanding is there.
-You are always helping people around you. You are always sharing. You are very aware of when people need something.
-You are particular. You don't like to be messy. If something gets on your hand while you eat, you want it wiped off immediately before you continue your meal.
-You always know where you "place" things. You have particular places where you put things all the time.
-You still love your blue blanket. It's your snuggly.
-You love to go outside and play in the water. You are sneaky about getting out there, if I can't find you, it's usually because you've made it outside and you are playing with the hose water and getting soaking wet.
I love you baby boy. So much. You are so good for my heart. You help me to laugh and see the bright side of things everyday. I'm so grateful for that. you are happy, pleasant and smiling all the time.
I love you,
Your Mom
It's time to write an update about you and how you are doing in your life right now. You are two and a half years old. I can't believe it. You will be three in October. How did that happen?
Here are some things that I want to write down and remember:
-When you want a cup, you say "Puc" .... hahahaha! It can sound like a bad word. And we laugh every time.
-You want to be involved in EVERYTHING that your siblings are doing. You are completely aware of everything that is going on around you.
-You still LOVE your binky. You don't want to give it up yet. Reminds me a lot of your sister!
-You are starting to talk like crazy. Just in the last month you are trying new words everyday. It's amazing! I will say something, and you will mimic me every time. Your talking reminds me a lot of your sister as well. You just try things out, even when you've never said them before, you are brave with your speaking and not afraid to make mistakes.
-You are still napping everyday, and it's wonderful. You have acted like you want to stop your naps, but I keep forcing you to do it. There's so much going on, I have to protect that time for you.
-You are very independent and get whatever you want in the kitchen. I will walk into the kitchen and catch you sneaking something all the time. You don't want to wait and ask for permission.
-You are the most pleasant personality. You are happy all the time. You hardly ever throw fits, and when you do, you learn from them. I can tell you anything and you understand exactly what I'm saying and the boundary I'm setting with you. You will push the boundary, but your understanding is there.
-You are always helping people around you. You are always sharing. You are very aware of when people need something.
-You are particular. You don't like to be messy. If something gets on your hand while you eat, you want it wiped off immediately before you continue your meal.
-You always know where you "place" things. You have particular places where you put things all the time.
-You still love your blue blanket. It's your snuggly.
-You love to go outside and play in the water. You are sneaky about getting out there, if I can't find you, it's usually because you've made it outside and you are playing with the hose water and getting soaking wet.
I love you baby boy. So much. You are so good for my heart. You help me to laugh and see the bright side of things everyday. I'm so grateful for that. you are happy, pleasant and smiling all the time.
I love you,
Your Mom
Learning From Sidewalk Chalk
Dear Kids,
My mind has been on education a lot lately. I've been taking a break from homeschool for about six weeks, and it's exactly what I needed to do. It's given me the space I've needed for my brain to wrap around what I want for this next upcoming year. Teacher preparation is a huge thing! A big thing!
While I was sitting on my chair on the patio and going through a few things, I had a much needed reminder. There was Joshua, playing with sidewalk chalk.
He was dumping them out and putting them back in their bucket one by one. When he saw me looking at him, he held up a blue chalk and said, "Blue!!", so proud of himself. I said, "Yes! That's right!" Then he held up another color, yellow, and said, "..... blue??".
I said, "Yellow."
"Yellow!" was the excited reply. And he put it in the box.
He help up another one, red, and said, ".... blue??".
"Red."
"Red!!!" and put it back in the box.
This process went on for about 20 minutes. Taking the chalk in and out of the box. His repetition of putting them back in one by one, while he would hold them up to me and verify the color was right.
By the end of the process, he had his colors down. And since that sidewalk chalk day, he hasn't forgotten all the names of the main colors he learned. He is two years old.
He didn't need me to "tell him" to learn his colors. He WANTED it on his own. He wanted to learn on his own. We forget in our society so much about how FAST children learn when they are young. They love it. They want it. They want the education. They want to know all about the world around them. It's our society that crushes that out of them when we push to fast, too soon.
I've been thinking about Elijah inside this process as well. If he was in school I KNOW he would have already been diagnosed with ADD. He wouldn't sit still for a moment in a school setting. He is so tactile. EVERYTHING he does, he has to experience the touch of it. He learns through his body, not through a traditional school setting.
Homeschooling all of you has been REFINING for me. It is refining everything about me and the way I parent. The way I experience life around me. Most important thing I have had to learn is to just get out of your way. Let you do it. Let you experience it. Let you take charge. Give you the space you need in order to get that done.
More and more studies are coming out about how children must have play when they are young. The younger we push them in a school setting, the more our children are struggling. I see that first hand while I am teaching you. You need to play. Gabriel is just coming out of that phase and going into his hungry for knowledge space. He reads all day long. He just wants to read and read and read some more. He doesn't need me to tell him to do it. He does it on his own because he wants to. He wants to learn. He desires it from within his soul.
Each of you have your own unique places and things that you are passionate about as well. Gabe could study science all day, where Talia wants to do everything that has to do with dance and music. Elijah wants to hit things and touch things all day long, and Joshua just wants to learn from everyone around him. It's a beautiful process, and I'm finally understanding how to just "get out of your way" and let you learn.
I try to give you boundaries and parameters. But all in all, it comes from within YOU. Not something that I'm trying to "educate" you on. You are your own educators.
I love you kids. You are amazing. You are doing amazing. I am so blessed to call you mine.
Your Mom
My mind has been on education a lot lately. I've been taking a break from homeschool for about six weeks, and it's exactly what I needed to do. It's given me the space I've needed for my brain to wrap around what I want for this next upcoming year. Teacher preparation is a huge thing! A big thing!
While I was sitting on my chair on the patio and going through a few things, I had a much needed reminder. There was Joshua, playing with sidewalk chalk.
He was dumping them out and putting them back in their bucket one by one. When he saw me looking at him, he held up a blue chalk and said, "Blue!!", so proud of himself. I said, "Yes! That's right!" Then he held up another color, yellow, and said, "..... blue??".
I said, "Yellow."
"Yellow!" was the excited reply. And he put it in the box.
He help up another one, red, and said, ".... blue??".
"Red."
"Red!!!" and put it back in the box.
This process went on for about 20 minutes. Taking the chalk in and out of the box. His repetition of putting them back in one by one, while he would hold them up to me and verify the color was right.
By the end of the process, he had his colors down. And since that sidewalk chalk day, he hasn't forgotten all the names of the main colors he learned. He is two years old.
He didn't need me to "tell him" to learn his colors. He WANTED it on his own. He wanted to learn on his own. We forget in our society so much about how FAST children learn when they are young. They love it. They want it. They want the education. They want to know all about the world around them. It's our society that crushes that out of them when we push to fast, too soon.
I've been thinking about Elijah inside this process as well. If he was in school I KNOW he would have already been diagnosed with ADD. He wouldn't sit still for a moment in a school setting. He is so tactile. EVERYTHING he does, he has to experience the touch of it. He learns through his body, not through a traditional school setting.
Homeschooling all of you has been REFINING for me. It is refining everything about me and the way I parent. The way I experience life around me. Most important thing I have had to learn is to just get out of your way. Let you do it. Let you experience it. Let you take charge. Give you the space you need in order to get that done.
More and more studies are coming out about how children must have play when they are young. The younger we push them in a school setting, the more our children are struggling. I see that first hand while I am teaching you. You need to play. Gabriel is just coming out of that phase and going into his hungry for knowledge space. He reads all day long. He just wants to read and read and read some more. He doesn't need me to tell him to do it. He does it on his own because he wants to. He wants to learn. He desires it from within his soul.
Each of you have your own unique places and things that you are passionate about as well. Gabe could study science all day, where Talia wants to do everything that has to do with dance and music. Elijah wants to hit things and touch things all day long, and Joshua just wants to learn from everyone around him. It's a beautiful process, and I'm finally understanding how to just "get out of your way" and let you learn.
I try to give you boundaries and parameters. But all in all, it comes from within YOU. Not something that I'm trying to "educate" you on. You are your own educators.
I love you kids. You are amazing. You are doing amazing. I am so blessed to call you mine.
Your Mom
Tuesday, June 4, 2019
Let's Go Clean Up The Milk
Dear Kids,
I had one of those "parenting wins" this morning I want to tell you about.
Your dad was out of town and so I had to really plan Sunday morning out in order to make sure everything was "above board". I got up early, woke everyone up, got moving for the day, was on top of breakfast and moving through the routine of it all.
After getting everyone going with breakfast I headed back to my bathroom in order to finish putting on my face and then get dressed. After about five minutes I started to hear a bit of bickering around the table, then it escalated, then majorly raised voices, then I heard a CRASH! It was clearly glass that had shattered, there's no way to mistake that noise.
First, Talia came running down the hall to tell me all about it. "Mom! Elijah broke the glass on purpose! Wahhhh!" She was hysterical. I looked at her, then waited for her to calm down while giving her a hug. I said, "I will be out there in just a minute."
Then Gabe came to me and said, "Mom, I believe I saw the whole thing. I will tell you about it." Then proceeded to paint the picture for me of what I knew had happened from hearing the commotion earlier. Talia had started to antagonize Elijah. Elijah got upset. Talia kept pushing buttons. Elijah yelled at her. Talia kept working on getting his goat. Then Elijah took his stuffed animal and flung it at her. The poor puppy was knocked into a glass on the way to Talia and flung the glass on the floor, which shattered all over the place, and milk made it's debut all over the room.
As I walked out it was the perfect scene. Milk all over. Joshua standing there not sure what to do. Saw me and said, "Momma!" while he pointed to the mess. Talia crying. Gabe telling me all about it while I was surveying over the scene. It was reported to me that Elijah was in his room.
Before continuing, I must interject something here. I had been spiritually focusing all morning. I was praying in my heart, "Heavenly Father, these are thy children. I am going to serve them breakfast out of the love I have for You and how much You love them." Same thing when I heard the alarm clock go off, "Father, this is the body You gifted to me. Help me to get up and take care of it and be a good steward over it with thankfulness." I repeated phrases like this all morning long no matter what I was doing... getting in the shower, getting breakfast ready, choosing church clothes, waking up the kids, picking up the shoes... whatever it was.
So when the "heat of the day" came up and scorched the spirit in my home with this conflict, I was able to handle it correctly because of the seeds I had already sown in my thought patterns before the "rocking of the ship" actually happened. I went to find Elijah. He was on the floor in his room hiding under his blanket. I immediately prayed and asked Heavenly Father for help in knowing the best way to handle this.
I sat down by him and said, "Elijah, no matter what you do, I will always love you." He got up from his blanket and gave me a huge hug. He just sat with me for a few minutes. Then I said, "Everyone makes mistakes buddy. Let's go clean up the milk."
I was AMAZED at his response. This is my boy who is the ultimate kid with "oppositional defiance". Whether I handle things 'perfectly' (according to parenting textbooks) or not, most of the time he has fight in his soul for whatever is happening around him. Which is one of his biggest gifts, he's a fighter. But not this time, he was ready to help and comply. I know this was the miracle that was manifested as part of the spiritual focus that I had already fed my soul with all morning long.
So we went out and with Talia's help we swept, cleaned, rinsed, REPEAT (because I tell you what, milk is STICKY messy stuff if not cleaned up all the way!).
This whole process took about 45 minutes from beginning of the situation to the end... and we didn't finish until about 8:55. Church starts at 9am. I kept looking at the clock and just knew it was more important for me to handle the situation correctly, WITH the spirit, than it was for me to hurry everyone along in order to make it to church on time. I was able to make some HUGE deposits with my kids. So we finished getting ready for church, watched a scripture video, and headed out the door to make it to classes.
This was a parenting "win" for me. But most important it was a parenting "win" together with the spirit. We were partners through the whole morning through the situation. Even though it was only a daily enticement and not a 'huge' adversity, it made deposits into every single one of your souls.
I pray everyday that the Lord will take my small basket of five loaves and two fishes of parenting and expand them into miracles for all of your lives in your future.
I love you,
Your Mom
I had one of those "parenting wins" this morning I want to tell you about.
Your dad was out of town and so I had to really plan Sunday morning out in order to make sure everything was "above board". I got up early, woke everyone up, got moving for the day, was on top of breakfast and moving through the routine of it all.
After getting everyone going with breakfast I headed back to my bathroom in order to finish putting on my face and then get dressed. After about five minutes I started to hear a bit of bickering around the table, then it escalated, then majorly raised voices, then I heard a CRASH! It was clearly glass that had shattered, there's no way to mistake that noise.
First, Talia came running down the hall to tell me all about it. "Mom! Elijah broke the glass on purpose! Wahhhh!" She was hysterical. I looked at her, then waited for her to calm down while giving her a hug. I said, "I will be out there in just a minute."
Then Gabe came to me and said, "Mom, I believe I saw the whole thing. I will tell you about it." Then proceeded to paint the picture for me of what I knew had happened from hearing the commotion earlier. Talia had started to antagonize Elijah. Elijah got upset. Talia kept pushing buttons. Elijah yelled at her. Talia kept working on getting his goat. Then Elijah took his stuffed animal and flung it at her. The poor puppy was knocked into a glass on the way to Talia and flung the glass on the floor, which shattered all over the place, and milk made it's debut all over the room.
As I walked out it was the perfect scene. Milk all over. Joshua standing there not sure what to do. Saw me and said, "Momma!" while he pointed to the mess. Talia crying. Gabe telling me all about it while I was surveying over the scene. It was reported to me that Elijah was in his room.
Before continuing, I must interject something here. I had been spiritually focusing all morning. I was praying in my heart, "Heavenly Father, these are thy children. I am going to serve them breakfast out of the love I have for You and how much You love them." Same thing when I heard the alarm clock go off, "Father, this is the body You gifted to me. Help me to get up and take care of it and be a good steward over it with thankfulness." I repeated phrases like this all morning long no matter what I was doing... getting in the shower, getting breakfast ready, choosing church clothes, waking up the kids, picking up the shoes... whatever it was.
So when the "heat of the day" came up and scorched the spirit in my home with this conflict, I was able to handle it correctly because of the seeds I had already sown in my thought patterns before the "rocking of the ship" actually happened. I went to find Elijah. He was on the floor in his room hiding under his blanket. I immediately prayed and asked Heavenly Father for help in knowing the best way to handle this.
I sat down by him and said, "Elijah, no matter what you do, I will always love you." He got up from his blanket and gave me a huge hug. He just sat with me for a few minutes. Then I said, "Everyone makes mistakes buddy. Let's go clean up the milk."
I was AMAZED at his response. This is my boy who is the ultimate kid with "oppositional defiance". Whether I handle things 'perfectly' (according to parenting textbooks) or not, most of the time he has fight in his soul for whatever is happening around him. Which is one of his biggest gifts, he's a fighter. But not this time, he was ready to help and comply. I know this was the miracle that was manifested as part of the spiritual focus that I had already fed my soul with all morning long.
So we went out and with Talia's help we swept, cleaned, rinsed, REPEAT (because I tell you what, milk is STICKY messy stuff if not cleaned up all the way!).
This whole process took about 45 minutes from beginning of the situation to the end... and we didn't finish until about 8:55. Church starts at 9am. I kept looking at the clock and just knew it was more important for me to handle the situation correctly, WITH the spirit, than it was for me to hurry everyone along in order to make it to church on time. I was able to make some HUGE deposits with my kids. So we finished getting ready for church, watched a scripture video, and headed out the door to make it to classes.
This was a parenting "win" for me. But most important it was a parenting "win" together with the spirit. We were partners through the whole morning through the situation. Even though it was only a daily enticement and not a 'huge' adversity, it made deposits into every single one of your souls.
I pray everyday that the Lord will take my small basket of five loaves and two fishes of parenting and expand them into miracles for all of your lives in your future.
I love you,
Your Mom
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)